State of Shock

by Allison B Hanson

  She was perfect.

  Instead of wanting to run the other way, he found himself not wanting to leave town for his trip the next day. As long as he didn’t scare her away, he might actually have a chance to be happy. Something deep inside of him twitched at that thought. A part of him didn’t think he deserved to be happy. He knew he needed to let it go, but it was hard when he remembered his men. The ones who didn’t make it home to their loved ones.

  * * *

  “You’re sitting in my office,” Dalton said as he rubbed his temples with his fingertips. “Please don’t have bad news, Sam. I can’t take it. Audrey just told me she’s pregnant and I’m going to have to find a new assistant. My sister knows what I need done before I do. How am I supposed to replace her with a stranger?”

  “Oh.” Sam winced, not wanting to kick him when he was already being abandoned.

  “You’re bailing on me too?” Dalton’s eyes widened in horror.

  “I don’t want to bail, it’s just that I’m . . .” He wasn’t sure if he wanted to go into all the gory details with Dalton. Guys didn’t talk about love and feelings. “I’m seeing Riley, as you know, and it’s getting serious.”

  “Serious? How serious?” Dalton looked as if this was the most absurd thing he’d ever heard. Maybe it was.

  “Serious, serious. Like I want to stay in town instead of going away all the time. I’m even thinking about maybe moving in.” He shrugged. “Or more.”

  “More?” A smile was hinting at the corner of his lips. “I never had The Talk with you before, but after moving in with someone the only way there is more is if you get”—he glanced over his shoulder, playing it up before he whispered the forbidden word—“married.”

  “Would that be so bad? Other people do it.”

  “Holy shit!” All joking around was over now. “You’re serious!”

  “I just said I was serious like twelve times in a row. You aren’t too bright. You’d better get two assistants. One to do the work and the other to wipe away your drool.”

  “This is unexpected. I always thought I had my shit together better than you and would end up with someone way before you.”

  “Thanks for that,” Sam said.

  “Do you blame me?”

  “No.” Sam couldn’t argue. He thought Dalton would have been with someone before now too. Maybe that girl from high school he whined about after three drinks.

  “Marriage,” Dalton said it now as if he was impressed with Sam.

  “I don’t want to put you in a bind, but I wanted to let you know that I would be looking for local work. So while you’re putting in an ad for an assistant, you might want to start looking for a foreman. I’ll make sure the person is settled before I leave.”

  “Well, hold on a minute.” Dalton scratched his head for a moment while he thought. “I had wanted to talk to you about something.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah, you know Timmy McGuire.”

  “Sure. Is he hiring?” Timmy owned McGuire Builders. They were a fairly large construction company in Roanoke, with a good reputation.

  “No. He’s retiring. He wanted to know if I’d be interested in buying him out slowly.”

  “And what did you say?” Sam asked.

  “I was still in the thinking it over stage. Mainly because I didn’t have anyone to stay in town to oversee things, but it looks like now I might.” Dalton raised his brows in question.

  “I’d be interested if you’re offering.” This would be the perfect opportunity for Sam. He’d still be doing the thing he loved, but in the same town with Riley and Luca. He’d already started daydreaming about taking Luca to Little League games when Dalton interrupted his thoughts.

  “Would you maybe be interested in buying in with me? We could get it from Timmy quicker.”

  “Like partners?” Sam asked.

  “Yeah. It wouldn’t have to be fifty-fifty. I don’t know what your financial situation is, but we can work out something that says it’s partly yours. If you want that.”

  Sam swallowed. He’d never wanted people to count on him for anything. He hadn’t thought he was cut out for a long-term relationship with a woman, and he hadn’t wanted ties to the community or to invest himself in a career. These things were to be avoided at all cost. It meant he was at risk of letting someone down. How was it that these things were now his goals?

  “I would be interested. I have some money put aside to invest,” Sam said.

  “Take a few days. Think it over.” Dalton stood and walked to the wall where all the drawings were kept. “Maybe this should be the first house we build if we decide to go for it.” He unrolled a drawing and held it out.

  Sam only needed to look at it for a fraction of a second before he recognized it. The house was his design. He’d taken things he’d loved from other homes as he tore them down or built them up. He’d given Dalton a rough drawing and here was Dalton surprising him with an actual blueprint. A few supporting walls had been moved but other than that it was Sam’s dream home. Thoughts of Riley and Luca living in it with him flooded his mind and the jolt almost brought tears to his eyes.

  He could have it all.

  Everything he thought he could never have.

  He could have Riley.

  * * *

  “Everything is messed up,” Riley announced as she set Luca down and watched him run off into the playroom with the other kids. She plopped down at the kitchen table next to Roslyn, Lexi, and Nichole. They sometimes had girls’ night at Ralphy’s Bar, but anymore, they generally had afternoon playdates at Lexi’s house.

  Lemonade replaced margaritas, and bad words were either whispered or spelled. The important thing was they were together. They were able to support each other and share the burden which was life.

  “What’s messed up?” Roz asked. “Sam?”

  “Yeah. We’re in a relationship.”

  “How do you know?” Nic asked.

  “He told me he loved me.” The memory of his words still made her heart speed up. She had been caught completely off guard.

  Every mouth dropped open. They looked back and forth at each other, expecting someone else to come up with the right thing to say. No one did.

  “See?” Riley held out her hands and let them fall to her lap. The lemonade wasn’t going to cut it, but she needed to drive home and then go to work in the evening so she’d have to make do.

  “He didn’t seem the type,” Lex noted.

  “What’s the problem?” Roz gave her the look like she was being ridiculous. Maybe she was.

  “What if he wants to get married? I can’t get married again. I can’t risk it.” She remembered how it felt. Being married was wonderful. It was the point in her life when she felt content. Like life was safe. She wouldn’t need to worry about things because she had a partner who would always be there for her.

  That was crap.

  Roslyn put her arm around her sister. “Do you think Sam is like Evan? In any way?”

  Riley took a second to give the question thorough consideration before she answered. “No.”

  “Then why would you think he would handle things the same way?” Roslyn asked.

  “I don’t. I’m just afraid he’ll come up with his own way to ruin my life.” It was a valid concern despite the fact Roz rolled her eyes.

  “So what are your options? If you’re not willing to move forward you either have to stay in one place or get off the ride,” Lex said and pulled her lips to the side.

  “You know, the fact that two of you have all this mental training is unnerving.” Riley sighed. “I don’t stand a chance. Sam will be home tomorrow. I need to have a plan with how to deal with this, or a place to hide.”

  They all laughed until someone started crying from the playroom. Riley knew it wasn’t Luca so she stayed, fiddling with her glass. Since Nichole didn’t have kids, she stayed too.

  “If you love him, you need to be strong enough to take a chance on him,” Nichole said w
hile the other mothers were taking care of the altercation. Nichole was married to Tucker Matthews. He was a rock star, but he was also a recovering alcoholic and addict. Nichole knew what she was talking about when it came to strength and trust. And Sam didn’t have those kinds of issues.

  Sure, he often woke up in the middle of the night covered in sweat and gasping for breath, and he over-reacted to loud noises, but they were small things in comparison to dependency or infidelity. Sam was great with Luca, and he loved her.

  She knew she loved him back, but that was only because her inferior walls of protection had been easily compromised by his willingness to care about her and her son. She was such a pushover when it came to his hazel eyes and ability to make a killer toasted cheese sandwich.

  But was it enough?

  When the visit was over, Riley loaded up a sleepy Luca in her car and started for home.

  “Sam?” Luca said while pointing to a truck on their street.

  “No. That’s not Sam’s truck. Sam’s working.”

  Luca let out a sigh which sounded remotely like annoyance or disappointment. “Tomorrow, he will come,” Luca said, sounding as sure about that as anything.

  * * *

  Sam’s heart gave a pleasant skip when he pulled in at Riley’s house and saw her and Luca out on the porch.

  He could already hear Luca yelling his name as he opened the door. A big smile took over his face. He was home.

  “Do you hear something?” Sam called to Riley as he opened the back gate. She stood up with that amazing grin on her face. She was wearing a sundress. No doubt she wore it for comfort, but it made her look sweet and sexy. Especially with the way the sun outlined the image of her body through the fabric.

  Luca was now jumping at Sam’s legs, desperate for attention.

  “I don’t hear anything,” Riley played along.

  “Me! You heared me!” Luca said. Sam looked down, pretending to notice him for the first time.

  “Luca!” Sam grabbed him up.

  “Oh, no! He’s hungry,” Luca squealed while Sam made the customary chewing sounds at Luca’s neck. It was their greeting.

  To Riley he simply leaned down and kissed her lips. Mmm. Gloss. He winked at her, accepting her silent invitation for later. Lip gloss equaled sex.

  Sam carried Luca inside upside down and giggling while he wrapped his arm around Riley. This was how he wanted things to be. He hadn’t talked to Riley about their future, but they would be having a conversation soon. And he was ready.

  “Penguins,” Luca said, holding up the movie.

  “No. Not tonight. Sam is tired, and it’s almost time for bed,” Riley said.

  It was only ten after eight, but Sam smiled knowing why she was getting Luca ready for bed early. She’d missed him. He’d missed her too. And not just the sex.

  He’d told her he loved her, and tonight he would get to show her how much.

  Luca pouted and held up the movie again, trying his best.

  “Sorry, buddy. But I’m off tomorrow, so you and I can watch penguins tomorrow while Mommy’s at work. How’s that? Deal?” Sam held out his hand and Luca shook it.

  “Bath time,” Riley chimed. Sam jokingly pulled his shirt up. “Not you. I’ll give you a bath later.” She licked her lips and his penis leaped into action, obviously not hearing the part about later.

  Fortunately Luca cooperated and was in bed in no time. Sam took over storytelling, making Luca laugh when he did the squeaky voices of the mice.

  “Goodnight,” Sam said when he was finished.

  “Night. Love you,” Luca said.

  “Love you, too.” Sam kissed his head and turned to see Riley by the door wiping at her eye. “Really?” He teased her for getting emotional.

  She smacked his arm. “Don’t try to ruin it. It was sweet.”

  “Did you get weepy when I told you what I told you the other night?”

  “No. Mostly I got scared,” she admitted.

  “Oh, good. That was what I was aiming for when I shared my feelings. Fear.”

  “Maybe worried is a better word than scared,” she allowed.

  “Whatever. It’s not like I just go around saying it without meaning it. I mean it. So stop worrying. I think it’s time for my bath.”

  “How about a shower, and then we can go to bed quicker?”

  “I like the way you think,” he said as he led her into the bathroom and pulled up the sundress.

  When he was thoroughly cleaned and they were moving toward the bedroom, he paused. “I want to talk to you about something.”

  “Now?” She gestured down to her naked body. “Now is not time for talking. Now is time for making Riley feel less like a mommy and more like a sex goddess.”

  “Yes. We’ll get to sex goddess in a second, but I need to do this now.”

  “Okay.” She bit her bottom lip, and not in the good way.

  “Don’t do that. It’s not bad. At least I don’t think it is,” Sam said.

  “Go ahead.” She folded her arms under her naked breasts which pushed them up into his vision.

  He checked out for a second and shook his head to get back on topic. “I talked to Dalton about staying in town more often. We’re considering going into business together. Buying out a local builder. I might still have to go out of town occasionally, but not as much as before.”

  “That sounds great.” Clearly, she wasn’t seeing how this affected her. She was just assuming it was good news for him. He was hoping it would be good news for her too.

  “I’ve been thinking about how much time I spend here. Would you be opposed to me moving in? I could get rid of my apartment, and then we could go halves on expenses here.”

  “You want to move in?” she said, her brows pulled together. That was not a happy look. It was not a “yes” kind of look.

  “I pretty much live here already when I’m in town. Is it really a big deal?”

  “Yes. Moving in together would be a big deal. It’s a commitment.”

  “So is telling someone you love them. I know what it is. It’s a step toward other places I want to go with you.”

  “I—I don’t know. It’s kind of fast.”

  “Think it over and let me know. I’m not going to start packing tomorrow or anything.” He shrugged, hoping the gesture alleviated the tension that had taken over her body.

  She was right to be leery of him. While he knew he was in love with her and he loved Luca as if he was his own flesh, Sam was aware of what he was. A wild card. Rather than push her into a corner, he decided to back off for now.

  He stepped closer and let his fingertips trail down the bare skin of her arm.

  “Come here, sex goddess,” he whispered. As he bent to kiss her he felt the stiffness in her muscles dissipate until she melted from his touch.

  Things were different between them. Sure it was still hot, and he couldn’t get enough even when he was exhausted from the second time. But there was a comfort and a familiarity that he’d never felt with a woman before. Even Jessica.

  He felt safe.

  At least until he fell asleep.

  He was on that blasted hillside again. He should have known it was a dream by now, but it felt so real. Not to mention he was asleep and not thinking clearly . . .

  The same insurgents were moving closer, taking cover behind rocks when he and his men fired at them.

  He still referred to them as his men, even though there were only two of them with him. He hoped the three men in the other vehicle made it out okay. The chopper had been called in. They only needed to hold the hostiles off for about twenty minutes until EVAC arrived.

  As he surveyed the movements below him, he knew the chance of making it that long was slim. There were too many.

  Simmons and Desmond were behind him, and he barely registered their discussion. They didn’t want to be taken prisoner. Hell, he didn’t want that either.

  Before he got the chance to come up with another plan, shots came from his le
ft. They hadn’t seen anyone coming from the left.

  Another pop, and he felt fire flash through his left arm as he fell to the ground. Pebbles and sand dug into his palms as he struggled to get up again.

  He heard the sound of quick footsteps and hoped it was help.

  It wasn’t. He was being pulled by his left arm. They were trying to take him away. No doubt they were going to torture him for information. He couldn’t let them take him off that hill. He wouldn’t have a chance.

  With all the strength he could muster he shoved the man away from him, causing him to stumble back.

  Sam waited for the expected sound of the gun hitting him in the skull as he always did in the past, but instead he heard the loud wailing cry of a little boy . . .

  Luca.

  Chapter 11

  Riley was shocked out of her restful sleep by the sound of Luca screaming his head off. She knew all the different nuances of his cries. From a whimper of discomfort to this: all-out pain.

  Without thinking she flipped on the light by her head and was out from under the covers in a flash to get to her child.

  She had made it to the doorway before she realized he wasn’t in his room. The sound was coming from her room, and she looked down to see Luca on the floor next to the wall on Sam’s side of the bed.

  He was hysterical and blood was running from his mouth.

  “Oh, God!” She gathered him up as Sam sat there staring. For a long second it didn’t look like he was with them. Then he blinked and covered his mouth in shock.

  “Luca? Oh, shit, Luca! I’m so sorry,” he said, his face pale.

  “What happened?” she asked as she picked Luca up and carried him out to the kitchen.

  “I was having a nightmare and I think—I think I might have hit him.” The pain in his voice was unmistakable. She knew it was an accident, Sam would never willingly hurt Luca, but he had, and her maternal instincts had her moving Luca away protectively.