My Heart Can't Tell You No

by M. K. Heffner

  “You wanna play pool?” John asked his wife incredulously.

  “It’s better than sitting here watching you watch someone else play. Ya don’t even have the decency to be distracted by other women—it’s a damn pool table, with men playing, at that.”

  “Well, let’s go. There’s an empty table over there.” He almost jumped to his feet, then smiled sheepishly back at Maddie. “I’m gonna beat the pants off of her.”

  “I sure hope so,” Beth sighed, making Maddie chuckle as she watched them walk away.

  “So, you’re John Baker’s little sister,” came a deep smooth voice from the side of her. When she turned she saw a tall, deeply tanned man about thirty-five years old.

  “I’m his younger sister—I don’t know about little.” She watched as he wiped the table where Bucky had spilled his beer with the towel he had brought with him.

  “Oh I don’t know,” he smiled as he sat down with her. “You look kinda tiny to me.”

  “Am I supposed to say thank you? Because if you know my brother at all, you’ll know we aren’t very big on giving—or receiving compliments. They don’t mean much to us.”

  “I can see why.” His smile was dazzling. “You’re too accustomed to them.”

  “No. We’re not. But we’ve got the intelligence to know most are insincere.” She turned her glance away from him.

  “He’s over at the bar. Last I heard, he was buying our secretary a drink.”

  “Our secretary?” she asked as her eyes went immediately to the bar where she saw Joe leaning near a shapely blonde. “I’m afraid you didn’t tell me who you were yet.”

  “My name’s Brent.”

  “Of course it is,” she said absently as she looked back at him, it couldn’t be something common like Bill or Bob—it had to be Brent.

  “What?” Brent laughed.

  “Nothing. Brent what?”

  “Spencer. Does it make a difference? Have you heard of me?” He leaned back in his chair and studied her with a self-assured smile.

  “Spencer? I’ve heard of you. You’re the department supervisor in the hangar. John and Joe work under you.”

  “So they say, but usually I listen to them, so usually I wonder just who works for whom.”

  “Somehow I can’t imagine John bossing anyone around.”

  “John? Our department’s leader of the pack.”

  “What do you mean?” she asked with raised brow.

  “Sorry,” he laughed. “I guess that didn’t sound too good, did it? What I meant was John can keep his men in good humor, and still get the work done. John can always be counted on for that. It’s a rare quality in a man.”

  “Are you saying Mr. McNier isn’t as productive as John?”

  “Not at all. He’s an excellent flyer. My best. But like I said, John’s our leader.” He looked back over toward the pool tables, the expression that covered his face turning her eyes in that direction. She felt her heart sink into the pit of her stomach when she saw Joe with a pool cue in hand as he leaned against the table, and the blonde secretary standing so closely in front of him that she nearly stood between his legs. “Mrs. Green, would you like to dance? I see your brother and his wife have taken advantage of the music.”

  “What?” she asked breathlessly as she looked back to him.

  “Come on.” He held his hand out to her. “He can’t chase me away as easily as he chased poor Bucky away a few minutes ago. I don’t work under him like Bucky does.”

  Maddie took his hand and followed him out to the dance floor, letting him take her in his arms as they moved to the slow music. She swallowed hard as she avoided sight of the room where the pool tables were. When she looked back to her dance partner, she was taken back by the strength of his stare.

  “Is there something wrong? I know I didn’t step on your toes yet,” she smiled at him.

  “No. Nothing’s wrong,” he smiled in return. “Do you realize how many men are wishing they could be in my place right now? But they brought their wives with them.”

  “No.” She looked away from him, his words irritating her.

  “I didn’t think so. Well, then I’ll point them out to you. Now, look over my shoulder at that gray-haired man sitting with the skeleton-like woman in the red dress.”

  “She’s not skeleton-like,” Maddie smiled. “She’s just thin.”

  “Extremely thin. Right now our good Mr. Slack is trying to think of a way to push his fatherly charms on you. Charms that won’t be very fatherly for long.”

  “I don’t believe that.”

  “Believe it. He thinks everything in a dress is just dying to be with him.”

  “How do you know?” She eyed him closely.

  “Simple. That skeleton is my aunt. Is he looking at you?”

  “No. He’s talking to another man.”

  “Well, we’ll fix that. When we get close—just smile at him and watch what happens.” Brent danced closer to the middle-aged couple, and, as he predicted, the man’s eyes were immediately drawn to her. “Go ahead. Just smile. See what happens.”

  She did as he indicated, out of curiosity. The man’s reaction was immediate. With his poor wife sitting next to him, he stared at Maddie and stood up to approach her, but before he could take a step, Brent was turning her to the other side of the floor.

  “See when I listen to you again.” She looked up into his smiling eyes.

  “All right,” he laughed. “I’ll admit, that one was unfair. We’ll try another one.”

  “I’d rather not.”

  “Hey, Spencer.” John and Beth danced next to them. “What the hell ya doing to Slack over there? Looks like he’s getting a helluva good argument from his old lady.”

  “He wanted to get up and ravish your little sister—what else?” Brent smiled at John.

  “Over my dead body. Better watch it, Maddie. That guy’s a real charmer. Get close to that one and you’ll be in the doctor’s office real quick for a big dose of penicillin.”

  “I see.” She looked back to Brent. “Very funny.”

  They turned just then, giving her a full view of the small room where the pool tables were, and a partial view of Joe. The blonde had her arms around his waist as she reached up in a more than friendly kiss that wasn’t being refused. Maddie’s footing got twisted, and she stumbled against her dancing partner as she looked at the kiss that was quickly turning to near vulgarity.

  “Do you want to sit down a while?” Brent took her by the arm. “You look kinda pale.”

  “Yes. I think I’d better.” She hurried with him to the bar where he ordered two whiskeys, then ushered her back to her table where a concerned John and Beth were about to join them.

  “Here. Drink this. It’ll bring some color back to your face.”

  As she reached for the glass, a familiar hand covered it and pulled it away.

  “No drinking, dear. Not while you’re carrying my baby.”

  She didn’t even look up at him. She was so furious! She didn’t trust herself to look at him. Instead, she got to her feet and smiled down at Brent then went back to the bar. She took the whiskey she ordered, but, as she turned back toward the table, she saw Joe slowly walking toward her. She stayed next to the bar and lifted it to him in a toast-like gesture, then downed the contents. It burned like fire—teared her eyes—took her breath away—but she’d be damned if she’d even cough in front of him. She turned and ordered another one, having it refilled just as Joe got to her.

  “Put it down,” he ordered.

  “Right now I’m on the verge of acting very childishly—and that really pisses me off! So would you be so kind as to get out of my way?” Maddie hissed.

  “I said put it down,” he growled.

  “Put it down?” She looked at the glass, then smiled up at him. “Okay.”

  She tossed it in his face. He quickly closed his eyes so the liquor wouldn’t get in them, then opened them and glared at her through a fury of his own.

  “O
h shit!” came John’s voice as he and Beth immediately grabbed their coats. “She’s blowing up.”

  She strode past them to the coat rack, grabbed her coat and started for the door. Oh, the joy she felt when she saw that blonde woman standing so close to the entrance. So close in fact that she yanked her outside with her.

  “Come here. I’ve got something to say,” Maddie growled as she held the woman’s wrist.

  “Jesus! Do you mind?!”

  “Do you see who I am?” Maddie asked the woman as they stood on the sidewalk.

  “Of course I see who you are! I’m not blind!” The woman’s superior tone only infuriated Maddie more.

  “Good! Because this is what I wanted to say!” Maddie’s fist hit the woman’s jaw, dropping her down on the sidewalk. She stood looking down at her, rubbing her knuckles as she waited for a return attack. “Do you have anything to say in return?!” Maddie demanded, but the woman only lay on the sidewalk, touching her jaw as she looked up at her then shaking her head negatively. “Fine! Kindly relay my message to your friend in there!”

  Maddie turned and started down the sidewalk as the front doors opened, the light from inside the building reaching the woman still watching her.

  “John. Get her inside,” Joe said irritably, making Maddie quickly rummage through her coat pockets for her keys as she hurried toward her car. “Maddie! Goddamn it! You wait!”

  Now she was running, sliding slightly on the ice covering the parking lot. She heard his footsteps hurrying toward her, prompting her to kick off her high heeled shoes for better traction and race toward her car. ‘God, don’t let the doors be locked,’ she prayed as she finally found her keys. The door was unlocked, thank God, and she was inside, quickly locking it, then starting the engine.

  She saw Joe only a few car lengths away as she pulled out and raced to the street, then took off for the stop sign at the end of the block. After that, she was on the main stretch of road that led out of the city and toward her house. She might have been putting up with his tantrum these past weeks—but this was the limit. In her mind, she was already making plans to move back to town. She didn’t want to remain where he was free to enter whenever he wished. She wanted to get away from him. She wanted to be free of him.

  Her tears flowed steadily as she pulled onto the road near the small school Jackie attended, two and a half miles from the city. Her car skidded on the ice until she got it under control then started driving again. Damn him! He’s been there—interfering not only with her life—but shoving himself between her and her family for years—for as long as she could remember—but no more! If they wanted him over her—they could have him!

  She missed the new stop sign where her road began. Damn! Good thing there were no cops around or she would have a ticket because of him! Only three more miles and she would be home. Alone. Safe. But as she came to a small curve in the road, the car began to swerve again. She turned it back to the forward position, but it kept going, again and again it turned until she wasn’t sure which way was forward. She stopped fighting it and was going to let it slide into the small hill on the side of the road, but it turned again, sending her down the ledge on the opposite side. She saw the trees slamming into the windshield. She saw the dashboard as she was vaulted forward, telling her the car was no longer in an upright position but was facing down. She felt herself heading toward the windshield, tossed over into the passenger’s side of the car then saw the huge tree trunk that the car was traveling toward. God—everything seemed in slow motion as with inexplicable calm she grabbed the steering wheel and pulled herself over to the driver’s seat again. Was the car going to flip? She wasn’t sure. There was nothing to do but ride it out. Finally, after the back end slammed down, the car was on all fours again—bouncing, but still heading for that large tree. Then suddenly two jerks—then nothing. The car had stopped. It hadn’t reached the tree.

  She looked out the windshield. It was there all right—another six inches and she would have needed a new front end—and God knows what would have happened to her. Her hand went to the gear shift, shifting into park. What had happened to the underside of the car? Ruptured gas tank? She turned off the ignition and tried to get out of the car. Her door wouldn’t budge. She looked out her window, seeing it was two small trees, each trunk no thicker than two inches, that had stopped her from slamming into the other, larger tree. They had the driver’s door pinned closed.

  She moved across the seat, sliding onto the passenger’s seat and unlocked the door. As she got out, a boot fell to the ground. She glanced into the back seat, seeing the mate of the boot and grabbing it, then took about ten steps away and pulled them on. The grass was cold, covered with ice. She looked at the hill she had to climb to get back up to the road—it was at least five times taller than she was.

  ‘God—Dad’s really gonna get mad about this one,’ she thought childishly as she started for the hill, seeing the headlights coming down the road. ‘Oh great. My luck it’ll hit the same patch of ice and come down and really smash up the car. Boy, Dad’ll really bitch then.’ She watched as the headlights slowed down, her immediate thought being to get out of its way in case it did come down. She jumped to the side, stupidly bracing herself behind a tree. After a second’s thought, she let go. ‘Christ Maddie,’ she thought, ‘just what the hell protection do ya think that’ll be? Ya ran over at least twenty trees this size on your way down here.’

  She watched as the headlights stopped, then heard the sound of a door opening.

  “MADDIE!”

  ‘Who in the hell was screaming? Good thing they’re out in the country. But even so,’ she thought irritably, ‘we deserve our peace too.’

  “MADDIE! Jesus! Maddie!”

  ‘Watch it!’ she thought as she tried to make her way up the hill and saw the man sliding down toward her. ‘If you knock me down after I got this far, I’ll punch ya the hell out! Damn! Dad’s gonna be mad! What the hell is that man doing? He’s mumbling incessantly. God, he acts as if it were his car that’s wrecked. God, Dad’s really gonna be mad. Whoaa! Watch it! Goddamn it! It’s icy and I don’t feel like having to try to get this far again! Oh! He’s warm! He feels wonderful!’

  “Maddie! I’m sorry! God, I’m sorry!” His arms were around her, pulling her against him, his lips pressing against her cold face.

  ‘There’s something wrong with this guy. He’s gonna get all wet lying on the ground like this. But he’s warm. He feels good.’

  “Come on. Get up in the truck.”

  “Dad’s really gonna be mad,” she said quietly as she allowed Joe to pull her up the hill. “Can you drop me off at my house? I have to call a tow truck.”

  “Get in the truck,” he repeated as he lifted her up onto the seat and pushed her inside.

  “I forgot to turn off the headlights.”

  “Did you turn off the engine? God, I don’t remember hearing it.”

  “Of course I turned it off. You think I’m stupid?” She started laughing. “It was still running. After all that—the damn engine was still running.”

  “Don’t worry. We’ll be home soon.”

  Maddie looked over at him as he was about to start the engine, the fog that had been eclipsing her brain quickly evaporating as she saw him clearly. She was across the seat in an instant, opening the door and jumping out.

  “Damn you! Get lost!” She started walking up the icy road. It might only be twenty degrees and she might have over two miles to get back home—but by damn she’d rather walk it!

  “Maddie! Get back in the truck!”

  “I said back off! Go back to your friend! I’m sure she’ll be happy to keep you company!” She called over her shoulder, then watched as he drove past her, a mixture of anger at him for actually leaving her there, and relief at being left alone. But the relief was short-lived when she saw he was only pulling off of the road about twenty yards ahead of her.

  “Maddie! Stop it! You’ll get hurt!” He got out of the truck and started
back toward her, but she kept walking, her jaws hurting from clenching them so tightly.

  “Leave me alone. I decided on the way out here what I was going to do.” Her voice was low as she walked with her bare hands shoved deeply in her coat. God, what she wouldn’t give right now for one of her sons’ warm sledding jackets.

  “Fine. Do what you planned. Just get back in the truck.”

  “You want your freedom?!” She stopped suddenly and looked at him with fire flashing from her eyes. “You got your freedom! So just go about your business!”

  “Why?! So you can have an excuse for keeping this kid from me?! Not on your life!”

  “Don’t worry! After tonight I’ve got enough reason to keep all three kids from ya—ya slimy bum!”

  “Would you knock it off?! So she followed me around! Big deal! You had two of them following you around! Little Boy Blue and then Spencer!”

  “I didn’t stand with them and let them wrap themselves around me! I didn’t kiss them!” She guarded her eyes as another set of headlights came her way.

  “Get out of the middle of the road.” He grabbed her elbow and pulled her to the side.

  “Jesus! Is she all right?!” The car pulled to a stop as Beth rolled down her window.

  “I don’t know. She won’t tell me.”

  Oh, the rotten son-of-a-bitch! Talking about her as if she were a child. With all the dignity she could muster, she walked over to Beth’s car and slid into the back seat. Inside, she leaned against the back of the seat, resting her head as she let her tears spill in the darkness. She saw Joe walking back to his truck, his hand running over his icy black hair. She knew that motion—he was nervous.

  “Anyone got a cigarette?”

  “Nope. I quit five months ago,” John told her.

  “And I can’t smoke them with this pregnancy. They make me sick,” Beth said.

  “Where you going? My place? Your place? Or Mom’s?” John asked.

  “Your place for the boys, then Mom’s.”

  “I don’t think that’s very wise right now, Maddie. Let the kids sleep down at our place. They shouldn’t see you like this. We’ll go up to Mom’s.”