State of Shock

by Allison B Hanson

  As his breathing evened out he reached for her and pulled her close against him as he always did. She could feel the heaviness of his arm as it rested on her hip. It felt nice to be wrapped up in a warm man.

  “This is so much better than being in a tent alone,” he murmured by her ear.

  “Are you only sleeping with me so you don’t have to sleep outside in a tent?” she joked.

  “Ah, hell. You figured it out.” He nipped the skin of her neck, making her laugh. She’d had such a great time. Tomorrow it would be over. But she would have more wonderful memories.

  “We’re leaving in the morning.” She couldn’t help but frown at the thought of leaving their happy bubble to go back to the real world.

  “Me too. And then I’m flying out the next day.” Right. As if things weren’t already uncertain, Sam had a job that took him out of town all the time. Even if he would be interested in more, he wouldn’t be around to give it.

  “I had a great time. I’m glad you were here. Otherwise I probably would have spent the whole weekend coloring and explaining why there was no television.”

  “I was probably going to fail at not thinking about you,” he said with more honesty than she had given him. She felt his arms hold her just a little bit closer. Maybe this didn’t have to be over. Maybe things would work out for her and Luca this time.

  She fell asleep with hope in her heart.

  In the morning Sam was gone. The bed was empty; the only clothes piled on the floor were hers. She let out a sad sigh. Reality sucked.

  Then she heard the sound of Luca laughing, and a deep rumbling voice coming from downstairs. He wasn’t gone, and from the smells of bacon wafting up the steps, Sam must be making breakfast. She pulled on some clothes and scurried down to the kitchen where she found Luca standing on a chair pulled up to the counter.

  “Stir it harder. Put some muscle into it,” Sam instructed Luca who had a wooden spoon in a bowl of yellow paste. Neither of them was wearing a shirt, but aside from that they couldn’t have been more opposite.

  Sam was all dark and bulky and Luca was pale, blond, and bony. She couldn’t help but laugh at the unusual cooking duo.

  Her giggles prompted Luca to turn toward the sound, the batter dripped off his spoon onto the chair as he smiled.

  “Momma! I’m makin’ breffast for you,” he said proudly.

  “You are? It looks like you’re dropping it on the chair.” She picked up a paper towel and wiped the drips from his leg and the chair.

  “Stir Luc. Stir.”

  Luca’s tongue twisted out of his lips with the effort he was putting into it.

  “He’s stirred the bejesus out of that batter, but he was having fun so I hope you like really flat pancakes.”

  “I do. They’re called crepes.”

  He smiled and then after glancing over to Luca who was occupied with his task, Sam leaned down and kissed her followed by a very sexy, “Good morning.”

  “Good morning. What can I do?”

  “Nothing. Sit over there and let us take care of you,” he ordered.

  “I don’t know how to do that.”

  “It’s time you learned.” He pointed his spatula at her and went back to the stove. She was impressed with his set up. Luca was positioned close enough to Sam that he could reach him, but not close enough to the stove that he could get burned or spattered. She guessed he was accustomed to thinking things through in a logical manner, planning every step out. It was necessary both in the military and at his job now.

  For the next few minutes she enjoyed watching Sam work and listening to Luca giggle. Then Sam lifted him from the chair and set him on his feet. Sam handed Luca a plate and crouched down to whisper in his ear.

  Luca carried the plate over to her with a giant grin on his face.

  “I love you, Momma,” he said. It didn’t matter that it was prompted, silly tears sprang to her eyes as she took the plate. She pulled him up on her lap and hugged him until he squiggled away.

  “Thank you,” she told Sam as he sat down next to her with his own plate.

  “Knowing how to make the ladies melt is a skill you’re never too young to learn,” Sam said, making her laugh.

  He had certainly made her melt. He’d also given her a multitude of new fantasies she shouldn’t have in her head. Even as they packed up to leave, she was trying to gather enough courage to invite Sam to their home when he got back from his trip. Riley knew better than this. She never wanted her son to grow attached to a man who would end up leaving a hole when he got bored and moved on. She wasn’t sure if Sam was that kind of man, but it was obvious Luca was already attached.

  As she watched Sam throw Luca in the air and catch him before tossing him in his car seat upside down, she tried not to let her heart get ahead of her brain. But hearing Luca’s laughter had her hoping and wanting things that probably weren’t possible with a guy like Sam.

  And it wasn’t Sam’s fault. He hadn’t tried to trick her or pretend to be more than he was. He was open and honest and had just wandered into their weekend getaway and their lives by accident.

  But he was there now and she didn’t know what she and Luca would do when he wasn’t.

  * * *

  The silence of Sam’s apartment as he unpacked felt foreign to him. He’d just spent the weekend in non-stop noise and chaos, but he already missed it. He wasn’t expecting that. He’d told Riley he was willing to try, but he wasn’t entirely sure how he was going to pull it off. Hanging out on the edge of their lives wasn’t a long term plan, but he wasn’t ready to jump in any further.

  Instead of worrying about it, he did laundry and repacked for his trip the next day. He called Dalton to check in.

  “How was your weekend at the lake?” Dalton asked. “Did you catch anything?”

  “I had a good time. Very relaxing.” He looked around his quiet apartment.

  “Which means you didn’t catch shit.”

  Sam laughed. It was better to let Dalton think he was a poor fisherman, than to tell him what really happened. Which reminded him of something. “Hey, did you go out with a girl named Riley Fisher?”

  “Riley?” How could Dalton not remember her?

  “Roslyn’s sister.”

  “Oh! Yeah. Really short? Kid?”

  “Yes.”

  “Yeah. I remember. It was a fix-up thing. She’s not my type.” Sam knew Dalton’s type was the girl from high school he was still hung up on. Dalton had poured out his sad story one night when he was drunk.

  “She’s not mine either.” This was very true. Sam would never pick someone like Riley. She was so small and almost seemed breakable. Although at this point, he knew she was far from breakable. He’d been a little rough with her, and she kept right up with him. Not to mention how flexible she was.

  Hell, now his jeans were tight.

  “Why? Are Ian and Lex trying to fix you up with her?” Dalton sounded doubtful. “She has a kid. She’s looking for a serious thing.”

  “No. I ran into her and she mentioned you.”

  “Oh. Well, if I were you, I’d stay clear of that.”

  “Yes.” Sam should definitely stay clear of that.

  His trip was short that week. He only needed to set a pre-Civil War door from Atlanta in a house in Chicago.

  As he pulled in at his apartment, he felt the chill of awaiting silence. He knew he would sit there either thinking of things that weren’t fun to think about or he’d think of things that were too much fun to think about. Neither would be safe.

  He looked at his phone. It was only seven. Riley would be home and Luca wouldn’t be in bed yet. He should have called to ask if he could come over, but that would have given her the option to say no, and he didn’t think he could handle it. Instead, he drove over to once again barge in on her life and her plans.

  “Sam! Sam!” Luca came running to the door as soon as Riley opened it.

  “Hey. I just got back. Is it okay—” His words were cut off by L
uca tackling his legs. He picked him up as Riley opened the door wider to let him in. He couldn’t tell what she was thinking. She looked sort of mad, but she didn’t say anything as Sam held Luca upside down by his ankles making him laugh hysterically.

  “Luca, why don’t you show Sam the picture you drew at Grammy’s?” Riley folded her arms across her chest, making his attention go to her breasts. When his gaze moved up to her face, he saw she didn’t look very happy. He definitely should have called first.

  He put Luca down and the little boy tore off down the hall. Before he got the chance to ask what was wrong, Luca came running into the living room with a large piece of paper flapping in the wind caused by his speed.

  Sam bent down to help him unroll it. “What did you draw?” he asked as he looked at the mess on the page.

  “You, me, and Mommy,” Luca said proudly. There were three distinct blobs of color in a large box-like thing. Maybe the cabin?

  “What’s this?” Sam asked Luca while looking up at Riley.

  “We in bed,” Luca told him.

  “This is us in bed?” Sam tried to swallow and couldn’t.

  “Yep,” Luca said with a happy nod.

  “Yes,” Riley said. “And what did you tell Grammy? What did Sam do to you when we were all in bed?”

  “He getted me.” Luca smiled before adding, “In my funny places.”

  “Oh, no,” Sam whispered. It was all very innocent. When Sam was tickling him, he told him over and over, “I’m going to get you.” But now . . .

  “Yeah. Grammy had a lot of questions when I came to pick him up today. Especially since I hadn’t even mentioned you.”

  “Should I go meet her? So she knows I’m not a deviant?”

  Her frosty look seemed to mellow slightly. “You would be willing to do that?” she asked, disbelieving.

  “Of course. I mean, I didn’t do anything horrible to him. Maybe if I explain, she wouldn’t be so worried.”

  “Why would you care what she thinks of you?” Her eyes were huge.

  “It’s a good thing to have someone looking out for your kid, Ri.” He stood up and tousled Luca’s soft hair. “I’d like her to know the difference between an upstanding member of society having a tickle fight with her grandson, and whatever kind of loser you might date after me doing something indecent.”

  “Why would you automatically assume the next guy would be a loser?” She was smiling.

  “Probably because the guy before me was.”

  “Good point. I have no argument there. However, you’d do better with Grammy if you didn’t mention how you think her son is a loser.”

  “I thought you said she knew her son was a loser.”

  “She’s still not going to want to hear it from you.”

  “Probably not.” Blood made people see what they wanted to see.

  She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him.

  “Thank you for offering to help put her mind at ease. I think she believed me.”

  “Think.” Sam sniffed. He could only imagine where the woman’s mind had gone.

  Sam stayed while Luca got his bath. He stayed while Riley read him a story. And he stayed when Riley turned off the light and quietly walked out in the hall when Luca was sleeping.

  He knew it was time to leave. He hadn’t come there for sex. He didn’t want her to think it was a booty call or something. But it wasn’t as if he was innocent. He’d come there to use her and her son so he didn’t have to sit at his place alone.

  It wasn’t that he had a problem being alone. Alone was fine. Alone was safe. But this, with Riley and Luca was . . . better. There was no time to be caught off guard by thoughts he tried to keep away.

  He moved toward the door.

  “I guess I should be going. You have to get up early in the morning, while I have the day off to laze around.”

  “Are you rubbing it in?” She propped her hand on her hip.

  “Yes. Wouldn’t you?”

  She laughed and reached up to his shoulders. He obligingly leaned down so she could kiss him. He assumed it would be a kiss good-bye, but her tongue slid into his mouth and her fingers grasped him tighter. Her lips moved to his jaw and up to his ear. “Stay,” she whispered like she had before.

  And like before, it had the same effect on him. He tried to be patient as he walked her backward toward her bedroom, but when she tripped, he caught her in his arms and just carried her the rest of the way. Allowing her to walk to the bedroom was something he was going to have to work on.

  Taking her clothes off and lying on top of her felt like the most natural thing in the world. It was home. It was safety.

  And when they were both completely satisfied, he was able to fall into a restful sleep. Something he rarely found outside of her bed.

  * * *

  He woke in the morning to the sound of loud whispers outside the door and sunlight coming in through the curtains.

  “Sam is sleeping so be quiet, okay?” Riley said.

  “Sam sleeping?” Luca verified loudly. Sam smiled and rolled out of bed, pulling on his jeans.

  “Shh. Come on. He’s tired. He was on an airplane yesterday.”

  “Airplane?”

  Sam ripped open the door making them both jump.

  “Who’s making all this noise out here?” he bellowed with a smile on his face. “I’m hungry. Where’s my breakfast?” He grabbed Luca up. “This will do.” Sam made chomping sounds at Luca’s belly while the boy squealed and kicked.

  Riley rolled her eyes.

  “Great. Now he’ll tell his grandmother you ate him.”

  Right. He let Luca slide to his feet. Sam needed to assure Luca’s grandmother that he wasn’t a danger. Although while Sam wasn’t a danger in that way, it still didn’t mean Sam was safe.

  “So where does Grammy live?” Sam asked as he helped Luca wrestle the last piece of cereal out of his bowl.

  “Why?” Riley asked.

  “So I can meet her.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “I want to. I don’t want her to worry.”

  Sam followed the directions to Mrs. Fisher’s house and knocked on the door later that morning.

  The woman opened her door cautiously, as was expected when someone like Sam was at the door.

  “Mrs. Fisher?” he said.

  “Yes.”

  “Good morning, ma’am. I’m Sam Brooks.”

  “Oh.” Her look of surprise said more than that one word. She was no doubt thinking he was much different looking than her son. It was true. He’d seen a photo of Luca and his dad sitting on the stand next to Luc’s bed.

  Evan Fisher was thin and pale. Sam was the opposite of those things.

  “Do you have a moment? I wanted to explain the situation regarding the picture Luca drew.”

  “Come in. Riley mentioned you might stop by. To be honest, I didn’t expect it.” She glanced over her shoulder as she walked down the hall to make sure he was following her. In the kitchen, two little boys were playing at the table. One of them was very familiar, and Sam couldn’t help but smile when he saw Luca’s face light up.

  “Sam! Sam!” Luca slid off the chair and came running, arms up.

  “Hey, buddy.” Sam picked him up as the blond boy in his arms pointed to the little boy at the table.

  “Christian,” Luca said. The other boy, who looked older than Luca waved.

  “Hello, Christian.”

  Luca did his wiggly porpoise move which meant he wanted down. Sam put him on his feet and watched as he ran off to the toy box, pulling things out to show him.

  “He prayed for you at breakfast,” the woman beside him said.

  “Oh. Well, I guess that can’t hurt,” he said, not being a religious man. The woman frowned and he tried to recall something from his bible school days, but nothing came. Thanks a lot, God, he thought. “So about the picture. We were having a tickle fight.”

  “In bed?”

  “Uh.” Christ. He had
n’t come up with an answer for that. “Yes.”

  “So you and Riley are . . . dating?” She seemed uncomfortable with the word. So was he.

  “Uh.” He looked over at Luca, hoping he would do something cute to distract them from this horrid conversation. The little slacker was building something with Legos. “We’ve gone out. I respect her a whole lot.” That was true.

  The woman frowned.

  “Riley is a mother. I know your kind, with the manners and the good looks.” She pointed her finger at him as if manners and good looks were the work of the Devil himself. “She’s been through a lot. And I hate knowing it was my own flesh and blood that did it. I assure you my son was not raised to be the person he’s become. Cheating on his wife and having a child out of wedlock.” She shook her head. “He’s a disgrace.”

  Sam said nothing. It was clearly a trap. If he said anything in agreement she would hate him. Only a parent could criticize their child and get away with it.

  “But Riley never did anything to deserve what happened. She was a good wife and mother. She’s a great daughter-in-law too. She should have a man who will take care of her and will stick around. Are you that kind of man?”

  “Uh.” It seemed to be the only noise he could make in this woman’s presence.

  “I didn’t think so.” She actually made a tsk sound at him and he hung his head. “That little boy thinks you hang the moon. Are you going to walk away and break his heart?”

  Sam looked over at Luca and, of course, Luca looked over at them and gave Sam a huge smile as he held up the tower he made.

  Was he going to hurt Luca when he moved on? He thought the kid was small enough to forget he was ever there, but maybe not. He’d drawn Sam in a picture and he’d been happy to see him. Shit.

  The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt Luca and Riley.

  “Ma’am, I’m not a husband or a father. I know I can’t do right by them in that regard, but Riley told me she wasn’t looking for either of those things, so I assure you I’m not overselling myself and setting her up for disappointment.”