My Heart Can't Tell You No

by M. K. Heffner

  “And what happens if this wind blows the paneling over while I’m out there?”

  “Probably not much. There hasn’t been a vehicle on this road the whole three days we’ve been here. I don’t think you have much to worry about. But for modesty’s sake, it’s there to make you feel better.”

  “To make me feel better. I suppose you’d just up and walk out there struttin’ your stuff the whole way, not having a care in the world,” she teased.

  “No, my luck, I’d no sooner walk out that door than the Daily Item Newspaper would be driving down the road taking pictures of the flood. And wouldn’t that be one helluvva flood picture?” His teasing banter soothed her.

  “Front-page material. I’d buy a copy.”

  “Uh-huh. And so would John, Tom and Lew. No thank you. I’ll stick with the paneling.”

  “Well then, all I need is a toothbrush and I’m all set. I’ve been making do with a washcloth and I’ve gagged the whole time.”

  “Guess what I happened to come across while I was looking for a razor yesterday.”

  “I meant an unused toothbrush.” She looked up at him, and saw his smile. “You didn’t. You did! God, that one’s worth a million bucks!”

  “Keep your money,” he told her as he continued to eat, looking at her in a way that said he’d be expecting another kind of payment before long.

  The rest of the meal went a lot smoother than the one the day before. She had a feeling he had kept her talking to take her mind off her son. They put the dishes in the sink, then both headed for the bathroom; Joe grabbing a bar of soap and shampoo while Maddie headed for the toothbrushes still in their cellophane wrappers. She remembered that her cousin was an electrician. He must have been working at a hospital and, as a token of their appreciation that they didn’t know about, had taken a box of about fifty toothbrushes.

  Using water Joe had brought from the porch and poured into a jug, Maddie eagerly began brushing her teeth, but at the sound of a loud cry she stepped to the window and looked out. The wood paneling hid Joe from anyone outside the house, but her view was unimpaired. She had to smile at the sight of him. She had never seen anyone take a shower that fast before. She knew his cry had come when he stepped under the waterspout, taking the full force of the icy water. She went back to the sink, and, by the time she had finished with her teeth, she met Joe back in the kitchen. He simply dropped the soap and shampoo on the table, looked at her pitifully, then headed for the heater upstairs. Well, she thought, I might as well get it done and over with as well.

  The rain was cold enough as she rushed outside, but, after removing her clothes, when she tiptoed under the rushing water, its contact took her breath away. She almost gave up completely, but, knowing this was the only way without using all the kerosene in the stove to heat water, she stepped back under. She drenched herself and hoped beyond hope that her body would become enough accustomed to the temperature to let her stay there and rinse her hair after she got it shampooed. It took all of her concentration and left her with chattering teeth when she threw her coat over her naked body, grabbed her clothes out of the workshop and ran back for the warm dryness of the house. She flung the door open, slamming it shut as she started for the stairs.

  “I moved the heater in here,” Joe called from the living room.

  “C-cold,” she managed to get out as she raced toward him, stopping suddenly at the sight of him, standing only in his briefs.

  “Ah—it was invigorating.” He spread open a giant towel. “Come here.”

  She went to him gladly as he removed her raincoat, modesty vanishing in her quest for warmth and dryness. He hardly seemed to notice as he wrapped the towel around her, then grabbed another towel to place on her head. He moved her to the cushions he had spread out on the floor near the heater and couch.

  “No it wasn’t,” she told him through huge shivers as he sat behind her and began rubbing her hair dry. “It was cold!”

  “Well.” He put his arms around her and leaned against her. “I’ll warm ya up.”

  She was amazed at the difference his body heat made. He was definitely warming her, but it took an additional ten minutes before she could stop shaking long enough to actually dry herself. She then reached for her underclothing and went to the bathroom to put them on, quickly returning to the heater with a brush in hand where she bent close and began working it through her hair to try to get it dry. After half an hour she gave up. It was as dry as the humid air would allow.

  When she stood upright, she turned to see Joe leaning against the couch. He was sitting on the cushions that he had taken from the couch and two chairs, spreading them out on the floor to simulate a mattress the size of a twin bed. His eyes were on her as he sat inside a blanket, his only movement coming when he spread the blanket open in an invitation to join him. After a moment’s hesitation, she went to him. She was still cold. She moved over to him as he spread his legs, allowing her to sit between them and lean back against his chest as he wrapped the blanket around them, resting his arms on her T-shirt clad stomach.

  After a while she didn’t know how long they had been there, both relaxed and off into their own worlds when she felt the difference in the small of her back.

  “What—are you thinking about?” she asked him quietly.

  “Guess.”

  He pulled her back against him, and she felt his hardness plainly against her back. He moved his hands beneath the blanket, warming her skin as they sent tingles through the areas he touched. Her legs were warming as his fingers moved flatly over their tops, making her bend her knees and bring them up to satisfy his reach; fingers that moved toward the inside, sending tingles, through her before moving on. His left hand moved up, beneath her T-shirt as his right hand moved to the elastic band of her underwear. Her breathing was cut short as her senses peaked, waiting silently to see what he would do next. She didn’t wait long; his left hand moved over her breast, her left nipple tightening upon contact. His right went lower, fingers taking pleasure in the softness of her dark curls as his legs moved over hers, going around them and spreading them apart. She was exposed to him now and he was taking full advantage of it, knowing just where to touch her and coax her into sparkling sensations. With her head back against his shoulder, her hands moved over his legs and arms, the only part of him she could reach without changing her position. God! How could this one man always know how to do this to her—change her so quickly and so completely from a thinking, functioning human to a creature totally lost to sensation with a deep need to be satisfied.

  “Maddie. My beautiful Maddie,” he breathed softly against her cheek.

  She turned her face toward him, allowing them to meet in a kiss that was deep and encompassing. Oh, how she loved the taste of him. She always had, ever since that first kiss almost five years ago. His tongue was teasing her, exciting her as it touched her lips and tongue as he pulled back slightly before resuming the deepness of their kiss again. She noticed the change in his breathing, becoming as strained as her own. His left hand moved from her breast to her thigh. It was pulling her back against him as his other hand worked with her, pressing her writhing hips against him. She could feel him behind her, his burning flesh now against her flesh. When he had lifted her shirt earlier, her wriggling had maneuvered his underwear lower. He was leaning forward with her now, his legs spreading farther as he pressed against her. God, he was exciting her beyond belief. The only thing her mind could grasp was the extreme need to keep kissing this gorgeous man in the highly erotic way he had begun. Suddenly she was arching back against him; again and again the spasms washed over her. She could hear a sound. Was it possible those noises were coming from her?

  She was slow coming out of this one. Her hands moved slowly over his arms until his hands met hers, entwining his fingers with hers until she became aware again. With her awareness came the realization that he remained unsatisfied behind her. His patience warmed her, prompting her to get to her knees to turn to him. But inste
ad, he also rose to his knees behind her. His arm came around her waist while his other came around her chest. He leaned forward against her, lowering her face onto the cushions.

  “Joe?”

  “Shh. It’s okay.”

  He pressed her against the cushions as his mouth met the back of her shoulders. Curiousness made her remain still under his touch, not knowing just what to expect next. He lifted her hair off her back to give him greater access to her shoulders and back before sliding his palm sensuously over her shoulder and down her side, then resting on her waist. His mouth gave her back a variety of kisses, moving lower until his hand caressed her firm bottom. His lips brushed along her spine and across her sides, making her clutch onto the cushions in response to the softness of his lips and tongue. But when his hand moved low between her legs and his mouth moved to the small of her back, she stiffened and tried to get up.

  “Joe! What are you doing?!”

  He stopped his downward movement, hesitating a moment as if indecisive, then changed his position until he was lying next to her. His hand stayed where he was, making her stomach knot again, making her feel more alive with each bursting sensation than she had ever been before. His fingers played her like his well-tuned instrument, but her ability to respond as freely as usual was restrained because of her position on her stomach. She wanted to move against him more, for him to be able to feel more of her, but if she turned she couldn’t feel the pleasure of his mouth on her shoulders and back.

  “I hope this means your ready, because I am,” he whispered against her neck.

  There was a low fierceness in his voice as he pulled off her panties, but when he moved to lie above her and spread her legs, she stiffened again under his touch and tried to get up.

  “Joe! No! Don’t!”

  “Shhh.” His hand stroked her hair as he kissed the side of her mouth.

  “No—please, Joe, don’t!”

  “Maddie.” He moved slightly so he could look at her more closely. “Baby, I wouldn’t hurt you.” His voice tried to soothe her, but she didn’t want any part of what she thought he was about to do. She had heard stories in school, and the thought filled her with fright. “Maddie, you’ve been married for four years now—how can you remain so naive? You’re twenty-one years old. You’ve got to know more than you let on.”

  The mention of her marriage brought her guilt and anger that he could be so cruel and insensitive.

  “Goddamn you, Joe! You keep your mouth off my marriage! And about my age! If you remember—you didn’t have me in the back seat of your dad’s car at fifteen like you did Lena! So forgive me for not being as accomplished as she was. But I have no desire to try out the whole football team before settling for just one player!”

  “No, I had you in the front seat of my car at sixteen. And who in the hell told you I had her in the back seat of my Dad’s car at fifteen?”

  “Little pitchers have big ears! My brothers and their best friend didn’t always keep their voices down when they bragged about their conquests and what a fool John was for still being a virgin at sixteen.”

  “We thought he was a fool. He had plenty of opportunity with Jackie’s old girlfriend.”

  “Maybe he had a little more conscience than you and Jackie. I have little doubt that he did. Look at you—right now! You’re not hesitating to take one of your best friend’s wives! Maybe when I get out of here I better go warn Beth!”

  She shouldn’t have brought it up. She wouldn’t have if he hadn’t been so quick to defend his beloved blonde-haired beauty, Lena. Divorced for over three years? He was still as much in love with Lena as the day he had taken her four years ago. The anger in his face sent a chill through Maddie as he quickly moved over top of her again. She felt his hand move under her waist, jerking her up until she was dangling from his hand like a rag doll. He took a cushion and shoved it beneath her stomach then he pulled her up on her knees.

  “Don’t bother. You’re enough to satisfy me for a while. When I get the urge again I’ll be long gone, and you won’t have to worry about your brother’s wife.”

  She felt him throbbing behind her as she tried to dive away, but he was quick to lean over her and wrap his arm around her waist. His other arm also came around her, but his hands moved in different directions; one cupping her breast under her T-shirt as the other moved down to the soft patch of hair below her stomach.

  “Joe! Don’t!” she growled through clenched teeth.

  “Don’t fight me, Maddie. Jesus Christ, did I ever hurt you before?!”

  He held her against him, front to back as they both were on their knees—her breathing ragged from trying to escape; his deep and irregular from the need to touch her. His mouth came down on her neck, gently kissing the sensitive area of her shoulder as his left hand caressed her breast, making her relax slightly. His fingers slowly felt the softness below, moving lower to make her need him again as much as he needed her, continuing until she pressed back against his chest and moved her hand over her shoulder to feel the face behind her. He knew how to play her; he always did; so well that she was beginning not to care how he took her as long as it would be complete. The intensity of his member riding up between her thighs, sliding between them, was driving her nearly mad. Her hips were moving under the guidance of his hand, making her own hands move to his hips and thighs, the only parts available to her touch, as he continued to send her to a point near fainting.

  “Do something!!” What she tried to say in an irritated command, came out in a velvety moan.

  “Is that an order?” His voice was very husky as he breathed into her ear.

  “Please.”

  He didn’t hesitate. She was mildly aware of his hands on her calves as he spread her open before moving up behind her again, but what she suspected to be a painful and shameful experience, surprised her as he filled her in a very familiar area in an unfamiliar way, sending a deep moan from her that she tried to press into the cushion. It wasn’t what she had expected at all, and the relief that he wasn’t seeking something she wasn’t willing to give relaxed her as he moved against her. His hand moved up her sides as he leaned over her again, his muscled chest against the tender flesh of her back as his mouth moved to her ear. His tongue darted over it and traced the delicate shell.

  “Do you want me to stop? Am I hurting you?” His question brought only another deep moan from her.

  His hand cupped her chin and turned her face toward him, kissing her with combined tenderness and passion as his body moved slowly against hers. She was experiencing sensations she hadn’t known before, pressures in her body from an entirely different direction, absorbing them completely until there was no room left for any more and they overflowed. Her squirming twists beneath Joe brought him against her with erratic strokes, forceful strokes that released them both. He stayed completely still on top of her, then slowly moved to lie next to her. Maddie opened her eyes and looked at him. How could she have doubted him? She should have known she was safe with him, that he wouldn’t hurt her. His eyes were closed and his breathing still irregular, but his hand moved until it found hers, gently grasping it. As she waited for her heart to slow, still feeling small aftershocks roll through her, she watched him; a slow labored movement pushed her until she lay with her head on his shoulder and her leg draped between his. She reached up to take his hand in hers after he pulled the blanket over them again. His breathing was turning to a heavy steadiness, making her think he had fallen asleep, but his fingers curled around hers.

  “I told you I wouldn’t hurt you.”

  “Yes. You did.”

  “And you didn’t believe me.”

  “I didn’t . . . .”

  “No. Let me finish for you. I think I’ve heard this line from you before. You didn’t know.” His chuckle warmed her. “Are you still cold?”

  “You tell me.” She smiled against his shoulder as she ran her foot up his leg.

  “Your feet are blocks of ice.” He caught her foot between
his calves in a gesture to warm her foot.

  “They almost always are.” She was surprised by his action. Bob usually jerked away quite rapidly when coming in contact with her cold feet. She looked up at him, watching him silently for a moment before the silence finally hit her. The sound that had been pounding in her ears for days was finally missing. She sat up slowly, looking around suspiciously, not willing to trust her own ears yet. Remembering the window, she reached for her underwear and replaced them quickly before running to look outside. “It’s stopped raining!”

  Oh, the joy that surged through her! It had stopped raining! Now it wouldn’t be very long before she could return to her son! God, how she missed him! But when she turned back to look at Joe, his apathy dimmed her brightness.

  “Hand me my cigarettes,” he told her, by now sitting up again and leaning back against the couch with the blanket over his waist and legs.

  “Didn’t you hear me?!” She quickly picked up his cigarettes and dropped them on his lap then went to the kitchen and pulled on her jeans. “I said it’s stopped raining.”

  “I heard ya.” He lit his cigarette while he remained sitting. “It’s been stopping all morning. But it doesn’t last longer than half an hour.”

  “Well that’s got to mean something! Doesn’t it?!” She was pulling on her socks.

  “It means it’ll be a few days of raining yet, then a few more days before the river crests, like I told you before.”

  “Well I don’t care! I can finally get out of here!!” She pulled on her shoes and ran for the door and fled across the lawn to the road.

  God! It felt glorious to be outside in the fresh air without that damn rain pounding down against her. She ran down the road, then to the field beyond, stopping to look over at the house across the roaring creek. The small bridge she had crossed three days earlier was nowhere in sight.

  “Hello!” came a voice from across the creek.

  Maddie looked over to the house, seeing a woman of about sixty standing on the porch. She remembered her, they had been neighbors.