My Heart Can't Tell You No

by M. K. Heffner

  “John,” Sarah called into the room. “Do you want to take Lew home?”

  “Yeah. I’ll be right out.”

  “Where’s she sleeping tonight, Mom?” Joe asked quietly.

  “Oh, let her go upstairs. It won’t hurt for her to be away from her house for two nights.”

  Joe gently shook Maddie’s shoulder. In this position he was unable to do anything else but get her up before he could get up. He shook it again. Then, with reluctance, she opened her eyes. When she saw Lew standing with his crutches, she sat up immediately.

  “You ready to go home? Let me get my shoes and I’ll be right out.” She started to rise, but Joe caught her wrist to stop her.

  “I’m not letting you drive me home. You’re liable to fall asleep and drive me into a ditch,” Lew laughed as he looked down at her.

  “John’s taking him. So go up to bed. Mom said you can sleep up here tonight.” Joe got off the chair, stiff from sitting so long in one position.

  “But, I promised I’d take you home.” She looked up at Lew, and Joe wasn’t sure if she were going to burst into tears or not.

  “Well, if ya want to go along, go get your shoes and ride in the back seat,” Lew told her.

  “I will. I’ll be right there.” She hurried into the room and grabbed her shoes, but she neglected to put them on as she ran out the door ahead of John and Lew.

  Joe walked outside with John as he helped Lew down the porch steps. Sarah stood at the door, sending orders for him to be careful. When Joe got to the car he saw Maddie was fast asleep in the back seat.

  “I didn’t think she was awake in there,” Lew said softly as he looked at her.

  “I was wondering what the hell was going on,” Joe smiled crookedly at him.

  “Hormones,” Lew told him, then reached for the door Joe was holding open. “I’ll see you next month then.” He quickly glanced up toward the door where Sarah was standing, then lowered his voice to a whisper. “Oops! I wasn’t supposed to say that. Surprise birthday party for Sarah and Robby. See you then.” When looking back up toward Sarah he raised his voice again. “See ya later, Sarah. You take care of yourself now.”

  CHAPTER XXXV

  DECEMBER 1984

  1

  2

  3

  4

  5

  6

  7

  8

  9

  10

  11

  12

  13

  14

  15

  16

  17

  18

  19

  20

  21

  22

  23

  24

  25

  26

  27

  28

  29

  30

  31

  December 1984

  “Are you going to the party tonight?” Beth hefted her end of a large box into her house as Maddie stood on the bottom steps of her deck, lifting the cardboard-crated bicycle.

  “You asked me to. I won’t back out now.” She gave another shove, but still it refused to budge. “Why isn’t it moving?”

  “I don’t know. Wait—I’ll check.” Beth released her end and leaned over the box, seeing it was caught on a bookcase.

  “Beth! What are you doing?!” Maddie screeched as the box dropped.

  “I told you I was going to check it.” Beth grabbed the upper end. “It’s stuck on the bookcase. You’ll have to lift it higher and take it over the banister.”

  “I can’t. There’s a pole right here.”

  “Okay. Wait.” Beth climbed over the box. “Ya know. This is giving us a helluva lot of trouble for being so light and not being all that big.”

  “When John built this home he should’ve designed it to allow boxed-up bicycles inside.”

  “Okay. Now—shove!” Beth pulled furiously as Maddie shoved with all her strength. Finally the box slid across the rust-colored carpet.

  “What did you do?” Maddie pushed the rest of the box into the house, then closed the door behind her.

  “Moved the bookcase.” Beth grabbed the side of the bookcase and pulled it back into place, but the sound of something falling against the wall turned her attention in that direction. “Oh—shit.”

  “What’s wrong?” Maddie moved to stand next to her, looking down at the fishing rod that had been crimped against the wall when Beth moved the bookcase, its tip broken off completely. “Uh-oh. Whose is it? John’s?”

  “Uh-huh.” She bent to pick it up, fingering the tip that was dangling with the line.

  “I don’t suppose he’d notice if it suddenly became six inches shorter—do you?”

  “You might as well cut six inches off him as off his fishing pole.” Beth snorted.

  Maddie’s eyes slowly moved up to Beth. “What are you going to do?”

  “Me?! It was your kid’s bike that made me break it.”

  “Yeah—but I didn’t tell you to slam your bookcase up against it. So, what are we going to do?”

  Beth moved her own eyes over to Maddie. “Simple. We’ll glue it. Then when it snaps off—he’ll think he did it. Now—about the bike. I think we can put it in the extra bedroom, and it’ll be safe until Robby’s birthday next week.”

  “I’m not all that sure—especially when my two kids are here visiting with Jenna. They’re all over everything.” She took the back of the box as Beth took the front, and they began sliding it across the floor again toward the extra bedroom.

  “It’ll be okay back here. We’ll just disguise it.” She draped a large bedspread over the box. “Hand me those stuffed toys.”

  “These?” Maddie started giving her a rainbow of stuffed animals, watching as Beth piled them around the box until it couldn’t be seen.

  “You’d never believe only one child lives in this house, would you? John has her so spoiled, it’s pathetic.” They started back for the living room, both falling into chairs and slinging their feet up on footstools.

  “John loves Jenna.” Maddie tried to explain.

  “God, Maddie, you’re getting fat,” Beth changed the subject as she looked at the younger woman and the bulge holding up her maternity blouse.

  “Well you’re no beach bikini either, ya know.”

  “More like a beached whale.” Beth complained.

  Maddie placed her hand on her own stomach. “That’s our peanut butter and ice cream I guess.”

  “Listen to you. The only thing on you getting big is your abdomen—everything else is as skinny as before. Look at me—I swear I gained forty pounds—all in my butt and thighs.”

  “I don’t hear John complaining, so it must not be too bad.”

  “No, you won’t hear him complaining. For two months I was too sick for him to touch me, and now for the last two months when I’ve more than recovered—he spends his evenings down the road with Joe to keep him company. Here I am—a week past six months and raring to go—and he’s nowhere to be found,” Beth sighed.

  Maddie smiled over at her. She could understand the problem Beth was facing. She was going through the same thing herself. The past three weeks since Thanksgiving, things had gone back to the way they had been. Joe didn’t stay around the Baker house long enough to talk with her. She was convinced the only reason for the backrub was, as he had said—for the baby—not her.

  “So does that mean my big brother is siding with his old friend, rather than his sister?”

  “Truthfully? I don’t know. I don’t think he’s siding with either one of you. Maybe it’s more a matter of feeling guilty having turned a blind eye to what should have been obvious.”

  The rush of sudden wind outside made Maddie’s and Beth’s heads swivel toward the window, watching as the freezing sleet came down in a heavy, driving downpour.

  “Mommy! It’s cold!” The door pushed open and in ran Robby, followed quickly by Jenna, Felicia, Ollie and Jackie.

  “I can feel it’s cold,” she
agreed as he climbed up on her lap and she felt the cold coming off of him. “Where’s your father?”

  “Right here.” Joe came through the doorway, with John behind him, white balls of sleet clinging to both. “What do you want?”

  “Nothing. I was just wondering where you were. That is allowed, isn’t it?”

  “We went in to see the reindeer, Mommy!” Robby said with such excitement that he grabbed her face with both hands to be sure she was listening.

  “You did?” she laughed, as she had no choice but to look at him. “Was that all they had in there? Just reindeer?”

  “No, there was a goat, and a lamb.”

  “The reindeer kissed me!” Jenna climbed up on Beth’s lap.

  “Yeah! It came over and was licking our hands!”

  “You didn’t have anything on your hands, or give it anything to eat?!” Maddie asked.

  “No. Just the straw on the bottom of its cage.”

  “That was hay,” Jackie corrected.

  “We saw Santa Claus—but they wouldn’t take us up to talk to him.” Robby pointed toward Joe and John.

  “Why not?” Maddie smiled at the child’s irritation.

  “John said he’d go up if Dad did, but Dad wouldn’t go up,” Ollie told her.

  “They argued over who was supposed to take us up. Them—I mean. I didn’t want to go up,” Felicia told her.

  “Neither did I,” Jackie agreed.

  “Neither did I—but he was giving out candy! I wanted some. It was Christmas candy—you know—the good stuff,” Ollie told them.

  “I don’t suppose it occurred to you to send Robby and Jenna up with Felicia and Ollie. You could have stood on the sidewalk and waited,” Maddie told her brother.

  “No, it didn’t occur to me.” He looked over at Joe dumbly. “Did it occur to you? No. It didn’t occur to him either.”

  “I think someone needs a few lessons on parenting at Christmas time.” Maddie maneuvered Robby on the chair then got to her feet.

  “Well, Beth was the one who always took Jenna up before,” John told her. “What’s your excuse, Irish?”

  Joe sat on the couch, shaking a cigarette from its pack and lighting it as he watched Maddie. “I guess I don’t have one. I guess I’m just a naturally bad parent—like she said.”

  “I didn’t mean . . .” Maddie started angrily, then took a deep breath as she moved to a window and looked outside. “It looks like the sleet’s stopping. I guess the party’s still on, Beth.”

  “You’re going?” Joe asked.

  “Yes. Any objections?”

  “No. Not a Goddamn one.”

  “Don’t worry, Irish. I won’t cramp your style. Just pretend I’m not there.”

  “I’ll do that.” He drew deeply on his cigarette as he watched her. “But seeing as how it’s a company Christmas party—and I didn’t invite you as my guest—I’m wondering how it is that you’re going.”

  “Beth asked me to go along.”

  “Don’t you want Mommy to go?” Robby asked his father.

  “No. I don’t,” he answered simply, his answer angering Maddie, but she maintained her temper, the only outward sign that it bothered her was the tightness of her lips.

  “Well, I think if you’re going—so should she,” Felicia said.

  “And I don’t recall anyone asking you.” He looked back at Maddie. “Then you won’t be going with me. You’ll be going with John?”

  “I’ll be driving alone.” She looked at the clock, wanting very badly to get out of that conversation. “Beth, will Tom be coming down here to watch Jenna?”

  “Yes. He’s on call tonight, but if he gets called in, he’ll take her up to your dad to watch.”

  “Did you find a sitter?” She looked back at Joe.

  “Since you aren’t going with me—you don’t have to worry. They’re under my care today. I think I can manage to find a babysitter.”

  “Fine. You do that. Beth, can you call me when you’re ready to go? I’ll be down home getting ready.”

  “All right. I’ll see you in about three hours.”

  Maddie had been to the party more than an hour by the time she saw Joe walk in. He looked fantastic when he removed his jacket and folded his shirt sleeves midway up his forearms. His eyes scanning the small crowd, his gaze met hers momentarily then moved on to the rest of the bar-like club. It didn’t take long for him to have a beer in his hand and a cigarette in his mouth. Normally she would have been proud to walk into such a place with him—but, as it was, she simply turned back to the bar as she got one beer, one soda, and one diet soda she had ordered. She was about to carry the small tray back to her brother’s table when she nearly bumped into a young man with brown, unruly hair.

  “I’m sorry,” she smiled at him, amused by his youthful appearance—even though he was being served liquor.

  “Here. Let me take that for you.” He didn’t give her much of a choice as he took the tray from her. “You’re sitting with John Baker, aren’t you?”

  “Yes, I am. Do you know him?” She started across the room to the table.

  “Sure do. He’s the mechanical engineer on first shift. Are you—his wife?”

  “No. Last time I checked—he was married to that lovely lady for over ten years.”

  “Oh. Then you aren’t with anybody?”

  “I’m with John and his wife,” she smiled at him again.

  “Then would you mind . . .” He stopped, making Maddie glance back at him to see the uneasiness about him. “How come you’re here with them? I mean—are you friends?”

  “John’s my brother.”

  “You’re John’s sister?” She noted the disappointment in his voice as she sat down.

  “Yes. Is there something wrong with that?”

  “No. Nothing.” He placed the tray on the table.

  “Would you like to sit down?” she asked, seeing that he stood dumbly before her brother and sister-in-law, waiting to be invited.

  “Yes.” He looked over to John. “If I could.”

  “You work with McNier, don’t ya?” John finally noticed the young man.

  “Yes I do, usually.” He remained standing.

  “You work today?”

  “Yes.”

  “Many calls?”

  The young man smiled timidly. “I went out on three. My first transfer to Harrisburg.”

  “Won’t be very long and you’ll be heading out farther than that,” John told him, then looked quickly over at Beth. From the movement of Beth’s body Maddie could tell the woman had just kicked his leg. “What?!”

  “Would you tell the poor boy to sit down? He’s been standing there waiting for your permission,” Beth scolded her husband.

  “My permission?” John looked up at the young man through confused eyes. “Well sit down if you want to.”

  The boy immediately took his place next to Maddie, pulling the chair closer to hers as he looked at her. “I’ve been working at the hangar for almost a year now. What do you do?”

  “Do?” Maddie sent a quick glance back to her brother and Beth, seeing John had turned his attention back to the game of pool in the other room and Beth was smiling down at the soda in her hands. “Well—I guess you could say I work in a store.”

  “My sister’s a clerk too. She just got out of high school last year.”

  “Then that makes you . . .” Maddie asked, but only received an empty gaze. “I mean—if she just graduated from high school, that makes her around eighteen.”

  “Oh. My age. I’m twenty-three. Or I will be next week.”

  “Really? What day?”

  “Next Saturday.”

  “Busy day for having babies,” Maddie glanced over to Beth.

  “Is that your birthday too?” He smiled at her.

  “No. It’s—my mother’s.” She neglected telling him that her youngest son’s birthday was also on that day. She wished to save him the embarrassment of finding he was trying his hardest to romance a p
regnant twenty-five-year-old who had a baby the year he turned fifteen.

  “My youngest son’s birthday too. Isn’t that a coincidence?” Joe’s voice came from behind her, startling her. “You forget to tell him about our youngest son, Maddie?”

  Maddie looked over at the boy, seeing the huge eyes watching Joe as he quickly stood up, knocking his bottle of beer over as he did so.

  “Joe. I didn’t see you there,” the boy breathed.

  “I can tell,” Joe said flatly. “You worked today, didn’t ya?”

  The young man grabbed his bottle quickly, trying to stop the beer seeping in John’s direction. “I—I did. Y-yes. I did.”

  “Had a transfer to Harrisburg,” John commented, watching the liquid coming his way as Maddie quickly put some napkins down to block it and sop it up.

  “You work tomorrow too, don’t ya, Bucky?” Joe asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Shouldn’t you be home in bed then? You don’t want anything to happen just because you’re in here wasting your time, do ya?”

  “No.” His eyes moved back to Maddie, then back to Joe. “I guess not.”

  “Good night, Bucky,” Joe dismissed him.

  “Good night.” He looked back at Maddie. “Good night, Mrs. McNier.”

  “Good night, Bucky,” Maddie replied, her temper rising. That had been totally unnecessary, she thought. The boy was only talking to her, and he was very nice. But when she turned to tell Joe what she thought, he had already moved away.

  “Couldn’t have tried harder if he had gone down on his knee and proposed,” Beth referred to Bucky.

  “Oh, he was only young. Probably lonely. Since I was the closest unattached female to him, he just naturally wanted to talk, that’s all.”

  “Ya think so? Take a look around. There’s quite a few of them been keeping an eye on you—and I doubt at their ages they’d only want to talk.”

  Maddie did just that—looked around. She was never one to notice such things—and as far as she could see, there was nothing to notice.

  “I think you’re seeing things, Beth.”

  “All right. Have it your way.” Beth got up from her chair and put her hand on John’s shoulder, forcing his attention away from the pool table. “Either take me out to dance or over to the pool table for a game.”