Stay

by Wynne, Hilary

  Alexa: That I didn’t trust him.

  Marissa: Really Lex? Ouch. Not nice.

  Alexa: Honest.

  Marissa: Stay. It’ll be ok. You’ll never trust him if you keep bailing.

  Damn it. I should have known she was going to side with him on this. I think she’s seeing the good in this and wants to help me not screw it up. I’ll probably be thanking her later.

  Alexa: Fine. But keep your phone on.

  Marissa: Good girl.

  I’m so into my texting and so into my escape planning that I don’t notice Julian has walked up and is handing me a bottle of water. He says my name, and I look up. I take the bottle out of his hand and thank him. It’s all very formal. He sits down next to me, and I see he’s eating some kind of sandwich and drinking a beer. Hmm. A beer. Not such a bad idea anymore. I get up and walk to the cooler I saw him get the drinks out of earlier. I had put my phone on my chair when I got up to get the beer, and I see that the texts from Marissa and me are right there on display. All Julian would have had to do is glance down. I put my phone away and pray he didn’t see anything.

  “Let me finish eating, and I’ll take you home.” Shit! Shit! Shit! No such luck.

  He won’t even look at me. I have no idea what to say. This is a critical moment, and I know it. He stands up and reaches for my hand. I think we’re leaving, so I grab my bag.

  “Leave it. I have something to say to you, and I don’t want anyone to hear me. Just walk over here with me for a minute. Then we can go if you still want to.”

  My heart is pounding. I take a drink of my beer and set it down. I don’t take his hand but get up and follow him to a little courtyard that’s close to the condo and away from the others.

  He leans up against a planter filled with hibiscus, and I can’t help but think how hot he looks. I feel a lecture coming on, and I still want him. Talk about conflicting emotions.

  His voice is filled with resignation. “I’m not sure where to even start, Alexa, so I’ll just say it all. I’d appreciate it if you let me finish before you respond. First of all, you don’t need to have anyone rescue you from me. If you want to go home, I’ll take you home. You’re not my prisoner. I’d appreciate you not making me look like an asshole in front of your friends when I haven’t done anything to deserve it. You did it last night with Luke and then again with Marissa just now.”

  He takes a breath and continues. He’s on a roll here. “You’re right. You did hurt my feelings, and I can’t remember the last time a woman was able to do that. I’m not sure what I did to deserve it either. I haven’t done anything at all to make you doubt my intentions, and I’ve been completely honest with you since the day I met you. I get that you have some serious trust issues, and I’m trying to be patient and understanding, but you’re not the only one that has a fucking hard time trusting people.”

  Julian is trying to stay calm, but I can tell he’s mad, hurt, and frustrated. “Do you want to know how many people I really trust, I mean really trust?” It’s a rhetorical question, so I don’t answer. I just stand there and listen to him get this all out. “Three. My mom, Danny, and Rafi. That’s it. I know a shitload of people, and only three really know me. I was beginning to believe I would be able to add you to that list, but now I’m not so sure.”

  I was okay until that last part. Now my heart is sinking.

  “You accused me last night of pushing you away. You’re doing the same to me, and I’m not threatening you, but if you don’t stop I’ll walk away. I don’t want to, but I will. I can’t or won’t stay in a relationship without trust.”

  He stops, and I wait to see if he’s going to continue. It seems he’s finished. He just stands there with his arms crossed staring at me, waiting to hear what I have to say for myself. All I know right now is that my heart would break if he walked away from this. I want to wrap my arms around him and give him the biggest hug, but I can’t tell if he would be receptive, so I stay where I am.

  “I’m sorry what I said hurt you. It wasn’t my intention. I was just trying to be honest. I want you to understand why I’m struggling with all of this. I run when I feel scared and vulnerable. I’m aware it isn’t the best way to handle things, and I’m trying hard to not do that, but it’s been my go-to way of self-preservation for a while now, and it’s going to take some time to change. I shouldn’t have said anything to Marissa, or Luke, and I won’t do it again. My list of people I really trust, people that really know me, isn’t much bigger than yours, so I get that completely. I’m honored you want me on that list, but that level of emotion also scares me to death. We just met a few weeks ago.”

  Julian is still just staring at me, letting me finish like I did for him. “It would break my heart if you walked away, Julian, but I can’t tell you there won’t be more times like this.” I stop, and he waits to see if I continue before he responds. When he sees I’m done, he asks me a simple question.

  “Do you want this to happen, Alexa? I mean really happen?”

  I swear he’s holding his breath, and in this moment I know he wants this as much as I do. I walk to him and wrap my arms around him. He does the same, and it feels right. I look at him directly in the eyes so nothing is hidden.

  “Yes. I really want this, Julian. More than anything I’ve wanted in so long. It’s going to be epic, remember?”

  He smiles as he remembers the conversation we had a few days ago in my driveway. Geez, was that only a few days ago? It seems like forever ago.

  “If you keep telling me that, I’ll do the same, and maybe someday really soon we’ll both believe it.”

  He takes my hand and starts to walk back to the beach. I tug on his hand, indicating I want him to stop. He does and turns to face me. There’s something else I need to tell him. I stand as close to him as I can and reach up and touch his face.

  “I need you to promise me something, Julian.”

  “What, Alexa?” His voice is quiet and a little timid, as if he’s scared of what I’m about to ask him.

  “Please don’t let me ruin this.”

  His response is a sweet kiss and a whisper, “Okay.”

  The mood is definitely lighter when we join the others back at the beach. I’m not sure if anybody noticed our absence. Honestly, this whole scene is a little odd. Julian and I are here with these people, but they’re all giving us space. When I hang out with my friends at the beach, we all bunch together. I wonder to myself if Julian wanted it this way. I make a note to ask him later.

  We sit back down, and Julian asks for me to get his phone out of my bag. I watch his expression as he checks his messages, and when he turns to look at me, I know he’s about to tell me bad news.

  “I need to make some calls. There are some issues at work. I’m sorry. I really was hoping not to work much today.”

  “It’s okay. I understand you don’t have a nine-to-five job, Julian.”

  He’s already on a call before I finish. I pull an InStyle magazine out of my bag and start flipping through it. I can’t help but listen to Julian’s conversation, and I deduce they’re having some issues with their reservation system. I enjoy listening to Julian work. He’s calm and respectful to whoever is on the other end. He’s trying to problem-solve, but it quickly becomes obvious he’s going to have to go in. We’ve only been here for a little while, and now that we’re okay again, I really don’t want to leave.

  “I’m really sorry, but I have to go in. This is something I need to deal with personally. You can come with me or stay here.”

  I’m not sure I like either option. “I can call Marissa and ask her to come get me. She’s in Surfside, so it’s no big deal.”

  Julian leans over to me and whispers in my ear. “That wasn’t a choice, baby. You aren’t leaving. I might not get you back today.” He stands up and motions to Danny to come over.

  What is he doing? “I have to go i
n for a little bit. Computer issues, and Robert, my IT guy, is MIA. Alexa is going to hang with you guys until I get back.”

  Seriously? He just asked his brother, who I hardly know, to babysit me. “It’s okay, Julian, I’m a big girl. Danny doesn’t need to babysit me.”

  Julian can tell I’m annoyed, so he jokes back, “But Alexa, I hired him from hotbabysitters.com.” I can’t help but laugh. He stole my line.

  Danny looks back and forth between us and smiles. “I’d like to hang out with you, Alexa. Julian has kept you all to himself today. Go ahead, bro, we’re good here.”

  I’m standing there listening to this conversation that’s about me, and it’s surreal because I apparently have no say in what’s going on. Julian is giving me a “don’t question this plan” look, and I’m not in the mood to argue with him anymore, so I stay quiet. I do give him a fake smile though.

  He takes me in his arms, in front of all these people, and gives me a very passionate kiss. He’s talking to Danny when he says it, but he’s looking into my eyes. “Take care of my girl, Danny.” Julian tells me he will be back as soon as he can and heads off the beach. I watch him go, take a deep breath, and turn to face Danny. He has a huge smile on his face. He picks up my chair and brings it over to where the rest of the group is sitting. He places it next to him, and I sit down. He continues to stare at me, and I finally have to say something.

  “Is there something you want to say, Danny? You keep staring at me.”

  “Alexa, there are a ton of things I want to say to you, but I’m not sure my big brother would approve. So I’m just going to say thank you.”

  I’m confused. “Thank me for what, Danny?”

  Danny is still smiling. “For bringing my brother back, Alexa.”

  That is a loaded statement, and I decide to leave it be. If I were sneaky and devious, this would be the perfect opportunity to dig for info about Julian, but I don’t want to know anything that Julian doesn’t want me to, so I don’t ask any questions. Instead, I just sit there, drink another beer, and quietly enjoy the rest of the afternoon in the company of Julian’s family and friends.

  I finally get a call from Julian around three thirty. He apologizes profusely but tells me he’s still going to be there for at least another hour. We were getting ready to leave the beach, and now I’m not sure what to do. He tells me to have Danny let me in his condo. I agree to stay if he brings food, and he promises to bring my favorites from Ursa’s. I haven’t eaten since this morning, and I’m really hungry.

  Danny walks me up to Julian’s and lets me in. He invites me to come and hang out at his place with the others, but I’m ready to be alone, so I politely decline. He gives me a huge bear hug and tells me where he is in case I change my mind. I like Danny. He’s sweet and very open. I wonder if Julian was ever like that.

  It feels weird to be here by alone. I haven’t spent enough time here to feel at home, and I’m not sure what to do with myself. Again, if I was sneaky, I would snoop around his place, but I don’t need to go looking for trouble. I decide a shower is probably a good and safe idea. I love Julian’s shower with all its fancy jets, and I stay in there until my skin starts to prune. When I get out, I change into cut-off jean shorts and a white tank top. I also blow-dry my hair. I feel so much better after showering. The sun and the couple beers I had have made me sleepy, so I get my magazine and lie down on Julian’s bed and start reading.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  I feel something warm on my stomach, and I slowly open my eyes to find Julian placing soft kisses on my belly. I look at the clock and see it’s six in the evening. I must have fallen asleep. I stretch my arms up, and Julian seizes the opportunity to pull my tank over my head. I’m not wearing a bra, and I can see the approval in his eyes.

  “I’m sorry I’m so late. I’ve been calling you for an hour, but you didn’t answer. I thought you might have left, so I sent Danny up here to check. He told me you were sound asleep in my bed. I loved how that sounded, and I couldn’t wait to get back to join you.”

  “You thought I left?”

  He nods, and I shake my head at him. “I told you I was staying.”

  Julian is in jeans and a black V-neck T-shirt. I reach up and pull the shirt over his head and then pull him down to me so I can feel his skin against mine. Our mouths find each other, and the kisses that follow are slow and lazy and so deliciously arousing. Julian is taking his time with me, savoring finding me in such a relaxed state. A warm, smoldering heat is spreading slowly throughout my body, and I feel my desire for his touch growing with each moment. I reach down to unzip Julian’s jeans at the same time he reaches down to unzip my shorts. We’re lying on our sides facing each other. Our mouths are leisurely sliding over each other, and when I slide my hand into Julian’s jeans, I’m happy to find him bare, hard, and hot. I grasp his penis in my hand and stroke him at the same pace his tongue is stroking mine. He moans into my mouth and slides his hand into my shorts. He also finds me bare, wet, and hot for him.

  “Mmm … it looks someone forgot to put her panties on.”

  Julian teases me with his words as he teases my wet sex with his fingers. He slowly pushes two fingers in and out of me while he drags his thumb up and down my clit. I haven’t let go of his hard shaft, and I continue to stroke him firmly. He pushes his hips into my hand, letting me know what pace feels the best to him. We settle into matching rhythms and lay there stroking each other for a long time. We continue to kiss while looking each other in the eyes. His touch feels so good that I don’t want to come yet. After a little while, he asks, “Does this feel good for you, Lexie? You’re so wet. I want you come for me.”

  I lessen my grip for a moment and gently massage his heavy balls. This causes him to moan and bite down gently on my bottom lip. We’re both breathing rapidly, and I can feel his heart beating against my chest. I don’t want to take my mouth off of his for one second, so I whisper into it, “It feels so good that I don’t want it to end.”

  “Are you close? Because I am, and I want to get off with you, baby.”

  I whisper, “Yes,” into his mouth, and his fingers start working faster on my swollen clit. I grasp his shaft harder and also quicken my pace. I don’t let go even as I feel my own climax shooting throughout my body. I’m simultaneously rewarded with Julian’s hot cum on my hand. His body shudders as his orgasm reaches a peak, and we lay there, our mouths still on each other, until the very last drop of pleasure subsides in our bodies.

  I move my hand so it’s resting in his jeans and on his hip. He does the same, neither one of us wanting to break the connection. As we lay there and stare into each other’s eyes, I question why either one of us doubts the realness of what is going on between us. I can only speak for myself, but that was the one of the most passionate sexual encounters I’ve ever had.

  “That was incredibly hot, Julian. Feel free to wake me up that way whenever the mood strikes you.”

  “I agree. It was hard waking you up though. You looked so peaceful.”

  “How long were you here?” Great, he was watching me sleep. I hope I wasn’t drooling.

  “Honestly?”

  “Always.”

  He squeezes my hip. “I lied here next to you for about a half an hour before I started touching you. The minute I did, you started waking up. I love how your body responds to my touch. It’s so sexy.”

  “Well that must have been exciting,” I say sarcastically. I’m really uncomfortable with the thought of him just lying there watching me sleep.

  “I know you’re being sarcastic, but it was a turn on. You’re a very beautiful woman, and I loved coming home and finding you asleep in my bed. You obviously felt comfortable, and that’s huge. Don’t turn it into something bad or weird.”

  He definitely knows how to turn things around. “Nope, nothing bad or weird tonight. Only good stuff, Julian.”

  I get hi
s big, happy smile, and my hearts melts.

  “Are you still hungry, or did you eat?” Julian asks as he gets off the bed and heads into the bathroom. He comes back out naked a few minutes later and grabs a pair of black cargo shorts from a dresser drawer. Every time I see him naked like this, I get turned on. I’d forgo eating if he comes back to bed. I present my best and final offer.

  “I haven’t eaten anything since this morning, and I’m starving. But I can forgo eating if you want to get back in bed.” I’m still lying on the bed, topless with my shorts unbuttoned. I strike what I believe to be a seductive pose.

  Julian chuckles and backs away from the bed. “That’s the best offer I’ve had all day, Alexa, but I told you earlier I plan on fucking you all night. In order to do that, I need some strength, and I’m starving too. So get your sexy ass out of bed and join me in the kitchen.”

  I get that now familiar feeling of warmth and longing between my legs as I watch Julian’s own sexy ass disappear down the hallway. We might not have the emotional thing down yet, but we definitely are scoring all As in the sex department. I put my shirt back on, use the bathroom, and join him in the kitchen. Julian must have thought the whole beach group was joining us for dinner because there’s enough food for ten people. Dario has outdone himself and sent over all of his best dishes.

  “There’s a ton of food here, Julian. You should call Danny, Rafi, and the others and have them join us.”

  “Are you sure? That was the plan, but I don’t want you to have to spend any more time with them if you don’t want to.”

  “Your family and friends are great. I ended up having a nice afternoon.”

  Julian calls Danny and invites him up. Danny, Gabby, Rafi, Sonia, Marco, and Steve are all still hanging at Danny’s, and they say they’ll be up shortly. Julian asks me if I want to invite any of my friends over for dinner. I’m not sure they’ll want to come down to the beach if we’re not going to be here long.

  “Are we going out tonight?” Yesterday Julian had mentioned something about going out dancing. I’ll go if he wants to, but I really would rather stay in.