State of Shock

by Allison B Hanson

  The woman waved her hand as if what he just said was the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard.

  “Fine,” she said. “Thank you for stopping by and letting me see what a respectable man you are.” He knew sarcasm when he heard it.

  “My main concern was that you didn’t think I had done anything inappropriate with Luc.”

  “Other than sleep with his mother.”

  “Uh.” Why had he offered to come to this hell?

  “So what kind of family do you come from?” she asked. Was that a trick? “Do your parents live in Roanoke?”

  “Oh. No. My parents have both passed. My father died in a work accident when I was young, and my mother had cancer. She died while I was overseas.”

  “You were in the military?”

  “Yes.”

  “My Roger was in the Navy.” She nodded to an old picture of a young man in his Navy whites.

  “Marines.”

  “Well, that’s something.”

  “My sister and niece live in Roanoke.” He got back to her original question about family.

  “Luca, Sam needs to go. Come say goodbye.” Okay. She was apparently through with the questioning.

  “No!” Luca said as he ran over and wrapped his arms around Sam’s thigh. “Come see.” He pointed.

  “Okay. For a minute, but then I need to go.”

  He sat on the floor while Luca babbled on about the blocks and then showed him the annoyingly loud buttons on a fire truck.

  Christian came into the living room and sat in front of the television. Soon Luca was distracted by the cartoons as well. Sam patted Luca on the head and with a wave to Mrs. Fisher he slipped out the door and took a deep breath.

  He’d survived. Kind of.

  Chapter 6

  When Riley picked up Luca that evening Anita told her Sam had stopped by. Sam had said he was going to, but Riley was still surprised he’d followed through. It must have been awful. She smiled at the thought of big, tough Sam cowering under Anita’s sharp gaze.

  “He seems like a respectable guy, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to set your sights on him,” Anita warned.

  “Yes. I know.” Riley nodded. “I don’t want Luca to get attached, but then part of me thinks he still needs a male role model in his life. Even if it’s only for a short time, right?”

  “He has a father,” Anita said and then frowned as if she knew Evan didn’t really count.

  Riley nodded again. “Evan dropped Luca off early from his last weekend with him, and he texted me today to say he’s not going to make it for the next one. Luca already has a man who comes and goes in his life. I’d love to have someone steady, but until that happens. . .”

  “Well, this man obviously cares to some degree, if he came to set things straight with me. I’ll talk to Evan about his priorities.” Riley nodded, but didn’t think a lecture from his mother was going to miraculously turn Evan into a great father.

  Sam was out of town for the rest of the week and the weekend. They had sent some funny texts, and some sexy ones. When she got the text asking if he could come over that night, she nearly squealed like a teenager. To him, she typed a simple: yes.

  It was perfect timing since she was off work the next day. They’d be able to stay up late. But her plans fell through when he came in the door. He looked exhausted.

  “Hey,” he said with a smile and pulled her into a hug. At the sound of his voice, Luca had come running and was jumping around at their legs. “Do you hear something?” Sam pretended not to notice Luca.

  “It’s me!” Luca yelled. “Luca!” Her son was hanging on Sam’s leg like a koala on a tree.

  “Holy crap! There’s a Luca on my leg! How long has that been there?” he said as he picked Luca up and tossed him in the air.

  “Be careful, he just had chocolate milk,” Riley said quickly.

  Sam made a frown and held him in the normal fashion.

  “What have you been up to?” Sam asked. “Have you drawn anymore pictures?” Luca nodded but didn’t make any effort to get down to show him. Instead he wrapped his little arms around Sam’s neck as if he could hold him there forever.

  Riley felt a tug in her heart at the sight. She too wished there was a way to keep Sam with them. She was disappointed by this fact. She’d depended on the stupid flimsy walls she’d built to protect her from this moment. They’d let her down big-time.

  Sam stayed the night, but they just slept. It felt nice having his warmth pressed against her back as she fell asleep. But despite the peaceful start of their slumber Sam had moved away from her at some point in the night.

  She was awoken by him thrashing around, mumbling something about “getting down and taking cover.” She put her hand on his chest feeling the sweat and the pounding of his heart.

  “Sam,” she said while she pushed him. “Sam!” She turned on the light and gave him a pretty good shove for a girl her size and he woke like he had the last time, coughing and gasping for air.

  “Christ!” he said as he rubbed his hand over his face. “I’m sorry I woke you. Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

  “I’m fine, are you?”

  He shook his head.

  She understood. He wasn’t fine. His head was filled with awful things that came out when his consciousness wasn’t there to fight them away. She swallowed and ran her hand along his cheek.

  “Let’s go take a shower together,” she suggested. “We’ll wash the bad dream away.”

  He wrapped his arms around her, and pulled her tight against him. His heart had calmed slightly, but still hammered against her breasts. He held her for a long time and twice she felt his body shudder. If he had been crying, he did a good job of hiding it when he rolled out of bed to take her up on her offer.

  In the shower he washed her hair and rubbed her shoulders. “I’m sorry I woke you up,” he said again.

  “I’m sorry you don’t have better dreams.” She smiled as she turned and ran her sudsy hands up his chest. “Maybe I can give you something nice to dream about.”

  “You’re pretty amazing for a short girl,” he said as he pressed her back against the wall and kissed her.

  * * *

  It was Evan’s weekend to take Luca, and Sam wasn’t sure how to play it. Riley seemed content to pack Luca’s things, and fill the boy’s head with tales of great adventure he would have with his father, but Sam frowned and tried to swallow down his protective urges.

  After all, this was Luca. He was small and needed his mother. But she was forced by the court to give him to his father who had proven to be an asshole many times over. Sam didn’t have a lot of experience with this kind of arrangement, but he thought overall the program sucked.

  “You’re sure he’s going to be okay?” Sam asked Riley as she set his bag by the front door.

  Riley pressed her lips together and forced a smile. “It will be fine.”

  Sam couldn’t pretend to know everything about this girl, but he sure as hell knew when she was lying.

  When the doorbell rang, he saw her tense and then take a deep breath. He’d worked with some extremely tough men while in the marines, but they were nothing compared to the strength of this tiny woman.

  “Luca! Your dad’s here!” she yelled as she went to the door.

  Evan walked inside as if he owned the place, and Sam wanted to punch him. He forced his hands out of fists and tried Riley’s technique of taking a deep breath. It didn’t work.

  “Is he ready?” the man asked with a snotty attitude until he saw Sam standing there. Then he physically jolted.

  “Evan, this is Sam. Sam, Luca’s father.”

  Sam made no move to walk across the living room to shake his hand. Being that close wouldn’t be good. He just gave him a wave instead.

  When Luca didn’t appear, Riley yelled again.

  “I’ll get him,” Sam offered as much to help move the situation along as to get away from temptation.

  Sam stepped into Luca’s roo
m and didn’t see him at first. “Luca?” he said toward the blob of sheet in the corner. The blob moved, but didn’t say anything back. “Hmm. Where could Luca be?” Again the blob moved.

  Sam snapped the sheet off of him in one quick movement like a magician which made Luca jump and laugh. “I thought I smelled a little boy under here. I’m hungry,” Sam said while rubbing his stomach.

  “Oh, no!” Luca giggled while he jumped up and ran out of the room. Sam followed close behind making hungry monster sounds, but when they got to the living room, Luca turned and ran back toward him. Instinctively, Sam lifted him into his arms, where Luca latched on and shook his head.

  “I don’t want to go!” he said, digging into Sam’s ribs with his surprisingly strong little legs.

  “Hey, champ! Don’t you want to go see your little sister?” Evan asked.

  “No!” Luca shot that down pretty quickly.

  “Well, we need to get going. Celia’s waiting in the car.”

  “No!” Luca’s lip trembled before he started crying and he somehow managed to hang onto Sam even tighter. “Please, Sam.” God. Why didn’t the kid just take Sam’s heart and tear it into tiny pieces? It would have been less painful than this.

  “Put him down,” Evan said, with annoyance.

  “What am I supposed to do?” Sam snapped at the man, not liking him or his tone.

  “Luca,” Riley intervened. “Come here.”

  “No!” He screamed when she put her hands on his sides to pull him off Sam. “No!”

  “Can you just give us a minute?” Sam said as he turned to walk back to the hall.

  “I don’t have a minute,” Evan said with a huff.

  “Everyone has a minute.” Sam ignored whatever else the asshole was going to say and took Luca back to his room.

  He was able to get Luca off and toss him playfully on his bed.

  “So? Why don’t you want to go with your dad?” Sam asked him.

  “I wanna stay with you,” was the answer.

  “I’d like you to stay here with me too. Believe me. But unfortunately we have to take turns. You know about taking turns, right? You have to take turns with Christian at your grandmother’s house.” Luca nodded.

  “Well, it’s the same thing with your mommy and daddy. They have to take turns with you. And it’s your dad’s turn.”

  Luca pouted and said again, “I stay with you.”

  “You’re killing me, you know that?” Sam said while ruffling Luca’s hair. He changed up his game plan. “It’s only going to be for two days. That’s really quick. Then when you get back, you and your mommy and I will go for ice cream. But we have to wait until you get back from your dad’s to go.” He’d discovered bribery was a great tactic with toddlers. Unfortunately ice cream wasn’t enough of a motivation.

  “You know how I have to go away to work sometimes? And I’m gone for a couple of days?” Luca nodded. “It’s not fun, and I’d rather be with you, but I don’t have a choice. I have to do it. This is kind of like that. You have to go with your dad now. But you’ll get to come back home and we’ll all be together. Just like when I go away and I come back. Can you be like me and go to work for a couple of days? And then come back?”

  Luca blinked while he thought it over. For some reason the kid thought Sam was great. He jumped at any chance to be like Sam or do something Sam did.

  Reluctantly Luca nodded.

  “Okay. Good. Let’s get Hops and your stuff. And I’ll see you in two days when you’re done working.”

  Luca nodded, a little more agreeable.

  Sam hugged him but didn’t let him latch on, just in case. He took Luca’s hand as they walked out of his room.

  When Luca stopped before they got to the living room, Sam was prepared for a retreat, but instead Luca looked up at him and said, “I love you.” Ah, hell.

  “Yeah. I love you too.” He might have said it quickly and quietly so no one else would hear, but it didn’t make it any less true. For some reason it was easier to share his feelings with Luca. He didn’t seem to have any expectations.

  Luca walked out into the living room and picked up his backpack full of books as if he was heading off to the mines.

  “I go to work,” he said with an exasperated sigh.

  Riley’s brows pulled together and she looked up at Sam who just shook his head.

  They said their goodbyes and she watched while Evan buckled Luca into his car seat and drove off. Then she turned around to face Sam with tears on her cheeks. “I don’t think I’m ever going to get better at this,” she said through her sobs.

  “It’s okay. He’s going to be fine. He’ll be back tomorrow night. Probably earlier, because let’s face it, Evan isn’t cut out for this. He’ll be back before you know it. And in the meantime, I’ll be here to distract you.” Sam lifted his eyebrows, hoping to make her laugh. When it didn’t work he just pulled her into a hug and let her cry it out.

  “I wish he’d just sign off his rights so I didn’t ever need to send Luca away with him.”

  “But the support—”

  “I would find a way to do it without the support if I knew he would agree to sign over his rights.” She wiped her cheeks with her palms.

  “Have you asked him?”

  “Yes. But he refused. Probably more because of what his mother would say than any real devotion to his son, but he still said no.”

  Sam frowned. He could kind of see Evan’s point. If Luca was Sam’s kid, he wouldn’t want to give up his rights to see him. Of course, he hoped he would be a better father than Evan.

  * * *

  Riley was embarrassed by her breakdown, but Sam handled it like a champ. He didn’t try to fix it, which would have been impossible. Instead he let her cry while he rubbed her back.

  Sam seemed surprised when she moved on from being the sad mother who was missing her son, to the seductress who had the house to herself with her boyfriend. She didn’t blame him. It was a huge divide. She laughed at his expression when she undid his jeans in the kitchen and knelt down in front of him.

  “Uh, Ri?”

  “Yes?” she purred, or attempted to, as she freed him from the confines of the denim.

  “We’re in the kitchen.”

  “Yep.”

  “Window’s open.”

  “Yep.” She licked over him, making him moan. Apparently, he didn’t feel the need to point out any more obvious facts as he braced his hands against the counter and let his head fall back.

  She worked him with her mouth, and used her hand too, since he was too big to fit without choking. He said her name like a curse a few times and clenched his heavy hands in her hair. Never did he try to maneuver her, he merely held on as she moved.

  When she finished him, she tucked him back into his pants and stood up.

  “God, girl,” he said, breathless.

  “I don’t have any responsibilities today, so I’m being reckless.”

  “Sign me up.” He smiled at her and pointed. “I think you have a Fruit Hoop stuck to your knee.”

  She looked down, and sure enough the piece of cereal mocked her. Then she noticed what she was wearing. An old stretched out T-shirt and faded denim shorts. From her reflection in the microwave, she could tell her hair was a mess.

  “I look awful. Let me go clean up and then I can be sexy.”

  “Baby, I’ve been with my share of women, and none of them were as sexy as you are right now.”

  “With the cereal and the messy hair?” she challenged.

  “Your hair is messy because I was tugging at it.”

  “Oh. Right.”

  “There’s really no sense to fix it. As soon as I catch my breath I’m planning to carry you over to the couch and mess it up some more. As far as what you’re wearing, you won’t be wearing it for long.”

  “You’re quite the problem solver.”

  “Trust me, you’re not a problem.” Sam moved in closer. He wasn’t as tall as Evan, so she never felt like Sam w
as looming over her. When he picked her up she wrapped her legs around his waist and bent to kiss his ear.

  When they got to the sofa, he lowered her onto the cushions, tossed a book to the side, and then a car before he started working on her shorts.

  She arched up so he could move them over her hips. They came off with her panties in one sweep. She sat up only long enough to pull off the shirt which Sam took from her and threw over his head with a naughty smile on his face.

  “We’ll have to clean that up later,” she told him.

  “Shh. We’re being reckless right now.”

  “Oh, right.” She giggled as he yanked his shirt over his head in the same fashion. He stood and kicked off his sneakers and tugged off his socks. Then slowly—torturously so—he unzipped his jeans and slid them down inch by inch.

  “You know we only have so long, Sam.”

  “We have all night, and all day tomorrow. Be patient.”

  “Easy for you to say.” He’d already been satisfied. She was going crazy. She started to say that, when he dove between her legs and took a swipe of her with his tongue. That shut her right up. Instead, she moaned and arched her back, trying to get closer to him. He chuckled against her damp flesh, which added to the pleasure.

  When he’d taken her right up to the edge with his mouth, he moved over her and slid home, causing her to cry out in release on his first full stroke. She would have been embarrassed with how easily she’d climaxed except it seemed to turn Sam on. And it wasn’t anything new.

  They moved and changed positions a few times, utilizing the entire apartment while they had the opportunity. Eventually they ended up in her bed, spent and smiling.

  “Wow,” she said with her eyes closed.

  “Yeah,” he agreed before he pulled her close and rested his head on her chest. She played with his hair while he fell asleep. She didn’t fall asleep as easily. After the high of her third orgasm melted away she was left again with worry.

  Luca was in the next town with his father. If he cried in the middle of the night she wouldn’t be there to soothe him back to sleep. Evan or Celia would do it. A woman Riley barely knew was currently in charge of her son’s happiness and well-being. She felt so helpless.