Not That Easy

by Radhika Sanghani

  “Thanks.”

  “So do you have any weekend plans?”

  “Nothing huge yet,” I said. “Oh, except hopefully a big girls’ night out. You remember Lara and Emma?”

  “Yeah, ’course—but not as much as my mates do.”

  “Hey, how come nothing came of that with either of them?”

  “Aw, I dunno. I guess they were all just looking for fun.”

  “Fair enough,” I said. “So what about you? Doing anything wild with the boys?”

  “Well, actually, my parents are coming over this weekend from New Zealand. They’re going to be here for a couple of weeks, but we’re all going down to the Isle of Wight this weekend to see my brother.”

  “You have a brother who lives on the Isle of Wight? I had no idea.”

  “Yeah, he lives down by the sea. He’s a surfer so he’s just doing some bar work and surfing whenever he can. He’s got a girlfriend down there, so it’s pretty chilled for him at the moment.”

  “Whoah,” I said. “That sounds amazing—I’d love to go to the Isle of Wight.”

  “You would?” he asked. “Well, why don’t you come down?”

  I choked on a lump of ricotta. “What? With . . . you?”

  “Well, my parents are renting out a cottage for the week—it looks pretty big. We can all stay there. It will be fun. We can even have our own room.” He grinned.

  I stared at him in shock. Was my former one-night stand inviting me on a weekend trip to meet his parents??

  “Besides,” he added, “then you get to see the Isle of Wight and tick that off your list.”

  I smiled weakly. I barely had any idea where the Isle of Wight was, let alone a burning desire to go there. Why had I even said I wanted to go? What would I do there? How would Nick even introduce me—as the girl he’s casually shagging? God, it would be so awkward; I should definitely decline.

  “I’m not sure,” I said, and Nick’s face dropped. He clearly wanted me to come. Maybe I should? It might not be that bad. Besides, it was technically a free holiday . . . “Actually,” I said, “I’m in.”

  “Amazing,” he said. “I’ll go give my parents a buzz now. I’m sure they’d love to meet you. We’ll hang out with them a bit, but we can go out on our own, don’t worry,” he added, looking at my panicked face. “We can sneak off without them.”

  I nodded mutely, as he went into the bedroom to call his parents. It looked like I was officially going on a weekend away with my fuck buddy to hang out with his family in the Isle of Wight. Now I just had to figure out where it was.

  I pulled up Google Maps on my phone, zooming out to the UK map. I scrolled to the right of London but couldn’t see the Isle of Wight. I scrolled to the left and it wasn’t there either. In a mild panic I scrolled down. I kept going farther, and farther, and eventually saw it semi-attached to Portsmouth.

  I gulped. I wasn’t just going out of the M25—I was leaving the mainland. I’d never been so far away from London in my life without jumping on a plane. What had I gotten myself into?

  My phone buzzed.

  • • •

  Lara: Yeah a night out sounds nice.

  Oh shit, she was replying to my suggestion for a girls’ night out. I bit my lip as I wrote another message. Hopefully the girls would understand that a free weekend away didn’t come my way often enough for me to turn it down.

  • • •

  Me: Can we do it the week after actually? Obvs still really keen but am actually going away this weekend! To . . . the Isle of Wight!

  Lara: ?? With who? Why? Do you even know where that is?

  Me: Obviously. It’s near Portsmouth, southeast.

  Lara: Southwest.

  Me: That’s what I meant. I’m going with Nick!

  Lara: Oh wow.

  Me: And his parents. And his brother who lives there.

  Lara: That’s intense . . . well, enjoy.

  There was still no response from Emma. I sighed but then saw my phone was buzzing again. It was a private text from Lara.

  • • •

  I’d just about persuaded Emma to forgive you and come out this weekend. You’re a fucking idiot for bailing!! Fingers crossed she forgives you post-IOW . . . x

  I closed my eyes and ignored the guilt creeping up my veins. Lately it seemed like every decision I made backfired. Oh well. Emma would just have to understand. I always forgave her whenever she’d bailed on me to hang out with Sergio. She might not be used to me being the one with a guy, but now I was, she’d just have to do what I’d been doing for months.

  • • •

  “Tell me what you like,” whispered Nick, as he stroked my hair and kissed my lips. I pulled the duvet over me to cover my underwear-clad body and racked my brain for a suitable response. How did I tell him I wanted to dominate him like I did in my fantasies? It was too embarrassing to say out loud.

  “Um, I like everything you do already,” I said.

  “But what gets you the hottest?” he asked.

  I paused, trying to think of a suitable response. “You inside me?”

  He kissed my neck and undid my bra clasp. I sighed in relief; it looked like he was done talking. I closed my eyes and tried to conjure up a fantasy in my head as we kissed.

  I was lying on all fours on a kitchen table, totally naked. Someone was licking my vagina and a faceless man with a huge penis was standing in front of me. I wanted his penis in my mouth but he wouldn’t let me. He slapped my bum and then let me lick the tip of his penis. I started putting the virtual penis in my mouth and, in reality, felt myself getting wet as Nick stroked my clitoris with his fingers and kissed my neck. Nameless man shoved his penis deeper in my mouth.

  I moaned out loud and Nick grinned at me. Oh my God, maybe I would actually come with him tonight? It wasn’t exactly a penetrative orgasm yet, but it was definitely a step in the right direction. Only, his fingers were putting a bit too much pressure on my clit and he needed to move them upwards. I fidgeted and wondered if I should tell him.

  I felt my near-orgasmic state decline. Oh God, no. I was worrying too much. Clear your head, Elena Kolstakis, I yelled at myself inwardly. Why had I used my full name? That was what my mum called me. Oh GOD, who thought about their mum during sex? There was no way I’d ever come now.

  I had to go back to my fantasy. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine being on all fours again. Okay, penis in my mouth, something licking my clitoris. Wait, surely it was someone not something? I zoomed my fantasy out, as though it was on a camera screen, and saw me on the table. A man had his penis in my mouth and behind me a big dark dog was licking my vagina.

  I screamed out loud.

  “Ellie, are you okay?” asked Nick. “Did I hurt you?”

  I opened my eyes wide. Nick’s concerned face was hovering over me. I got off on being licked out by a dog. I was into bestiality. Couldn’t you get locked up for that?

  “Um, I’m fine, sorry; it just felt sensitive for a second. Let’s carry on,” I said quickly.

  “Okay, shall we do doggy?” he asked.

  I gulped and closed my eyes briefly. It was a coincidence. He could not read my mind. He didn’t know I had imagined a dog licking my clit. Besides, it would be better if he could fuck me from behind; I could keep my eyes screwed shut and try to imagine lots and lots of male tongues licking me—with no dogs in sight.

  I got on all fours and he thrust himself into me. I winced in pain. My vagina seemed to have dried up the second I saw the dog. I sighed out loud as Nick came inside me and groaned. Yet again, I’d ruined my chance at an orgasm.

  30

  I was standing on my bed in a state of mild panic. Clothes were strewn across every surface but the tote on the floor was still empty. I had no idea what to pack for my mini-break. Knowing where the Isle of Wight was barely even helped—I still
had no idea what to expect. The only islands I’d ever frequented were off the coast of Greece and came with sand and see-through water. I doubted the British equivalent would offer the same climate.

  I didn’t want to be the girl who went on a country mini-break with heels and dresses. But did that mean Topshop dresses and flats would be okay—or should I go for leggings and knitwear? God, what if it was extra rainy there? Maybe I needed a windbreaker?!

  I seriously needed Emma. I’d barely seen her ever since we’d had that awkward conversation and, whenever I texted her, she just sent me polite but distant replies. I took a deep breath and padded across the hallway to her bedroom.

  “Emma?” I asked, tapping gently on the door.

  There was no response. I rapped harder.

  “What’s up?” she said, as the door flung open. I fell against her.

  “Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize you were going to open the door,” I said. She gave me a withering stare. Shit. She was still pissed. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to ask her for a favor?

  “Oh-kay. What do you want, Ellie? Advice on your mini-break?”

  “Of course not!” I cried. “I just wanted to say sorry again. I hate this weirdness, Em. I really didn’t mean for anything to happen with Ollie and I especially did not mean to fuck up the house situation.”

  She sighed and her face softened slightly. I kept going.

  “You know I only ever thought of Ollie as a totally unattainable crush. I had no idea he would ever consider sleeping with someone like me when he’s like ten times fitter than me. I was just so flattered that I kind of just caved in.”

  Her face hardened again. Bugger. “You’ve already said all this, but I don’t know why you have such low self-esteem, Ellie. You’ve basically got a boyfriend now.”

  “Huh?”

  “Nick,” she said, rolling her eyes. “He’s taking you to meet his family in the Isle of Wight. That doesn’t exactly say casual.”

  “What? He’s only taking me so we can have a shag-fest in the cottage.”

  She stared at me. “Ellie, what are you on? I just . . . He’s treating you so well and you’re just going around sleeping with other people behind his back.”

  “Um, one person. And we’re not official. We’ve never even discussed being casual or not. Where is all this coming from, Emma? Sorry, are you trying to say I’ve cheated on Nick?”

  “Not officially, fine. But if I were him, I’d be pretty pissed off to find out that you’d slept with someone else.”

  “I don’t really think he’d care,” I said.

  “God, you’re so naïve,” she shrieked. “Have you told him?”

  “Um, no,” I whispered. I’d never seen Emma like this. She was normally so sweet and relaxed.

  “Well, there you go. Sergio didn’t tell me about that skank either. So, congratulations, you’re just like him.”

  She slammed the door in my face, leaving me standing in the hallway. I turned around and slowly walked back to my room. My open tote bag stared at me in accusation. I sat down on my bed with my back facing it.

  Emma clearly wasn’t over Sergio cheating on her and was just taking it out on me instead of him, but the Ollie thing had obviously upset her. Even Will seemed a bit hurt, instead of just pissed. I closed my eyes and tried to not think about it. Ollie had just fucked off back to Yomi, leaving me to deal with this whole mess. Leaving me in general. The guilt started seeping in again. Oh God, I couldn’t deal with this again.

  Right. Forget it all. Emma was just taking her misery out on me and she would get over it soon. I just needed to give her time. I forced myself to stop overthinking everything and stood back up to face my bag. I was going to the Isle of Wight straight after work tomorrow so I had to pack now.

  There was no way I was going to be “that” girl in a romcom who headed down in heels and high-waisted dresses. No, I’d be going down in fleeces, jeans and thermals. Sod fashion. I was leaving the civilization of London anyway, so it didn’t really matter what I wore. It wasn’t like anyone in the Isle of Wight was going to understand color blocking and my Celine-inspired look. I’d be better off in a North Face jacket and jeans.

  31

  I stood nervously at Waterloo Station. I was wearing wellies and a waterproof coat, holding a blue bag filled with similar gear. I’d even left my work outfit back at the office so that I didn’t have to drag heeled ankle boots and a smart dress with me on our weekend away. At least no matter what happened down there, no one would think I was a spoiled London girl.

  “Ellie,” called Nick. I turned around and saw him grinning at me from across the station. I felt my vagina throb in response. He was wearing a suit—clearly, he wasn’t as much of a forward-planner as I was—and he looked good. His curly blond hair was brushed to the side and, when he came over to give me a kiss, I could feel the jealousy emanating from every other woman in the station. Little did they know we weren’t even in love, we were just casual. I grinned even more at that; how grown up was I going on a mini-break with a cas date!

  “Well, look at you,” he said, taking a step back. “That is some serious industrial wear.”

  I looked down at my black Hunter wellies and grinned. “Well, when in Rome . . .”

  “Is it meant to rain then?” he asked.

  “Oh, I have no idea,” I said, startled. “I just figured everyone down there wore, um, wellies and stuff. Because it’s so near the sea.”

  He laughed. “Fair enough. I’m sure you’ll fit right in. Okay, we’d better go find our train. Do you want any snacks first?”

  “Sure.” We walked to the nearest M&S. I wandered off to the sandwiches aisle and found myself a meal deal. I met Nick near the tills. He was holding a bottle of wine.

  “Ah, sandwiches, smart move,” he said. “Maybe I should get one too.”

  “I thought that was the plan. Is the wine for your parents? Maybe I should get them something too?”

  “Oh don’t worry, they’re not really like that. I got this for the train down. It takes a few hours to get there, with the ferry as well.”

  “Ferry?” I cried.

  “Um, how else did you think we were going to cross the Channel? I thought the name gave it away, but you know it is an island?”

  I rolled my eyes at him. “Yes, okay, I just hadn’t really considered the practicalities. I thought there might be a bridge, or . . . anyway, why don’t you go find a sandwich?”

  He laughed. “A bridge? You Brits are crazy. I’ll meet you at the checkout.”

  I clutched my meal deal close to me. Who knew what other surprises this trip had in store for me?

  • • •

  “Ellie, we’re here,” said Nick, nudging me awake.

  I yawned slowly before realizing the train had stopped and I probably had a line of drool down my face. “Okay,” I said, wiping my face and running a finger under my eyes to get rid of the inevitable smudged mascara. “I can’t believe I fell asleep.”

  “Yep, before we started the wine. Which means now I get to bring a bottle to my parents and look like a good son.”

  “Better late than never.”

  “Hey, come on, we’d better grab our bags. We need to go find the ferry.”

  I nodded sleepily and wrapped myself up in my coat. I followed Nick through the station to the ferry terminal.

  “Have you got everything?” he asked.

  “Yup, do we need to buy our tickets here?”

  “Oh, don’t worry, I’ve already sorted it,” he said.

  I looked at him in surprise. “Really? Okay, well let me know how much I owe you.”

  “It’s fine,” he said. “Anyway, let me just find our tickets.”

  “Cool,” I said. “We don’t need our passports, do we?” He stared at me and shook his head wordlessly. “Right, no, obviously, we’re still
in England. It’s just the only time I’ve taken the ferry before was to France, so I guess . . . okay so you’ve got the tickets? Yep, good.”

  We walked onto the ferry. It looked like a moving version of an old pub. The carpet was maroon, patterned and threadbare. There was a cheap-looking bar at the end and, in the middle, there was an empty canteen. It was officially the most depressing mode of transport I’d ever taken.

  “So what do you think?” he asked. “How does it compare to the France ferry?”

  “It’s a pretty, um, good carpet.”

  He laughed. “Yeah. Can I get you a tea or something to get you through it?”

  I looked up at the desolate café. “I’m fine, thanks.”

  “Okay. Well, cheers to our first break together, Ellie.”

  Had he meant that to come out so intensely? I stared at him, but he smiled back as though nothing was amiss. “Okay, to . . . our first break together.”

  He leaned over to give me a kiss and I felt a small lump materialize in my tummy. I had no idea how, but it looked like Emma might be right—maybe Nick did think of us as more than just fuck buddies?

  But surely if he did, he would have mentioned it. Everyone knew that if a guy liked you, he’d tell you. That was the whole point of books like The Rules and all that “he’s just not that into you stuff”—if was he into you, he’d make sure you knew.

  I was probably just overanalyzing things like I always did. It was only a few months ago that I’d managed to convince myself that Jack the Deflowerer had liked me when he’d only wanted casual sex. There was no way I was falling into a similar pattern with Nick. Nope, we were just fuck buddies who were hanging out on the coast. End of.

  • • •

  “Ellie, so nice to meet you,” cried Nick’s mum. “I’m Linda.”

  Linda was small, stunning and a redhead. She looked nothing like her lanky blond offspring.

  “You too,” I said in a muffled voice as she wrapped me in a huge hug.

  “This is Mike, my husband,” she said gesturing to the tall man next to her. He nodded at me and stuck out a hand. I shook it with an uneasy smile. “But you’ll be wanting to meet the other young kids, won’t you? Chris is just through there with Holly.”