How to Fall in Love Again: Kitty's Story

by Amanda Prowse

  ‘That’s a bit weird!’

  ‘Not really. He’s just lost his wife and he needs a bit of support.’

  ‘I guess. I feel bad that I can’t go, it’s just that with my new job—’

  ‘Soph, don’t feel bad. No one expects you to take time off. We understand, and I bet he appreciates your calls, more than you know. Besides, I’m happy to go and see him. I’ve even got some beef bourguignon for his freezer.’

  ‘Oh, thank you, Mum.’

  Being thanked was another odd reminder of how Sophie and Theo shared a closeness that excluded her. Not that she was envious, not at all; they were father and daughter and she was glad, but it felt odd, nonetheless.

  Sophie spoke softly. ‘I think it might be a bit soon for him to be selling the house – it’s where all of his memories of Anna live. I remember her telling me about the first time she ever went there and saw the garden and thought it was the most marvellous thing she had ever seen and that she couldn’t imagine living anywhere so grand. She always loved the place.’

  ‘Yes, she did. And I thought the same.’ Kitty smiled at the shared insight. ‘But Theo can only do what he thinks will help, and all we can do is be there for him.’

  ‘Yep. Give him my love.’

  ‘Will do, darling.’

  The traffic in Barnes was exceptionally bad and Kitty had barely had time to take off her coat and step into Theo’s kitchen before the front doorbell rang.

  ‘Good afternoon!’ The young man spoke with gusto and a grin, more reminiscent of a perky disc jockey hired to rouse listeners from their afternoon slump than a man of business. ‘I’m Jason.’

  Kitty looked at Theo over the top of Jason’s head and stifled a laugh.

  ‘Mr Montgomery.’ Jason put his hand out, which Theo shook briefly, reluctantly.

  ‘And Mrs Montgomery.’ He did the same to her.

  ‘Oh!’ She felt her face colour. It was inappropriate and embarrassing on so many levels. ‘No, I’m just a friend.’

  ‘Righto.’

  She couldn’t be sure, but there might have been the vaguest suggestion of a wink from the young Jason. His cologne was strong and his hair neat. Kitty folded her arms across her chest in defence.

  ‘Firstly, may I say what a pleasure it is to be invited into this wonderful home—’

  ‘How does this work, Jason?’ Theo cut him short, seemingly unwilling to go through the charade of giving a damn. He had told her before Jason arrived that he didn’t have time for small talk or bullshit. He stood back and ushered him into the house. ‘Do I follow you around pointing out that we are standing in the garden and so forth, which I am sure will be blindingly obvious, or do you wander about by yourself and take your measurements or whatever?’

  ‘Whichever is easiest for you, Mr Montgomery.’

  ‘What’s easiest for me is that you get rid of the bloody place as quickly as possible.’ Theo growled and clicked his fingers. Gunner, his springer spaniel, trotted to heel as he made his way to the kitchen, leaving Kitty alone with the chap in the hallway.

  ‘I think maybe take a wander and then meet us in the kitchen?’ she suggested.

  ‘Righto,’ Jason offered again, but this time with a lot less gusto.

  ‘I just want the place gone, Kitty,’ Theo said by way of justification. ‘I see her everywhere I look and it’s more than I can stand. I can see her now, standing by the lemon tree and if I look out of the kitchen window, I can see her kneeling by the flowerbed, taking cuttings. And I can’t go into the bedroom, where I saw her for the last time…’ He shut his eyes briefly. ‘There she is, every time I switch on the light, lying as though asleep, with one hand under her head and her eyes closed. She looked beautiful…’

  ‘Would it be okay if I started upstairs?’ Jason called, a slight warble to his voice now that he knew he wasn’t a welcome presence.

  ‘Yes!’ Theo bellowed and reached for the bottle of Glenfiddich.

  ‘Would you like a cup of coffee?’ Kitty hovered by the kettle.

  ‘You mean in addition to or as well as?’ He lifted the bottle.

  ‘Whichever. What I mean is that I want one and as you have made no attempt to offer me one, it was the only way I could think to get one without being impolite.’

  ‘I think we are way past worrying about politeness.’

  She liked the small smile that played on his mouth, an indicator that beneath the gruff, grieving exterior, funny, smart Theo lurked somewhere inside.

  ‘True.’ Kitty filled the kettle and, like Theo, could only see Anna standing there, doing the very same thing within minutes of their arrival, staring adoringly at Sophie and asking her question after question:

  ‘So, who is this new man? Is he tall? Short? Are you keen?’

  ‘Have you seen Angus? What are he and Nikolai up to?’

  ‘Olly must have exams looming, is he studying?’

  ‘Have you been eating, Soph? You look a little too slim – how about some of my Victoria sponge, homemade of course!’

  Theo poured a generous slug of whisky over cubes of ice that were still in his glass, unmelted, from his previous serving; he was clearly knocking his drinks back in quick succession.

  ‘I know you know this, but getting sloshed all day isn’t going to help and it isn’t going to change anything.’ She poured hot water onto the coffee grains that sat in a tiny heap in the bottom of the mug.

  ‘Actually you are wrong, it changes me from sober to pissed and I quite like that.’

  She shook her head. ‘You can do whatever you want, Theo, but being pissed won’t help you make a decision. Any decision.’ She gestured upwards to where Jason the estate agent rattled around overhead.

  Theo stared at his tumbler. ‘I miss her. And I can’t accept she isn’t going to walk though the door.’

  ‘I know.’ Kitty adopted the tone she used when the kids needed reassuring.

  The front doorbell rang.

  ‘Can you get it?’

  ‘Sure.’ Kitty placed her coffee mug on the countertop and went to open the front door. She was met by the steely gaze of Theo’s mother, Stella. The sprightly octogenarian was as ever immaculately turned out, with her red lipstick sitting askew on her thinned lips and a teal and grey Hermès silk scarf tied stylishly at her slender neck.

  ‘Oh good, is Sophie here?’ This was her greeting as she gripped the doorframe and trod with great deliberation over the brass-lipped top step.

  ‘No, just me, I’m afraid, Stella.’ She smiled and held the door open.

  ‘Oh, what a shame!’ Stella shouted, as if it were others whose hearing was on the wane.

  ‘None taken…’ Kitty mumbled under her breath.

  Stella turned into the sitting room and took up a seat by the fireplace. ‘Can you tell Theo I’m here,’ she instructed and Kitty felt the flicker of hysterics. This woman treated her like the housekeeper.

  ‘Theo…’ She grabbed her coffee and took a swig. ‘Your mother’s in the sitting room.’

  ‘Oh God! Can’t you get rid of her?’

  ‘Look…’ Kitty placed her free hand on her hip. ‘I came to support you, not act as go-between or referee between you and the estate agent and you and your mother. Come and sit through here, otherwise I shall have to hover in the hallway passing messages like a bloody telephone exchange!’

  Theo huffed and reluctantly made his way into the sitting room. He sat on the sofa. Kitty sat on the other chair, beneath the window.

  ‘I was saying it’s a shame Sophie isn’t here.’ Stella eyed Kitty with suspicion. ‘I do like that girl. Good head on her shoulders!’

  ‘She has,’ Theo said, and Kitty wondered if she was invisible.

  ‘I see you’re drinking.’ Stella nodded at his glass of whisky.

  ‘Well, it’s good that there’s nothing wrong with your eyesight.’ He raised the glass and took a sip.

  ‘Drinking is so jolly predictable at a time like this and it makes you so very dull.’


  ‘My mother was always big on compliments.’ This he addressed to Kitty and she again felt like an interloper.

  ‘Now, Theodore,’ his mother began, removing her gloves and placing them neatly in her lap. ‘I shall get to the reason for my visit. I have spoken to Mrs Philpott who lives next door but one – you know, the family who moved in seven or so years ago; new money, husband a banker – do you know the people I mean? Ghastly curtains and too many children.’

  ‘Yes, I know them.’ He took a slug of his drink.

  ‘Good. Well, I told her about your situation…’

  Kitty wondered why Stella couldn’t use her name? Anna! Her name was Anna and she was your daughter-in-law, not ‘a situation’.

  ‘And she told me about a friend of hers who lost his wife and took up dancing, if you can believe that. He joined a class locally and literally rhumbaed the evenings away, too exhausted to think. He lost a stone, which, let’s be honest, darling, wouldn’t do you any harm, and as if that weren’t benefit enough, he met a lovely girl, Lithuanian, I think, no, wait a minute, Albanian. Anyhow—’

  Theo sat forward on the sofa. ‘I am so sorry, Mum, but I can’t listen to this today. I am going to assume that you mean well, but right now I am not too fond of waking up, let alone going dancing.’

  A head appeared in the doorway. ‘Is it okay if I go outside and get the measure of the garden?’

  Stella looked Jason up and down. ‘And who might you be?’

  ‘I’m Jason.’ He lifted his hand from his clipboard and gave a small wave.

  ‘Jason is an estate agent. I’m selling the house.’

  ‘Don’t be so ridiculous. Of course you’re not selling the house! What a thing to say. This is your home!’

  ‘It’s not my home. Not any more.’

  Kitty felt very sorry for Jason, who was switching restlessly from one foot to the other.

  ‘I think going out to the garden is probably a good idea.’ Kitty shot him a look and he made a speedy exit.

  ‘It’s complete madness,’ Stella continued. ‘You don’t sell the house because of one bad memory. Not when it contains a million good ones. That’s ludicrous and it’s typical of you, Theo. It’s very indulgent and dramatic. You can grieve – in fact you must grieve. But to sell your home… Don’t be so bloody stupid!’ She gathered her gloves from her lap and put them on.

  ‘What do you think, Kitty?’ Theo looked at her from beneath heavy lids.

  ‘I agree with your mum to a certain extent.’

  ‘Well, there we have it!’ Stella sniffed.

  ‘Not about the drama or the self-indulgence, but you’re distraught, Theo, and I understand why. You’ve lost your Anna.’ She let this sink in. ‘I think you need to not add any more pressure to your thoughts right now, and moving at any time is a big deal, let alone with everything else you have going on.’

  Stella stood to leave; clearly she had only come to say her piece. She made her way to the front door.

  ‘Do you think I should tell Jason to come back another day?’ Theo asked a little sheepishly.

  Kitty nodded. ‘I do. Maybe selling up is the right thing for you, but I think you need to slow things down.’

  He nodded. ‘I think you might be right. I just don’t know what to do.’ He looked unbearably sad and it ripped her heart.

  ‘That’s the thing, Theo, you don’t have to do anything.’

  Again he nodded.

  ‘And if you don’t want to stay here, come and stay with me. I’ve got a spare room.’ The words slid out as easily as if she were offering a cup of tea or a lift, and once they were out there was no way to pop them back in.

  ‘Can I? Really?’

  She was taken aback by his immediate interest, feeling an instant spike of concern at what this might mean for her mental health and their friendship.

  ‘Of course you can.’ She hoped she spoke with more certainty and benevolence than she felt. She reminded herself of her discussions with Spud and with Sophie, that the most important thing was to keep an eye on Theo and help him right now when he needed it the most.

  Gunner loped into the room and yawned. ‘Can I bring Gunner?’

  ‘Sure.’ She smiled and just like that she acquired two lodgers, one with two legs and one with four.

  Moving Home

  Kitty carefully placed the flower back into the safety of the box and nipped to the loo. It was as she made her way back to the kitchen that the telephone on the wall rang.

  ‘Mum? Me again, bit more time now. Sorry about before, an emergency.’

  ‘They all are, aren’t they?’

  ‘Yep, pretty much and I have to watch as much as I can, it’s how I learn best.’

  ‘I get that, darling. Where are you, Olly, still at work?’

  ‘I hate how you ask that question, it’s always with an air of hope, as if you think I might be outside or up the road to surprise you, and I know you will be planning what to feed me!’

  ‘That’s not true at all!’ She laughed, mentally erasing her plan to whip up an omelette and salad for her boy. ‘So I take it you are not close by and popping in?’

  ‘No. I’m working a double-shift.’

  She heard him yawn. ‘Poor darling. Are you tired?’

  ‘I’m always tired! But it’s my own fault this week, lectures, studying, rounds at the hospital and I’ve been burning the candle at both ends, big time.’

  ‘Well, don’t! You can’t do good studying and partying, they don’t mix!’

  ‘All right, Mum, you win. I shall give up studying and concentrate on good partying.’

  She laughed. ‘Yes, that’s exactly what I was driving at.’

  ‘Soph texted to say she feared you were stalling in the packing department and were being far too airy-fairy about the whole thing.’

  ‘Guilty as charged! I’m flitting from box to drawer and getting lost in some lovely memories, and some not so lovely ones. But it feels a lot like saying goodbye. I’m really very happy.’

  ‘It’s exciting.’

  ‘It is. It’ll be weird though. As I say, so many memories here, the place where you were a baby.’ She swallowed the lump that rose unexpectedly in her throat.

  ‘Have you spoken to Dad?’

  ‘No, why? Everything okay?’

  ‘I think so. Well, last I heard they’ve had a fight.’

  ‘Again?’

  Olly laughed down the phone. ‘I know, right? Anyway, Mum, got to go. I’ve got a lecture. See you soon.’

  ‘Hope so. Take care, Olly. Love you.’

  ‘Love you too.’

  A burst of happiness filled her chest at his sign-off.

  Kitty sent out a silent prayer that Olly would settle down soon. It was at times like this that she especially missed Anna. They would have had a good old natter about Olly’s love life, and, knowing Anna, she would have come up with a hare-brained scheme for finding him the perfect girl. She could picture her drawing up a list of their friends’ daughters and inviting everyone round for an introductory tea. It was one of Kitty’s many sadnesses that Anna had never got to meet Sophie’s Greg. She would have loved the man.

  Kitty smiled, remembering the day Sophie had been due to bring Greg home for the first time. She could tell that this was different. Every other boyfriend of Sophie’s had suddenly appeared at the kitchen table without fanfare and it was always obvious from her daughter’s casual behaviour that she was rather indifferent. But this one…! Kitty laughed at the memory of the telephone conversation prior to their arrival, the semi-formal plan for dinner.

  ‘Make sure Olly is there too, Mum.’

  ‘Will do.’

  ‘And don’t mention Angus and Nikolai. Or Theo and Anna. Or your views on veganism.’

  ‘God, Soph, you are making me nervous! You can’t hide your family away!’

  ‘And I wouldn’t want to. It’s not that they’ll always be off-limits, but I’m trying to ease him in gently…’

  This told Kitty tw
o things. Firstly, that Sophie envisaged spending time with him in the future, and secondly, that she was bothered about what he thought of her.

  This for Sophie was a first.

  Kitty had felt nervous and excited all at once. All she knew was that the young man in question was a lecturer in modern languages at King’s College, was originally from Belfast and that his name was Greg.

  Please, God, may we like him.

  Please, God, may he like us.

  Please, God, may he be kind to Sophie.

  Please, God, may any feelings she has for this Belfast man be reciprocated. Don’t let her get hurt.

  That’s all!

  Thinking about it now, she should have added an extra prayer: Please, God, make him a good cook, but on no account make him an experimental one.

  13

  Kitty hovered in the kitchen. It had been a busy day in the gallery. The new owner was making sweeping changes and she’d had to bite her tongue. The dishwasher whirred and the supper was cleared away. Not really a supper – there’d been no cooking, more of a quick ferret around the fridge for the remaining half of a gala pie and the coleslaw left over from the weekend, which she and Theo had eaten with pickles, all washed down with a large glass of red. She was glad to see him with some appetite; by his own admission, his calorie intake since Anna’s passing had been mostly in liquid form.

  In truth, she was now idling in the kitchen, finding jobs to keep her out of the sitting room. There was something rather awkward about having Theo under her roof without Sophie present to take up the slack in the silent moments. Also, it had been decades since she’d had a man other than Olly or Sophie’s various boyfriends under her roof and she wasn’t sure she liked it. She tended to spend longer in the bath and the loo just to have some alone time.

  ‘Anything I can do?’ Theo called.

  ‘No, just clearing up.’ She ran the cloth under the hot tap again and wrung it out, before reaching into the larder for another bottle of plonk.

  Kitty took up her favourite seat at the end of the sofa and curled her feet under her. She had to admit it was nice to have Gunner loping around the place; his presence was comforting and her brisk walk with him over the heath before supper had been invigorating. He too had an aura of sadness about him. His ears drooped and his eyes were a little watery, as if he missed his mamma. He sat down hard on Theo’s feet and let out an almost human sigh, which made them both smile.