My Heart Can't Tell You No
Page 27
“Hello, Mrs. Snyder! It’s me—Maddie Baker!”
“Little Maddie?!”
“Yes! Mrs. Snyder! Does your phone work?!”
“No! It’s been out for days! Is there something wrong?”
“My son! He’s at Mom’s house! I’m worried!” She glanced back toward the house she was staying in. “I sort of got stranded up here and separated from him!”
““I’m sorry, Maddie! I wish I could help. But he should be all right, Honey. Your mom’s house is so high from the water you’d need an ark if it ever got that high.”
“I know.” Maddie shrugged her shoulders at the woman, knowing it was useless to try to get into a conversation while the creek roared so loudly.
“Is everything all right up there?!” Mrs. Snyder nodded toward Maddie’s cousin’s house.
“Wet! But all right!” Maddie smiled at her, receiving a return smile and wave of the hand before the woman turned and went back inside.
Maddie climbed the hill of damaged wheat. A small hill, only about thirty feet high, but at its crest she could finally see her parents’ house on the other side of the valley. It was a dim vista, the fog was still hanging heavily, but it had thinned out sufficiently to provide the view that helped her immensely. God, it was so close and yet so very, very far away. Only about a mile and a half or two miles away—but the brown, muddy Shamokin Creek that separated them looked far worse today than it had three days ago. She felt her hopes dashing to the ground as she looked at that creek. She didn’t think it was possible for the creek to get any worse, but, by the look of it, what usually was a creek no more than fifty yards wide now resembled a small lake between a quarter and a half a mile wide. The speed and force at which it flowed was tearing trees from the ground, and as she watched, she saw a roof floating downstream.
“Just where in the hell did you think you were going to go?!” Joe stood next to her.
“What?” She turned to look at him in confusion. He seemed angry again.
“What did ya plan to do? Wade across it? Didn’t you believe me when I told you it would be another few days before it would start to go down?!”
“I didn’t really know what to expect. But I certainly didn’t expect this. I just saw some kind of a roof go by.”
“Yeah.” His temper seemed to ease some. “Well, here comes the rest of the house now.”
Maddie glanced upstream where he nodded at what had been a house, or at least part of one, rushing down with the current. Her hand reached out and clutched onto his arm.
“Oh, my God! Do you think they made it out all right?”
“I don’t know for sure. Some people can be awful stubborn and stupid at a time like this. But if they had any sense at all, they would have been out long before now.”
“I hope so. I only came up to see if I could see Mom’s over there. I never thought the creek would be this high.”
“It’ll get higher before it gets any lower. We’re in for more rain. It has a lot of little creeks like this one emptying into it. Did you get a good look at Mom’s?” he asked, then after receiving an affirmative nod, he nudged her back down the hill toward the house they had just come from. “Then let’s get back before it starts raining again. You won’t even be able to see up to your cousin’s, let alone clear across the valley, once it starts again.”
She sighed heavily as she started back down the hill. Somehow just being able to see her parents’ house had made her feel better. As they neared the highway, she saw Mrs. Snyder on the porch again, waving for her to stop.
“Maddie! My son got through on his radio!” Mrs. Snyder called to her.
“Radio?! We don’t have a radio over there!” Maddie called back.
“Your neighbor! They drove up to check on them. They said your son’s fine! Not to worry! And someone named Bob will be over as soon as he can get through!”
“Thank you, Mrs. Snyder!!” Maddie called to her, not knowing whether to laugh or cry, then doing both with relief. Jackie was all right.
“Old hag always had her nose stuck in everyone else’s business,” Joe muttered as they traveled up the macadam road toward the house.
“Joe!” Maddie looked at him in surprise, seeing how removed he was, just as distantly as he had been three days earlier. “That may be true, but she was only trying to help.”
“Right,” he snorted as he strode faster, carrying him into the house before she even reached the yard. “Where are those cards you had yesterday?”
“I don’t know,” she answered, watching him remove his coat and move into the living room, where he placed the cushions back on the chairs and couch, then sat on one of the chairs. “You had them last night.”
“Never mind. I found them.” He pulled a coffee table over to the chair and began to shuffle the cards.
All right, Maddie thought as she went to the cupboard and pulled out three large pots. “Be that way. I was the one who preferred the silent treatment before, but you had to have everything all cozy. You think you’re hurting me by keeping quiet—you better think again.” Realizing that the rain was starting again, she took the pots outside. Once they had filled with rainwater, she would transfer the food from her cousin’s refrigerator to plastic bags, then submerge them in the cold water, the only assistance this hurricane was providing.
The silent treatment lasted through the rest of the day. But by nine o’clock that night as they both sat in the room, with Maddie on one chair reading a biography and Joe still playing solitaire on the other side of the room, she heard him throw down the cards. She glanced up to see him grab his cigarettes and raincoat and head for the door. “You’re gonna need that coat in this rain, she thought as she listened to the pounding on the roof again. Just where in the hell do ya think you’re going though?’” Then the answer struck her. Didn’t he say the day before that he wouldn’t stay in the same building with her if he had to put up with her silent distance? Didn’t he say he’d try to walk back to town? She got up and raced for the front door, throwing it open as she stared out into the darkness.
“Joe!” she yelled, desperation filling her. “JOE!!”
“What?” He was more than thirty yards up the road from her.
She couldn’t hide the tears that welled up and were making her throat tight. “Don’t—don’t leave me here alone.”
He didn’t answer her for the longest time, then came back into the light. His steps were slow, until he finally stopped at the edge of the porch.
“Why can’t you just let me go?” His voice was very quiet. From the way he was looking at her, Maddie wasn’t sure if he even knew he had spoken.
“I . . . I—can’t,” she breathed.
He rushed through the doorway, capturing her in his arms, his embrace indicating his desperation. His mouth met hers in a kiss filled with a pain she had never known before. She had so many feelings going through her, so many anxieties, but the clearest thing in her mind was that she needed him and never wanted to let him go.
She didn’t know how many times they made love over the next few days. Or how often they quietly sat looking at one another. The days seemed dreamlike. When reality drew too close, they would shove it away as they clung to one another. The only times reality was welcome was during their vigils next to the radio. They knew when the storm had passed with the last of the rain. They knew when the river crested and would soon start its descent. They knew during their final, solemn morning together that it would be their last day together in the house.
They could barely look at one another that day as they made an attempt to return everything to its normal place and condition; returned unused food, the lanterns and heater, and cleaned the bedding from upstairs.
Maddie was so confused. She knew where she wanted to go after she got her son, but in the whole time she had spent with this man, not once had he said that he needed her for anything other than to satisfy his physical needs. He even came right out and told her he was using her to curb his urges
. He even told her to let him go. Then, Maddie thought, there was always Lena—beautiful, slim, blonde Lena. Though divorced, he was still in love with her. He had made that plain enough when he had become so angry with her for insulting the woman.
As for her own marriage—Maddie knew it wasn’t any good doing this to Bob. He deserved so much more than she could give him.
“You taking this with you?” Joe held up the book she had been reading.
“No. It’s my cousin’s. I can’t take it.”
“Too bad all women don’t feel that way,” he muttered as he put the book back on its shelf. “Maybe I could have a peaceful night’s sleep once in a while.”
“What?” Maddie looked at him. “Who are you talking about? Who took something that belonged to you?”
“Can’t say for certain. Lena has the kids right now. I’m hoping she’ll take them to their grandparents sometime this week.”
“Your children. What would you do if she wouldn’t bring them back?” Maddie was feeling odd, slightly lightheaded.
His laugh was cruel as he looked at her. “That’s easy. I’d find them. No one takes my kids for long. I’d get them back. Then she’d have one hell of a time finding us.”
Maddie stared at him as he took his wallet out and put some money on the table along with a note he had written to her cousin earlier. The sound from outside was slow to sink in, her concentration was so complete on Joe, but the look of panic that spread across his face as he looked out the window turned her eyes outside too.
“Bob.” Maddie was on her feet, but Joe’s grip on her arms surprised her, turning her attention back to him.
“Don’t go.” His voice was pleading. “Don’t go with him. Tell him you aren’t going with him. Tell him to go home. Tell him to take Jackie with him—that you want a divorce.”
“What?!” Take Jackie with him? Was he crazy? “What are you talking about!”
“For God’s sake, Maddie! Leave him have his son if he won’t let you go otherwise.”
Hysterical laughter bubbled inside of her. He was nuts! How could he have shared all this time with her and imagine such a thing? To tell her to leave her son—their son—and at the same time—be so concerned about Lena’s children! God! How she hated him at that moment! Couldn’t he sense at all how very much she loved her son?
“I’m not leaving him!” she laughed without humor. “What kind of a fool do you take me for?! To leave the only thing in this world that can give me happiness—give me some sense of stability?! You’re crazy!”
His face was stone-like as he looked at her and released his grip. “You better go then. Just thought I’d give it a try. Maybe I’ll see you in another four years, in some flood or blizzard, or something.” He turned away from her and went to the middle room, where he put the telephone back on its stand.
Maddie grabbed her raincoat, not wasting any time as she raced to the door. As she opened it she saw the other car pull up behind Bob’s. It was John. She had the raincoat on and was heading for Bob’s car but he was already on his way to her. He stopped and took hold of her arms, looking at her closely before looking past her. He released her suddenly, moving across the yard toward Joe, who was closing the door; a look of anger crossing his face when he turned to see Bob standing before him.
“Bob!” Maddie yelled.
“Get in the car!” he growled.
“Something wrong, Green?” Joe asked, an amused sneer turning up his lips. Bob’s fist met Joe’s jaw, sending him back against the house. Joe started to retaliate but stopped and looked up at Maddie. The smile returned to his mouth as he reached up and wiped blood from a torn lip. She made no attempt to stop her husband. “Here, kid, you’re forgetting this. You misplaced it a few days ago.”
Maddie watched as he tossed something across the lawn to her. Amazingly, she caught it. Her face blanched when she realized it was her wedding band. How could she have lost it? Then she remembered how he stroked her fingers their first night together. How could she not have noticed it all this time? In a barely audible, very weak voice she said, “My ring.”
“You can have her back now, Bob. I’m done with her,” Joe said dangerously.
“I said get in the car!” Bob roared at her again, then turned back and was on Joe in an instant. Two more punches landed in Joe’s face before Joe retaliated and sent Bob flying back into the yard with a blow that tore the skin over Bob’s cheek. Joe went after him, his fists releasing all the fury he had held in check toward this man for years. John was there quickly, grabbing Bob and pulling him away from Joe as Tom pulled Joe back.
“That’s enough!!” John yelled at the men. “Bob, take Maddie home. Joe, get in the car and we’ll get you back over to Mom’s for your car.”
“Get in the Goddamn car!!” Bob yelled at Maddie, then went to the driver’s side and got behind the wheel.
Maddie slid into the back seat with her sleeping son. Her hands went to him immediately as she pulled him from his car seat and cradled him in her arms.
JULY 1984
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July 1984
At the end of John’s driveway Maddie looked around, still in a panic, but she saw nothing out of the ordinary. Her steps slowed as she stomped across Joe’s yard and banged on his door.
“I knew it!” Joe said angrily to her. “You can’t stop and think! You had to charge out in the middle of a thunderstorm and save your kid. Goddamn it, girl—don’t you ever use your head?! You’re all soaked!”
“Where is he?!” she growled as she stood in the rain before he grabbed her arm and pulled her inside.
“Right there. I was trying to tell you that he had an accident with his pants. They ripped. He fell down the bank over at John’s and got them caught on a rock. I wanted you to bring another pair—after the storm. But you had to jump right in with the wrong conclusions.”
“Robert. Get over here.” Her voice was strained as she fought to maintain control. She could strangle both of them; Robby for taking off as he had, and Joe for his superior attitude. “Let me tell you this, young man, you haven’t felt my hand meet your bottom very often. Today you’re in for a new experience—NOW MOVE!!”
“You stay right here,” Joe told him. “Maddie if you try to take him out in this rain . . . .”
“You’ll what?!!” In her frightened, exhausted and confused state of mind, logic wasn’t coming clearly to her, only a need to release the tensions his behavior had caused. “Accuse me of being an unfit mother? You already have the opportunity since he took off without my knowledge. Never mind that I thought he was playing in his bedroom with Jackie while I was working on store receipts, or that Jackie saw him go to the bathroom, then thought he was in the living room with me. Never mind that he sneaked out to visit you! Just point out that I wasn’t watching him and he’d rather be with you than me today!”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Joe eyed her with suspicion and concern. “All I’m saying is, you should wait until the storm’s over.”
“I can’t. I even left my other son alone in the house just now to come down here. There’s more for you, while you’re at it.”
“Get in the truck. I’ll drive you up.” He shook his head in confusion as he picked up his keys and started out the door. “Why didn’t you drive down? Wouldn’t that have been simpler?”
“Shut up!” she shouted in complete frustration. “Just shut up.�
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CHAPTER XVII
JULY 1984
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July 1984
It had been two weeks since Maddie had brought Robby home and had taken him into his bedroom, telling Jackie to wait in the living room with Joe. It was the first time she had ever bent him over her knee and given him an old-fashioned spanking, and his shock showed itself completely with the howl following each of the three slaps. From the way he cried, anyone would have thought she had just beaten him half to death instead of swatted his behind three times. As she left his bedroom, she prayed he had learned never to sneak off like that again; then as she returned to the livingroom, she saw Joe and Jackie wearing expressions as grim as Robby’s. If she didn’t know better she would have sworn they had taken the spanking instead of her youngest son.
But the two weeks managed to slide by without any more chaos in Maddie’s otherwise orderly life, allowing a momentary lull to cover them like a blanket, along with the sweltering heat of mid-summer.
“Are you about ready?” Sarah asked as Maddie sat in her mother’s living room and watched television without really seeing it.
“Hmm. Whenever you are. Do you have your pills?”
The question, referring to Sarah’s nitroglycerin tablets, had become habit since her mother’s first heart attack. Sarah answered by patting the pocket of her dress and starting for the kitchen. She was almost to the door when Joe walked inside.