Looks Unimportant...Sense of Humour Essential

by Evie Evans

  “Mr Lewis is here for you,” Janice told her over the phone. “Shall I show him to your office?”

  “Yes, please,” Lucy told her, a little uneasily. Why was it always Janice? On past experience, the man she was about to show in could well be the electric meter reader.

  “Mr Lewis,” Janice announced after knocking on Lucy’s door. Behind her a greying man in his sixties was hovering. That was a good start. “Medical malpractice for his breast implants.” Not such a good finish.

  “Thank you Janice,” Lucy said and bundled her out as quickly as possible, hoping her client hadn’t heard that last part.

  “Miss Davenport?” he asked.

  Lucy shook his hand and led him to a chair. Once he was settled in she asked what his case was about.

  “Well, it’s this parrot next door,” he started awkwardly.

  Lucy nodded sympathetically and started making notes although her heart was sinking. Not another pet case. She bet Mr Knowles had assigned her this one.

  “It makes an awful racket sometimes. First thing in the morning especially, it keeps waking me up.”

  “I see. And have you talked to your neighbour?”

  “Yes, many times. I asked if they could at least keep his cage covered until a reasonable hour of the morning but they said it would be cruel, that it was against his rights. I ask you, how does a parrot have rights?” he asked, warming to his subject.

  “Ah.” Lucy grimaced writing this down. She hated the term ‘rights’, it seemed to be used as an argument for everything nowadays. “What about your local authority, have you raised it with them?”

  “Yes, but they haven’t done anything.”

  She gave him a sympathetic smile. “Noisy neighbours are a common complaint nowadays. Your local council has the power to intercede so we need to get them involved. Have you kept a record of the disturbances?”

  “No.”

  “Well let’s start with that. It’s really important to note down the times you’ve been woken up or just when the noise has been too much. We’ll need it to prove your case. And would you happen to know if your neighbours own their property or rent it?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. I’ve always assumed they own it. Is that important?”

  “If they’re renters we could ask the landlord to intervene as well. That’s something I can check.”

  “Oh.” He watched her taking down the details. “I didn’t want it to come to this. We’ve always gotten on alright in the past. But I can’t take it anymore.”

  She saw the look of worry on his face. Coming to a solicitor was probably a big step for him. “Don’t worry, we’ll try to sort this out,” she told him in what she hoped was a reassuring manner.

  Her mail that morning had included yet another revision from the couple writing their wills. The second that week. It seemed they were having a lot of trouble deciding how to divide up their money. At this rate there’d be nothing left eventually. Perhaps that was their plan? She’d waited until the end of the day to add their amendments in case another version arrived so once Mr Lewis had left she made their changes then left it in her in tray to be typed up and began to get ready for her date that evening with ‘legaleagle’.

  This date seemed to have come round quickly, the fact that she wasn’t looking forward to it that much had probably helped. ‘legaleagle’ sounded a bit wet in his messages and the evening date for some reason made her feel more nervous. It felt like no sooner had she been picking a bar than she was walking down the road on her way there. When he’d asked her where she wanted to meet she’d struggled to think of anywhere, she went out in the city so seldom. Then she’d remembered the newspaper article on the bar opening Mr Brooke had attended so she’d suggested that one. Why not? If it was good enough for him…

  It was quite a swanky place she noticed when she got there, fighting an urge to turn and walk away. From the outside she could see a couple of fancy looking chandelier lights hanging from the ceiling. Trust Mr Brooke to chose somewhere upmarket, she thought. She should’ve known he wasn’t likely to frequent a common pub. It made her glad she’d decided not to go in her suit this time but wear a dress. It couldn’t have been anything to do with what Mr Brooke had said about career woman, she’d just felt an evening date would require more effort.

  She tried to subtly adjust her bosom in the dress before going in, she didn’t want any problems with that tonight. People in the bar were watching her through the window, it was time to either go in or run.

  It was a close call but she went in.

  Lucy hated walking into bars on her own. Where was ‘legaleagle’? She couldn’t see him anywhere. Was it a good thing or bad thing that he wasn’t there? She didn’t want to be stood up but at the same time she had to admit part of her would be relieved if he didn’t come.

  The place was pretty busy so it took her a while to make her way to the bar to get a drink. The bar seemed to be made out of mirrors and brass which made odd reflections on the walls and ceilings. She’d just paid and arm and a leg for a gin and tonic after a lengthy wait when she spotted someone in the crowd who looked like ‘legaleagle’. Okay so she wasn’t being stood up.

  “’citymiss84’?” he asked as he reached her. “Not that I mind if you’re not,” he added giving her a once over.

  “Yes. You are ‘legaleagle’?” she queried. Now she was seeing him up close she wasn’t sure if it was him or his older, larger brother.

  “That’s right,” he beamed. “How’re things?”

  “Good thanks. Sorry, I didn’t realise it would be so crowded in here or I wouldn’t have suggested it,” she told him having to raise her voice to be heard above the ever growing crowd. Lucy didn’t know how they were going to have a conversation in here without ending up with laryngitis from shouting.

  “Tony. My name’s Tony,” he told her.

  Oh yes, introductions. That would have been a good idea.

  “Lucy.”

  “Nice to meet you. Nice to meet someone who looks like their photo actually.”

  Lucy would have returned the compliment but as he seemed to have aged nearly ten years since his photo was taken, and not in a good way, she didn’t feel she honestly could. She considered telling him he could be sued for fraud.

  “I was a bit worried because usually when a woman describes herself as ‘curvy’ on these websites it means they’re fat,” her date explained laughing.

  Lucy didn’t share the joke.

  “But obviously you’re not so that’s great,” Tony added trying to dig himself out of the hole.

  Lucy considered whether to walk away.

  “I think it’s because it’s just opened,” Tony quickly continued. “The bar,” he clarified as she looked questioningly at him. “That’s why it’s so busy.”

  “Oh yes.” Trust her to pick the worst place for a quiet conversation. And the worst man to have it with.

  “It’s the latest celebrity place,” Tony continued. “I read about it. Owned by that rich businessman, Brooke I think his name is.”

  10 Simon returns

  Lucy spluttered her drink over a nearby woman. “Sorry, really sorry,” she apologised to her before turning back to her date. “Not Leander Brooke?”

  “Yes,” Tony agreed, clicking his fingers in a geeky kind of way. “That’s him. It’s been in the press, all the celebs that have been here. Can you see anyone famous?” he asked craning his neck around the crowd.

  Lucy didn’t register the last bit, she was still staring down at the floor. Leander Brooke’s bar. She’d brought her ‘blind’ date to Leander Brooke’s bar. Had she been a child murderer in a previous life? Was that why these things happened to her? It would have helped if she’d read the article in the paper instead of just looking at the photo, it had probably said this was his bar. What if he turned up and saw them? That would give him a great laugh at her expense.

  “Perhaps we should find another bar?” she asked Tony suddenly. “It’s too crowded
in here to talk.” Without waiting for his response Lucy started pushing through the throng, giving him little choice but to follow. It looked like he was finding it hard work to get past people, perhaps it was the further ten pounds he seemed to have put on since his photo had been taken. She didn’t stop till they were near the door.

  “I didn’t realise how busy this place would be. Perhaps there’s another one down the street a bit quieter,” she told him. Or if not maybe we could call it a night, she thought.

  “After we’ve finished our drinks?” Tony suggested indicating their full glasses. He’d obviously gotten himself a drink too before spotting her. Lucy immediately took a massive swig from hers and looked round nervously. Was Mr Brooke here?

  “Oh, look!” Tony exclaimed, indicating something in the crowd.

  “What? Where?” Lucy panicked, convinced it was going to be her client and she would have to confess to online dating in front of him.

  “I’m sure she’s a model or something,” Tony told her.

  He seemed to be enjoying this. Lucy bet he bought Hello! magazine as well. He was also a slow sipper she noticed. Lucy took another gulp of her drink as encouragement.

  “So, you’re a lawyer?” Tony was asking her.

  “Yes,” she confirmed dragging her attention back to him. “Do you practice in London too?”

  “Practice?”

  “Law.” She didn’t know if it was the volume in the bar or if he was just hard work.

  “I’m not a lawyer,” he said smiling.

  “I thought you were in law, your tag name…”

  “No,” he chuckled, “I just thought it made a good user name. I love the film as well, you know with Robert Redford. Have you seen it, it’s really good.”

  “Oh. Yes,” she tried to keep the surprise out of her voice. There was some disappointment in there too, she’d thought it’d be something they’d have in common.

  “It’s so great you’re a real lawyer, I can’t wait to hear some of your stories.”

  “It’s not as exciting as they make it in the films.” He didn’t look convinced. “No really, I’m doing a custody battle for a rat at the moment.”

  “Well you must come over some time and we’ll have an Ally McBeal day or something, I’ve got loads of those box sets.”

  “Mmm-hmm.” The sinking feeling that Tony wasn’t gripping company was rapidly becoming a tidal wave. She wasn’t doing much better herself; she couldn’t keep her eyes off the crowd, terrified Mr Brooke would appear before them and she’d have to explain who Tony was.

  “So what do you do then? If you’re not a lawyer.”

  “I’m in the city.”

  “Right. What’s that then, a trader or something?”

  “I’m an analyst, for a big financial firm. I crunch all the numbers behind some pretty big deals,” he told her proudly.

  “Wow.”

  There was an awkward pause as Lucy struggled for something to say. She couldn’t think of anything to follow that. “Someone was warning me about you city boys just the other day,” she commented in the end.

  Tony smirked at her, “Yes we can get a bit wild sometimes,” he warned, although the Joe 90 style glasses he was wearing ruined the effect somewhat.

  There was another awkward pause as Lucy struggled to think of something else to talk about and failed dismally. Her brain seemed to be consumed with the idea that Mr Brooke might turn up at any moment and blow her cover, knocking out all the small talk topics she’d thought of on the way over.

  “How long have you lived in London?”

  That was good, why hadn’t she thought of asking him that? “About three years now. How about you?”

  “I’ve been here nearly ten years,” he told her somewhat superiorly. “Where do you come from originally?”

  “Hornton, on the Norfolk coast.”

  “Oh, so you’re a ‘dumpling’ then?” Tony laughed.

  Lucy didn’t share the joke. Norfolk people were sometimes called ‘dumplings’ because of the area being famous for that delicacy. It was alright for Norfolk folk to refer to themselves as that but not someone from outside.

  “Where are you from then?” she asked, deciding she might as well be polite.

  “Chelmsford.”

  Lucy resisted any gags about Essex boys.

  “Guess you’re not much of a hill runner?” Tony joked alluding to Norfolk’s infamous flatness.

  “No, it’s more about boats and sailing there.”

  “Only ever been on a ferry to Calais.”

  “I don’t sail much anymore, not much chance in London.”

  That seemed to have killed the conversation dead again. This date really wasn’t going very well. Not only could she not stop checking for Mr Brooke but Tony also couldn’t seem to stop looking round the room in search of C-list celebrities.

  “What kind of boat?” Tony asked her a bit desperately.

  “Oh, we used to go out in an old fishing boat. Nothing special. Most of the people there have small fishing boats or flat boats. The working people I mean. Some rich people moor their yachts and cruisers there as well, not that I knew any of them.” She stopped herself waffling any further. This was possibly the most boring conversation ever.

  Out of the corner of her eye she saw a tall dark haired man come through the door. Holding her breath she carefully sneaked a peek at him. It wasn’t Mr Brooke. Phew. This was getting too close for comfort though, if he found out about her online date it might get back to her office, then all her colleagues would know... She needed to get out if there. Lucy finished her drink in one gulp and plonked the empty glass down loudly on a nearby ledge. “Shall we move then?” she asked.

  “Oh, okay.” Tony was still finishing his drink as Lucy started making for the door. There wasn’t time to hang around, knowing her luck Mr Brooke might arrive at any moment. She was already out the door before Tony caught up with her. Disorientated for a second, she couldn’t work out which direction to go in.

  “Which way?” she asked Tony.

  “Um,” he looked up and down the street a few times, apparently as clueless as she was. “Actually, I have a meeting very early in the morning. Perhaps we should call it a night?”

  Yes, because it was at least 8.30 and they didn’t want to stay out too late did they? Basically she was getting the brush off from Joe 90. The date hadn’t gone well.

  “Right. Okay. I’ll just go down to the main road and get a taxi.”

  They walked in silence for a couple of minutes.

  “There are some cabs up here. Are you going far?”

  “The other side of town,” she replied feeling bad about another failed date. At least she hadn’t been caught by Leander Brooke though, she’d saved herself that embarrassment.

  “Well you take this one then,” he told her as a cab pulled alongside them.

  “That’s very good of you. It was nice meeting you.”

  Another cab came into view. “You too,” he said chasing after it. Then he was gone. No goodbye, no nothing. She’d made another fantastic impression.

  *

  There were no new messages for her from the dating website again the next morning. It looked like all interest in her had dried up. It didn’t seem like Tony was going to be in touch anytime soon. She didn’t blame him, it hadn’t helped that she’d spent the whole time worrying if she was about to get busted by an important client. Perhaps if she’d paid less attention to that and more to Tony it might have gone better. Not that she and Tony had really hit it off, there’d been no spark, no connection between them even if she had given it a chance. She should have tried harder though. Now she had no date and no prospects. How hard was it to find a boyfriend in this town when you’re a hardworking, professional woman? Perhaps she’d just answered her own question.

  Talking of Mr Brooke, she’d received another message from Sebastian.

  “Yo Lucy, hows it hanging? Think your name suits you by the way. Bin talking to lots of lade
ez online, good fun. Howz internet dating working for u? Did u know Leander has opened his own bar? Well, not his but he’s put up the money for it. And he’s always telling me not to drink! Bin on any hot dates lately? Sebbo”

  If only she’d received this yesterday it might’ve made the penny drop.

  “Hi Sebastian, glad to hear you’re enjoying yourself. Yes, I had heard somewhere that your brother had opened a bar. I only did the internet dating thing briefly to get a date for a family wedding. Wasn’t for me, have given it up. Watch out your brother doesn’t catch you on that website. Lucy”

  She couldn’t resist playing down the internet dating thing, Sebastian might talk to his brother after all.

  By lunchtime Sebastian had replied: “No worries, he won’t catch me. Just wanted to check with your legal mind, if someone was caught underage drinking would they be in trouble or just the bar that supplied the alcohol? Sebbo”

  Lucy quickly responded: “Don’t even think about it!” before heading out the office.

  The date for hearing Winston’s case had been set and she wanted to prepare Mrs Williams for their day in court. Lucy was worried that with her nerves Mrs Williams was in danger of having a breakdown before the case started. She’d arranged to meet her outside the magistrate’s court that afternoon. She was feeling a bit down about the dating thing but she put on her brave face when she saw Mrs Williams.

  “It’s not today is it? The case?” Mrs Williams asked rushing up to meet her.

  “No, no. As I explained on the phone I thought we’d just have a look round beforehand so you’ll know what to expect next week. Then hopefully it won’t be too scary on the big day. Let’s go in and look at the court room.”

  She led the terrified woman through the large doors.

  “Oh, thank gawd. For a minute I thought we was in court already. I was thinking ‘I’m not ready’. You had me going there.”