Barely Breathing (Just Breathe)

by Heather Allen

  Chapter 24

  Ever

  I held my breath when we pulled up to the lake. I was so sure James was going to go off and turn the jeep back around without even getting out. He surprised me though.

  I look over at him when Alex's truck comes into view, "Are you mad?"

  He shakes his head and breathes deeply, "No, it's all good."

  Then he climbs out before I can give him my well -rehearsed reason for not telling him Alex would be here.

  I climb out after him and look up to see them greeting each other with a hand shake. Well, maybe I'm right about this whole thing. Maybe Alex will be good for James. Who knows? I surely don't anymore.

  We all walk over to the lake and Alex suggests, "Hey Ever why don't you swim and James and I will spar a little."

  I glance over at James to see his reaction at this and he actually looks eager to get started. Okay, good so far. I pull my shirt and shorts off and start walking to the bank of the lake. The air has really warmed to a comfortable temperature and the sky is almost cloudless. I glance up savoring the sun's warmth on my skin.

  I hear a loud whisper from James and smile, "Dude, close your mouth already, that's my sister you're watching, like that."

  I want to sneak a peek back at Alex but that will only encourage him. I've resolved to push him away every chance I get. Of course I'm attracted to him. Who wouldn't be? As beautiful as he is. Yes, he is a guy and yes, I did use beautiful to describe him, but truly I can't fathom another word, besides perfect. Everything about him is perfect which is why I'm heading the other way. I'm far from perfect. He deserves someone who will devote themselves wholeheartedly to him. My heart is already twisted to the point of no recognition. I definitely can't give him what he deserves. All that aside, I feel more like a project anyway. He has to be here because of Seamus so maybe he has more of an obligation to make sure I keep my word, than anything else.

  My legs slowly wade into the water. It's already starting to turn warm again. I chance a glance back. The boys are fifty feet away where the grasses have already turned naturally green, and grown calf high. Alex is grinning, explaining something to James. They're too far away for me to hear them. They start rounding each other in a wide circle. James' face comes into view, he has a huge grin plastered across his face. I'm now feeling better about my decision to bring him here.

  Then my thoughts are shattered. Suddenly, James is flying through the air and lands flat on his back. My heart stops and panic flows through me. I run up to them and bend over James.

  "Oh my god, are you alright?"

  James looks over at me and starts laughing as he gets up.

  "Ever, I'm fine, that was nothing."

  I back up, still unsure and glancing over at Alex. He nods at me and gives me a reassuring smile. Oh, that dimple again. I back away, unable to take my eyes off his mouth. My feet tangle in the grasses and I land on my backside. Really Ever, come on, you fool.

  Alex rushes over, "Are you alright?" He bends over and lends me his hand.

  I can feel a blush move through my face. I place my hands behind me on the ground and push myself up, ignoring his outstretched hand. He chuckles and turns, walking back towards James.

  I have to get myself under control.

  I quickly walk to the lake, wade in and dive the rest of the way. Focus, Ever, focus.

  I push myself to my limit. Swimming back and forth, concentrating on breathing and my strokes. Every time I turn in the direction of Alex and James I swim half the lake under water trying hard not to pay any attention to them. Since when did my focus become this terrible? I've always been able to get into a groove while swimming and block everything out. Dammit, it's Alex, damn him.

  After an hour, I decide it's fin time. I focus and it comes right away. It actually feels so foreign to me, it's been so long. I stay underwater and chase fish for a while. My mind starts to drift to the ocean. I wonder about Amber. She must be so upset with me. I feel like such a terrible friend. I haven't even asked Alex about her. My heart starts to ache as I think more about her, hoping that she is still on Seamus' good side. I recognize though that I haven't thought about her purposely because she is related to him. I just can't...

  My chest feels constricted suddenly. My lungs scream for air.

  I pop out of the water, completely gasping for air. This shouldn't be happening to me under the water. I can usually breathe under there with no problems. My chest heaves still unable to gather enough air. I glide to the side of the lake and pull myself up the bank, fin and all. I lay back and focus on the sky taking one shallow breath after the other. As I feel my breath steadying, a shadow falls across me. I put my arm up to shield the sun and see who is standing over me. It's Sara.

  My breath catches again and I move to stand up, forgetting I still have a fin. I flop over to my side.

  "Crap."

  She giggles at me. I glare up at her and close my eyes focusing, Stupid fin, legs, legs, legs.

  Finally, I feel my appendages back where they belong and scurry to stand up. Talk about completely awkward. We stare at each other for less than a minute but it feels like thirty. She turns to look at the boys and turns back to me.

  She nods, "So this was your idea?"

  I look over at Alex and James and grimace, "Guilty."

  Great she's going to go off on me and James and Alex will have a girl fight on their hands.

  I brace myself for her wrath. She can probably beat my ass.

  "Well, I think it's a good idea. James will learn a lot from him. Maybe I can teach you some things."

  Okay, so when did this girl become my BFF? Just two days ago she was giving James hassle for riding to school with me.

  "Um, yeah, I guess. I ah, can't fight though."

  She frowns." Really, are you sure? Have you tried?"

  I stammer, "No, I um... like the bow and arrow the best."

  She smiles, "Me too, that's my favorite. But maybe I can still teach you some fighting techniques."

  I walk up and pull my clothes back on. I glance over at Alex and James. They have both taken their shirts off. I can see sweat glistening across Alex's chest. Ever, get it together, what are you thinking?

  I look quickly the other way and meet Sara's eyes. She has a huge grin on her face.

  "He's not bad to look at, is he? I though, prefer the other one, who is quite nice on the eyes."

  EEEEEWWWW, she is talking about my brother, yuck. I vow not to look over there again.

  Chapter 25

  James

  Alex pins me glancing over to the lake where Ever is swimming and asks, "Has she mentioned anything to you?"

  I push myself back up and ask while we're rotating, "You mean about you?"

  He looks hopeful.

  I shake my head sadly at him, "Dude, you know she's messed up from the whole Jack thing, right?"

  I can see him let out a breath and look at the ground. I take advantage and flip him over onto his back. This is the first time I'm able to get him down.

  "Nice takedown James." He gets up but his head doesn't seem to be in it when we go few more rounds.

  I hear a car pull up the dirt road. I glance over and see Sara's car. My heart stops.

  "Oh, shit."

  Alex looks over and shrugs his shoulders, "Don't worry, she'll get over it." Yeah, easy for him to say. He didn't get hassled for riding to school in the same car as his sister.

  She gets out of the car and walks slowly towards us. My heart speeds up at the sight of her. I could never get tired of the view of her walking over to me. A slow smile spreads across her lips as she approaches me. She stands on her toes and gives me a peck on the lips.

  "Hi, James, how are you?"

  What the hell? My mind is turning in all different directions right now. She hasn't spoken to me in two days and now here she is, like nothing ever happened. I so do not understand women. I don't think I ever will.

  I smile warmly back at her and introduce Alex, "Sara this i
s Alex, Alex this is Sara."

  She puts her hand out and tells him, "Hello Alex nice to meet you, I've heard some good things about you."

  He smiles, shaking her hand and agrees, "Nice to meet you too, Sara."

  I don't know why but the way this just went down, I get the funny feeling this is not the first time they have met.

  Sara turns away looking over her shoulder at me, "Well boys, I'm going to go and see what's up with Ever, get back to work." She giggles and heads to the lake.

  I'm not quite sure what I should do, go after her for fear of what she will do to Ever or stand here and watch.

  Alex puts his hand on my shoulder and tells me, "Don't worry, I think it will be alright."

  Even as Alex reassures me, I watch Sara walk over. Ever is lying on the side of the lake. She looks like she's taking a break. Suddenly she pops up. I'm already clenching my hands, anticipating a chick brawl. This can't be good. Alex again squeezes my shoulder.

  They seem to be talking for a few minutes. Ever puts her clothes back on. Then they turn and walk to the field on the other side of the lake.

  Alex walks away and says, "See I told you, let's go again."

  I linger a few more seconds watching them walk over. I turn and Alex is telling me, "This one will help keep you on your feet longer. Crouch lower to the ground because of your height." I chuckle, Sara made fun of my stance. I knew I had something right. I focus on getting him down and throw some punches putting all my focus into it. He goes down.

  "James, that was a good one, do it again."

  After thirty more minutes of fighting, feeling exhausted from the heat and concentration, I remember Ever and Sara and wonder what they're up to. I glance over across the lake and watch as Sara flies through the air and lands on her side. My heart stops. I'm going to kill my sister.

  I start running toward them. Alex calls after me but I'm so blinded by anger that my sister would hurt Sara, I don't hear him. I stop beside Ever as Sara is walking towards us smiling.

  I grab Ever's arm, "Ever, I can't believe you. Why would you hurt Sara?"

  She gapes at me and squirms out of my grasp, "What? I didn't..."

  "She didn't do anything..."

  Sara steps up to me and loops her arms around my neck distracting me from my rant. Her lips lightly brush against mine. I pull her in and kiss her more greedily.

  Ever's voice brings me out of the kiss, "Did you see it? I took her down. It took me a while but I can actually fight."

  Alex walks up beside me and tells her, "I did see, you did good. See I told you there's more than just the bow."

  Then it occurs to me, Sara was helping my sister and I'm falling a little bit harder for this girl.

  ***

  A couple weeks go by and we've fallen into a comfortable routine. Ever and I still ride to school together every day but I ride with Sara to the lake after school and Ever drives over on her own. Alex is always there ahead of us, waiting to train. If my sister is guilty of anything lately it's coming up with this training thing. I have honed my fighting skills and learned so much. Alex has been a great teacher. It's just a shame we aren't fighting for the same side. All four of us have avoided the subject. I know it's on everyone's mind but no one wants to bring it up, which, is completely fine with me.

  I think Sara has been a good thing for Ever too. I don't know what their problem was in the beginning but now they have fallen into a somewhat decent friendship. Would either one of them, choose to hang out any other time, I doubt it, but they seem to do okay. I can tell Ever is getting better at fighting too. Both girls are tough, not sure I'd want to go up against either one of them. Well, besides my aversion to fighting girls, they would still put up a good fight.

  Today at the lake, Sara suggested Alex and Ever come and listen to my band tonight. We have a gig at a local bar that allows eighteen and older. Yes, I know I'm not supposed to be in a bar this young, Davis' dad has connections though, so we go where we can get exposure and paid. This did not sit well with my sister but she eventually agreed to go.

  ***

  I'm pulling on a shirt, getting ready, when I hear a knock on my door, "C'min."

  Ever walks into my room with widely sad eyes and sits on my bed crossing her legs indian-style. She just sits there glancing down at the floor. I turn around and walk over to the bed and sit beside her.

  "Hey, you okay?"

  She focuses her stare at the floor and confesses, "James, I'm scared."

  Where did this come from? The end of the school year is getting closer, but neither one of us knows what will happen when it's here. I rub her shoulder for a minute to console her.

  She glances around my room and settles her stare on me, "I just don't know if I can go through with this. I kind of like Sara now and you and..."

  I know what she is referring to by her last 'and', she's worried she'll see Jack again. I feel so sad for her.

  I shake my head, "Hey, we don't know what's going to happen. Maybe there won't even be a battle."

  I don't really believe my own words though. When I was in the ocean, however short it may have been, I could tell Jaspen was serious about this battle. He was adamant that this would be the one that would change everything in the sea. He actually seemed anxious for it. I sigh.

  Ever looks around again and adds lightly pulling her hand through her hair, "And this whole Alex thing is just..."

  I chuckle at her. That dude has it pretty bad for my sister but she doesn't seem to want to give him the time of day. I haven't told her about the few times he's asked about her. She has enough going on and the last thing I want is to be a matchmaker.

  I glance at my watch, "It's almost time for me to go, will you be alright finding the bar?"

  She smirks, "You know if mom found out you are playing at a bar..."

  I laugh, "Well, what's just one more secret, I mean a bar is nothing in comparison to everything else, right?"

  She nods preoccupied again. She gets up suddenly, "I'll see you later, good luck."

  I smile as she leaves my room. The last thing I would ever want to do, would be to fight my sister. We finally have some sort of relationship. I push it away and bound for the jeep to head out.

  Chapter 26

  Ever

  The ride to the bar is awkward silence. I'm still cringing at the embarrassment my mother put me through.

  Alex picked me up and met my mom for the first time. She of course, couldn't be any more obvious with her happiness. She made a comment right in front of Alex that she is glad that I'm dating again. Alex seemed uncomfortable the whole time. I just wanted to go find that rock and crawl under it.

  Ten minutes down the road he breaks the silence, "Your mom was really nice."

  I gape at him, "Yes, but completely embarrassing."

  He chuckles, "Isn't that what parents are supposed to do?"

  I shrug my shoulders. He gently grabs my hand and glances in my direction quickly before looking forward.

  "Ever, this doesn't have to be a date if you don't want it to be." I squirm uncomfortably and slide my hand away. He sighs sadly and it seems to echo through the car. Why does he even like me? There's nothing special about me. I can't even make a choice and stick with it. I was in James' room tonight telling him how I don't think I can go through with this whole thing. I can feel myself sinking again into that familiar fog. I want to welcome it. I just decide not to deal when I'm down. It sounds so appealing right now.

  Alex brings me back from my self-destructing thoughts, "Friends then?"

  I glance over to see a hopeful look on his face. My heart flutters, how can this beautiful person want anything to do with me?

  I smile cautiously, "Yes, definitely friends."

  We pull up to the bar and the parking lot is already filled. Alex glances around, "This is good for the band, right?" I nod thinking that the band won't even matter pretty soon because my poor brother is destined for the same stupid fate, and it's all my fault.

 
Alex walks around the truck and opens my door for me, helping me down. His hand lingers on mine a few seconds longer, then he pulls away. He looks down at me sweetly. There goes that flutter again. I start walking to the door trying to ignore my body betraying me.

  The sign above the door has a wooden, aged look. In old English writing, the name 'McGinty's Bar' is splayed across it.

  As we enter the bar, I notice a group from school sitting at a wooden table as close to the stage as you can get. Gabbi and Reggie are there. She waves me over. We approach the table and find two seats at the farthest end. There's only about ten of us here from school. It is a bar after all and you have to be eighteen to even get in. I glance around and notice James with Garrett and Davis setting up on the stage. Between the stage and our table is a dance floor with the bar to the left of it and a hallway to the bathrooms on the right. My parents would kill us if they knew we were here. I look down the table and notice Sara sitting to the left of Gabbi and they are deep in conversation. My curiosity perks at that. I wonder if Gabbi knows Sara is from the sea.

  Probably feeling my eyes on her, Gabbi looks up at me, "Hey girl, are you ready for some dancing?"

  A frown cements itself to my face and I shake my head, "No, no dancing for me."

  Sara and Gabbi both giggle and Gabbi tells me, "Oh, we'll see about that."

  That's what she thinks. A few minutes later I hear my brothers voice, "Hey McGinty's, we're glad to be here. We are Allgood. I'm James, this is Garrett and over here is Davis." I glance over and see him totally in his element.

  The crowd starts cheering them on. James starts strumming his guitar. Garrett joins on the drums and Davis plays bass. Then his voice starts coming through the speakers, clear and bluesy. I never get tired of hearing the band. They sound so much older than they are. My heart sinks for them once again as I think about how James has to give this up.

  Alex must see my mood shift. He grabs my hand again. I look up and meet those perfect green eyes. They sparkle with hope. I know what he's thinking. My stomach starts fluttering again. Before I can pull my hand out of his, he's standing up pulling me with him. I start to shake my head but he keeps his grasp. I glance toward the dance floor that is filling up fast. I notice Gabbi and Reggie already out there. My eyes meet Alex's again and I sigh taking a step closer to him. His arms wrap around my waist and we start to sway. My brother's voice seems to hypnotize me. I let the music take over and we dance for a number of songs. Alex is not a bad dancer for being what he is. We find a comfortable groove and dance for a good part of the night. By the time he pulls me to the table for a soda, my shirt is sticking to my skin and I'm almost out of breath.