State of Shock

by Allison B Hanson

  He went on to tell her about his responsibilities with Roanoke Restoration and Repair. “I take pieces of old houses that are being demolished and either put them in a newer home right away, or have them shipped back here to our warehouse. People are starting to miss the classic details that have been lost in modern construction. They want something with character.”

  “That’s really neat,” she said. “So part of a house from Boston could be getting repurposed into a home in say Denver?”

  “Yes. But it’s mostly the fancy parts that get repurposed. While people like the looks of older architecture, they also like the convenience and efficiency of having new windows.”

  “But it makes the house original, instead of just being a box that looks like all of the other boxes out there.”

  “Yes. My boss is really good at drawing up plans for a house that can encompass both aspects. Culture meets functionality.”

  “And you help build the houses.”

  “Actually, I hire the crew on location, and check in on their progress. That kind of thing. I’m usually running a couple of jobs at one time. I’ve also been trying my hand at drawing up plans. Nothing quite as big as a house yet.” Though he had played around with some different ideas.

  “Do you ever forget what state you’re in when you wake up?” she asked.

  “All the time. Fortunately the hotel people usually have a list of state laws on the back of the door. I find it helpful for remembering where I am.”

  “Yes. I know about that. I work at a hotel some weekends.”

  “Really?” He would have thought the jewelry gig was enough to support a single woman with an apartment and a compact SUV. Maybe she had a shopping issue.

  He tilted his head to the side. She didn’t look like she had a shopping issue. Her dress was pretty, and her bag was nice though it didn’t have a brand name printed all over it. The only jewelry she wore was a pair of simple gold earrings.

  “I have a friend who runs a hotel, and she lets me take a few shifts when I need extra money. I check in guests and make sure their room is okay. It’s not rocket science.”

  “Is the jewelry store?”

  “No. But sometimes I do get the occasional job that lets my artistic juices flow.” Oh how he liked the idea of having any of her juices flow, artistic or otherwise. “I liked working on the charm bracelet for your niece. I could tell how much those things meant to you. I wondered why the sand from Kandahar was coarser than Qatar. And where that dark brown stone came from. It was like I was being entrusted with someone’s most valued treasures.”

  She meant what she was saying. They weren’t just words to make some attempt at a connection. He looked into those brown eyes again, and while he still couldn’t see the bottom, he thought he’d gotten a glimpse into her soul.

  She’d shared something with him, and he wanted to share part of himself with her.

  “The sand from Qatar came from a beach. That is why it was finer than the sand from Kandahar.” He never talked about his time in the service. He blinked and looked away.

  “Oh.” She glanced down at her plate. “I didn’t mean to bring up something that’s uncomfortable for you.” Whether she brought it up or not, it was always with him. Every second of the day. When he’d first come home he met with a therapist who told him that would be his life. Memories and ghosts, and the inability to get close to someone without causing them pain.

  He thought for a therapist the guy hadn’t offered him much hope. But maybe that was because there wasn’t any.

  “I generally don’t talk about it, because it seems to make other people uncomfortable.”

  She reached out and placed her hand over his.

  “You can tell me. I’m not uncomfortable.” She squared her shoulders as if prepared to make him tell her. He thought maybe she could.

  * * *

  To Riley’s surprise, he told her more than she expected. She could see he was holding back some details, whether because they were too intense or were classified, she couldn’t be certain. But he shared enough that she got a picture of what his life was like for the years he was overseas.

  Basically he broke into homes looking for people. Sometimes he was faced with frightened locals, and sometimes it was hostile insurgents. When he broke through a door, he didn’t know for sure which it would be. She couldn’t imagine that level of fear lurking behind a closed door.

  As the evening progressed, Riley did a good job of steering their conversations away from children or what she did with her free time—something she had very little of.

  By the time he paid the bill, she felt comfortable enough to invite him back to her place. She’d cleaned her apartment, and put Luca’s toys in his room. Maybe Sam wouldn’t notice the refrigerator art and the kid’s movies.

  She was trying to remember if she had picked up the Transformers towel from the bathroom floor as Sam walked her to his truck. She turned toward him, waiting for him to assist her into the vehicle like the last time, but instead he drew her closer, bending his head so he could kiss her.

  It wasn’t that she didn’t expect him to kiss her. That was what happened at the end of the date, regardless of whether it was truly the end of the date. But his closeness surprised her, causing a startled gasp.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, frozen inches from her lips. She could feel his warm breath on her face.

  “Mmmhmm,” she mumbled, not sure if she should pull him in the rest of the way. She wanted him to kiss her. Her reaction was just nerves about what would come next. This wasn’t her thing. She was out of her element.

  Not that it was a bad thing. Her element of late consisted mostly of Bubble Guppies and diapers. She wanted something hot and wild, despite the fact she was not normally hot or wild.

  Letting out a breath, she confessed. “I’m nervous. I haven’t done this in a while.”

  “Haven’t done what exactly?” Sam hadn’t backed off so when he smiled at that range she worried his perfect white teeth might cause blindness.

  “Any of it. Dates, kissing, and . . .” She gestured the rest with a wave of her hand. “You know.” Great. Now she sounded like a twelve-year-old.

  He laughed, low and sexy. “Is it okay if I kiss you, now? You’ve already survived the date, and we can discuss the you know part on the way back to your place. No pressure.”

  “I would like you to kiss me,” she said, feeling her face heat with embarrassment.

  He moved slowly for those last few torturous inches. As if giving her the chance to stop him. She definitely didn’t want to stop him.

  When his lips finally touched hers the tension left her body in a rush. She’d never felt so comfortable during a first kiss. Maybe because it didn’t even feel like a first kiss. There was plenty of excitement, but the nervousness had gone, leaving a tingly feeling she’d never experienced before. It could have been that she was desperate, but she guessed it was more a testament to his skill in the art of moving his lips against hers.

  Their conversation over dinner had become quite personal, and she felt the comfort and familiarity in his touch. A zing, as she’d heard it described by women in movies and romance novels. An honest-to-God tingle moved up and down her body, heating her skin in a matter of seconds. And unlike the last time, it wasn’t due to embarrassment.

  When he moved away, she clung to him, pulling him closer like a starving person despite having just finished off a plate of fettucine alfredo.

  She made a lusty sound, deep in her throat and she didn’t even care enough to be ashamed. So what if he knew she wanted him. Big deal. She was planning on making it extremely obvious very soon anyway. She decided to look at it as a head start instead of a problem.

  When he answered her with an equally primal sound, she was certain the night was moving in the right direction.

  The kiss progressed, turning into groping and petting. He moved his lips down her neck, catching her skin lightly between his teeth.

  Then he p
ulled away and looked around as if he’d forgotten they were still in the parking lot of the restaurant. She understood the sensation. She too was a little stunned.

  “I think we’d better go, before we get carried away,” he suggested, his voice rough.

  Carried away? Too late. She was already carried away. She was thinking about buttons and zippers while he picked her up and set her in the seat.

  She took a deep breath, wanting to get herself together so she could play the cool seductress. But as soon as he got in the driver’s side, she slid across the seat and had her tongue in his mouth. Surely that could be considered seductive, if not exactly cool.

  She knew they still needed to get to her apartment, but she wasn’t sure how she could possibly wait that long. Especially when Sam’s hand was moving up under her dress, touching the moist fabric of her panties.

  “We really need to go,” he said, his breathing ragged.

  He pulled away from her to put the key in the ignition. After he shifted himself and cursed softly he drove out of the parking lot.

  She focused on looking out the window instead of thinking about the man sitting next to her or what they were about to do.

  Her sister surely wouldn’t approve of this situation. Roslyn thought she should be trying to find a father for Luca. She was convinced Riley could still have a happily-ever-after if she only found the right man. That was easy for her to say. She was married to a lawyer and their daughter Maddy, was an angel on Earth.

  Well, Riley didn’t have a lot of free time to search for that man. Sam was here now. He was hot and from the way he was clenching the steering wheel as he drove, they obviously had some sexual tension going on. She was going to enjoy the evening, and when Evan brought Luca home tomorrow night, she would go back to reality with a smile on her face.

  Sam parked at her house and was out of the truck a second later. She didn’t wait for him to get around to her side to help her out. She just jumped, hoping she wouldn’t twist an ankle in her heels.

  He placed his hands on her face, covering her cheeks and neck as he claimed her with his lips and walked backward toward the house. He didn’t release her as he backed up the steps. He must have had some kind of radar navigation ability.

  She didn’t have the same ability. She needed to pull away so she could look in her purse for her keys.

  “So we need to talk about you know,” he said, his dimples popping out when he smiled.

  “I’m in,” she said quickly, making him smile wider.

  “You’re sure?”

  She unlocked the door and stepped inside. “I am.” She was. Whether she’d still feel sure in the morning, she didn’t know. But for tonight she was sure.

  As she raised her hand to flip on the light, he scooped her up and carried her down the hall.

  “Where’s your bedroom?” he asked, his lips so close to her ear.

  “First door on the left.”

  He went inside and placed her on the bed, covering her with his body. Somehow he was still able to reach the light on the nightstand and flip it on.

  He stopped long enough to pull back and meet her gaze. “Riley, are you sure you’re okay with this? Just say no if you don’t want this. No pressure.”

  “I do. I want this.” So much. She’d never gone this far with a virtual stranger so quickly. But Sam didn’t feel like a stranger.

  “I need to see you,” he told her as he moved both hands under her dress.

  She would have agreed to anything he wanted by that point. It had been so long since she’d had sex, she was about to explode. And Sam seemed capable of making it happen.

  He had her dress rolled up to her chest before she got in the game and reached for his jeans. With shaky hands she fumbled with his button until he rolled to the side giving her better access.

  For the sake of efficiency, she gave up on his jeans and focused on getting her own clothes off so he could work on his. She didn’t need the seduction, she just needed him. Quickly.

  Before he threw his pants he took out his wallet and tossed it on the nightstand. Then he moved to his shirt, unbuttoning the navy blue fabric and shrugging it off to reveal a multitude of muscles, sexy tattoos, and a few jagged scars.

  She wanted to ask him about them, but not now.

  He hooked his thumbs through the strings on the side of her panties and pulled them off in one swift movement. She heard him mutter a curse, but it sounded like the good kind so she reached for him, wanting to pull him in.

  He resisted for a little while longer, teasing her with kisses on her neck and breasts. Then she heard a noise. The best sound in the world.

  It was the quick tearing sound of a condom wrapper being opened.

  Thank God! Sam wasn’t the kind of guy that wanted to tease her forever. He simply rolled it on and pushed inside her as if they’d been doing this together for years.

  The small room echoed her moan back to her as he rocked out and in at a perfect pace. She wasn’t able to think about anything but the feeling of him filling her over and over as the tension built.

  For a second she thought it was way too soon. He would think her a wanton nympho if she went that quick, but as the feeling intensified, she didn’t care what he’d think of her. She gave in completely.

  There were more mumbled curses by her ear as his tempo quickened and then she felt it. The tightening of her muscles she had missed for so long. Her short legs were up for the task of pinning him in place for the few moments it took to take her over. And over. And over.

  * * *

  This is real, Sam thought as he felt her muscles contract around him. This was no fake orgasm. She hardly made a sound as she held him in position, tensing, and then she moved—just a tiny shift really—and her breath left her in a rush along with a loud groan of pleasure. He had satisfied her. And fast.

  Of course she’d said she hadn’t done this in a while, so maybe it wasn’t him.

  He wasn’t a rat bastard who never cared whether a girl got off with him, but there had been occasions when it took more work than he was willing to invest. This time, with Riley, he actually wanted to make her feel good. He’d held back his own release to make sure of it.

  And now it was so much better to thrust into her two more times and finish, knowing she’d had her pleasure first.

  Her heart was pounding as he slid off of her and rested his head on her chest. She was so small he didn’t feel comfortable with his full weight on her. She wrapped her arms around him and he felt her kiss his hair. He’d never felt so peaceful.

  He wanted to stay.

  His body shuddered as this thought flitted through his mind. It was as much a surprise as when he’d thought her cheek looked soft. What was going on with him?

  He never stayed. It wasn’t safe. He knew that from experience. He also knew he couldn’t have a girlfriend. He was much too messed up for that. It wasn’t fair to her—no one would knowingly sign up to deal with him. What if he hurt her?

  Sam had come home from the service with more than just a few tattoos and a box of trash. He had some heavy shit in his head that came out at the worst times.

  Rather than panicking, as he expected, he snuggled in closer to her soft skin and cool sheets. He let out a sigh and closed his eyes for a few moments.

  “Sam?” she said with a nudge. She must have wanted him to go. He should go.

  “Right.” He shook the beginnings of sleep from his head and got out of bed. There was a trashcan in the corner where he tossed the condom before he turned to search for his pants.

  Instead of seeing his pants, he was distracted by the sight of Riley. The sheet had wound around her, exposing one leg and her flat stomach. Her right breast was bare while the left was covered in blonde waves of her silky hair. She was a goddess.

  “Heading out?” she asked, as if she was completely fine with it.

  “Actually,” he paused for a moment as his brain and his body got into a short argument over what was the safe thi
ng and what was the fun thing. “If it’s okay, I’d like to stay. I have another condom with me.”

  The smile that took over her face told him she was definitely on board with this plan.

  “Maybe we can use it in the morning,” he added.

  “I think . . .” She tilted her head to the side before she leaned over and opened the drawer of her nightstand. She held up a strip of condoms with a grin. “They’re not expired!”

  He chuckled at her excitement before he crawled back in bed with her.

  Taking his time to appreciate her body, he tossed the second condom in the trash a while later. He cuddled next to her and pulled her against his chest. Her small stature was a perfect fit to his body, and he refused to think about how comfortable he was or how right it felt.

  There would be regrets and disappointments soon enough. Right now, he wanted this. He wanted her for more than her body, he craved her comfort. Maybe she would be the light he needed to keep the bad dreams away. He would try not to drift too deeply, where the demons lay.

  The next morning might lead to another round of fun, but after a shower he would leave and probably keep his distance. Just to be safe.

  “Goodnight, Sam,” she murmured against his neck before her body grew heavy with sleep. He didn’t say it back, but it had been a very good night.

  * * *

  Sam woke to the smell of bacon and the sound of voices, surprised that he’d slept straight through the night.

  Riley was gone.

  He frowned at the empty bed and got up. So much for his chance at morning sex before he left. Although he couldn’t be too disappointed. They’d had sex again in the middle of the night, and from the scents coming from the kitchen he guessed she was making him breakfast. It was a pleasant compromise.

  He pulled on his boxers and his jeans, not bothering with his shirt or shoes.

  “What did I say?” Riley said as he walked out into the living room. There was a wide cutout in the wall so he could see her standing at the stove looking down. “I said, put it away.”

  He didn’t know what he was supposed to be putting away, and he didn’t need to wonder for very long. She wasn’t talking to him.