My Heart Can't Tell You No

by M. K. Heffner

  This comment turned Joe toward the other man, but Beth’s words to her husband widened Joe’s eyes. “So? She went out with you too, so just keep your big mouth shut.”

  “My mother went out with you?” Felicia asked.

  “No, I think Beth is mistaken. She couldn’t stand John,” Joe said with his eyes fixed on the other man.

  “Right,” Beth mumbled. “Just like Eve couldn’t stand apples.”

  “What do you know?” John asked his wife. “You were only a freshman. You didn’t even know me then.”

  “I knew you better than you think. It’s just that the hot-shot tri-captain of the football team didn’t notice anything that didn’t grow pom-poms,” Beth countered.

  “You’ll have to tell me about it sometime, John. That’s a story I’d like to hear,” Joe remarked soberly.

  “Don’t hold your breath, Joe. It’s not worth repeating.”

  “Getting back to Joe’s mother . . . ,” Maddie sternly interrupted the quiet argument. It was irritating her to see that Joe could still grow jealous over Lena. “I think you can rest assured, Felicia, that you’re going to flower into the same beauty your Grandmother McNier was.”

  “Do you really think so?” Her eyes were hopeless as she gazed up at Maddie.

  Maddie looked at her mother, not quite sure how to handle the girl’s obvious need for assurance. Sarah’s smile calmed Maddie, helping her to look back at the girl with a smile similar to her mother’s. “Of course I’m sure. You’ve got a running start already. Look at her when she was your age, she didn’t have legs as long as yours, so I’d think you’re going to be taller than she was.”

  Maddie hadn’t realized their heads were bent so closely over the pictures until she looked over at her.

  “I hate being so tall and with all this red hair. It isn’t ordinary.”

  “No. It isn’t. It’s not ordinary at all. You’re not the common type. You’re very attractive—your face is dazzling. And by the time you grow into those legs of yours, you’re going to be extraordinary.”

  “Pass them over here,” Tom said from the chair closest to his mother. When the pictures went to him he let out a low whistle, then looked back at the girl next to his sister again. “Wow! Not bad. Not bad at all.”

  “Reign it in old man,” Joe warned with a smile in his eyes as he stood up and started for the kitchen to get his cigarettes.

  “What’s the matter, Joey? Don’t you like the idea of an older man admiring your young daughter?” Sarah asked sarcastically.

  “He can admire all he wants. But I’m not letting that girl out of my sight until she’s twenty-one. And by then Old Tom will be too old to worry about.”

  “Here, want to take a look?” Tom asked as he passed the pictures to his brother. With Robby sleeping on his lap, it made the movement awkward. Maddie could see their mother’s and Joe’s comments were embarrassing him. His eyes moved back to Felicia. “They’re ignorant, aren’t they?”

  Felicia laughed; a soft, sweet sound that showed her agreement with him as she nodded her head, but the smile Maddie was wearing hid a stubborn anger that was starting to seethe. It was bad enough knowing Joe was jealous of John, and although she knew his words about Felicia’s age were words spoken by a father, it didn’t help the jealousy she was feeling when she knew he hadn’t waited until she was twenty-one. Maddie turned over more of the photographs, passing them down to Felicia, then on to Sarah, Tom, John and then Beth. So far, she had nothing to worry about. Mrs. McNier was the mirror image of Felicia, but there were no signs of Robby and Jackie.

  The picture on the bottom of the stack made Maddie inhale sharply. Turning it over, she read Joseph Daniel McNier two-and-a-half years. She didn’t know what to do with it as she glanced around at the people expecting the picture to be passed along with the rest. Then suddenly she became aware of the girl sitting very close at her side; her youthful eyes going from the picture to Robby and then back again. Maddie was horror-stricken. It was perfectly clear that recognition had taken place in the child’s mind. The seconds passing by were killing her. She had to know what the child intended to do.

  “Well? Come on, pass it down,” said Tom.

  “I . . . ,” Maddie started, still looking at Felicia. But when the girl finally looked up at Maddie, she saw a softness enter the green eyes.

  “It’s just another picture of Grandmother. The same as the one we showed you before,” said Felicia, taking the picture from Maddie. “Can I have this one Dad? I’d like to take it back to Grandmother Johnson’s with me?”

  “Sure, keep it,” said Joe from the kitchen’s doorway.

  “I’ll put it in my suitcase so I don’t forget it.”

  Maddie watched Felicia go to her bedroom, then rose. “I’d better get going. If I’m lucky Robby will stay asleep for the night.”

  She took Robby from Tom and moved toward the door.

  “Wait. I’ll walk up with you.” Joe was standing behind her before she could stop him.

  “No thank you. I’ll manage. No heels tonight. No chance I’ll break an ankle.”

  She moved out the door a few steps before her oldest son’s warning reached her ears. When she looked up she saw the baseball rocketing toward her and her youngest son’s heads. Without thinking, she reached out and caught the ball with her free hand; the sting making her realize what a foolish choice it had been. The boys didn’t think it was foolish at all as they ran up to her; Ollie open-mouthed and wide-eyed and Jackie wearing an expression of pride as he gazed up at her.

  “Did you see that?! She caught it without a mitt!” Ollie said in awe.

  “Yeah. I know. She can do things like that,” said Jackie smugly.

  “Where’d you learn to catch like that, Mrs. Green?” Ollie asked.

  An amused smile lit her eyes as she looked down at him. “My brothers and your father used to take me out to play when they practiced. They said it was to play, but really it was to chase the balls when they were too lazy to run after them. So, I could either catch them or let them hit me in the head like that one almost did. I decided it was far better to catch them. With an arm like your father’s it got to be too painful otherwise.”

  “My dad played ball?” The astonishment in Ollie’s words let Maddie’s laughter spill as Joe stepped out from the house.

  “Of course he played ball. He was tri-captain of the football team when the high school hadn’t lost a game for three years running. Didn’t your parents ever tell you that?”

  “No. My mother and grandparents only told me my mother was cheerleader when that happened. They didn’t tell me Dad was tri-captain of the team.” Ollie looked to his father with a new admiration lighting his eyes. “Who were the other two tri-captains?”

  “My brothers,” she told him, deciding to help that admiration along. “But your father made more touchdowns than John. He was faster.”

  “What about Tom?”

  “What about Tom?” She didn’t understand the question.

  “Did Tom make more touchdowns than my dad?”

  “No. Tom was never on the football team.”

  “But you said he was one of the tri-captains.”

  “No,” Jackie corrected. “John and Jackie were tri-captains. Jackie died in the war.”

  “Oh. Did he make more touchdowns than Dad?”

  “Jackie was the quarterback. John and Joe were receivers. Why don’t you go in and talk to your dad about it? He has a special football from that season. I’m sure he’ll show it to you.” She put her hand on Jackie’s shoulder. “C’mon, Sailor. Time to go home.”

  “Can I see it, Dad? Will you show it to me?” Ollie gazed up at Joe.

  When Maddie looked back at Joe, she saw he was torn between wanting to walk her home and wanting to go in the house with the children he didn’t really know. She was irritated with him as it was; if he decided to walk along with her, it would only be worse. He had his chance to connect with his children—he ought to have the brain
s to see that. Neglecting them now would be something she would find hard to forgive.

  “Yeah, it’s in my bedroom in the closet. Go get it. I”ll be back in soon.” Ollie wasted no time doing as his father said. “Maddie, wait. I want to talk to you.”

  “No, I don’t think so. Go talk to John and Beth,” she said lightly as she continued to walk across his lawn, but he caught up with her and stopped her, his slight jerking waking Robby. “Dammit, Joe, now look what you’ve done.”

  “Daddy.” Robby sleepily rubbed his eyes with one hand and reached for Joe with the other.

  “What’s wrong?!” Joe asked angrily.

  “What’s wrong?!” she asked just as angrily, but trying to maintain control of her voice. “Go ask John and Beth. I’m sure you’re just dying to find out. You looked mad enough to hit him when you found out he took Lena out while you were in high school.”

  “Jackie, take Robby in the house,” Joe ordered, then looked back toward the house. “Beth! John! Come here!”

  “Jackie—you stay right here! Let go, Irish! I don’t care if she laid the whole football team!”

  “Jackie! Go!” Joe ordered again.

  “I don’t have to listen to you. Mom told me to stay here,” Jackie retorted.

  “If you don’t tell him to go in the house, he’s gonna hear a lot of things you don’t want him to hear,” Joe warned Maddie.

  “Jackie, go in the house.” Beth approached them with John a few steps behind.

  “No.”

  “Get in the house and take Robby with you!” John ordered this time, using a tone that left no room for argument as the boy reluctantly grabbed Robby’s hand and started pulling him across the lawn. “Now what the hell’s the matter with you two? The whole neighborhood can hear you yelling at each other.”

  Joe lowered his voice. “Ya want to fill me in on the story regarding you and Lena?”

  “Joe, it was twenty years ago! What difference does it make now?”

  “Not much to me.” Joe lit a cigarette as he looked over at John. “But it must make a lot of difference to your sister. She’s on the verge of not speaking to me again.”

  “Because me and Jackie tested the waters with Lena Johnson? What’s the matter with you?” John was looking at Maddie. “That’s none of your business.”

  “Right. Send the boys up with Tom,” Maddie said stiffly and turned to leave again, but Joe’s grip clamped on her arm. “It’s none of my business! Didn’t you hear him?”

  “Yeah. But you’re making it your business,” Joe told her. “Beth, you seem to know more than you’re letting on. Fill in the empty spots.”

  “There’s not much to say, just that Lena wanted to be with John. It’s why she started dating you. John wouldn’t take her out, so she decided to be with you just to keep the connection with him.”

  “Lena couldn’t stand the sight of John,” Joe told her.

  “That’s not true,” said Beth quietly. “Everyone at school knew it. Just like they knew how she’d arrange her schedule to fit John’s, and then Jackie’s when John caught on and started changing his classes. It was no secret she slept with them whenever she could. They said she only stayed with you because they wouldn’t go steady with her and she needed to remain in contact with them through you. If you remember, she married you after Jackie was killed and when John was on his second marriage. She finally gave up hope on him.”

  “When?” Joe looked at John. “That’s what I don’t understand. I thought you were a virgin until you went in the service. And Jackie—what about Brenda?”

  “It ended with Jackie when he met Brenda. He didn’t see her anymore,” John told him. “And as for me—what was I supposed to do? Tell my best friend I was boffin’ his steady? I don’t think so.”

  Joe looked at him thoughtfully. “Well that explains a lot. There was no love lost in that marriage. And it explains why she was so bent on hurting Maddie.”

  “Then why did you look like you could have strangled him when you found out?” Maddie asked through clenched teeth, her anger bringing tears to her eyes.

  “I didn’t appreciate letting Felicia know exactly what kind of a woman bore her. You think she likes having a mother who slept with so many men she can’t keep track anymore?”

  Maddie stared up at him. She felt small and ashamed. She should have trusted his feelings for her. He had told her enough over the past weeks.

  “I’m—sorry.”

  “Dad, you coming in?” Ollie called from the door.

  “Give me two minutes.” Joe turned and looked down at Maddie, reaching to tip her head back until she was looking up at him. “You get some crazy notions in your head sometimes, little girl.”

  “I said I was sorry. You’ve got to remember what I have to face, Joe. Your ex-wife was the beautiful cheerleader. And I was the underside of average kid in detention most of the year.”

  “Were you?” He smiled. “In detention most of the time, I mean. I know you were not the underside of average.”

  “You know perfectly well I was nothing compared to Lena when we were both sixteen and seventeen. Much less as we are now.”

  “Now you’re fishing for compliments.”

  “Go to hell,” she mumbled.

  “Why can’t you get it through your head that Lena was nothing? She was a figment of many men’s imaginations. You want to see just how beautiful she was at sixteen and seventeen? Come here. I want to show you something.” He took her hand and started back for the house, walking past their children and the rest of Maddie’s family until he seated her on the bed in his bedroom. He went to his closet and sorted through the box that had signs of Ollie having just done the same. Picking out an old high school yearbook, he flipped through the pages until he came to a photograph slipped within. He took the picture out and handed the book to Maddie, pointing to the graduation picture of Lena. “That’s what you remember, right?”

  “Yes. And besides the absurdity of the stiff, puffy hair, she was stunning.”

  “Stunning? Attractive, maybe. But stunning? I wouldn’t say so. Now, look at this one. Jackie and John sneaked up to her house and took it—then gave it to me.”

  Maddie took the photograph and glanced down to see an extremely skinny, dough-faced teenager. The contrast between the two pictures was amazing, making Maddie study them closely before looking back at Joe.

  “Was she ill here?” She held up the photograph.

  “It depends on what you call ill. But physically, no. She just didn’t have on her daily layers of makeup yet. Do I have to stand here and tell you that you never needed makeup at that age? That even now, without any, you are stunning.” He took the book from her and put it back in his closet. “Ya know, it’s not as if I couldn’t have stayed married to her. But she had an attitude that stunk. She was a conceited, spoiled woman. And worse of all she was a liar. That’s one thing I won’t put up with—no matter how gorgeous the person might be.”

  Maddie watched him as he knelt in front of his closet, his words striking her like a knife. “You mean if I were to lie to you—you’d leave me?”

  He turned slowly, looking at her from the short distance that separated them. “I’m not with you yet. Let’s wait until we’re married—or at least living together officially—which should be after the kids go back to their grandparents again. What do you have to worry about? You’re not a liar, Maddie. It isn’t in you.” He stood up and closed the door to his closet. “Come on, I’ve got a son out there expecting some fantastic stories because of you.”

  CHAPTER XXVI

  “Dad!” The voice burst into Joe’s sleep along with the rapid knocking on his bedroom door. “Dad!”

  “What?” He groggily pulled the pillow farther under him, not yet ready to awaken.

  “Aren’t you getting up soon?!” Ollie’s voice was impatient.

  “What time is it?”

  “Nine-thirty.”

  “Then no. I’m not getting up soon,” he said, his min
d telling him he had to get up, even as his body refused to move.

  “Come on, Dad. Maddie’s sick and needs you.”

  Joe’s eyes were open immediately. He rolled from the bed and opened the door to find out what was wrong, then he saw his son’s impish grin as Felicia rushed around the corner from the living room.

  “That’s not fair, Ollie,” Felicia scolded. “You shouldn’t tell him such things.”

  “It got him up, didn’t it?” Ollie looked at his father, dressed only in his underwear. “Do you always sleep like that?”

  “Like what?” Joe asked as he stepped back into his bedroom to slide on his jeans as Ollie followed him. Felicia stood at the door, discreetly turned the other way until he had himself properly covered.

  “In just your underwear. Grandmother Johnson says I always have to at least wear pajama bottoms.”

  “I don’t like pajamas.” Joe walked past the children to make a pot of coffee. He was pleasantly surprised to find one already brewed. “Who made the coffee?”

  “Mr. Baker,” Felicia told him.

  “Jack?”

  “Yes.”

  “When was he here?”

  “An hour ago. He stayed with us for about half an hour.”

  “And just what did you three have to talk about?” Joe poured a cup of coffee then moved into the room, where he stretched out on a chair, noticing that they had been watching television.

  “He came down to tell us this movie was on. It’s good. Did you ever see it? He called it a classic.” Felicia sat on the couch, a dish of potato chips next to her.

  Joe had to smile as he looked at his children. They had only been with him for six days (this was the beginning of their seventh), but they had changed so much. Little things, like the chips at nine-thirty in the morning, and the new sneakers Felicia had brought with her that were now crusty black. Ollie was always coming home grimy from a hard day’s play or work with Tom or Jack that he seemed to enjoy so much. Their Grandmother Johnson would have a fit to see them like this; to see them as children full of life, not the strange little trophies she liked to keep in her study. Joe glanced at the television, seeing a young Gregory Peck’s face.