My Heart Can't Tell You No

by M. K. Heffner

  “All right. I’d like it if you stayed home tomorrow.”

  “Try to get some sleep now, okay?”

  “I will.”

  “Goodnight, Jackie.”

  “Goodnight, Mom.”

  Maddie left the room, slowly walking toward the living room but stopping when she saw Joe standing at her desk holding a drowsy Robby with one arm, and the broken picture frame with the other.

  “What happened here?” He looked up at her.

  “That’s my father,” Robby explained as he reached for the picture, but Joe pulled it away from his small hand.

  “Don’t touch it. You’ll get cut.”

  “Shh.” Maddie went to them and took the picture, quickly picking up the birth certificate from the coffee table that he hadn’t seen. She moved back to the filing cabinet/safe and removed Robby’s birth certificate from the filing side and deposited all items in the safe before closing everything up. “Jackie’s in bed for school tomorrow. He has to get to sleep.”

  “So what happened?” Joe sat on the couch with Robby and pulled the youngster’s thumb from his mouth. “Don’t do that.”

  “I won’t,” Robby yawned as he nestled against Joe’s chest, then promptly stuck his thumb back in his mouth as his eyelids drooped.

  “We had a small accident,” Maddie explained, going back to her desk and putting all of her papers inside her folder. “That’s all.”

  “A small accident that happened when someone smashed that picture of Bob and Jackie with that bat,” Joe told her, watching her carefully.

  “Jackie was upset with Bob.” She picked up the bat and looked at its tip, seeing particles of glass on it, then took it to her bedroom. She would fix it tomorrow. She didn’t have the energy tonight. When she returned to the living room she saw Robby was fast asleep on the end of the couch as Joe sat smoking a cigarette. “You’re quite the detective to figure that out from just a glance.”

  “Why was he upset with Bob? I thought the man was his hero.”

  “I don’t know. I sent him to bed.” She sat on the chair closest to him, hoping he would drop the subject. She needed him to hold her, not badger her about something she had no intentions of telling him.

  “You sent him to bed,” he said flatly. “without asking what was on his mind. That’s not like you, Maddie.”

  “Well, I was extremely busy with inventory figures at the time.”

  “When your store interferes with your kids, then I’d say its about time to close up shop.”

  She looked at him through angry eyes. He had no right to tell her what to do with her business! He should know better! She had a broad enough mind to take care of the store, and her children, and him, and worry over her mother’s health! But as she looked at him she realized he did know better. It was her remarks that had made him question her.

  “I’ll do that. If it becomes a habit. Okay?”

  “If you say so. What do you plan on doing about it in the meantime?”

  “Doing about what? Jackie or the store?”

  “Jackie.”

  “I’ll talk to him tomorrow before he goes to school. I’m staying home so I can see him off. Does that make up for it?”

  “Come here.” He crushed out his half-smoked cigarette and took her in his arms as he pulled her down onto his lap. “Did I tell you I’m in love with this gorgeous brunette, and I have a feeling she could do anything and I’d let her get away with it?”

  “Anything . . . but lie.”

  “Don’t spoil a compliment when I offer it to you. I don’t offer them that much,” he smiled lazily as he leaned his head against the back of the couch. “Where were you this evening? Robby and I were waiting for you. We were going to take you out for some ice cream.”

  “Only because you know I don’t like it and you would’ve had to eat mine as well as your own.”

  “You don’t like ice cream? That’s un-American. That’s even un-human.”

  “Well, what can I say? I never was an ice cream eater. While you, Bob and my brothers were bankrupting my parents with ice cream cones, I was taking a few licks then handing mine to Tom to finish.”

  “Not me. I ate mine because Mom bought it for me. I couldn’t see her wasting her money.”

  “Not that you liked it or anything,” she teased.

  “I like you better.” He pulled her against him as he smiled into her eyes.

  “I know,” she chuckled. “I bet you don’t make those noises when you’re eating ice cream. Now, I think we need to go clean this little guy up. And I’d like to thank you for bringing my son home with chocolate ice cream melted over his shirt, face and hands.” She took Joe’s hand from her waist, bringing it up to the front of her and showing him the brownness of it. “Then we can start on you. You’re almost as bad as Robby. Were you trying to see who could wear more chocolate ice cream?”

  “You’ll never believe how that happened.”

  “Go ahead. Try me.”

  “I was sitting there, watching Robby climb up beside me on the bench when this beautiful redhead and her friend come up to me. Naturally I was watching her instead. She was talking to me as they sat across the table. I heard Robby yell, and I looked over just in time to see his ice cream falling off his cone and heading straight for my lap. I didn’t have time to grab anything else, so I caught the mound of gushy ice cream in my hand.”

  “And what did your beautiful redhead have to say about that?”

  “Something like, Dad, you’re gross,” he smiled, bringing a chuckle from her as she rose and carried Robby to the bathroom.

  “Robby. Wake up. You need to be washed off.”

  “No, I’ll eat it tomorrow.” He nestled tightly against her.

  Maddie looked down at him, not having the heart to wake him. She transferred him to Joe’s arms and wet a washcloth, wiping Robby’s face, hands and the area that had been dribbled on his chest. As Joe took him to his bedroom, she hoped Jackie was asleep.

  She went to her own room for some fresh clothes. When she came back, Joe was standing in the bathroom, removing his shirt to take his bath. As she stepped into the boys’ room, she saw both were sleeping soundly; then she moved to the living room. She needed a few minutes to herself. After her talk with Jackie she hadn’t been allowed any time to think. Funny how the man who was the center of her problem was the man who had eased her mind and prevented her from thinking with a heavy heart. Since talking with Joe she had a feeling things would turn out all right. She’d be gentle with Jackie, but he had a strength that surpassed many seven-nearly-eight-year-olds. He would survive and deal with it.

  CHAPTER XXVIII

  OCTOBER 1984

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  October 1984

  In the month since school had started Joe had seen little of Jackie, sometimes only catching a glance of him as the boy returned from his grandparents’ house just before he’d take his bath and go to bed. He wondered when the child had time to do his homework, but Maddie assured him that Jackie was doing it while he was with Jack and Sarah. It was the weekends he’d see him most; when he’d bring Felicia and Ollie out, but it was also during the weekends he’d glance up to see the boy staring at him with an anger close to hatred.

  “I’m cold,” Robby complained as he lay on the living room floor, moving a truck back and forth over the carpet.

  “It’s kinda warm out, buddy. You can shut the door though if
you want to,” Joe told him from the couch where he lounged as he watched the youngster’s play.

  “I think its almost cold enough to ride my sled,” Robby told Joe, his voice slow and quiet. “Will you ride my sled with me?”

  “What’s the matter, buddy? Don’t you feel good?”

  “I’m cold and my head hurts.”

  Joe sat up and reached for the boy, feeling his forehead. “You feel a little warm. You might have a bit of a fever.”

  “Where’s Mommy?” He climbed up onto Joe’s lap and leaned back against him as he inspected his truck.

  “In the cellar. She’ll be up pretty soon.”

  “What’s wrong?” Maddie came through the cellar door, then through the kitchen.

  “Headache.” Joe told her.

  She reached for the boy. “Feels a little warm. He must be coming down with the bug.”

  “Mom.” Jackie came into the house, followed by two boys close to his age. “Can Matt and Kyle eat supper with us?”

  “If you can talk Joe into going down to the freezer for a roast. I was just down and I don’t want to go down again right away.”

  Jackie looked over at Joe, then started for the kitchen. “I’ll get it. Is it marked?”

  “Yes,” Maddie sighed as she sat on the couch on the other side of Robby and Joe.

  “Hi. My name’s Robert Green,” Robby said as he sat up and looked at the other boys. “What’s your names?”

  “I’m Kyle,” the blond-haired boy said. “I’m in Jackie’s class at school. And this is my older brother Matt. He’s ten.”

  “Matt’s got hair like mine. You’ve got hair like Ollie,” Robby told them then leaned back against Joe again.

  “You’re the boys who moved into the Rogers’ house, aren’t you?” Maddie asked. Joe noticed how Matt’s eyes fixed on her and he seemed to blush as she spoke to him.

  “Yes, Ma’am,” he said quietly.

  “Do you like it here?”

  “It’s colder than it was when we lived in Georgia. We lived there for a year before we moved up here.”

  “Where’d you live before that?” asked Joe.

  “In town here. My Dad went south for work; he couldn’t find much so we came back.”

  “Does he have any work now?”

  “No, sir.”

  “Is your mother working?” Maddie asked gently.

  “Our mother is dead, Ma’am,” Matt told her, blushing again.

  “What did your father do before you moved south, Matt?”

  “He used to work at that factory that closed down. Before that, we lived on a farm. His father just died and left him some money, that’s how we bought our new house.”

  “I see.” Maddie got up when Jackie came back, moving to the kitchen where she took the package of meat from him.

  “C’mon, Robby,” Jackie told him as he entered the living room. “Let’s go in our room and play.”

  “O-kay.” Robby slowly got to his feet and joined the others as they went to the seclusion of the boys’ bedroom.

  “Maddie?” Joe inquired.

  “Hmm?”

  Joe went to the kitchen where she was putting the meat in a roasting pan. Out of habit she moved back against him as he stood behind her. His arms held her around the waist as she seasoned the meat. He loved the feel of her in his arms. He was protecting her—from what, he wasn’t certain. But it felt nice to know if anything were to harm her, he was finally able to prevent it. “I think I have a rival.”

  “He is cute. I’ll say that.” They both referred to the black-haired youth who was playing in the bedroom. “I wonder why his father went to Georgia.”

  “To look for work, he said. He must have heard there was something down there, then, once he got there, found it wasn’t available.” Joe walked back to the couch with her again, pulling her down roughly until she fell across his lap and landed on the other end of the couch.

  “What are you doing?” she laughed as she looked up at him.

  “Guess,” he said smartly, leaning over her and pulling his legs up onto the couch until he was on top of her. “We’re alone. I’m not hesitating to take advantage of it.”

  “You realize we don’t have much luck on this couch,” she teased as she moved slightly to give them more comfort.

  “There’s always a first time.”

  He didn’t intend for it to go far. He wanted only a few kisses, a few caresses. He realized he had to wait at least five hours before they could have any real privacy. He loved this girl who could change from accomplished career woman to a playful, sometimes timid, sometimes fiery child as easily as she changed clothes. As he looked down at her he knew this was how he liked her best, soft hair spread out about her head, dark eyes watching him expectantly, perfect lips slightly parted as she waited for his kiss. His eyes moved lower, to the neck he loved to nuzzle, to the front of her cotton shirt outlining the breasts that knew his touch well. He could feel his arousal beginning just from the sight of her. He had been with her steadily for nearly three months—and still it only took the sight of her to stir him. She moved her hips beneath him, spreading her legs and bringing her jean-clad calves up over his. He knew the movement well, telling him that he was affecting her the same way. Her knowing smile was the turning point for him. He brought his lips down over hers as his hand slid beneath the cotton of her shirt. His tongue teased her, tasted her, slid over the tongue that was eager to respond. His thumb circled the peak that quickly turned hard. He was past simple arousal, he was turning to a steady, beating thump as he rubbed against her. But when she turned her head to give him greater access to the throat he thirsted for, her movements stopped as she quickly pulled his hand away from her.

  “I don’t think this is it,” she whispered.

  “What?” He looked up at her in confusion.

  “There’s always a first time.” She nodded toward their feet, then moved to get up, sliding off the couch beneath him. “Yes, Matt? Did you want something?”

  “J-Jackie sent me out to ask when supper will be done.” The boy’s face was crimson.

  Joe slowly sat up, pulling a cigarette from his breast pocket and lighting up. She was right—they had no luck on that couch.

  “About an hour and a half. How’s that sound?” Maddie told the boy.

  “I’ll tell him, Ma’am.” He turned and hurried toward the bedroom again.

  “Well, Ma’am, you going to sit down again?” Joe looked up at her.

  “Do you think you can control yourself this time?” she asked, sitting next to him with her legs across the couch as she leaned back in his arms.

  “What was your interest in his father anyway?”

  “You mean his work? What he did before he moved south?” she asked, receiving an affirmative nod. “I think I can get a job for him. That’s what my interest is.”

  “At RJ’s? He said he was a farmer and a laborer. I don’t think he’d fall under the same category as Rodney.”

  “No, not at RJ’s. Up at the feed and grain store.”

  “That new store up over the hill? How can you get him a job up there?”

  “I-I must have forgotten to tell you.” She looked away from him. “I’m sort of a silent partner in it. I invested a small sum with the new owner last month. I guess I just didn’t get around to telling you.”

  He couldn’t say exactly why that hit him like a ton of bricks. It certainly wasn’t any of his business how she spent her money—but it did bother him.

  “Do you have any more little secrets you just haven’t gotten around to tell me yet?” His grip on her had loosened as he inhaled on the cigarette.

  “I gotta go check supper.” She tried to get up, but he pulled her back again.

  “No, you don’t. You just put it in the oven. What else do you have your fingers in that I don’t know about? There’s an empty restaurant close to town—you sure you don’t want to pick that up while you’re at it?”

  “No.” She turned angry eye
s on him. “Not yet anyway. It wouldn’t be wise. I’d be stretching it too close for my comfort. But if you think I should buy that while I’m at it—wait about a year and I’m sure I’ll be able to afford it. But by then I don’t doubt it will already be sold. But if you really want me to—I’ll do it now.”

  “Why stop to consider what I want now? You didn’t last month. You didn’t discuss it with me. Didn’t even say you were thinking about it. You wait a whole month when the store’s ready to open and tell me you’re thinking of hiring some man you haven’t even met yet.”

  “So what exactly is bothering you, the fact that I have a hand in the management of two businesses or the fact that I’m thinking of hiring Jacob Kerstetter?”

  “Jacob Kerstetter? You know his Goddamn name? You must have been ecstatic when you found out his wife was dead.”

  The words flew from Joe before he had time to ponder what he was actually saying. He was only aware of the gnawing in his gut and the anger sparking from Maddie’s eyes.

  “You’re ignorant! For your information the only thing I felt when he told me their mother was dead was pity for the boys. And I knew Mr. Kerstetter’s name because Jackie told me the other night.”

  “And you just couldn’t wait to jump at the chance to hire him. What happened? Did you drive past their house and get a good look at him?” He knew he was pushing it too far, but stubbornness and pride refused to let him stop.

  “No! I sat with him during the PTA meeting! We went out together afterward too! Left the meeting early as a matter of fact! That gave us half an hour to do whatever we wanted out on the playground of the elementary school!” She turned and stomped into the kitchen, slamming pots and pans around as she went about preparing the rest of the meal. “The jungle-gym was an interesting experience and the merry-go-round proved rather adventurous as well!”

  Her words hit their mark, making him sit there and finish his cigarette as he thought things over. After putting the butt out he slowly rose and went to the kitchen, seeing her standing at the window with her back to him.