Make It Count

by Megan Erickson

  Kat hadn’t thought of it that way. No one had ever cared enough to give her any sort of power to hurt them. But Alec had, hadn’t he? God, they’d given each other the power. And hurt each other in the process.

  When Kat didn’t say anything, Danica kept talking. “I think he said what he did from a good place. He meant well, but he didn’t think about how it would make you feel. And I’m not going to excuse him because ‘he’s a guy.’ That’s bullshit. He needs to see where you’re coming from, too.”

  Kat missed Alec with an ache that intensified every day. So hearing Danica’s affirmation this torture was right helped a little.

  “You going to give him a second chance?”

  “He texts me every day. Really nice, sweet things. And I think he’s trying to show me why he cares about me. But he hasn’t said I’m sorry. That’s all I want to hear, really.”

  Danica rolled her eyes. “Men.”

  “Anyway, um, I have a meeting with my advisor. To declare my major. Early education.”

  Danica jerked her head up from checking on her cookies in the oven. “No way! My roommate’s an education major.” She turned and yelled down her short hallway. “Lea! C’mere!” Turning to Kat, she said. “You’ll like Lea. She’s a sweetheart.”

  Seconds later, a door opened in the hallway and a very petite, dark-haired girl slowly made her way toward them. Her hair was long, thick and straight, and a fringe of bangs touched her eyelashes. She had high cheekbones, round cheeks and a small, bow mouth. As she grew closer, Kat noted she was limping. The girl turned large, round dark brown eyes onto Danica, but didn’t speak.

  Danica gestured toward Kat. “Kat this is Lea Travers. Lea, this is Kat Caruso, Alec’s . . . something. She’s declaring her elementary-education major. Maybe you can help her out with which profs to get and which to avoid.”

  Kat turned in her stool to face the pixie-faced girl and clapped her hands with a squeal. “Oh yay! Really?”

  Lea smiled. “Sure, I’d be happy to help.”

  Kat grinned. “I already have a BFF, but you can be my MBF, or major best friend. This is awesome.”

  Lea’s eyebrows rose into her forehead and she visibly shuddered. “Yeah, sure, but . . . could you go easy on the acronyms? OMG. BFF. TMI. They make me break out in hives.”

  Silence.

  The three of them remained motionless while Lea’s face reddened, and she clapped her hand over her mouth.

  Danica’s snort of laughter was a catalyst for Kat to double over in laughter, slamming her palm down on the counter while Danica stomped her foot on the tiled floor. Through her tears, Kat saw Lea start to giggle, her face still red. When Kat was able to compose herself, she reached for her phone.

  “What are you doing?” Danica asked.

  “I’m texting Tara to let her know she’s been replaced as my Best Friend Forever. Spelled out.” She turned to Lea. “Okay, Miss Anti-acronym. I need your number. We’re going to be tight. I can feel it.”

  Lea’s face was still red, but she also seemed pleased, stepping closer to Kat and reciting her number. She braced herself on the counter, shifting her hips to take the weight off of one of her legs. Kat finished entering her number and set her phone on the counter. She hopped down off of her stool. “Go ahead and take my seat. I’m tired of sitting.”

  Lea hesitated, then hopped up onto the stool.

  “So, what happened to your leg? Did you trip on that stupid crack in the sidewalk outside of the library?” She turned to Danica. “That happened to me. I e-mailed the maintenance people about it. I was in a crowd of rugby players when it happened and it was like a dandelion falling in a forest of redwoods. No one could see me and I was having flashbacks to that time I saw the running of the bulls in Pamplona, convinced I was gonna get trampled—”

  “Kat,” Danica said patiently.

  “What? You do know about the running of the bulls, right? Because—”

  “Kat!” Danica shouted and Kat snapped her jaw shut. She turned to Lea, who had her mouth open like she was trying to speak, eyes glittering with amusement.

  “I didn’t fall,” she said, her soft voice musical. “I was in a car accident when I was younger and my leg got crushed.”

  That wasn’t what Kat expected and now she felt a little nuts for going off about that dang crack in the sidewalk. Even if it was a total safety hazard that she needed to call someone about. Again.

  “Oh, no,” she said. “I’m so sorry.”

  Lea smiled and rubbed her leg below the knee. “Thanks.”

  Kat took a step closer. “Um . . . can I see it?”

  Lea blinked in surprise. “Really?”

  “Oh shoot, is that rude? I just never met anyone—”

  Lea waved her hand. “No, it’s fine. No one ever asks me, that’s all. When I tell people, they usually just look uncomfortable and try to change the subject as fast as they can.” She lifted up the leg of her jeans, showing a series of red and white scars which traipsed up from her ankle and disappeared beneath the denim.

  “Oh wow.” Kat stepped closer.

  Lea shrugged. “Hey, the scars mean I survived.”

  “Does it hurt?”

  Lea dropped her jeans back in place and shrugged. “Sometimes. It gets stiff a lot. Depends on how much walking I have to do.”

  “Do you have a cane or anything?”

  “Not that I use on a regular basis. Sometimes on bad days or rough mornings.”

  Kat nodded. “Okay, I’m going to change the subject now, but it’s not because I’m uncomfortable, it’s because I want to ask you some questions about our major before I forget.”

  Lea cocked her head. “Acronym usage aside, I like you, Kat Caruso.”

  “I know, I’m totally likeable, right?” Kat laughed. “I like you, too, Lea Travers. So, what grade do you want to teach?”

  “I’d like to teach high-school English. Eventually, I’d like to get my master’s in library science, to be a librarian.”

  “That’s so cool. I have no idea what I want to teach. I was thinking kindergarten, but I’m not sure how good my patience is. And then I was thinking fifth grade, but that’s when my school did sex education and I’m not sure I’m down with handing out Maxi Pads and deodorant and talking to boys about their boners.”

  Lea’s raised her eyebrows and the corners of her mouth quirked up.

  “I just know I want to teach, you know? For once in my life, I finally feel like I know what I’m supposed to be doing, and it’s awesome.”

  The oven beeped, signaling the first batch of cookies was cooked. Danica grabbed her oven mitts. “Great, let’s celebrate this newfound introspection with some cookies, huh?”

  “Best way to celebrate.” Kat grinned. “Where’s the milk?”

  Kat spend the rest of the afternoon with Danica and her roommate. Lea talked to her about the best advisors and professors in the education major and which campus clubs she could join to connect with other students.

  By the time Kat left, she felt better about declaring her major and was prepared to face Monday’s appointment.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  ALEC SAT OUTSIDE the learning center on campus, bouncing his leg. The sun shone in a bright, clear spring glare and a light breeze blew through the budding leaves of the campus trees. He’d tried to sit far enough away that Kat wouldn’t see him when she left her appointment. He’d had to bribe Danica with a pair of purple fur-lined boots she’d been eyeing to get her to divulge Kat’s appointment time.

  The only reason he knew Danica and Lea had been talking to Kat was because he had seen a text message on Lea’s phone from her. He was sure she’d been nervous for her appointment, but he could picture her, walking in with her head high. He was so fucking proud of her.

  The doors of the center opened and Kat stepped out, sliding her mirrored sunglasses over her eyes. His chest ached. He hadn’t seen her since he had left her in the bowling-alley parking lot, when tears stacked up in those blue
eyes.

  She looked good now. Her hair was down, blowing in the wind. She wore tight jeans and knee-high brown boots. She’d traded in her heavy red pea coat she loved so much for a light khaki jacket over a blue sweater.

  He had to grip the bench to prevent himself from running up to her. He couldn’t tell from her expression the outcome of the meeting.

  The door opened behind her and Lea came out. Kat flashed a huge smile and hugged her, that beautiful, familiar laugh lilting over the campus to his ears.

  The ache in his chest eased at sight of that grin and the sound of that laugh. They began to walk, heads bent in some sort of conversation. He knew he should get up and walk away now, before Kat spotted him, but he couldn’t bring himself to stand up. Another couple of seconds. He had to make sure Kat was all right.

  As Kat drew closer to his hideout, she jerked her head up, as if she could feel his eyes on her, and looked right at him.

  He held his breath, unsure of her reaction. Last night, lying in bed, he was so sure of her feelings for him, so confident they could make this work. But in the light of day, all the doubts crept in. What if he had misread every moment they’d spent together?

  She probably only looked at him for five seconds, but it felt like an eternity to him, until she turned her head to say something to Lea, then walked away from her, in Alec’s direction.

  He stood up and shoved his hands into his leather jacket. Kat stopped a few feet away from him and cocked her head to the side, pushing her sunglasses into her hair on her head.

  They stood in silence, until Kat said, “Danica?”

  He shrugged. “She’d sell out anyone for a pair of purple boots.”

  Kat laughed and looked away, her eyes following Lea as she walked away.

  “So. Hi.” His grand moment to talk to her and that was all he could come up with to say.

  She turned back to him. At least she hadn’t turned on the sex kitten. “Thanks for the text messages,” she said.

  That’s all she said. She gave him nothing else. “Sure.” He jerked his head toward the building behind them. “What did they say?”

  “The psychologist said I have dyslexia,” she said simply, her face calm.

  “Yeah?” he asked. “So, you okay with that?”

  “It took me some time to work out in my head. To get over that this is what’s best for me. But yeah, I’m okay with it. I feel . . . understood. For once. I have some hoops to go through yet, but I can get extra help now. I told them about statistics and we had a conference call with Dr. Alzahabi. I did, in fact, fail the mid-term, but he said considering the circumstances, he’ll allow me to make up the grade by giving an oral presentation. My choice of research topic, as long as it relates to statistics, obviously. Total bummer because I really wanted to do a science project on which nail polish dries the fastest.”

  Alec laughed softly. “I also heard about you wanting to declare an education major.”

  Kat narrowed her eyes. “I’m going to take a marker to those stupid purple boots.”

  “Actually, it was Lea who let it slip.”

  “Hm, well I can’t be mad at my MBF.”

  “MB what?”

  She waved her hand. “Never mind.”

  “Well, I do want you to know, I think that’s great. You’ll make an awesome teacher.”

  Her eyes softened. “Thanks.” She fidgeted with her bag. “So, I need to get going—” she began.

  Now that he had her in front of him, he didn’t want her to walk away. “I’m proud of you,” he blurted out.

  Her body jerked and she blinked, her eyes glassy one minute, then clear again the next. “Thank you,” she said quietly. “You know, I’m starting to be proud of me, too.”

  Keep her here. “And you know, I can help you with that project, if you want. I have some ideas from when I took the class . . .”

  He let his voice die when Kat’s entire posture went rigid. He’d fucked up again. Dammit.

  And that was it. She dropped her sunglasses back over her eyes. “See you soon,” she said before walking away.

  He held on to that soon like a life preserver.

  He watched her until she was out of sight and then stood there for another couple of minutes, biting his lip and thinking of all the things he should have said.

  “Hey,” a voice came from behind him and he whipped around to see Danica, dressed in some sort of steampunk getup, tight pants and a leather corset over a white blouse.

  He raised his eyebrows at her clothes and she grinned, fingering some massive headpiece, birds and flowers welded onto a metal gear.

  “Where do you find this stuff?”

  She sat down on the bench and leaned back. “Oh, young man, the Internet is a great and many-splendored thing.”

  He sat down beside her. “Yeah, it has cool stuff like news, you know, not just places to find . . . whatever the hell that is you’re wearing.”

  She ignored him. “Did you see her?”

  He looked down at his hands. “Yeah.”

  “Why isn’t she here, then, laughing at your awful jokes and messing up your hair with her wandering fingers?”

  He glared at her. “You’re just on a roll today, aren’t you?”

  “Answers, Stone.”

  “I don’t know. I fucked up again, I guess. It’s like every time I offer to help, she shuts me down. If she doesn’t want my help, why doesn’t she just say so?”

  Danica’s blue eyes searched his before she exhaled in exhaustion and slung an arm around his shoulder. “Oh, Stone. My misguided, left-brained friend.”

  He bunched his shoulders so she’d drop her arm. “Let go of me.”

  She held on tighter. “I tried to let you figure this out on your own. I really did. And in fact, I promised Kat I’d leave you to your own devices but this is getting ridiculous. I’m tired of seeing the two of you act like someone killed your puppies.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  She kept talking. It’s like he wasn’t even there. “What happened when Kat told you about her teacher and parents?”

  “Um.” He frowned. “I talked to her about it.”

  Danica shook her head. “Specifically, what did you say?”

  “I . . . I tried to come up with a plan, to fix her statistics grade and get her off academic probation and—“

  Danica held up her hand. “How do you think that made Kat feel?”

  He paused. “Um, I thought at the time she’d be grateful for the help but now I’m thinking that’s the wrong answer.”

  Danica leaned in and patted his cheek. “You’d be correct.”

  His mind whirled as he remembered that scene in her bedroom. He’d wanted to forget it, but every night it replayed in his head like a bad movie. She’d shut down right when he’d gone into tutor mode and offered suggestions on how to fix it. How to . . .

  Oh shit.

  “Fix her,” he blurted.

  Danica, who still had his face in her hand, squeezed her fingers. “What?”

  He met her eyes. “Oh God, I’d made her think I wanted to fix her. Right? Like . . . like . . . she was just some sort of student to me. Not the girl I . . .”

  He closed his eyes as Danica’s hands dropped from his face. She tugged his head into the crook of her shoulder. That stupid blouse had laces that tickled his nose.

  “I know you like to fix things,” she said quietly. It’s who you are. It’s why you want to be a lawyer and why you’re smart and so good at what you do.” She exhaled roughly. “But you can’t fix her. She’s a person, not a math problem. You can’t solve her for X.”

  He didn’t care who walked by and saw him cradled in Danica’s arms. She’d probably snarl at anyone who dared to look at them askance anyway.

  Finally he straightened. “How do I show her I don’t see her as a project? That I don’t think she needs fixing?”

  Danica smoothed his hair back. “Oh no, you’re on your own there. I’m not good at the
romance thing, either. Monica says my idea of romance is ‘Take off your shirt.’ ”

  Alec huffed. “Well clearly, I suck at it, too.”

  Danica shook her head. “You care about her. You see her—all her parts—and that’s all she needs. No grand gestures, no flowers or anything. Just find a way to show her how amazing she is.”

  He leaned in and smacked a kiss on her cheek loudly. “Love you, Dan.”

  She smiled and squeezed his hand. “Love you, too.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  “AND THAT IS my conclusion on the distribution of animals in a box of animal crackers. I am ninety-five-percent certain of my findings that the tiger has the highest percentage of probability at ten percent and the lion has the lowest, at two percent.”

  Kat bit the head off a monkey animal cracker and grinned at Dr. Alzahabi. He sat in a desk in front of her in an empty classroom, hand wrapped around his jaw, elbow on the table, looking at Kat like she was from another planet.

  “Want an animal cracker?” she asked.

  He dropped his hand onto the desk and leaned back, clearing his throat. “No thanks, Ms. Caruso, but I appreciate the offer. I looked over the paper you submitted to me already and despite your odd choice of topic, this was well researched and presented.”

  Kat finished chewing her monkey head and swallowed. “Thank you.”

  “Because of that, I’m going to excuse your midterm test grade and use this grade instead, which will give you a B plus for your midterm grade.”

  Kat gawked, her mouth open, bits of animal cracker probably on her lips. A B plus? In statistics? She didn’t know whether to cry, laugh or dance a jig.

  “I—I don’t know what to say,” she stuttered. “Thank you so much for this opportunity to bring up my grade.”

  Her professor rose slowly from his chair and stepped toward her, his stern expression warming. “I commend you for taking the initiative to get a diagnosis, and for your desire to pursue an education degree.”

  She was still gawking, so she closed her mouth. “Thank you,” she mumbled.

  Dr. Alzahabi’s face returned to his impassive status quo and he gave her a curt nod. “Right, well, we’ll do this again for your final and that will be sufficient to pass this class, I think. Thank you, Ms. Caruso, and good luck.”