Barely Breathing (Just Breathe)

by Heather Allen

  I speak up, "But, you said there are many Erebus in the city already."

  He takes a deep, frustrated breath, "Yes James, there are, they weren't supposed to attack until we found a way through the shield so that we would have the numbers. I'm hearing reports that they have been found and our numbers inside are decreasing. Someone gave them up."

  I shrug my shoulders because truthfully I can't contribute to this conversation. Two days ago I was still sitting in high school. Now I'm responsible for using force to save people and hurt others. Not quite comfortable just yet.

  Jack speaks up. I look over at him, he seems so tired, like he hasn't slept in days.

  "Jaspen, we still have numbers, we just have to change our tactics."

  Jack turns to me, "James, can you travel?"

  I nod unsure where this is going.

  He continues, "I will bet James can travel through the shield."

  Jaspen shakes his head, "We've been through this, none of us who can travel, can get through."

  "But he's a descendant of Seamus. Just try. It will be a great advantage if he can get through."

  Suddenly, I'm not liking where this is going.

  Chapter 40

  Ever

  As we enter the throne room I swear I felt a wave of tingles run through me, the first sign that I might lose it. I take a deep breath and squeeze Alex's hand. We stop a few feet in front of Seamus, Metea, and Mersa. The witch is glaring at me. Metea has a snide smile on her face and Seamus has that stupid proud looking, goofy grin. How can these three people be in the same room and the same situation and portray such opposite of emotions all at once?

  I straighten up my posture hoping it gives off a bit more of the confidence I am completely missing. Seamus gets up from his chair and swims over, treading in front of us.

  "Alex, thank you for delivering her, in one piece. This right here is our assurance that we will win this battle once and for all."

  I look over at Alex as he lets go of my hand and backs away bowing slightly. I'm confused. Where is he going? His eyes dart around but he refuses to make eye contact with me. I'm full on panic now. What does this mean? Alex is leaving me. I glance over to Seamus. He is holding his hand out to me. I naturally shy away. The tingling is rising up my fin and overtaking my belly. I can't faint, that's a sign of weakness. I can't be weak in front of these people. I grasp Seamus's outstretched hand apprehensively, hoping it will steady my nerves. He turns and leads me past the line of thrones. We pass through a glass door that seems hidden behind the chairs, entering a small box of a room. The walls are plastered with shiny weapons hung in every available space. There is armor in every shade of gold and bronze. He tells the same mermaid that led me here a few days ago, "Samaris, get her ready for battle."

  She bows her head and responds with a "Yes, your power."

  What the heck? I'm more confused now than ever. In just the past five minutes, everything seems like it's on fast forward and I can't find the stop button.

  The mermaid, I guess her name is Samaris, fastens, pokes and prods me. She places a golden breastplate over my head and adds a type of linked metal to my arms attaching it to the breastplate. I struggle getting my quiver of arrows back around me, but manage. Finally, she places a golden helmet over my head. It surrounds my head leaving my face open, thank god. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to see for a second. Samaris doesn't speak the entire time. I try to start up a conversation but she ignores me. Whatever.

  As soon as she seems satisfied that I'm covered and uncomfortable, we leave the secret room and swim back out past the thrones. Seamus is the only one in the room. He is fashioned with a similar getup. I notice a long sword by his side. This whole thing reminds me of the Romans or the Greeks, except under water. Now I wish I would have listened a little more in my history classes.

  His eyes light up when he sees me, "There's my girl. You make me proud to see you here bearing the emblem of the Lior."

  I frown, emblem, what is he talking about? I glance down at my breastplate. A design I didn't notice before becomes apparent. It resembles a wide circle surrounding what looks like a line of bubbles. In the center is a mermaid in armor similar to mine grasping a knife with her hair flowing behind her. She looks strong and dangerous. Both of which I am lacking.

  "A beautiful depiction, don't you think?"

  I frown. Who is he talking about?

  "You don't know? It's Metea, of course. She was younger in this particular crest but regardless, she is the queen of all and the beauty of all beauties."

  I can tell he is completely still in love with her. Even after all of these years. A small bit of admiration flits into my heart for my great-grandfather. Then I am reminded that I will never know that love again and my heart twists losing the warmth I might have just felt.

  Seamus starts to swim toward the door so I follow him. I check on the dagger safely by my side and take a deep breath. This is I think, the scariest day of my whole life. I say a silent prayer for everyone I care about to come out of this unscathed but wonder, is that too much to ask, given the situation? My nerves start again and I breathe deeply to keep them at bay.

  ***

  When we finally make it to the outer edge of the city, I find who I've been looking for, Alex. Damned if I'd have known how good he was going to look in his battle gear, I might have turned and swam the other way. He spots me swimming toward him and a huge smile plasters itself across his face. As I get within a few feet of him, he closes the gap and whispers in my ear, "That armor makes you look so sexy."

  I know my cheeks just turned two shades of red regardless of the water surrounding us.

  "You know, you're not so bad looking yourself." I smile widely at him.

  Then, I silently kick myself. Flirting with a friend is not acceptable.

  I back up and look away to find Seamus for a distraction. He is thirty feet in front of us talking to castle mer-men. I look back over at Alex and he looks serious now staring off in the distance. I follow his gaze and see where his concentration is. About two hundred feet in front of us where there is only sprawling sea grasses, a line of Mer-people, specifically, Erebus are lined up as far as you can see. There must be thousands. My heart skips beats at the sight. Small bits of spark light the shadowed water. Along with the light is that familiar booming sound. Each spark dies at the same spot in between us and them. I assume it's the shield protecting us.

  Suddenly, my breathing starts coming in gasps. I'm trying to breath but I can't seem to get any air. The tingle spreads this time reaching my arms and my head. I can feel my grasp going, then my eyes slowly close and darkness.

  "Ever, Ever."

  Strong familiar arms surround me. I'm lying sideways in those arms. My eyes flutter open and I try to push away from him. He holds me tighter.

  "Ever, hang on a minute. Are you okay?"

  I shake my head and put my hands over my face to mask my embarrassment. How in the hell can I help fight for these people if I can't keep my nerves under control and stay awake? Alex moves my hands away from my face, "Hey, it's okay. Are you feeling alright?"

  I nod but look away from his eyes.

  He releases me. I swim away and gather what's left of my dignity.

  Alex tells me from where he is, "No big deal, nerves get the best of all of us."

  I glare at him, "Why can't you do something to piss me off? Why do you have to be so perfect?"

  He smiles and I get even more angry at him, or maybe the opposite, I can't tell anymore. My heart is betraying me.

  Chapter 41

  James

  I let Jaspen and Jack talk me into trying out Jack's theory. I think it's a terrible idea and can probably only end badly but nobody listens to a seventeen year old, especially one who knows nothing about war or the sea for that matter. I pointed out the major problem with this experiment, I've never been to the Lior city but they don't seem too concerned.

  Jack swims out with me following, toward the city. He
is silent the whole way which is fine by me. I'm still pissed at the dude. Now would be a good time to confront him, but I don't.

  He stops about a mile before the shield. Off in the distance is a sea of mer-people, no doubt trying to get into the city. Our numbers look huge. I wonder if the Lior has the same amount. If they don't, this is going to be a blood bath. If they do, it still might end up a bloody.

  Jack turns toward me and explains, "Jaspen wants you to find the Erebus still in the city. I think that's too dangerous for you. He also wants me to go with you, I'm not coming. My sister still lives in the city. If Ever is there, that's probably where she'll be."

  I'm a little shocked that he trusts me to go see Ever since we're on different sides, but I don't question him.

  I ask before he goes on with his agenda, "When can I see Sara?"

  He shakes his head, "James, believe me when I tell you, Sara is not good for you."

  My fists clench again. Jack is the last person I want any advice from. He backs up and explains before I can act on my first instinct to punch him in the nose, "Just wait until you get back, okay?"

  I nod and decide to get this thing over with, "So where am I going?"

  "My sister's dwelling is in the center of the city. It's the only green dwelling, you can't miss it."

  I nod having no idea what to focus on. Every time I've traveled, I've had a place to focus on. This time I have no clue.

  I close my eyes and try to picture a green building underwater. The water around me seems to swirl and it feels as though I've changed positions. I open my eyes afraid of what I'll open them to. Right in front of me is a green building, different from what I pictured but green all the same. It worked. I was able to travel through the shield. Huh, Jack was right. Hopefully this is the right building. I swim up to the door, take a deep breath and knock. It will be good to see Ever again.

  The door slowly creeps open. I see green eyes peer out at me. This must be Jack's sister, she looks just like him. She glares at me and waits.

  "Um, Hi, I'm... uh, is Ever here?"

  She opens the door a little wider looking more curious and shakes her head. My heart falls a little. I was really looking forward to seeing my sister.

  "I, uh, Jack told me to come here."

  She shuts the door in my face. What the hell. I knock again. She opens it so only a slit of light peeks through.

  "I don't want anything to do with my brother. I'm already wanted because of what he did. Go away."

  She slams the door again. What is with this chick? Not worth my time. I turn around and start to swim away. I hear the door open again and her scared voice, "Are you Ever's brother?"

  I turn around slowly not wanting to scare her to close the door in my face again and nod.

  She opens it a little wider, "Are you with the...Erebus?"

  I wince because this could get another door slam.

  "Yes, but I was hoping to talk to Ever."

  She shakes her head sadly, "She and Alex went to the castle. They are probably with the fighters now."

  Fighters, what? I chuckle silently. I'm sure Ever is handling that real well. At least she's with Alex.

  "Do you want to come in?"

  I glance around and the streets are deserted. I wonder if this is normal or were people ordered to stay in their homes, dwellings whatever the hell they call them.

  I head slowly to the door. The more I can find out, the better. Maybe Jaspen will let me off the hook if it comes to blows soon. I just don't know how I'm going to handle this fighting thing. The idea appeals to me but hurting others, not so much.

  I enter the dwelling and find the same sparse surroundings as all the places in the sea I've been.

  "I um didn't get your name, I'm James."

  As she moves further into the light I notice her long dark hair sparkling around her. Her high cheekbones and almond eyes make her look like one of those movie stars from the thirties. She is actually very beautiful. A classic beauty if there is such a thing in the sea.

  "I'm Amber, do you want to sit?" She ushers us to two chairs facing each other in the corner of the room. I sit and relax for a minute. I really needed to take a break. We sit there awkwardly. She is fidgeting with her hands, looking completely uncomfortable.

  "You know if I get caught with you here...I'm already in trouble..."

  I look the other way momentarily. I don't want to get her in trouble. I just want to get to the bottom of this Jack thing.

  We both speak at the same time, I ask, "Why did Jack leave?" She asks, "How's my brother?"

  We both laugh.

  I answer first, "Jack is alright. He doesn't seem too happy though." I don't want to give her false hope. I get the feeling she's pretty mad at him.

  She answers my question, "I don't know why he left. The Lior's cause was his life's work for so long. Our parents were killed by the Erebus in a battle years ago. I am still so saddened by his choice."

  Okay so maybe not going to get the answers I was hoping for. I push up from the chair. Obviously Amber knows nothing and she doesn't need to get into any trouble because of me. It seems her brother already caused enough.

  I head for the door but turn and ask her, "Amber can you give a message to Ever, if you see her?"

  She swims toward me, "Yes, I'm not sure when I will see her again but I will let her know, if I do."

  "Please tell her I'm back and looking out for her."

  Amber nods and I see tears surface in her eyes. My first instinct is to turn and run. Girls and crying not good. But, that would make me a douche like her brother. I swim over and open my arms. She swims into them and cries quietly. I don't know this chick but she's taking care of my sister and I owe her for that.

  Chapter 42

  Ever

  Seamus comes up behind me, surprising me, "Did I just see you faint, Ever?"

  I look over at Alex, he winces so I turn around square my shoulders and make myself a tiny bit taller, "Yes, you did. This might come to a complete surprise to you but I am not a fighter. I do not hurt people. How can you possibly expect me to fight and hurt other people. People I don't even know or have anything against?"

  My rant takes a tiny bit out of me and I can feel myself deflate a little. Before Seamus can respond, Metea swims up beside him and states loudly, "I told you she is weak. I don't know why you are thinking that this", She spreads her hands toward me and I feel tiny suddenly, "can help us in any way. As always we are on our own to restore order to the sea." She turns toward the fighters facing the Erebus on the other side of the shield and calls over her shoulder, "We've done it before and we can do it again." and she's gone among the sea of bodies and armor.

  I can't stop staring in the direction of where she disappeared. Seamus clasps my shoulder and whispers for only me to hear, "Ever, don't think anything of Metea, she is a little... challenged by you. She has always been the most powerful here. I think she knows what you are capable of and she's a little fearful of it."

  I turn to look up into my grandfather's eyes. Why would he confide this to me? I've done nothing to prove to him that I'm on his side. In fact I just fainted before any battle has broken out and he saw it.

  I nod and look to Alex for any kind of support, completely, not sure how to respond. He's busy directing fighters.

  When I turn back toward Seamus he has already swum off to direct the other fighters. Okay, so it would be a lie if I said I wasn't looking forward to shooting my bow again. Just thinking about it makes me aware of it across my body. I touch the bowstring for a second. My fingers itch to shoot it. But I don't. On the other side of that shield is Jack. It's been a thought in my head since that first sound of a spark against the shield this morning. He's somewhere out there. I know I have to face this fact and I will eventually. I remove my hand form the bow and swim toward Alex. I have to make myself useful or I might think too hard about things and lose it again.

  ***

  We've been on the outer edges of the city for
a day now. The fighters take shifts. They have some sort of rotation going. While some are resting, the others are on watch for any indication that the shield is giving way. Although some are missing, there are still so many that it's hard to tell they are shifting in and out. Alex and I have been here for a full day now. He asked if I wanted to go back and rest when night fell. I still can't tell the difference between the two. The lighting in the sea seems to stay the same at these depths. There are always shadows and little light through the water. I told him they are counting on me and I can't go missing. He disagreed with me, but let me stay.

  Now I'm itching more for something to happen. I know complete turnaround from yesterday but truly I'm tired of thinking. I just want something to do now to distract myself from the scenarios I conjure up, none of which end happily. That would be the main reason I don't care to close my eyes any, the dreams, or more like nightmares now. Knowing where we are in all of this, I know the next one will reveal things I don't want to face. I don't want to know what happens because my heart will break, I know it.

  Alex comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist with his chin on my shoulder, "Are you sure you don't want to go and take a nap?" I shake my head and wiggle away from him.

  I turn to face him and hold my arm out in front of me, "Alex, This is friend distance. Remember, friends, right?"

  His face falls and he nods turning the other way. As he swims away, I see his fists clench at his sides. I should have never let him get to me. Now he's hurting and it's all my fault. Why am I being so difficult then? He said it would be so easy to let myself fall for him. He's right. He cares deeply for me and protects me in every way he can. My heart answers for me though. Jack, he's not Jack and no one will ever be Jack.

  I take a deep breath and swim back away from the line of fighters. I keep swimming not sure where I'm going, just needing to distance myself from Alex. Once I reach the inner edge of the city I find a deserted path and swim down it. Lost in my thoughts I swim for a while and finally stop in front of a tall brown dwelling. It resembles what an abandoned building might look like on land. There's no clear windows to see in. It is almost masked by algae on every surface. The unfamiliarity makes me look around, all of the dwellings resemble this one. As if they are not taken care of or abandoned. I turn to swim back the way I came but a hand grasps my arm and another hand comes around me to my throat. I feel something poke my throat and know this is not a good thing.