Barely Breathing (Just Breathe)

by Heather Allen

  Silence, not good. I swivel my chair around looking at the guilt on her face. I should have known, she's always been a meddler.

  "Honey, I wanted to make sure you didn't get an undeserved detention again. Mr. Hallbrook, the Assistant Principal I spoke to, hinted around that I wasn't the only parent to complain about your teacher. And I wanted to make sure you are all caught up."

  I can get angry but it's already done. Man, why does she always do this crap?

  "Okay mom, just, can you just not call the school again."

  She stands up rubbing her palms on her pant legs, obviously ,relieved to get this off her chest. She starts for the door but turns before leaving, "Your father and I have decided that you are no longer grounded. Be careful with your new freedom." She closes the door behind her.

  I smile as I continue my homework. Free at last.

  Chapter 22

  Ever

  Whoever said being a high school senior is fun, was highly delusional. The year is speeding by as is the reality I am trying so hard not to acknowledge. These past few weeks back on land have proven to be very difficult. If I wasn't back under false pretenses, I might feel differently but things just suck in present day.

  My swim coach ended up dropping me from the team because of my erratic attendance. Yes, understandable but so not the part of high school, I wanted to stay away from. I really do still love swimming and competing.

  On top of that I am faced daily with avoiding James and Alex at all costs. James, no big deal, he's playing the game too. Well, I might add. Alex on the other hand shows up at the most inopportune times. I know his role here and boy is he taking it to the extreme. But I think I might have just congested the situation with the kiss. That kiss, ugh, it's going to haunt me to my death, I just know it. Don't get me wrong, it was really nice. I enjoyed it. And because of these feelings, I have decided not to get that close to him again, in case, I have the inclination to do it again.

  Yet another high school thorn in my side, senior prom. Yes, that silly event where we all dress up and stalk around trying to act all grown up. My mother is in her truest form of late. I, being her only daughter, she won't let it go. Where's a rock I can crawl under?

  "Ever, James, it's seven."

  I push the covers back and lay there staring at the ceiling. Before I can wake up enough and gather enough energy, my cell rings. I glance over and check, who in their right mind is calling me at this hour? Gabbi. Of course.

  I answer, "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

  "Of course, aren't you up yet? We have school."

  "Gabbs, I know we have school, I just woke up."

  "Remind me never to talk to you again, before eight."

  I take a deep breath, I always seem to do this to her, "Sorry, I'm just still..."

  "Cranky," she giggles," It's okay, I forgive you. I'm just calling to tell you, I can't swing by this morning. Reggie's car broke so I have to get him for school. Will you be good driving yourself?"

  I rub my eyes and run my hand through my hair. Ugh, James is going to be pissed.

  "Yeah Gabbs, that'll work. See you at school."

  We both hang up and I collapse back into my pillows. James has been using my jeep these past few weeks to get to and from school. He finally talked my parents into letting him drive. It is true, he had to catch a ride with Garrett, not really by choice and I chose to leave the jeep here to ride with Gabbi.

  I just hope Sara doesn't see us ride to school together. Maybe he can catch Garrett. I scurry out of bed and race to his room.

  I grasp the knob and knock as I push it open. He's still wrapped up, dead to the world. I cross the room and nudge his shoulder. "Hey James, wake up."

  "OHHH, not ready yet."

  "I know, hey I need to tell you something, get up."

  He pushes the sheet back and looks over at me, "Thought you were supposed to be avoiding me."

  "Well bad news in that department, Gabbi called, she can't pick me up today. Can you call Garrett?"

  This seems to wake him up. He sits up and glances at the clock. "No, he's probably already left."

  I grimace, "We will just have to ride together then." He nods probably knowing there is no other option.

  I turn and head for the bathroom, "See you downstairs."

  ***

  We pull up a little late. I look at my watch, "The bell is about to ring, probably good that we're late."

  He shakes his head, "No not good, look, over by the doors."

  I glance over and Sara is leaning against the wall as if she is waiting for something or someone. Of course, she's waiting for James.

  "Sorry James, we'll just have to..." My door starts to open, I glance over and Alex is grasping the door handle pulling it open.

  "Hello Beautiful."

  I glance over at James and I know our thoughts mirror each other. Avoiding each other is out the window.

  "Hey, Alex."

  I smile and climb out of the jeep. He seems to be doing this compliment thing more and more. It's starting to make me uneasy around him. I wish he would quit.

  I start to walk to the building. James has made it to Sara's side. I can tell she is giving him a hard time. Whatever.

  Alex grabs my elbow. The bell rings signaling, we are now late.

  "I um...wanted to ask you something." I look back toward the building. I have been so good at avoiding this exact thing, alone with Alex. I step back and cross my arms over my chest.

  "Sure, what's up?"

  "Not sure if I'm doing this right. I ahhh wanted to ask...to ask if you will go to the prom with me."

  His eyes are so sweet. I fall under their spell for a moment. Oh my god, did he just ask me to the prom? A mer-man who has no idea about prom, just asked me to the prom. I put my palm over my mouth trying to stifle the laughter that wants to come out so bad.

  I take a deep breath and get serious, "Alex, that is so sweet, you know you don't have to feel obligated...I mean technically you aren't even a student and...I really wasn't planning..."

  He places his finger over my lips and gazes into my eyes, "Ever, I want to take you to the prom. Please say you'll go with me." Oh god, he doesn't get it. This is that high school junk I was trying to avoid.

  I nod as his finger falls from my lips. A smile spreads across his face.

  "I will have the most beautiful creature at my side." Okay so now I'm no longer entranced, and yes, that was a mood destroyer because technically I am a creature now, right, not just a plain old teenage girl.

  I hike my backpack higher on my shoulder and head for the door. He follows but doesn't say anything else.

  ***

  We walk into class together, bad idea. As I give Mr. Griggs my tardy slip, I hear snickers from the back of the class. I immediately look to the floor and rush to my seat. It doesn't help that Alex is right behind, following. I'm starting to feel claustrophobic.

  Sasha leans over as I slide into my seat, "I see you've moved on. Pretty ironic that he has taken Jack's exact spot."

  My chest feels as if it's been hit with a brick. Of course she had to mention his name. The pain has been more like an ache this past week. Suddenly it feels as if it's all just newly hit me now. I look away and pull my hoodie up so no one can see the tears that have already filled my eyes.

  Alex leans over placing his hand on my arm, "Hey, you okay?"

  I look forward hiding my tears and nod. I need to remember never talk to Sasha again.

  Something has to be done about Alex. My feelings and emotions are all over the place. He doesn't deserve this. He probably regrets having to be here in the first place. I know from past experience that people from the sea, miss it and yearn to go back, if they're here for a while. Case in point, everything that happened with Jack. It was just too good to be true. He was too perfect, falling for someone like me, huh. Why I didn't realize that sooner, who knows, just living in fantasy land. Well, Ever, reality is looking quite bleak. Maybe fantasy land is the place
to be.

  I wipe the sparse tears that have fallen and glance slyly over at Alex. He is so not bad looking. His dirty- blonde hair is a little long, It emphasizes his strong jaw which I notice has a day's growth, making him look older and more rugged. HIs shoulders and arms are broader and more muscular than, the one I won't name. I take a deep breath, Yes, he must be here for the pity party that is Ever Harding. He can't possibly want to be in this immature environment. He glances over, I'm caught. I feel the heat spread across my face.

  His smooth lips spread in a smile. I quickly look the other way and sink lower into my seat, if that's even possible.

  ***

  I successfully avoided Alex all day. He didn't sit with us at lunch, in fact he was kind of MIA, I didn't see him in the lunch room at all. As I head to the jeep, Gabbi catches up with me.

  "Hi you, how was your day?"

  I shrug my shoulders. She seems to have a better understanding of things since I've been back. She doesn't push me or try to change my outlook. I kind of miss it. Well, maybe I don't, the other things are enough to contend with.

  "Guess it was alright. How was yours?"

  "It was great. I wanted to let you know that Reggie's dad took his car in and it really is broken, like it's gonna take a while til he gets it back."

  Oh James, I forgot.

  "Thanks for reminding me, I was about to take off without James." We both giggle at that.

  She looks a little uneasy, "So will you be good? I mean getting here on your own?"

  I wave my hand away at her concern,"Gabbs don't worry. Maybe I'll make James drive me to school from now on. He can be my cheuffer"

  I add and wink, "We need some brother/sister bonding time anyway."

  She looks down at her feet and back up again. Oh great here it comes, maybe I was wrong about her meddling.

  "I'm just worried, you know about you..."

  I spread my arms for a hug, "I am going to be just fine." We hug each other and a good feeling spreads, only the way my best friend can make me feel.

  I open the driver's side door of my jeep and toss my bag in.

  I tell her nonchalantly, "Oh by the way, you should probably know, I am going to the prom."

  "What?" Squealing, jumping up and down .

  Then she stops suddenly and asks, "Who talked you into it?"

  I smirk and wait crossing my arms.

  "Alex?"

  I nod. More squealing and jumping.

  "Ever, you have to admit he is hot, with a capital H.O.T."

  I smile and climb into the jeep, "Bye Gabbs, call me later."

  She runs off in the other direction, no doubt to find Reggie.

  The passenger side door opens and James climbs in, "What was that all about?"

  I glance over smiling, more to myself, "You really don't want to know."

  Chapter 23

  James

  Today was a difficult day with Sara. Probably, maybe our first real argument. She was pissed that I rode to school with Ever. Whatever, she's my sister, what am I supposed to do?

  That pretty much gave up our avoidance plan though. Sara claims she doesn't like Ever, because she chose the wrong side. How she knows what Ever's intentions are, I don't know.

  Then there's Alex, I knew when I saw him a few weeks back sitting at Ever's table, there was something up with him. He seems like a cool dude. Not quite as uptight as Jack seemed. Ever seems more like the nervous one when Alex is around.

  I climb in the jeep as Gabbi is running around yelling. Ever told me I don't want to know, I probably don't. If anyone I know could be turned into a cartoon character, it would be Gabbi, she is always so over the top animated. How she ever ended up best friends with Ever, evades me.

  "How did Sara take our carpooling together?"

  I chuckle, "Not good."

  She smiles as she pulls out of the lot and heads home.

  "Why didn't you get a ride home with her, if she has such a problem?"

  "Calm down Ever, she had something she had to do after school. She'll be over later."

  "Are you still training with, that, what's his name?"

  "Brad, yes, but he's not really challenging me. He showed me some new moves but now I can pin him every time."

  She takes a deep breath. Here it comes, I knew she couldn't go a day without mentioning it.

  "Why don't you just train with Alex? I'm sure he can teach you some new things."

  "Ever, we've had this conversation already. He is a Lior. How do you think Jaspen will feel if he found out I've been training with the enemy? Or Seamus for that matter?"

  "James, the lines have already been blurred. We are on different sides and live in the same house. Now would be the best time anyway, we rode together to school today, we can't deny talking to each other now."

  She is right. I know everything she's said over the past few weeks about training with Alex and living down the hall from each other is true. Pooling our resources and training together would be a good idea but I just couldn't. Now that our avoidance plan is done, maybe... Then Sara's face pops into my head, she would have a fit.

  "Hey, just think about it. I know Alex would be good with it. You just have to convince Sara, I'm not as evil as I look."

  She glances over grinning. I give her a strangled smile. When It comes to Ever, Sara is very difficult. She changes the subject or gives me some lame excuse like Ever is mean to her, every time I bring it up.

  I let out a deep breath and turn the volume up on the stereo. My eyes close and I let the warm air blowing in from the window, envelope me.

  ***

  After dinner Sara comes over to hang out. We trained twice this week with Brad, a guy she found at a local fight club. I don't push the training thing because I'm not really challenged. She mentioned finding someone new yesterday but I changed the subject. Today though, is a different story. Everything Ever said makes sense. Alex is from the sea after all. He knows how to train someone for fighting in the sea, I would imagine. Now, just to convince Sara.

  We are sitting on the bench swing on our front porch. She seems to be in her own world right now. My arm is around her on the back of the swing. I glance over, this girl makes me feel things I've never felt before. It's probably a good thing we're on the same side.

  She glances over at me, "What are you thinking about?"

  I feel my cheeks get red. See she made me blush like a damn girl.

  I look across the porch to reel in my thoughts and think about how to approach this training thing.

  She places her hand on my shoulder, "Hey, you okay? I wanted to apologize about this morning."

  I glance back over at her.

  She continues, "I just...it upsets me that your sister chose the Lior, she's against you. How is that okay?"

  I move my arm closer around her and hug her to my side, "Sara, hey don't worry about it. I just want the two of you to get along. We are all here in this situation and no matter what side she chooses, she's still my sister."

  She has a frustrated look on her face but doesn't say anything else. God, she is so hard to read.

  Here goes, "I was thinking about this training thing. Since we are all kind of thrown here together, maybe it would just be easier to pool our resources and train together."

  A frown spreads across her face and she hops up from the bench.

  "What? No, that is the worst idea I have ever heard."

  I add quickly, "Ever said Alex would be good with it and I really need someone more challenging than Brad."

  Her mouth falls open, "You already talked to her about this?"

  Before I can answer, she has turned and is headed down the steps. I jump up to follow her.

  She turns around glaring at me, "James, you are unbelievable."

  She gets in her car and reverses out of the drive before I can even respond.

  I run my hands through my hair. What the hell? Girls are impossible.

  I turn to climb up the steps to the porch and my mom
comes out the door.

  "Hey, was that Sara? Did she leave without coming in?"

  I look down shaking my head. Then I look up at her, "Um she had something she had to go do."

  I can tell by her look, she doesn't believe a word I said. I hope she wasn't listening to our conversation. I doubt it.

  ***

  The next couple of days Sara completely avoids me. She doesn't show to third period either day, and I skip lunch both days to try and track her down. I know she came to school because she showed to all her other classes, according to some of my friends in her classes. Not sure I believe them. By the end of the second day, I'm feeling pretty crummy. Maybe I was a jerk for even suggesting the training thing.

  I climb into the driver's side of the jeep. Ever is already there just settling in. Before I can say anything she starts in on me.

  "You know, maybe she went back. I don't really understand what the big deal is. I mean Alex is more than willing to help. She's the..."

  I cut her off, "Ever just shut up. I already feel crappy."

  "Sorry James." She looks over at me with sympathy in her eyes.

  I start the jeep and pull out of the lot.

  Five minutes down the road Ever seems nervous and suggests, "Hey, um...why don't we go to the lake and swim. It's been a while and I've been craving some fin action lately."

  Did she really just say fin action? I laugh out loud, "Did you just say fin action?"

  She starts laughing, covering her mouth with her hand.

  "As a matter of fact I did."

  "Actually a swim sounds good," I admit.

  She smirks, "Ohhh, my baby brother has it bad."

  I give her a dirty look and she laughs harder. Yes, I do have it bad. I never asked for this shit.

  We stop by the house to change and blast the music all the way to the lake.

  When we pull up, I realize why Ever seemed nervous through the drive. Alex's truck is already there.

  She glances over questioningly, "Are you mad?"

  I shake my head and take a deep breath, "No, it's all good."

  I climb out before she can say anything else. Sara is going to be really pissed if she ever talks to me again.