“I want to fuck you, Jenna. I want to hear you screaming my name as I make you come. Do you want that?”
I nod, unable to find my voice. His hand pushes my bottoms down, giving him more access. I move my legs and kick them off, not bothering to hang on to them. Maybe some fisherman will find them when he reels in his big catch and take them home as a souvenir.
I move my head enough so that I can kiss him. He allows it. Moving so that I’m not stretching too far. I can’t get enough and stand, the water coming to my neck. Jimmy holds me close, not letting me go. I pull him down to my lips, my tongue seeking out his. He picks me up, my legs hanging loosely around his waist. His fingers dig into my thighs, inches from where I need him. I work my hand into his swim trunks, loving the way he hisses when my hand grabs his hard cock.
He bites my lower lip, sucking it into his mouth while I work a steady rhythm. His fingers penetrate me, pushing into me. We are creating our own waves in this beautiful ocean and all I can think about is watching this gorgeous man move over the top of me with sweat dripping off his body.
I push down his shorts, freeing him from the confines holding him back. He moves, walking us deeper into the water. I don’t know what’s he’s thinking, but I go with it. I startle when I feel wood hit my back. I pull away and look behind me, confused.
“Climb the ladder, love.”
“Why?” To say I’m racked with confusion is an understatement. Moments ago we’re hot and heavy and mostly naked and now he’s telling me to climb the ladder.
“Jenna, I want to fuck you senseless, but not in the water. I don’t want to harm the baby or you for that matter. Now get your beautiful arse up this ladder before I have to work out a way to carry you up.”
I don’t hesitate. I turn and climb each rung as quickly as possible. I squeal when I feel him bite my butt cheek, but secretly love it. This is the type of passion I want in my life and if it’s short lived then so be it. I’ll cherish each moment until he takes them away from me.
Jimmy’s on me the moment my feet touch the deck. He picks me up, only to kneel on the deck. His shorts are still down, around his thighs. I reach out and stroke him. He closes his eyes before he latches onto my nipple. I squirm, needing more attention from him. He chuckles and moves to my other breast before moving down my body. His lips blaze a trail hotter than the sun kissing my skin. He stops at my bump, his lips whispering along my skin.
My head pushes hard into the deck when I feel his tongue lap at my folds. He pushes my thighs, holding them apart, taking advantage of my weakened state. He sucks on my clit, bringing me to the brink.
“Jimmy,” I say, grabbing onto his hair, holding him there.
“Scream it out, sweetheart,” he says as his lips capture mine. He slides into me, filling me. He sits back on his knees, holding my legs out giving him more space to move. He rubs my clit causing me to scream out. I arch my back, my body begging for more. “Fuck, Jenna your pussy is going to be the death of me. The way you feel against my dick, I can’t get enough.” He pounds into me, emphasizing each word he says.
Heat pools too quickly for my liking. I want this to last, even though I know we can do it again. I don’t want him to stop. The sounds of our wet bodies slapping against each other is turning me on and I can’t hold off my impending orgasm.
He moves faster and changes positions, throwing my legs up onto his shoulders. He moves closer, gripping my hips as he moves in me.
“Jimmy,” I scream as my orgasm takes over my body. I push into him, needing more friction.
“Fuck, Sweet Lips, take my dick, own it, it’s all yours.”
His words are my undoing and his as well. He slams into me repeatedly, moaning. My legs fall to his side as he lies on top of me. He kisses me, deeply, holding my face in his hands. It’s too sweet, too caring. I refuse to believe he means it because it’ll hurt later when he leaves. Keep him at a distance, that’s what I need to do.
“That was fantastic,” he says against my lips. All I can do is nod. If anything, we’ll have great sex until the day we don’t.
“It was.”
He rolls onto his side and cradles me. His bare ass is in plain sight for anyone to see. “People probably saw us. We won’t be able to show our faces in the hotel.”
Jimmy laughs. “All they’re saying is look at that lucky bastard with his gorgeous wife having sex. And you know what?”
“What?” I say, fighting back laughter.
“You know damn well that man went back to his missus and just shagged the crap out of her.”
I shake my head. “What if it was a woman?”
“Hmm. If it was a woman, she went back to her bloke and had her wicked way with him.”
“Is that so?”
“Mhm, yep, definitely.” He presses his lips to mine, trailing his hand down my side. He hitches my leg over his hip and adjusts, pushing into me.
“Again?” I ask, seeing the lust in his eyes.
“Sweetheart, I’m a walking hard on when it comes to you. Thank Christ, I’ll never have blue balls again.”
Jimmy makes love to me on the deck. This time it’s much different, like he’s trying to show my heart that he’s here and not going anywhere. I just refuse to believe this will be real once we head back to reality.
SHE doesn’t initiate sex. I don’t know what else to do. I can’t get enough of her and yet, when I think she’s about to make a move, she shuts down and waits for me. She gets so close and then I see the moment she starts to pull away and don’t know what I can do to help guide her over the edge. I’ve tried everything I can think of. The romantic walks on the beach, shopping and making love to her under the stars. The only thing I’ve held back on is telling her that I love her… I don’t know if I’m there yet. I don’t know what else I can do. I hold her hand. I introduce her as my wife and I’ve even told a few other holidaymakers that we’re having a baby.
I just want her to want me the way that I want her. I don’t want her to feel like I’m going through the motions of being her husband. I’m in this for life whether she thinks I am or not. I just need her to trust me, to open up to me.
I lie on my stomach, watching her over my shoulder as she walks passed the bed. She thinks I’m asleep, but I’ve been awake for the past few hours watching her sleep. She fell asleep in my arms but at some point in the middle of the night, she rolled over to the other side, as far away from me as possible. I don’t like that. I know she’s been hurt in the past, but she has to know I’d never lay a finger on her.
The shower switches on and I realise I can lie here and think about the ways in which I can show her that I’m her husband in every way possible; or I can go shower with my wife and hope that she starts to realise that I’m here and that I want to be with her. I knew what it meant when I asked her to marry me and I can’t lie, it’s going to be hard. I’m used to doing whatever and whoever I want without consequence. I need to rein my shit in and honour her the way she needs to be.
Bottom line is, I won’t be my father.
I get out of bed and sit on the edge. My hand rests on my knee, the sun shining on my ring causing a prism. I look down at my platinum band and smile. I picked this out quickly and I’ll admit, I like wearing it. It makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something good in my life. I know Jenna probably should’ve had a say, but I didn’t want her to give her the option of saying no. I’m married and I’m proud to be her husband. I just have to find the proper way of showing her that.
I run to the bathroom to catch her in the shower. When I open the door, the glass shower doors are steamed up, limiting my visibility of her naked body. I open the door, and step into the hot water. She turns and looks at me over her shoulder. She heard me come in, thwarting my attempt at surprising her. I’m rewarded with a killer smile making me believe that she’s happy to see me.
I step closer, my chest touching her back. I take the loofah from her hands and drop it on the floor. She turns to face me, bu
t I stop her. My intent was to come in and shower with her because that’s what husband and wives do. But the thought of her being covered in soap turns me on and as much as I want be with her like that, it’ll have to wait until next time. One look at her and I can’t not touch her. I need to feel her skin against mine.
I step forward until she’s pressed against the glass. Her hands spread out, steadying herself. I wonder if she knows what’s coming next.
When I have her like this she looks vulnerable, but I know better. This woman can rock my world with just one look. She’s dangerous and if I’m not careful, she’ll break my heart. There’s a glint in her eye when I place my hands on either side of her face. The water is cascading down over us making it almost impossible to see each other. I could turn it off, but I really like the steam it creates.
“Good morning, wifey,” I say as my lips meet hers. Her hands tangle in my hair, holding me closer. My hands slide off the wall and cup her arse, pulling her against my aching dick. She breaks free of my mouth, much to my displeasure. Her lips move across my cheek, to my ear and down my neck. Her fingernails move down my chest, pinching my nipples in their wake. She licks the water that has pooled below my navel. My dick jumps, begging for attention.
She looks up and winks. Her hand wraps about my erection, moving up and down. I tuck her hair behind her ears, my fingertips caressing her cheek. Her tongue snakes out, touching the tip of my dick. I have to lean against the glass when she takes me fully in her mouth. Her hands grab my thighs, her nails digging into my skin. I want to close my eyes and enjoy the moment, but I can’t stop watching her. I want to burn this moment into my memory forever.
My hips move at her instruction. I glance down in time to see her looking up at me. She’s so incredibly sexy. I can’t stand not being buried inside her. I pull her up from the shower floor. She releases my dick from her mouth with a smirk. I turn her around, pushing her tits into the glass. I wish I had a camera on the other side so I could take a photograph of what she looks like. I’d stare at it all day knowing she was waiting for me at home. I thrust into her, pulling her hair as I do. The way she screams, the way my name rolls off her tongue spurs me to go faster.
Our skin slaps together. The glass squeaks every time I slam into her. I can’t seem to get enough of her. This is something different than when I was with Chelsea. This is so much better.
I grab her hips, slamming them into me over and over. She slides down the glass, bending at the waist to give me a better angle. She cries out and I know she’s close. I’m beginning to learn how I can work her body. It sings to me and I’m listening loud and clear.
“Oh, Jimmy.” I can barely hear her over the water, but I know what she wants. I reach around, brushing her already swollen clit with my thumb. “Oh, God,” she says as her body goes rigid around my dick. I thrust faster, deeper, until she’s milking everything out of me.
I pull her body flush with mine and stand us under the lukewarm water. We’re breathing heavily. I hold her with one arm under our child, the other between her boobs with my hand holding her face. I kiss her cheek, her ear and nuzzle her wet hair.
“My God, Jenna, what did you do to me? I came in here to take a shower with you so I could be close to you. I want to learn every inch of your body. I need to know what turns you on. I need to know all of you. Will you let me?”
She nods against my shoulder and that’s all I need. She’s willing to let me know her more than just physically. Maybe that’s what I need for her to finally open up to me and let me in.
“DO you want a boy or girl?” I ask. My hand rests on her stomach while she feeds me some grapes. We’ve managed to move from the shower to the bed. The day is a lost cause since a thunderstorm has rolled in. Now we’re lying here getting to know each other, while listening to the rainfall outside.
“I don’t know. I really just want a healthy baby, but either one has perks. With a little girl I can dress her in pink with bows in her hair, but with a little boy I can give him a Mohawk.”
“So he takes after his daddy?” I try to hide my smile, but I can’t. She reaches out and slaps me, making me laugh. It’s the first time she’s mentioned something about me that she likes, other than my knob.
“Yes, just like yours.” She hides her face from me and I hate it.
“Don’t do that, Jenna.”
“Do what?”
I hover over her, giving her no choice but to look at me. “Don’t hide from me. We’re married and I’m your husband. I want to be your husband. There’s no right or wrong answer when I ask you a question and I want you to ask the same of me in return. I want you to know me, Jenna. I told you that the other night. I want to be married to you. Yes, we’re here because of what we’ve created, but that shouldn’t matter.” I move and sit next to her, taking her hand in mine.
“I was married for three years. I was in love and couldn’t wait to start my life with Damien. Shortly after our wedding we were fooling around and I accidently hit him in his… well you know and he backhanded me. We were both shocked. We both cried. He promised never to do it again and I believed him. When it happened again, he said it was an accident. But it started happening more and more and the littlest things would set him off. He’d come home with a pregnancy test and when it would show that we weren’t pregnant, he’d hit me. Everything was my fault. I did everything I could to not get pregnant, and then I sleep with you and bam! I’m pregnant and I’m happy. I’m so happy that I’m having this baby.
“I’m happy that you want to be a part of the baby’s life, Jimmy, I am. I’m just scared and confused. I’m scared to open up and find that you don’t want me. I’m scared that one day, you’ll walk out and not return because you’ll realize that I’m not what you want. Everything here seems perfect, but what about when we are out there in the real world? Is this ring enough to keep you loyal? Because if it’s not, tell me now and we can part and I’ll be okay.”
“I’m not leaving, Jenna. I meant every word when I said my vows. I’m taking this seriously.” I say to her, hoping she’ll hear my words. I don’t know what else I can do to convince her.
“You don’t love me.”
Ah bollocks, she’s got me there. I have to look away because I don’t want her to see the pain that her words cause me. The fact that she said it hits me with such impact. I pick up her hand, kiss her wedding ring and roll our bodies so that we’re facing each other.
“I want to fall in love with you, Sweet Lips. Since the night of Liam and Josie’s wedding, I’ve been trying my hardest to make sure that I’m in the same room as you, or that I can have any excuse to talk to you. I came to Beaumont early because I missed you, but I couldn’t tell anyone that. I need you and I love the fact that you’re my wife. I don’t want that to change.”
I lean over and place my lips to hers. Her hand comes up and tangles in my hair. She holds me to her and I want to tell her that I’m not going anywhere.
“Just so you know, when we get back to Beaumont, I’ll be sleeping in your bed.”
“It’s a queen-size bed, ya know.”
“Good. That means you won’t be able to get away from me in the middle of the night. I like holding you in my arms, but when I woke up this morning you were on the other side. That’s too far away from me.”
“I do like it when you hold me.”
That makes me smile. “Then come here, Sweet Lips.” She snuggles into my arms, her head resting on my chest. Her fingers dance along my pecs, drawing circles and lines over the ridges from my muscles. I want to make her happy. I want her to accept me for me and not the person media portrays me to be, although it’s pretty damn accurate. I can change that. I will change that image. I’ll be the man she needs me to be, even if it kills me. The first thing I need to do is to quit smoking. I think this trip has been good for me in that way too.
JIMMY sleeps soundly next to me with his arm lying protectively over my ever-growing belly. The sun is just peeking through my wi
ndow and the only thing missing is the sound of birds chirping. It’s the fairytale part of this whirlwind adventure that I’ll never see, but maybe secretly hope for. I hold up my left hand so the sun can hit my ring just right. The light dances, creating a prism of colors and shapes on my ceiling. I used to do this when I was a child, playing with my father’s watch while my mother washed dishes. I’d giggle each time she’d bat away the light acting as if it was some bug bothering her. I hope to create those moments with my child.
We’ve been home barely twelve hours, coming straight to my… our apartment from the airport. We both fell, albeit without grace and tact, into bed once we walked in the door. Honestly, I didn’t expect Jimmy to stay. I thought the excuses would start tumbling out of his mouth the minute the taxi pulled up in front of my building. But he didn’t. He stayed. He asked what side of the bed was his and undressed in front of me. We pulled back the comforter together, turned off the bedside lights at the same time and burrowed deep next to each other. He held my hands in his, his thumb roaming over the top of my ring until my eyes closed. I felt his lips press against my forehead just as I was drifting off. And I don’t know what to think about all of this. It seems to be too much too fast. I know he’s not in love with me, nor am I with him. But a small part of me wants us to be even though I know it’ll never happen. Someone like Jimmy can never love someone like me.
Jimmy pulls me closer, he’s waking up. Even though it’s only been two weeks of sharing a bed and each other’s bodies, I know him. I know what each look means. I know when he wants to be with me. I know when he’s tired, hungry and even when he wants to be left alone. I know most of his expressions except for one and that one lingers in the back of mind. Is he hiding something? I can’t figure that out yet and it kills me. Part of me wants to hate that I know all of this about him and the other part, the part that I shouldn’t listen to, wants to hold him in my arms and never let him go. That part wants to build a life, a home and family with him and trust that everything is going to be okay. Sadly, we’re back in the real world and my heart aches knowing that my fantasy is short lived. He has a life in California and he’ll be returning there, and as much as I hope it’s to just pack his clothes and return, I feel otherwise. What if I’m not enough to keep him interested? I’m going to get fat, bitchy and hormonal. He’s Jimmy. His reputation is less than stellar. The stories from Liam and Josie are enough to write a novel. He’s young and probably doesn’t realize the mistake we’ve made by getting married. Or the mistake I’ve made by giving him my body repeatedly.
Finding My Forever Page 9