The Suicide Project (Rebirth Book 1)

by Yazz Ustaris

  Naturally, that led to learning the Latin style of dancing which ended up being fun as well as looking sexy. The trick is all in the hips. I found it amazing all the stuff you could learn by watching “How To” videos on the internet search engines. Once Sam realized we had access to those search engines, he demanded we learn the choreography for music videos from his favorite boy band groups. I had to confess that even though it was kinda cheesy, it was also really fun and probably was a huge contributing factor to the three of us now being in such great physical shape. We danced a LOT.

  I’m also proud to say that the three of us have successfully memorized the choreography to at least eight of Sam’s favorite music videos. I’m sure whoever had been watching our performances had gotten an eyeful. Hopefully they have a sense of humor. I just couldn’t help feeling apprehensive over the possibility that we might’ve had a huge audience observing our every move. In our defense, there really wasn’t much to do here, so we spent a lot of our free time hanging out in the gym. I should point out that I’m the type of person who never does anything by half measures, so when I decide to do something, it’s with 150% effort and enthusiasm. Mentally, I started cursing my exuberant impulsive nature because it was seriously driving me crazy wondering about who may have been watching us all of those times we spent goofing off in the gym.

  I could tell by the stricken expressions on Gideon’s and Sam’s faces as they were lost in thought, that they were both thinking along the same lines as I was. “Holy Crap” Sam moaned theatrically, as he exhaled his breath on a long drawn-out sigh. Belatedly, I recalled that Sam’s ping pong victory dance included a series of pelvic thrusts that he tended to always aim right in the direction of the cameras whenever he won. Pointing my finger at him, I was helpless to stop the howl of laughter from erupting from my mouth. Staring at the open dismay painted on Sam’s face only made me laugh harder as I gave in fully to the humor of the situation.

  Great peals of laughter shook my entire frame, while fat tears of merriment started rolling down my cheeks I was laughing so hard. I had to wrap my arms around my middle, hunching over from the force of my hysterics. It felt good to let it out. After a brief pause, Sam and Gideon finally both joined in knowing it was pointless to get upset over something that couldn’t be changed. The damage had already been done. In any case, the topic of the cameras was only one of the many great mysteries of this place that I hoped would soon be revealed tonight when we met with the sergeant.

  2

  Still chuckling, I turned on my heel and headed in the direction of the gym, knowing that both Gideon and Sam would follow along like a couple of lost puppies. I had started making it a habit of practicing yoga in the gym every day at the end of our workouts to help me clear my mind and relax my body. In the beginning, the guys were curious about my post-workout habit and wanted to see where it was that I kept disappearing off to, rather than heading straight for their rooms to shower. Trailing along behind me one day as I headed for the gym, they suddenly became permanent fixtures from that day forth. I found it humorous that they were just content to observe me from the sidelines, even though I always encouraged them to participate. More than likely, they probably considered yoga to be a “girly activity” judging from the dubious expressions on their faces the first time I invited them to join me. They actually didn’t believe me that guys did yoga all the time, until I showed them video’s online to prove my statement.

  I never minded their presence in the gym because the camaraderie between the three of us was strong, and I truly enjoyed their company. It also helped that they were both respectfully quiet and never engaged in conversation. The deep-breathing meditation I did helped to keep me centered, while the yoga poses aided in loosening tight muscles after an especially intense workout.

  Finally, after two straight weeks of watching me do yoga, Sam mustered up the courage to abandon his wall flower status. Joining me on the oversized wrestling mat, he proved to Gideon that indeed anyone could do it. Both Gideon and I can attest to the fact that Sam is not the most coordinated of people, so for him to adapt as quickly as he did while at the same time appearing to enjoy himself, well it was the only encouragement Gideon needed to join in too. Gideon soon discovered much to his surprise, that he really enjoyed yoga too. I was proud of the two of them for being open-minded about something that was obviously foreign to them.

  Standing in the gym with soft music playing in the background, I led the others through the poses and focused on clearing my mind. When I felt completely relaxed, I glanced at the wall clock in the gym and was surprised to see that 45 minutes had sped by while I had been lost in my own thoughts. Breathing deep and stretching into one last pose while the guys copied me, I stood up and congratulated them on a job well done.

  I believed in maintaining a balance in all things and enjoyed doing workouts that were actually fun. Sergeant Ramsey's drills were not fun…they were both boring and repetitious. That’s why I think the three of us were able to bond so quickly… because no matter what was going on, we always made time for play. Whether it was dancing in the gym, playing basketball, or hula hooping, we always had a blast when we were together. I found it flattering that the guys always wanted to spend their free time with me. It only made my fondness of them grow.

  As Sam and I began to wipe down the large padded floor mat with alcohol wipes, Gideon proceeded to unplug and retrieve our portable stereo that we tended to bring wherever we went. Tossing my used wipes in the garbage can, a sense of urgency suddenly came over me. Yay! Shower time! I felt relaxed but decidedly grungy and was starting to feel impatient for my ritualistic steamy shower. I loved getting clean as much as I loved eating and sleeping.

  My stomach protested with a quiet gurgle, communicating to my brain that my body's desire for food was every bit as urgent as my need for cleanliness. I swallowed audibly, my mouth watering as visions of baked chicken and steamed veggies started to dance in my head. Or perhaps tonight, I'd be having a thick juicy steak with a mountain of grilled asparagus on the side. Ooh la la, come to Mama. And for dessert? I was really craving strawberries with a balsamic vinegar glaze. My dinner possibilities were endless and I felt my salivary glands shifting into overdrive. Yay for food! I have a very high metabolism and feel like I'm constantly stuffing my face, but the bottom line is, I love food and I love to eat. It became a running joke amongst the guys that 75% of the time, my mind was centered on food. Sometimes it sucked being ruled by my stomach because honestly, by the time breakfast was served, I was already day dreaming about what I was going to have that night for dinner.

  Suddenly, my stomach made a loud growling noise as it demanded to be fed, and this time I knew the guys had to have heard it—it was so loud. Laughing at me, Gideon said, “Alright, let’s get you a snack before you keel over.” Grinning cheekily at them as I made my way towards the exit, I glanced directly at the camera mounted above the doorway and executed a perfect salute to whomever happened to be watching. This was our last night here so why stop now, I shrugged to myself. Might as well go for broke. I glanced behind me to see what the other two would do, and threw my head back in laughter as I saw Gideon raise his arm and press a kiss to his flexed bicep. Next to him, Sam performed a single pelvic thrust at the camera while grunting a loud, “Uhh!”. I loved the guys. There was never a dull moment between the three of us and I wouldn't want it any other way.

  Weaving our way through the Mess Hall, we stopped long enough to say hello to Amos the cook, and to grab some apples, bananas, and grapes from the fruit bowl to tide us over until dinner. I was ravenous, and concentrated on not choking as I shoved the juicy green grapes into my mouth three at a time, swallowing before I was completely done chewing. Sam had to pound me on my back a few times as I felt a piece of grape start to go down the wrong tube.

  “Slowly!” admonished Gideon as he regarded me reproachfully, my eyes watering as I coughed a few times to clear my throat all the way. So embarrassing!

  �
�I'm okay.” I managed to croak reassuringly, as I abandoned my remaining grapes to Sam and got to work on my banana. I swear, I have zero will power when it comes to food. As we reached the door to the Common Room, a package on the coffee table caught our eye.

  Gideon rubbed his hands together in glee while Sam and I looked on. “Hmm…let's see what the Commons Fairy brought us today guys” he quipped, my choking fit now forgotten. It was another one of the mysteries of this place. If we verbally expressed to one another that we needed something or wished we had something, it would magically appear a week or so later, sometimes sooner.

  For instance, one day my lips were super chapped from having to run outside in the blistering sun, so I commented to the guys, “I wish I had some cherry lip balm, and some SPF 50 sunscreen. I don't mind the exercise, but we're all too young to get skin cancer.” Several days afterwards, we came home to the Common Room to find three extra-large bottles of SPF 50 sport sunscreen and three tubes of cherry lip balm on the coffee table. No note or anything. It was odd, but definitely a happy surprise.

  On another occasion, one month into our training, we were hanging out in the Common Room discussing the grueling workouts and how Sam was having problems with the running. Gideon and I had mentioned that we both enjoyed listening to music and that if we only had music in the background while we did our drills, it just might make the workouts more tolerable for Sam. One week later, a brand new portable stereo appeared on the coffee table, once again with no note attached. The three of us had looked at each other in surprise, and then simultaneously turned to look up at the camera mounted above the door on the Common Room wall.

  That was when we realized that A) yes, we were being monitored, and B) how closely we were being monitored. It was also when the wheels in our heads started turning and we decided to test our limitations. Hey! We’re only human! We figured it couldn't hurt to see how much “milk” we could extract from the “cow”, and I had always been a firm believer in the phrase, “Ask and you shall receive”. We worked pretty damn hard for Sergeant Ramsey, so I guess we felt entitled in asking for a few items of comfort.

  That's how we ended up with our jump ropes and my weighted hula hoops for the gym, the ping pong table for the Common Room, and my little bottle of dark burgundy nail polish. Because I now knew that someone was listening very intently to our conversations, once a month I would stare directly at the camera with no pretense whatsoever, and declare, “I need some dark chocolate now or I'm gonna die!”, and the very next day, there would be some dark chocolate on the coffee table. The weird thing about it though, was that it wasn’t just any old type of chocolate either; they always brought me my two favorite kinds that I always used to eat in the past. One of them was a bar that had freeze-dried raspberries in it and it was kind of hard to find. The other one was a small box of dark chocolate caramel truffles. The reason why I was especially spooked by it was because I never told anyone in the barracks about the type of chocolate I liked. This stuff wasn’t cheap either, and it definitely wasn’t the type of candy you could buy at regular grocery stores. In the past, I always splurged on the pricier stuff because I firmly believed that chocolate made the world go round.

  Sam and Gideon were both a little more subtle than I was when asking for favors, however they had a knack for always asking for things in a way that made me howl with laughter. Just last week, Sam and I were lounging on the couch while discussing celebrity fashion faux pas, and Sam had sighed wistfully, “Oh…if only I had the latest issue of Gossip Monster magazine, I'd know what fashion styles are currently trending.” His eyes had roamed aimlessly around the Common Room as he appeared lost in thought, looking everywhere except directly at the camera on the wall. A couple of days later to Sam's delight, there was the most recent issue of Gossip Monster on the coffee table.

  The time prior to that, he had complained to me in a dramatic fashion, “I hate being a teenager! Why can't I have beautiful flawless skin like you, Teagan? My horrid teenage hormones are running all amok and ruining my complexion! Just stick a fork in me and call me FrankenZit because that's totally what I am,” Sam pouted. Sure enough, the very next day a bottle of acne face wash and a tube of pimple cream awaited Sam on the coffee table, much to our amusement and Sam’s satisfaction. Gideon's requests were also on a smaller scale. A deck of cards for playing poker, a few comic books and some strawberry flavored licorice. I can't deny that it's definitely fun asking for random things in the Common Room and seeing if our requests would be magically granted. Happily for us, 100% of the time our requests were always met. I figured it was probably because we never asked for anything unreasonable. Briefly, I wondered whose awesome job it was to shop for the things we asked for. Fun times.

  Racking my brains, I tried to recall which one of us had recently asked for something. Watching Gideon as he opened the package, I saw him reveal a brand new pair of shears for cutting hair, an electric hair trimmer, a jar of texturizing hair putty, a can of shaving cream, and a small packet of disposable razors. Staring at him in confusion, I asked, “Did you ask for those?” Nodding happily, he said, “Yeah you were there, remember? We were talking about makeovers and how you love to do them. You said you wished that I’d let you cut my hair.”

  “Yeah well, I was there too and I distinctly remember you saying “No.” Not even a simple “No” either by the way, but a “Hell no!” Grinning sheepishly he replied, “Yeah well, I waited until you went to your room for the night, and I looked at the camera and said that I lied and wanted you to cut my hair before we moved to the big barracks. I'm ready for a change.”

  Looking at Gideon's hair, I was positively itching to get my hands on it. It had been about shoulder length when he first arrived but it had grown about 2-3 inches longer in the past few months alone. Currently, he had it tied back in a pony-tail so it didn't get in his way while exercising. Also for as long as I had known him, Gideon had facial hair. Thick, coarse facial hair that decorated his upper lip and all along his cheeks and jawline. I had a hard time reminding myself of his age sometimes, because I found it so weird to see a teenager sporting a beard. It was not an attractive look on him, and both Sam and I had told him so on numerous occasions. His long hair looked out of place, and his mustache-beard he had going on looked ridiculous. Every time Sam and I voiced our opinions and begged him to let us cut his hair, Gideon would just smirk and shrug indifferently.

  Even though I was still sweaty and hungry, and desperately wanted a shower, the reality of giving Gideon a makeover suddenly took precedence over my stomach. I started to eat a second banana (they were small bananas!) while I waited for Gideon and Sam to set up a makeshift salon in Gideon's bathroom. We took one of the bar stools from the kitchenette area into the bathroom with us, and I started to contemplate hairstyles on Gideon while Sam sat on the closed toilet seat lid to observe. Pulling out his ponytail holder, I inquired, “Exactly how short do you want me to go?”

  Taking a deep breath in through his nose and blowing it out slowly through his mouth, he closed his eyes briefly while he seemed to contemplate my question. I quirked my eyebrow at Sam in query, but he simply smiled back as he sat there with one ankle crossed over his knee and his chin propped on his fist as he watched us.

  Turning my full attention back to Gideon, I was surprised to see his big frame trembling slightly as he opened his eyes to gaze at me with an earnest expression on his face. “I trust you Teagan. I'm giving you free reign to do whatever you want with my hair. Let's just get this over with before I chicken out.”

  Feeling my jaw drop a little as I gazed at him in awe, I couldn't help but to feel deeply moved and humbled that he trusted me implicitly. Although in retrospect, I guess I shouldn't really be surprised because when it came down to it, I knew that I trusted Gideon and Sam equally as much as they trusted me. In the literal sense, not in regards to my hair. Internally, I acknowledged that the bond between the three of us was deep and strong.

  Emitting a fake evil chuckle
to lighten the mood while rubbing my hands together with relish, I instructed Gideon to turn around so that he was no longer facing the mirror. “If you're putting yourself in my hands completely, then I'm invoking the no-peeking policy until I'm done cutting your hair, okay? It's a surprise.”

  Grudgingly, he pivoted on the stool until his back was to the mirror. I could tell it was hard for him to relinquish all control to me when it came to his hair. I swear, it was like his security blanket or something. Patting him on the shoulder, I instructed him to remove his tank top so we wouldn't get hair on it. Eyeing his well-defined pectorals and his heavily muscled biceps, I rolled my eyes towards the ceiling while murmuring, “Oh mama.” Gideon blushed just like I knew he would, and I laughed in amusement at his embarrassed expression.

  I enjoyed teasing the guys and playing the role of their personal cheerleader because their self-esteems were still a little on the low side. They both viewed themselves as lacking in the looks department, no matter how many times I praised them on their transformations from how they looked when they first arrived. Even with all his facial hair I could tell that Gideon was good looking. Occasionally, I would glimpse a flash of dimple when he laughed at me, and I would immediately bound over to his side and brush through his facial hair, ordering him to smile again so I could see his dimple fully in all its glory. Laughingly, he always brushed me off, swatting at my hands and calling me a crazy nut. Secretly, I really did have a serious weakness for dimples though. There was just something about them that fascinated me. But as attractive as Sam and Gideon both were, for some reason they refused to believe me. It was maddening!

  Picking up the can of shaving cream, I gently tilted Gideon’s head back and started lathering his lower face and jawline. Wetting one of the new razors, I proceeded to slowly and methodically shave off Gideon’s mustache-beard. He had his eyes closed as he let me tilt his head this way and that. I watched the transformation take place with every section of hair I removed. I felt my eyes widen in surprise when I saw that he was more than just good-looking…he was hot! I stared at him in shock for a few seconds before meeting Sam’s gaze. I gulped and bobbed my eyebrows at him suggestively. Damn, Gideon’s a total stud!