Blue

by Danielle Steel

  “Ideally, I’d like to be here for the month of September, if you can work that out. I’ll go anywhere you want as of October first or thereabouts.” It would give her a month and a half at home, which seemed like enough time to get everything off and running, and Blue settled in. Then she could leave in good conscience to do her work for them.

  “I think that’ll work. We’ll send someone else to India, I have someone in mind. She’s not as experienced as you are, but she’s willing, and I think she’ll do a good job. We’ll send you somewhere else in October, Ginny. I can’t promise where, and if you go out on October first, we’ll bring you back around Christmas, or just after, which will give you three months in the field.” She was organizing it in her head and talking out loud, and Ginny’s heart sank as she said it. She was going to be Blue’s guardian now, and had a responsibility to him, and bringing her back “just after Christmas” was going to be a terrible blow to him. She didn’t want to leave him to spend Christmas at an adolescent shelter, while she spent it in a refugee camp halfway around the world, not even able to communicate with him. Her life was getting more complicated by the day, especially with their case against the church about to heat up dramatically. “That’ll work,” Ellen said again cheerfully. “Enjoy your time at home.” She imagined that Ginny was relaxing and going to movies and museums. She had no idea that she had taken a homeless teenage boy under her wing nearly eight months before.

  Ginny was still thinking about it when Andrew called her and told her a date the next week had been chosen for the case to go to the grand jury, and that she might be called on to be interviewed by them. And another victim in Chicago had come forward, another altar boy. Andrew could just imagine Cavaretti’s reaction to that. Things weren’t going well for their side. And he noticed that Ginny sounded distracted—she had hardly reacted to the news that they had found another victim of Father Teddy’s at St. Anne’s. “Is something wrong?” he asked her, she usually sounded much more engaged when he gave her news of new developments in the case. Ginny seemed like she had a lot on her mind.

  “I was just negotiating with my office. They wanted to send me to India in a couple of weeks, and it’s a bad time to leave Blue, so they agreed to give me September at home, as long as I leave by the first of October. But I probably won’t make it back for Christmas. It’s a trade-off, but there’s always a hitch in there somewhere.”

  He didn’t say it, but he didn’t see how she was going to juggle a job like hers and Blue, especially if she was gone for months at a time, and away three-quarters of the year.

  She was realizing that, too, and it put a lot of strain on her. The work she did was important to her, but so was Blue, and he needed her. “It all was pretty easy when I had no one in my life.”

  “That’s why I stay single,” he said, laughing, trying to ease the tension for her, “so I can leave for India or Afghanistan at the drop of a hat.” He had no idea how she managed what she did, and tolerated it for long periods of time, with or without Blue. It seemed admirable to the point of saintly to him, as well as foolhardy at times, but she didn’t seem to mind the dangers or discomforts, at least until now.

  “Put Syria on that list, too. Anyway, I’ll see how it all shakes out, and where they want to send me then. At least I’ll be home for a while right now.”

  “I think that’s a good idea, at least until after the arraignment and we lay the groundwork for the civil suit.” He wasn’t going to file it yet, but there was work to do. “And you don’t know what’s going to hit the press, or how hard the church will fight back. They might lob a couple of bombs over the fence.” He had promised Blue anonymity, which he was guaranteed because he was a minor, but there was no telling what they’d say about Ginny or why she was involved.

  And as the case heated up, Andrew was worried the archdiocese wasn’t going to play “nice.” He thought it best if she were home for that to support Blue, but he could well imagine the pressure it was putting on her, in a job where she was essentially gone most of the time, and rarely even able to be in communication. Her life had not been set up to accommodate a teenage boy, or an attachment of any kind, which had suited her perfectly till now. “What do you think you’ll do about it long term?” he asked. She was wondering about that herself. If Blue stayed with her, she might have some difficult choices to make.

  “I can’t even get there yet in my head,” she said carefully. “I’m just trying to get through September here, and my next assignment, and then I’ll figure it out. Till now, for the past few years, all I had to do was hold a bowl of bloody rags in a surgical unit without fainting, climb a mountain now and then, and try not to get shot by a sniper. No one was counting on me at home, or cared where I was most of the time, except occasionally my sister, but she has her own life and family to think about. Now, suddenly, I have all this going on at home. I wasn’t expecting that.” She had never thought of even the vague possibility of it when she had let Blue sleep on her couch for a few days over Christmas nearly eight months before.

  “I think that’s how life works. Just when you think you have it all set up and perfectly arranged, someone sneezes, or God blows on it, and all the building blocks come tumbling down.” That had certainly happened to her nearly four years before, when she and Mark and Chris had left the party on the night before Christmas Eve, and now she had built a life that finally worked for her, and here she was again, with bits and pieces all over the place and a life to rearrange. But as far as she was concerned, Blue was a good problem to have. She just had to figure it out. She didn’t want to give anything up yet, neither her work, which she loved, nor him. And she was even more committed to Blue as his guardian now. It was a lot more than just paperwork to her. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help. I can keep an eye on him for you when you’re gone if you like, and visit him at the shelter again.” But they both knew he needed more than that. He needed the home life he’d never had till her, and she knew parenting wasn’t a part-time job.

  “I guess I just have to work it out as I go along.” He thought toning down the risks she took on a regular basis would be a good idea, but she seemed to be committed to her work. Yet, however much time she dedicated to Blue, the boy would benefit from it, and already had.

  “By the way, I don’t have to work this weekend,” he said as an afterthought. “I could take you both out for a sail on Sunday.” It sounded great to her. She wondered suddenly if Blue got seasick, and she realized he had probably never had the opportunity to find out.

  She told him about Andrew’s invitation that night at dinner, and Blue was excited about it. They were going to the Yankees game on Saturday, and possibly sailing on Sunday. They talked about it for a while, and then she told him that the grand jury hearing had been scheduled, and that she had talked to SOS and was staying home for another six weeks. He looked even happier about that, and the relief in his eyes tugged at her heart.

  “I was scared you wouldn’t be here when I started school,” he said softly.

  “So was I. I couldn’t leave before that,” she said quietly, feeling the weight of her responsibility to him now.

  “I wish they didn’t send you away for so long,” Blue said wistfully. “I missed you while you were gone,” he admitted, and she nodded.

  “I missed you, too. Maybe they can give me shorter assignments.” But she knew that wasn’t the nature of her job, and one of the advantages she offered SOS was that, until now, she had been completely unattached. And she suddenly felt guilty leaving him at the shelter for months. The landscape of her life was changing fast.

  —

  The night that she and Blue spent at the Yankees game with Andrew on Blue’s birthday was one of the high points of his life. Andrew picked them up in the Range Rover he drove on weekends, and Blue chatted excitedly on the way to the game, wearing his Yankees hat. And Andrew had planned a series of surprises for him. He took him onto the field before the game started and introduced him to
several more star players in the dugout, who wished Blue a happy birthday and signed two more balls for him, which he told Ginny to put in her purse and guard with her life when they went back to join her in their seats. Andrew bought them all hot dogs, and right before the game started, the scoreboard lit up with “Happy Birthday, Blue.” Ginny nearly cried when she saw it, as Blue let out a shout of delight. He couldn’t stop grinning, as Ginny and Andrew exchanged a look over his head, and she thanked him when they sat down, and so did Blue.

  The game itself was exciting. It was tied until the Yankees won in the twelfth inning, with all the bases loaded, and Blue was jumping up and down as they scored the winning run. And his name was on the board again when they left. It was every boy’s dream birthday, and Ginny had had fun, too. Andrew came back to the apartment with them to share the birthday cake Ginny had kept hidden.

  “I’ve never had a birthday like this,” Blue said solemnly after he blew out his candles and looked at them both. “You’re my best friends.” Then he remembered the two autographed balls in Ginny’s purse, took them out, and put them proudly on the shelf in his room with the others he’d gotten with Andrew the last time.

  “You gave him an incredible birthday,” Ginny said to Andrew as she handed him a piece of cake, and they sat down at the kitchen table, which was barely big enough for the three of them.

  “It’s nice to be able to make him happy,” Andrew said with a quiet smile. “It’s not hard to do.” Blue came back to the kitchen then and sat down to eat his cake. It had been a perfect night.

  “I’ve never had a birthday cake before,” Blue said looking thoughtful as he finished his second piece, and both of the adults were stunned. It put into perspective for them the life he had led before. It was so different from Andrew and Ginny’s own life experiences in stable families, growing up in traditional homes.

  Andrew volunteered that he had two older brothers who had given him a hard time. One was an attorney at a law firm in Boston, and the other was a college professor in Vermont. They had both thought he was crazy when he became a priest.

  “I have a nephew your age,” he said, smiling at Blue. “He wants to play football in high school, and his mother is having a fit.” He smiled at Ginny, and she realized as he did that both of them had nieces and nephews but no children of their own. And after they finished the cake and sat down in the living room, Andrew looked at the photographs of Mark and Chris.

  “He was a beautiful little boy,” he said gently to Ginny, and she nodded and couldn’t speak for a moment. It still hit her hard sometimes. Andrew could see it, so he talked to Blue about the game. They both agreed that the Yankees had played masterfully, and Andrew promised to take him to the World Series if they played. As he said it, Ginny realized that she would be away by then. It suddenly seemed hard knowing she was going to miss things that were important to Blue. But she had a job that she felt she had to do.

  When Andrew left, he wished Blue a happy birthday again and told them he’d see them in the morning at Chelsea Piers.

  It was another memorable day for Blue as Andrew taught him to sail on his small, beautiful sailboat. It was an old wooden boat that he had restored himself. Ginny helped him handle the lines as they left the dock on a gorgeous sunny August day with a perfect breeze. And then she helped him with the sails, as he showed Blue what to do. He got the hang of it quickly, and they flew along for a while, and then tucked into a small harbor, where Andrew dropped the anchor. They had lunch, and then they lay on the deck in the sun. It was an ideal boat for the three of them.

  “I usually take it out alone,” Andrew said to Ginny as they watched Blue at the bow. And as Ginny looked at Andrew, she had a sense that he was a solitary man, as sailors often were. “It’s nice having people on board,” he said, smiling at her. “I sailed her to Maine last summer. My family still has a place there. I try to get there for a week or two every year to spend time with my brothers’ kids. I’m the weird uncle who used to be a priest.” He smiled as he said it. He didn’t seem to mind being different, or alone, in much the same way Ginny was now, or had been until Blue.

  “I think I’m getting to like being weird,” she said with a grin. “My sister thinks I am, too. I’m not sure what normal is anymore.” Once it was being married and having a child, and now it was wandering around the world like a lost soul, living in refugee camps. And for him it was helping boys who had been molested by priests. Normal had become the lives they lived, entirely different from the lives they had expected and planned. It was enjoying the good times as they came, like the day they spent together on the boat. And Andrew had made a sailor of Blue by the end of the day. Andrew managed to sail the boat almost up to Chelsea Piers, and then turned the motor on to come into the dock, and Ginny and Blue helped secure the lines and tie her up. Blue helped wash the boat, and they all agreed it had been a terrific day. They had relaxed and talked, and when Andrew drove them home, Ginny and Blue thanked him for a wonderful time. Ginny invited him to come up for something to eat, but Andrew said he had work to do, and she didn’t know why, but she sensed that he used his work as a way to keep just enough distance between himself and the rest of the world. It was a place where he could hide, just as he had done when he was a priest.

  “I wish we had a boat,” Blue said with stars in his eyes as they rode up in the elevator, and Ginny laughed.

  “Don’t go getting fancy on me, Blue Williams,” she teased him, and he grinned.

  “One day I’m going to make a lot of money being a famous composer, and I’ll buy you a boat,” he said as he followed her into the apartment, and she turned to look at him and thought he just might. The possibilities were limitless. Nothing was impossible for him now.

  Chapter 17

  Blue wasn’t enthused about going to a therapist, but had agreed because he knew it was important to the case, and both of them were pleasantly surprised when they met with her the Monday after they’d been on Andrew’s boat. Her name was Sasha Halovich, she was a small wizened woman who looked old enough to be Ginny’s grandmother, but she was very wise and met with Blue alone in her office for two hours, and then came out to talk to Ginny with Blue’s permission. She said that she felt confident that nothing more had happened than what he said, which was certainly bad enough and very traumatic for him, but she thought he was handling it well, in great part thanks to Ginny. Halovich found him to be a stable, healthy boy who had had a hard life but weathered it remarkably. She saw no need for hypnosis, and she said she would write a report, and was willing to testify in court. And she thought it a good idea to see him occasionally to help him through the months ahead, and Ginny agreed.

  Andrew called to discuss it with Ginny the next day, since she had signed the release for the therapist to speak to him, and she had. “It sounds like he’s in pretty good shape, thanks to you.” He gave her the full credit for it, which she humbly declined.

  “Thanks to himself, and a little help from his friends,” she corrected. “He’s a wonderful kid. I have total confidence in him, and I believe in him a thousand percent.”

  “That’s what it takes. If more parents felt like you, there would be better people in the world.”

  “All I want is for Blue to have an amazing life,” she said firmly. “And I think he will.” What she had done to get him into LaGuardia Arts was nothing short of miraculous in Andrew’s opinion. She was the kind of person who changed people’s lives, not just in Syria and Afghanistan, working for human rights, but in her own life at home every day. The court case he was spearheading for them was proof of it, and the psychologist had been very impressed, too. She had told Andrew that Blue was adjusting very well to his new life, in spite of the stress of the court case coming up. Dr. Halovich had told Andrew that Ginny was just what the boy needed, and it had been a miracle in his life that they had found each other. And from what he knew, Andrew agreed, and after they talked about the therapist, Ginny thanked him again for the fabulous day sailing and t
he Yankees game.

  —

  The next big step in the case was when the police presented all the evidence they had to the grand jury, and there was reams of it: interviews with other victims and their families, and witnesses who had surfaced who had seen suspicious occurrences once their memories were jogged. There were statements from irate parents and traumatized children. “Father Teddy” had sodomized the older ones, who were his altar boys, and had had oral sex with the younger ones, as he had done with Blue, and fondled a number of children, always accusing them of tempting him, and threatening them with jail, or even hurting them physically if they told anyone, so they had the burden of secrecy as well as guilt to carry, too. It was heartbreaking to read the report. By the time it went to the grand jury, they knew of eleven victims in New York and six in Chicago. NYPD had notified their counterparts in Chicago, who were investigating, too. Andrew and Jane Sanders were sure there were more who would come forward eventually.

  And in sharp contrast to the trauma of the victims was the outrage of the parishioners who continued to believe in their favorite priest, and insisted that the boys were lying. Andrew could never understand how people could cling to their loyalty to someone in spite of undeniable evidence to the contrary. But their love for Father Teddy was unconditional, and their belief in the purity of the church so strong. They forgot that like any organization, it was made up of individuals, and that there were sick people everywhere, in every walk of life. Ted Graham was one of them. And the second worst crime that had been committed was the cover-up by the archdiocese. There was no question of it now, although it still had to be proved. But two young priests had spoken up at St. Francis’s in New York, and said that they knew, and had seen things they didn’t like and had reported Ted Graham to a monsignor in the archdiocese, and nothing had been done to remove him. And when they reported it a second time, they had been reprimanded.