My Heart Can't Tell You No

by M. K. Heffner

  “You don’t belong to the PTA,” he murmured as he leaned on the counter next to her.

  “No kidding.” Her gaze stayed pointed outside until his hand moved to touch her cheek.

  “I’m sorry,” he tried again, very gently.

  “You should be. That was a rotten thing to say. I didn’t even wish any harm to Lena—let alone some woman I don’t even know.”

  “So I’m a rotten person. You should know that by now.”

  She looked over at him, then sighed as she stepped in front of him and placed her head against his chest. “No you’re not. Hot-headed—but not rotten.”

  “So what are you going to do about getting this Kerstetter guy a job?” His arms went around her.

  “I don’t know,” she moped. “I may not do anything now.”

  “Yes, you will. Another look at those two kids in there and you’ll be begging Kerstetter to apply just so you can be sure they’ll have clothes on their backs and food in their bellies.” He kissed the top of her head then leaned her back until she was looking up at him. “Now, if ya think that jungle-gym idea would really do it for ya—I could call Tom down to babysit while we make a quick run out to the school.”

  Joe watched the oldest Kerstetter boy gaze at Maddie throughout dinner. It amused him to think that twenty-five years ago Jack Baker was doing the same when he headed his table and supplied food for two extra orphan boys. He hoped their father would be closer to them than his father had been to him. They were nice boys; Kyle was the more talkative of the two. Joe didn’t know if Matt’s silence was a natural shyness or if it was because Kyle spent most of his day with Jackie while Matt was separated in fourth grade—or if his fascination with Maddie held his tongue. But silent as he was, Joe saw something in him that he liked.

  “What’s wrong, Robby? You’ve hardly touched your plate.” Maddie looked at the boy who was leaning back in his chair, silently listening to his brother and Kyle.

  “I’m not hungry. I’m tired.”

  “All right.” Maddie eyed him carefully. “Do you want to lie down on the couch?”

  Maddie’s eyes moved to meet Joe’s, both silently expressing their mutual concern until she got up from the table and cleared Robby’s as well as her own dishes. Joe sat with the other boys until they finished and then offered to drive them home as it was already dusk outside.

  When Joe came back to the house the living room was in darkness. The only light was coming from the kitchen where Maddie was putting the last of the dishes away. He caught sight of Robby’s figure on the couch, and, as he passed the hall leading to the bedrooms, he saw light coming from the boys’ room, indicating that Jackie was probably working on homework he had neglected earlier.

  “He been sleeping since I left?” Joe asked.

  “Yes,” she said quietly.

  “Does he get sick often?”

  “Not real often. But he gets his share of stomach viruses and colds.”

  “Mom. I’m taking my bath now,” Jackie called from the hallway.

  “Go ahead.” She moved toward the living room.

  Joe walked toward the couch, looking down at the boy. When Maddie turned on the light, and he saw how the boy was sweating, he grew concerned. His hand moved down to the child, feeling a heat that scorched him. “Maddie, he’s burning up!”

  Maddie’s eyes flew to the boy, her hand moving down to touch his face before rushing out of the room toward the bathroom. “Get him undressed.”

  Joe picked up the limp body, fright chilling him when he saw the way his head rolled against his chest. Fear trembled through his hands as he pulled the T-shirt over his head, freeing more of the heat trapped inside the small body. He had his pants removed by the time Maddie returned with a tube of lubricant and a battery operated thermometer.

  “Do you have to do it that way?” Joe placed the boy on the couch again, next to where Maddie was placing a disposable cover on the thermometer.

  She dipped the tip of the thermometer into the lubricant before glancing up at him. “Would you rather make sure he holds it under his tongue and doesn’t bite it?”

  “Can’t you put it under his arm or something?”

  She ignored his uneasiness as she turned the boy over onto his side, glancing up at Joe before she proceeded with her task. “Why don’t you get the phone book and look in the back for the doctor’s number?”

  He moved away to look on the table holding the telephone, then walked back to her as he opened the book to the back cover.

  “Here it is.” When she didn’t answer he looked up to see her concerned expression as she watched the digits on the monitor. He could see the flashing red numbers stop and turn to a steady glow. Maddie pulled the thermometer from her son immediately, picked him up and started for the kitchen. “What was it?”

  “One-hundred-four-point-five.” She turned on the water, testing it, then putting the stopper in the drain before putting her sleeping son into the basin.

  Robby’s eyes flew open upon contact with the lukewarm water. His breath caught back in a gasp as his arms clung desperately to his mother. “No, Mommy! No! It’s cold! Mommy, it’s cold!”

  “No, Robby. Sit down. It isn’t cold. It’s warm. It only feels cold because you’re so hot.” Maddie’s hands were full as she tried to get the boy down into the water, but he was clinging to her like a monkey, his small hands clamping onto her every time she freed herself. His legs were moving frantically, trying to stand up but his efforts were only causing him to fall again and again as water splashed all over the floor and Maddie.

  “No, Mommy, don’t!” His cry was pitiful. “I’ll be good! I won’t hit Jackie no more! Please, Mommy, I’m cold!”

  “Joe! Spray him,” Maddie urged.

  Joe stepped up to help, taking the nozzle and testing the water before starting with his feet that were already growing accustomed to the difference in temperature. As his aim went higher Robby’s eyes flew over to him in terror as he instinctively reached for him.

  “Daddy! Don’t! I’ll be good! Daddy, I’m so cold!”

  “I know, Buddy. But the sooner you calm down and let us get you wet the sooner this will be done and over with.”

  By now he was wetting his hair, sending frightened cries from Robby as his small body started to shiver. Somehow he managed to get to his feet and he jumped up against Joe, wrapping his arms and legs around him like a chimpanzee.

  “Robby. Don’t.” Maddie tried to pull him away, but Joe stopped her as he handed her the nozzle.

  “It’s okay. Here, just start spraying him.” Joe leaned over the sink, allowing most of the water to hit the boy then fall back in the sink. The water quickly soaked his shirt, then ran down over his jeans. “Okay, Robby. We’ve already got the back of you. Now you have to be a big guy and sit down so we can get the front of you. Can you do that for Mommy and me?”

  “No,” he cried.

  “Sure ya can. But if you keep fighting us, it’ll take longer. C’mon, sit down for us.” Joe slowly pulled the boy off, then stood him in the water, positioning him until he was finally in a sitting position. Maddie had the water going over him, cooling his head and shoulders, moving over his back and stomach, then back to his head again. Joe knew it was just as hard on her as it was on Robby. The boy’s sob-sucking as his little body shivered uncontrollably was putting tension in his mother’s face that Joe rarely saw.

  “Here, can you handle this a while?” She gave him the nozzle then moved back to the living room where she found the telephone book and began dialing the phone.

  “Mommy?” Robby cried after her, then looked back up at Joe as the water washed over him again. “Why do I have to do this? What did I do wrong?”

  “Nothing, Bud. But there’s a bug in you and we have to keep you cooled off until we can kill it.”

  “You wanna kill me?” Robby’s eyes were huge.

  “No, Rob. The germ inside of you making you sick. We don’t want you to be sick.”

 
; “Do I have to stay in here until I’m all better?” he hiccoughed.

  “No. Just until you’re cooled off some. Then you can get out. How about if I get you a drink? Are you thirsty?”

  “Yes.” Robby sat huddled in the basin with his arms wrapped around his legs, his shivering shaking his small body.

  “You sit still. You’ll fall and hurt yourself if you try to get out. Promise you’ll stay sitting in the water?”

  “I promise.”

  When he came back from the refrigerator he touched the boy’s cheek and felt that he was on the cool side as he shivered in the warm water. Joe had him stand then wrapped a large towel around the boy and pulled him from the sink’s basin. He carried him to the room and turned on the television then held him on his lap as he sat on the couch. Maddie hung up the telephone then moved to the bathroom, bringing back some Children’s Tylenol.

  “What did he say?” Joe asked as Maddie gave some of the medication to Robby.

  “Not much. It was the answering service. He’ll get back to me. Until then, we’ll keep taking his temperature and see if we brought it down far enough.”

  “No. I don’t like my temp-ture taken.” Robby leaned back against Joe’s chest.

  “How about if we take it in your mouth?” Maddie asked, picking up the thermometer and removing the used cover, cleaning the tip with alcohol then covered it again with a new cellophane slip. “Do you think you can be a big boy and keep it under your tongue for me?”

  Hesitantly Robby nodded his head as Maddie moved the thermometer up to his opened mouth. Joe held the rod while Maddie watched the monitor until the flashing eventually stopped.

  “What is it?” Joe pulled the rod from Robby’s mouth.

  “One-hundred-point-eight. We brought it down,” she breathed her relief.

  “Yeah. But for how long? Is that all they told you? Just to take his temperature again?”

  “They didn’t tell me anything. I told you, the doctor will get back to us.” Maddie picked up the juice and handed it to Robby as she stood up, but before going to the kitchen to try to mop up some of the water from the floor, she leaned over them, her lips meeting her son’s forehead. “You feel any better?”

  “I’m cold.”

  “I know. Maybe you’ll feel better tomorrow,” she told him with sympathy, starting to stand erect but pausing when she looked at Joe, then repeated the gesture on him. “How about you? You feel any better?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I think my son frightened you. You turned white when you saw how lethargic he was, and I think you were fighting back the urge to get him out of the water when he was crying.”

  “What can I say? I can’t stand the sound of a kid bawling,” he said roughly, but her smile told him that she knew exactly why he wanted to stop the boy’s crying and it had nothing to do with the sound irritating him.

  “What’s the matter, Robby?” Jackie asked as he entered the room after Maddie had left.

  “I’m cold. They made me take a bath in the sink and they put ice water in it.”

  “Who did?” Jackie straightened as he stared at his brother. “Did he do it to you?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “What’d ya make him take a bath in ice water for?”

  Joe’s eyes moved to Jackie with amazement. He knew he wasn’t exactly in the older boy’s favor, but he didn’t know he distrusted him this much. He managed to calm his voice before actually speaking.

  “The water’s still in the sink. Go feel it yourself.”

  “So what’s he sitting there shivering for? Why don’t he have his clothes on yet?”

  Joe picked up the thermometer next to him, showing it to the older boy. “He’s sick. He has a fever and we had to bring it down. Any more questions?”

  “If he’s sick shouldn’t you be keeping him warm?”

  “Not in this case.” Maddie re-entered the room, sitting on the couch next to Joe as she reached over and took Jackie’s hand. The boy’s surprise was apparent as his eyes widened, but she continued to pull on him until he reluctantly walked over to her.

  “What do you want?” Jackie asked her.

  “To hold you. And don’t tell me you’re too big, because in this house the law says you’re not.” She pulled him up onto her lap as she leaned back against the couch, close to Joe. “You’ve only got ten minutes before bedtime. Now that you’re in school again I don’t get much time to be with you. So I’m going to take advantage of it right now. How’s that?”

  “Well. Okay,” he said grumpily, but nestled back against her just the same.

  Joe smiled as he glanced over at them; the boy’s hands betraying his words as they held onto his mother’s forearms affectionately. It took a few minutes but Jackie finally relaxed against her, his closeness to Joe seeming to be forgotten as he watched television. Although Joe could feel Robby’s temperature beginning to rise again, he had a feeling the dampness of his own shirt helped keep it from speeding up more rapidly than it did. As it was, it took only about half an hour for it to rise enough to cause concern.

  “Maddie, I don’t think the Tylenol is working.” Joe started for the kitchen again, emptying out the old water and filling the sink with new, warmer water as he held Robby with his other arm.

  “I don’t want to take another bath.” Robby’s tears were sounding in his voice again.

  “Jackie, it’s past your bedtime, Honey. Why don’t you go in to bed now, okay?” Maddie stood up with the boy, who simply walked toward his bedroom, then she moved into the kitchen with Joe and Robby. “Robby, you have to get in again. It won’t take long. It didn’t take long last time, did it?”

  “But it’s cold!” His tears were falling even before Joe sat him in the water, the gasp was followed by louder tears.

  Again sympathy welled through Joe as he held the struggling body in the water, listening as Maddie’s soft voice soothed the sick child and finally calmed him until he was once again sitting motionless except for the combined sobs and shivers that shook him. It wrenched his heart to have to watch the little guy like this. His face flushed red with combined fever and anger as he struggled, then paled when he finally accepted the water and its coolness brought his temperature down a few degrees. He looked so vulnerable huddled in the sink with his black hair plastered against his head; its wetness pushed back by Joe to prevent excess water from dripping into the boy’s eyes.

  The next ninety minutes passed slowly for Joe as he watched the clock, his irritation growing each time he had to help Maddie put the boy in warm water that the child swore was ice cold. If he had that doctor within reach he probably would have strangled him for not immediately returning Maddie’s call. Finally, by eleven o’clock, Joe’s irritability persuaded Maddie to send him in for his shower, then on to bed while she waited up for the doctor’s telephone call. Reluctantly he agreed when she reminded him that he had to work in the morning.

  CHAPTER XXIX

  Maddie didn’t know what time it was. She was only vaguely aware of the sun coming up, turning the blackness outside into a misty, cool grayness. She had been soaking Robby every half hour to forty-five minutes until her doctor finally called. After a brief discussion of the child’s symptoms, the doctor decided that as long as Maddie continued bringing his temperature down, Robby would be all right until he could be seen at the office first thing in the morning. By one o’clock she stopped putting him in the sink and opted for wetting towels and covering the boy with them as she held him on her lap. She rocked him in the boys’ playroom until she could feel his heat start to rise, then she replaced the towels again. She was tired, her concern for her son keeping her awake until nearly five o’clock before her sleepiness hit her like a tidal wave.

  The hand that touched her shoulder jerked her eyes open and tightened her grip on her youngest child in fear that she was about to drop him. When she looked, she saw he was sleeping soundly although the heat radiating from him urged her to return to the kit
chen. She moved her gaze to the muscular thighs standing next to her, then slowly looked farther up to see the concern on Joe’s face as he looked down at her.

  “What time is it?” she asked, sleep turning her voice quiet and hoarse as she blinked up at him.

  “Quarter after six. Have you been up all night?”

  “Until a few minutes ago.” She sat forward, prepared to start for the kitchen, but Joe’s hand stopped her. “I have to take him out again. I can feel the heat through the wet towels.”

  “Why don’t you go to bed a while? I’ll take care of him.” He picked the boy off her lap.

  “No. I can’t. I have to leave for the doctor’s by quarter to eight. And I have to get Jackie up in forty-five minutes for school.” She started out of the room with Joe and Robby behind her. “Did you eat yet? No, I guess not. You didn’t even shave. You must have gotten up late. I should have tried to stay awake a little longer and went in when I heard the alarm.”

  “Maddie.” Hearing the anxiety that kept her rambling on, he pulled her back with his free arm and hugged her tightly before touching his lips to her forehead. “Don’t worry. He’ll be okay. I’m staying home today to help.”

  Her arms went up his back as she leaned her face against his chest and sighed deeply. “Thank you. I think I’m going to need you.”

  “You finally figure that out?” he teased as they entered the kitchen and she tested the water already in the sink.

  She added more warm water to get the small pool to an appropriate temperature, then took the towels that were around her son. She placed them in the sink, then glanced up at Joe with uncertainty.

  “You ready? He doesn’t like this.”

  “I know. I heard him off and on all night,” he sighed as he moved the sleeping child toward the sink. “Well, let’s go.”

  Maddie shook her son’s shoulders. “Robby, time to get up.”

  Robby roused only slightly, opening his eyes and looking up at Joe. A weak smile spread across his cherubic face as he reached out to touch the man’s unshaven cheek; then his eyes seemed to roll back as his head slumped onto Joe’s hand. Joe wasted no time putting the boy into the water and splashing its wetness over his chest. Maddie took a washcloth and drenched it, pulling the water up over him. It took a few seconds before he actually opened his eyes again but Maddie didn’t like what she saw. She felt as if she were going to heave her stomach as she looked down at those beautiful eyes that were now hazing over from the effects of the fever. She felt Joe grab her when she seemed to lose control of her legs. She could hear the screeching of a chair being scraped across her floor then felt the lifting of her body as Joe maneuvered her to sit down. As she lowered her head to relieve the pressure she was feeling, she heard Joe move back to the sink to finish bathing their son.