Going over, I crouch down in front of her. “Slick’s strong and fit. He’s not going to let something like this bring him down.”
Ella gives me a small nod, then hiccups and says, “That’s what Sam’s been saying, Becca. But the timing… I’m…” She can’t seem to get out the words, so I cover her hand with mine.
“I know, sweetie, I know.” One piece of information Peg had imparted on the journey. Her pregnancy.
It guts me to be here waiting to hear news of her husband. While I’ve not personally had much to do with him, I’ve seen him with Ella, and anyone could tell he was a good man. He treats Jayden as part of his family too. Noticing the teenager is also in tears, I take her hand and squeeze it. Paladin’s sitting beside her, his arm over her shoulders. When he throws me a look of gratitude I have to look away. This is my fault. I know the bomb on the compound had something to do with Hawk. It’s too much of a coincidence otherwise. I just can’t figure out the reason. Feeling tears pricking at my own eyes, of guilt as much as anguish, I stand, unable to stay close to the stricken women anymore.
Peg’s standing alone, so I go across. “What’s the latest?” I ask quietly. “I didn’t want to distress Ella further by asking.”
“Still in surgery.” He supplies the update he’s heard. “Been a few hours now.”
“Probably still trying to find his brain,” inputs Joker, and he receives a cuff around his head from Lady.
Peg half grins at Joker’s attempt to lighten the mood, but he looks tired.
“Should never have fuckin’ happened,” Dollar starts, but is interrupted by his phone vibrating. Taking it out he notes who’s calling, then moves out into the hall.
No, it shouldn’t have. It wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been here. I start feeling awkward. No one’s blaming me or looking at me oddly, but if it wasn’t for me, then Slick wouldn’t be fighting for his life. What if he dies? How could I stand it? Ella’s pregnant. What if Slick never finds out?
It’s a subdued group waiting for news of Ella’s old man. The longer we hear nothing, the worse the worrying gets. I eye up the brothers. Apart from Joker’s failed attempt at levity, all are wearing sombre expressions, and there’s barely any conversation. With one of their own possibly dead or dying, I suppose there’s no plans to make or business important enough to discuss. All any of us can do is wait in a silence, punctuated by Ella and Jayden’s sobbing.
There’s a clock on the wall, the second hand jumping forward with each moment passing. It’s almost hypnotic to watch. I’m in a kind of trance when I feel a soft hand in mine, and glancing up I see Sam, who’s given up her seat to Sandy.
“I can tell what you’re thinking, Becca. And you can stop it right now. We don’t know why a bomb was planted on the compound. It might have nothing to do with you.”
“Sam,” I try to protest and tell her of course it does, but she doesn’t let me continue.
“Even if it turns out it had something to do with Hawk, do you think anyone would blame you? Or regret that we gave you a home? Of course they wouldn’t.” She holds my hand tighter, as though sensing how close I am to pulling away. “You didn’t ask for anything Hawk did to you. You didn’t chain yourself up in the cellar. You didn’t ask for your parents or Hawk to brainwash you. You’ve pulled yourself out of that hell, Becca. Don’t go sliding back now.”
“I should leave.” It seems the only solution. Try to hide somewhere Hawk won’t find me. Remove the heat from the club.
“That’s the last thing we want you to do. Anyway, I doubt Rock will let you go.”
But Rock couldn’t stop me if I put my mind to it. I wish I was mentally stronger and knew what to do. But it still feels alien to think for myself. Even if I did want to go, what about the practicalities? I’ve nothing to my name. Even my clothes have been borrowed or bought with someone else’s money. Why do I have to be such a mess?
“You’re not a mess, Becca.” I must have spoken my last thought aloud. Sam looks fierce, and again tightens her grip. “You’re a survivor. Don’t you ever forget that.”
But looking around at the anguish in the room, my survival had too high a cost.
“We don’t know,” Sam refutes again, “that Hawk was behind it. Or if he was, the reason why.” She leans in closer so only I can hear. “It might be in retaliation for taking out the Riders, and that would have happened whether you were there or not. You don’t know for certain this is down to you.” From her words, I suspect Drummer shares more with her than other brothers and their old ladies.
“It must have been Hawk. He arranged it,” I insist, thinking how Rock had questioned me about people Hawk might have known. “I’m sure it’s down to me.” Through my eyelashes I sneak a glimpse at Ella. “It’s my fault if Slick…” I can’t even say it.
Seeing my distress, Sam speaks again. “Hawk made you feel responsible for everything you didn’t do right. You’ve grown used to thinking everything is your fault. You need to look at things differently. Sometimes things go wrong however hard we try to do right. Own the guilt where necessary, but other times reject it.”
I glance at her sharply.
“If Hawk did it, that’s on him. Not you. You had nothing to do with placing a bomb on the compound, did you?”
Quickly I shake my head.
“You leave that guilt well alone, you hear me? Unless you knew or condoned it, which I know you didn’t, nothing comes back on you.”
“You’d make an excellent counsellor,” I tell her, my lips curving slightly.
She grins. “I’m the prez’s old lady. It comes with the title.”
She’s given me something to think about, but it’s still hard to stay in the room with everyone grieving. “I’m thinking about popping up to see Beef,” I tell her. It’s a legitimate escape, and something I’d planned to do.
“Good idea, Becca. Anything changes down here I’ll come up myself and tell you.”
If I’d hoped for a reprieve I don’t get it. For a start I should have realised that Beef, who’s got Marvel with him, would only have one thing on his mind. When I’ve updated them there’s been no change, Marvel leaves us to be with his brothers. I take in Beef’s changed circumstances too. His face is paler than it’s been for the past few days, and there’s a drip once again running into his arm.
“What’s all this, Beef?”
“Doctor’s being overcautious, Becs. Don’t let it worry you. The infection’s come back. Probably stopped the darn treatment too early to save fuckin’ money or something.”
I perch on the side of the bed and take his hand. “This mean you’re not coming home?”
Beef’s eyes sharpen. “Now that’s a lovely word for you to be using. The compound’s home?”
I smile that he’s picked up on it. “Not sure they’ll want me there if anything happens to Slick, but yeah. I’ve got comfortable.”
“Christ, girl. What happened to Slick wasn’t your fault.”
I lean forward and place my finger on his lips. “I’ve already had that lecture from Sam.”
“Good. Now…” Beef tries to pull himself up but fails and uses the buttons to raise the head of his bed. I press my lips together, worried he seems weaker than he was. “Give me the dirt on you and Rock. I want to live vicariously through you.”
As I feel my face flush, he continues, “Ah, like that, is it? Yeah, gonna want all the deets, babe.”
“I’m certainly not telling you about my sex life,” I say primly.
Then blush again when he grins and fist pumps the air. “At fuckin’ last! You’re admittin’ you have one, that’s a start.” He allows me a moment to suffer embarrassment before going on. “Rock done the right thing and claimed you?”
I frown. “I’m not sure. It all went to hell when the compound exploded.”
“Hey, I was told it was the shop,” Beef corrects. “Don’t exaggerate, darlin’. And if my boy’s got his head screwed on straight, you’ll be getting a property patch.”
This time it’s him who stops me speaking by raising his hand. “Don’t make that face. You know what we think of as property isn’t the same as Hawk. Think we’ve had this conversation before, darlin’. But I’ll remind you. You wearin’ Rock’s patch? Show’s how much you mean to him, and show’s other men you’re taken. They so much as look at you wrong and Rock will stand up for you. And,” he rubs his cheek ruefully, “I can tell you he’s got a mean punch.”
“He hit you?”
Beef chuckles. “Yeah, a time or two. You must have seen the sparrin’ ring in the gym?” When I nod, he explains,. “We have matches once a month. Hardly anyone wants to take Rock on. That man can take a punch to the gut that would lay out any other fella. And yeah, he might have got in a couple of lucky shots while I was still nursin’ the broken bones in my hand.”
“All I could think of this morning, Beef, was that Rock wouldn’t be hurt. I felt relieved when I knew it was someone else. Does that make me a bad person?” My voice has dropped to a whisper as I make my confession.
“Darlin’, that makes you fuckin’ human, that’s what it does. If the positions were reversed, Ella would be thinkin’ the same thing, and feelin’ just as fuckin’ guilty for it.”
I bite my lip as I try to process his words.
“Like that, Becs.” As I tilt my head in confusion he clarifies. “You’re thinkin’, workin’ it out for yourself. When I first met you, you didn’t question anything.”
“I was never allowed to with Hawk.”
“Or your parents. Never been allowed to think for yourself in your life.”
I look down at my hands.
“Hey, Becs?”
“I can’t be with Rock, can I, Beef?”
“Why the fuck not?” he asks, incredulously.
I shrug. “You said it yourself. I don’t think for myself. I sometimes still panic when choosing what to wear. Rock’s, well, he’s, he’s…”
“He’s what?”
I respond to Beef’s raised quizzical eyebrow, only able to say lamely, “He’s a biker.”
Now Beef smirks. “You do what he tells you in bed?”
Again my cheeks burn, which gives him the answer.
“All a biker wants, darlin. That’s all a biker wants.”
“Beef!” I punch his leg lightly.
“Oh, and it helps if you can cook. Look after the kids.”
“Beef!” I say again.
“Look pretty, and you do that all right.”
“Beef. Stop.”
His face grows serious again. “I’ve known Rock a long fuckin’ time, and he’s my best friend. Love all my brothers, but him the most. You know what, Becs? Soon as I fuckin’ saw you I knew what attracted him to you. Why he wanted to help and protect you. Take it from me, you’re exactly what Rock needs and wants.”
Once more my teeth worry my lips. “What if I change? What if I decide I like thinking for myself? What if I argue with him and challenge him?”
“Rock will be the proudest man in the world, darlin, when, not if you do that. Of course, you get too mouthy he might shut you up by puttin’ his cock between those delicious lips of yours. He probably won’t be able to resist anyway, not the way you keep drawing attention to them like that.”
My mouth snaps shut.
Chapter 32
Rock
“Then what, exactly?” Chaz lifts his beer again, sees the bottle’s empty, and this time it’s his sergeant-at-arms who gets fresh drinks. Including for us.
Drummer takes the new bottle and raises it to his lips before answering. “We don’t deal in hardware anymore. Especially not the type we’ve discovered.”
Chaz nods slowly. “Your loss is someone else’s gain.”
“Not always,” Drummer replies enigmatically. He puts down his beer and sits forward, his hands clasped between his knees. “The Herreras want us to shift their…merchandise. We don’t want to touch it.”
“And you don’t think Hawk was working for the Herreras?”
Drummer shakes his head. “I have no proof, just a gut feelin’. It just doesn’t sit right with me. If he was the middle man for someone, perhaps, but no, I don’t believe it was them. Don’t know enough about the fucker, but he could be runnin’ his own business. Herreras are a red herrin’ in my view. Makes sense the Riders would introduce themselves when they stepped onto their home turf, and I don’t doubt the Chaos told the Herreras they had experience in shifting stock. But Hawk’s another matter, and we need Stub to find out where he fits in.”
Chaz sits back and folds his arms. “So you think the Herreras have separate ideas about moving more plant. If so, they could step on the toes of the cartel.”
“Exactly,” Drummer agrees. “If I could get the cartel to pull the Herreras back into line, they won’t be looking for more mules.”
Chaz looks up to the ceiling for a moment, then he too, leans forward. “Cartel’s starting to have enough of the Herreras. They pissed them off with that child grooming ring, then the slave auction. Their toes, as it were, are already feeling bruised.” He looks at his sergeant-at-arms, who gives him a nod. “Tell you what, I’ll set up a meet with the cartel and see what they feel about an increase in hardware from their Tucson relations. See if Javier got official sanction.”
“Thing is,” their VP starts, “I don’t understand why he’s gunning for you. Pardon the pun. What have the Herreras got against the Devils?”
Drummer raises his head and stares the Wretched Soulz prez straight in the eye. “Leave it that there’s something. A favour we did for Leonardo.”
“Who’s dead.”
“Figured that.” Drummer nods. “When I couldn’t make contact with him.”
“This favour not looked on kindly by Javier?” Bull probes for more.
It’s Wraith who answers his counterpart. “If he’s in the know, possibly not.”
Chaz taps his finger against his teeth. “You need us to get the Herreras off your backs. By dropping them in it with the cartel. You think that’s gonna make Javier feel any more kindly toward you?”
“Not in the least.” Drummer grins. “But he may think we’re too slippery to deal with and look elsewhere. Or, not have a trade to run at all.”
“And for this, we get the stash?” Iron asks, his eyes glowing in anticipation.
“Every last bit of it. All that’s written on that paper.”
Chaz pats the pocket he’d slid it into. “You think Hawk was the only one who knew where it was?”
“Doesn’t look like it’s been touched since he went inside. Riders were still breathing for three months but made no move to shift it. Don’t know his pipeline, in or out, but I’d stake money the suppliers don’t know where it’s held, nor the delivery boys where to pick it up.”
“Or,” Chaz gets out the list and consults it again, “he could be equipping a private army. And you could be wrong about it being moved along. It might be exactly where it should be.” His next smile shows all his teeth. “Fancy going to church, Drum?”
Drum’s expression shows he hasn’t thought through implications like that. “I’d place money that the new pastor doesn’t know anything. But there was another fella with him. Didn’t take to him much.”
Neither did I. Not from the way he manhandled Becca.
“Someone must have helped Hawk put the weapons there.” He nods at his sergeant-at-arms. “Something else to get Stub onto. And you get your Mouse working, Drum. We’ll use our data guy too. Something about this Hawk is making me nervous. Oh, I don’t mind taking his stock, but I’d like to know what’s in the background. And who there could be on the outside, waiting to continue his business.”
“Church.” The corners of Drummer’s mouth turn up. “I like the sound of that. Rock, ask Becca for the details of the services.”
“I’m up for that, Drum.” I’d like sight of her parents. But I might have to hold myself in check so I don’t kill them.
Chaz is staring at me. “You can clea
n yourself up, hide your tattoos?”
I nod.
“As long as you’re not struck down by entering you can come along. You got a woman you can bring along? Might help it look like we’re good church-going folks.”
I’m not taking Becca.
“I have,” says Drummer. “And she’ll pass. Got a sweet butt can accompany Rock if he doesn’t want to bring his girl.”
Chaz again looks thoughtful. “Bring Hawk’s woman.” His eyes flick to my mouth, which starts opening, and raises his hand to stall me while at the same time nodding to Iron.
The sergeant-at-arms makes a suggestion. “You’ve met the pastor, and this other chap might be there. If not, your girl might just spot something or someone who looks out of place, or who is taking a particular interest in her. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say she’s there because she’s missing the comfort of her church. If Stub gets more out of Hawk, that could beef up our back story as well.”
Chaz laughs as he slaps Iron’s back. “I’m game. I got a woman I can drag along in her Sunday best. She can suck my cock on the way home, dual purpose.” His grin gets even wider. “Never thought I’d step foot in a citizen’s church, but there you go. And whatcha know? I’m already fucking looking forward to it.”
We stand, do the manly handshakes and slaps on the back thing, then Chaz and his crew leave. Drum indicates we should hang around a moment, but before he can speak his phone rings.
Wraith and I turn away to give him some privacy. “You need to talk to Becca,” Wraith tells me. “Find out who you should be watching out for tomorrow. Any players who don’t seem to fit with the rest.”
“I’d thought of that myself, VP.” I frown.
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