Her Second Chance

by Bette Ford

  “How was the mentoring session?” Maureen wanted to know.

  “Yes, dear, did it go well?”

  As Trenna filled them in, she noticed that Mrs. Hale was tiring. Once she was back in bed with her dinner tray, she shooed Trenna and Maureen out the door, insisting she’d see them tomorrow.

  They were nearing the bank of elevators when Trenna said, “I’m glad you decided to be sensible and not stay over another night.”

  Maureen sighed, “I didn’t have a choice. You heard how she reacted when I mentioned canceling the dinner/dance tonight. She practically threw me out of her room. How am I supposed to concentrate on business with her in the hospital?”

  Trenna squeezed Maureen’s hand. “I was just so happy to see that she’s better. Try not to worry. There is much to be thankful for, Maureen.”

  “I agree, it’s hard to concentrate on anything with her in here. And I really don’t want to go tonight,” Maureen complained.

  “You heard her. You’re going, so you might as well stop complaining. Who’s your date?”

  “Steve Manning.”

  They giggled. Steve was a childhood friend who lived a few doors away. Like the Morgan twins, the four had grown up attending the same schools and church.

  Trenna smiled. They had few secrets. When they were sophomores at Spellman they both were engaged. Maureen fell in love with a law school student while Trenna loved a long-time family friend. Things went badly for Maureen when her fiancé was arrested and then convicted of rape. Maureen was crushed but had the good sense to break off her engagement. Trenna went ahead and married Martin anyway.

  It took years before Trenna learned there was a difference between love and being in love. Both relationships ended badly, and they both suffered keen disappointments. The friends continued to be there for each other and learned how to cope with life and regrets.

  As the years passed, although they still hoped to find love and have children, neither of them was counting on it. There was always a reason not to let things progress beyond a certain level of intimacy. That was until last night.

  Maureen broke into Trenna’s thoughts when she said, “We’ve both been so busy that it seems like forever since we last talked.” Linking arms as they stepped out of the elevator, Maureen asked, “How are you? How was your dinner with Darrin? Did you have fun? You did feed him, didn’t you?”

  “Not only did I feed him, but I also went to bed with him.”

  “Did you say…”. Maureen stopped abruptly.

  “Yes.” With a heavy heart, she admitted, “I still can’t believe what happened. If that wasn’t bad enough, at dinner with Grace, I learned Todd Marks didn’t rape her. She identified the wrong man.”

  “Come.” Maureen pulled her arm, steering her to an isolated group of armchairs in the corner of the lobby. They found two seats away from the others. “Okay, tell me about you and Darrin. And start with the ride to your place.”

  Sighing, Trenna told her nearly everything, including her strong reaction to Darrin. The only thing Trenna left out was the intimate details of their lovemaking. She ended with having asked him to leave.

  “Wow, I didn’t expect that,” Maureen exclaimed.

  “Neither did I. It started with a single kiss and I still don’t know how it got out of hand. But I’m glad it’s over.” Her friend stared at her without speaking for so long that Trenna said, “You look as if you’re in shock.”

  “Yeah!”

  “Get over it, because I need advice.”

  Maureen said with a frown, “On what?”

  “Grace’s confession. She said that she only recently realized she’d picked the wrong man out of the lineup. Todd Marks didn’t rape her. It never occurred to me that she might have doubts.”

  “Nor did it occur to her. But I’m glad she told you. Trust’s a big issue for most rape victims. Grace has come a long way.”

  “I’m glad but she probably only told me because I was feeling guilty for getting involved with Darrin.”

  “That’s not true. Trenna, Grace trusts you and knows you care about her. Now, let’s talk about you and Darrin.”

  “There nothing to talk about.” She blushed as she recalled the intense pleasure she discovered in his arms. “Darrin was right all this time and I was wrong. When I think…” Her voice trailed away. “It’s embarrassing! I practically called him everything except a child of God for taking that horrible man’s case and then getting him off. On top of that I’m not sure I ever showed my appreciation for his help with my school. Because of him, I may have a major investor for my foundation, someone who is willing to pay for the children’s college education, if they graduate from high school.”

  “I have my fingers crossed that it will go through. But you have to stop beating yourself up over what happened,” Maureen scolded. “Grace just realized herself that she identified the wrong guy. She has been heart-sick about it since she discovered her error.”

  “You’re right.”

  “All three of us resented Darrin’s skill in the courtroom. He got Todd Marks off. He’s an excellent lawyer, the best, which is why the Marks hired him to defend their son.” She squeezed Trenna’s hand. “I feel as if I owe you an apology. I really wasn’t match-making when I called Darrin to ask him to take you home.”

  “No one’s accusing you of anything.”

  “I know but I hate to see you upset like this. To me, Darrin’s family but that does not mean he’s the one for you. I should not have asked for his help the night of the storm. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be.”

  “I’m on your side, girlfriend. Why are you frowning?”

  “Not important.”

  Maureen insisted, “Something more is going on here. What is it?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It matters. And I won’t not going asking questions until you explain why you went to bed with Darrin, a man you can’t stand. And don’t give me some bologna about his kisses.”

  There was more, but Trenna wasn’t ready to get into it. She was having enough trouble admitting she might have feelings for Darrin. There was no label to place on her emotions. All she knew was that her feelings were all over the place. Her reaction to him was intense, so unnerving that she didn’t know how to handle it. It was easier to push him away than examine her feelings too closely.

  Plus, she couldn’t stop wondering if she had seen hurt in his eyes when she asked him to leave. Was it in his voice when he called the next morning and she refused his help? She was letting her imagination get the best of her. She must not forget that above all else, Darrin Morgan was a first-class womanizer.

  But what if it were true? It could mean he changed…that he genuinely cared. The mere possibility had her blinking back tears. Goodness! It didn’t matter to her. It didn’t!

  Life could change swiftly. Almost overnight, she had gone from being someone’s daughter to being someone’s wife. She had spent years trying to make him happy and failed miserably. After losing Martin, her life had changed again. She had something to prove to herself. For the first time in her life, she had no father, no husband to lean on. She had learned to stand on her own two feet.

  She was proud of what she had accomplished on her own. She discovered she liked being her own woman, liked making her own decisions. She refused to go backward.

  When Darrin entered her life, she had made a serious blunder by sharing her body with him. She risked letting him into her heart. It was foolish to care about…

  “Trenna…”

  “It just happened.”

  There was no logical explanation, any more than there was a reason for how he made her feel. Pleasure and passion mixed with urgent need, and she’d lost control. Why couldn’t she forget how it felt when she came apart in his arms? It had been raw, explosive, and wrong!

  “Nothing just happens.”

  “It did this time!”

  “Try again.”

  “I am not one of your cli
ents, Maureen Hale Sheppard! Leave it alone.”

  “Do you remember when you first moved to Detroit? We agreed to leave our past mistakes in the past. You didn’t want to talk about Martin any more than I wanted to remember my broken engagement. We both decided to get out there, to date and have fun. We stuck to the plan: have male friends while not repeating mistakes. But last night something changed. Let’s talk about that change.”

  Annoyed, Trenna demanded, “Don’t you have to get ready for that dinner/dance?”

  “So I’ll be a little late. Stop trying to distract me. The last time we talked you couldn’t be in the same room with Darrin without getting into an argument. After years of saying no to every guy that you’ve ever gone out with, you suddenly say yes to Darrin. Why?”

  Trenna’s failure to respond did not stop Maureen from saying, “Something was different about last night. Think about it and while you’re thinking maybe you can figure out what has you so upset. Do you feel as if you were being disloyal to Martin? Maybe you realize you have feelings for Darrin? It could be that the possibility of getting hurt scares you?”

  “Honesty, Maureen, there are times when you get on my last nerve! Why are you bringing Martin into this? This has nothing to do with him.”

  “Okay. Explain why you slept with Darrin and I’ll drop it.”

  “Goodness! I don’t know why I even brought it up. It’s bad enough knowing I made a stupid mistake.”

  “You think you made a mistake? Is that why you asked him to leave?”

  Trenna jumped to her feet, saying, “Maureen, as much as I love you, I cannot talk about this!” She grabbed her purse and headed out the door.

  It was Friday night. Her staff had rushed out, eager to get the weekend underway. Trenna had turned down an invitation to have dinner with her book club friends. She wasn’t in the mood to smile and pretend all was well.

  As Trenna paced the length of her office, she didn’t so much as glance at the twinkling light on the small tabletop or the Christmas tree in the center of the credenza. Nor did she take notice of the festive greenery and holiday lights decorating the landscape outsides her office window.

  She’d barely noticed the bustling sounds of activity in the building had gradually ebbed. Weeks had passed since the night she slept with Darrin. Thanksgiving had come and gone, and Christmas was fast approaching. She hadn’t seen or spoken to him.

  True, she had asked him not call, to keep his distance. She hadn’t wanted to see him, hadn’t wanted to remember what they shared. Nor did she want to be the subject of the building’s gossip mill.

  She frowned. So why wasn’t she grateful that he respected her wishes? Because it hurt! Darrin didn’t seem to be having any trouble avoiding her.

  She lost count of the number of times she told herself it was for the best that she hadn’t caught so much as a glimpse of him. She appreciated that Maureen had lightened up on her and let the subject drop. She still couldn’t talk about that night. Her reasons for sleeping with him and then asking him to leave were too painful to examine.

  She was glad that her days were busy. But it didn’t help that she was having trouble sleeping and the nights seemed endless. She had tried everything she could think of to keep the thoughts at bay…nothing worked. She couldn’t just let it go.

  She woke each morning exhausted from tossing and turning until the wee hours. And when sleep finally claimed her, she dreamed about him. She knew she couldn’t go on like this. She had to find a way to let it go, to stop reliving every detail of that night. What difference did it make now? It wasn’t as if she could change what happened. Heck, she still didn’t know why she said yes in the first place. What she needed was answers.

  For a time, Darrin acted as if he genuinely cared about her. And she believed him. She needed to know if it was real. Did he care? Making love with him had affected her so profoundly. She wasn’t a naive or inexperienced young girl. Nor was she a fool or foolish. She had no illusions about marriage or men. She had been married to Martin for years.

  With Darrin… She sighed. Making love with Darrin had been vastly different from being with her late husband. Darrin made her feel things that she hadn't even come close to feeling before. She had gone over it again and again. She told herself she had made too much of it, blowing it out of proportion.

  It was so confusing. Responding to Darrin didn’t mean she hadn’t cared about Martin. There was no doubt in her mind that she had once loved her husband. Or that she had tried her best to please him and had also failed, time and time again.

  Her self-esteem had taken a hard hit when she had also failed to satisfy Darrin. Her success rate with men was abysmal. Yet, there was no doubt she had responded to Darrin’s lovemaking. She had thought she had pleased him until she realized he had still been aroused. She had been devastated, which was why she asked him to go.

  There was no doubt that when it came to the female body, he knew what he was about. He was the master at that game. She was the one to lose control. He had proven beyond all doubt that he was an experienced lover, a master with women. He knew more about the machinations of a woman’s body than she did.

  Yet, it was his tenderness that had become endearing to her, important to her. He had been wonderful. She had tried, but was unable to forget how he made her feel. She told herself that it was sex…only sex. But Darrin’s touch had been gentle, almost loving. Loving? No way!

  She closed her eyes trying not to recall the look in his eyes when she asked him to leave. No, it hadn’t been anger. There had been no sign of rage, no sharpness, or any fury on his face. He had seemed disappointed, almost sad.

  Trenna’s eyes went wide and her heart began to pound. Doubt warred with hope as she struggled to put a label on what she seen in his eyes. Had she been wrong? What if he did care? Did it matter? Her heart pounded with dread as she realized it mattered.

  Crossing to the desk, Trenna picked up the phone, and then quickly replaced it. No! She was overreacting. They had sex…not made love. It was not as if he had taken something she hadn’t been willing give. She had wanted him as she had never believed it possible to want a man.

  Darrin had not rushed. He had taken his time. Was there an inch of her body that he hadn’t caressed or kissed? She shook head no. Then, she sighed recalling his kisses. It was amazing the way those kisses had gone from being sweet and tender but had then gradually heated until they were sizzling hot. He had been warm, so caring in a way that made her feel special.

  She covered her face as if she could hide from the truth. The pleasure had not been mutual. It was one-sided. No, he hadn’t complained or degraded her for her failure. She bit her lip to keep from crying as she accepted that Darrin had turned out to be a generous lover and a real friend. Trenna was ashamed that she had not called to tell him that the contracts were signed and to thank him for his help.

  He didn’t have to introduce her to the Murrays, who had agreed to be generous sponsors of her scholarship fund. She had tried but she couldn’t overlook such kindness. Starting next fall, Murrays would be making it possible for so many children to have brighter futures.

  There was no doubt about it—she owed him. The night of the storm, instead of going home to wait it out, Darrin had volunteered to give her a ride home. It was her decision to invite him to dinner and then to stay with her. He was prepared to leave, but she had stopped him.

  Releasing a heavy sigh, Trenna knew she had to apologize. He had gone out of his way to help her, on more than one occasion. She had let fear keep her from doing what was right. So how could she fix this? Would he let her?

  She had no answers. But she had to make an attempt, didn’t she? Was she a woman or a coward? She picked up the receiver and punched in his office number. It rang and rang before going to voicemail.

  “Too late, he’s gone,” she muttered aloud. Disappointed, she covered her face with her hands. She sighed heavily and then began to wander around the room. She ended up at the window and studie
d the darkening sky.

  The parking lot was nearly empty. It was getting late, and she should go home. Only her empty house held little appeal. There were only few cars left. One of them was Darrin’s jeep.

  Looking up from his laptop, Darrin rubbed tired eyes. He rotated his head from side to side, hoping to ease the stiffness in his neck and shoulders. He didn’t need to glance at the clock or listen to his empty stomach to know it was time to call it a day.

  As he looked at the pages of notes he’d jotted on the legal pad in front of him, he smiled imagining how his dad would have teased him, insisting that he should have been a doctor since his handwriting resembled chicken scratch. He sighed. Even after all this time, he still missed his dad. Time didn’t heal every wound.

  He was glad that his assistant was good at deciphering his handwriting, but this might even be a stretch for her. He had just started on the last brief when his stomach grumbled loudly, reminding him that he’d skipped lunch.

  There was no point in looking in the compact refrigerator in his office. It was empty, just like his refrigerator at home. It had been a while since he’d gone to the market. Tonight, like most nights, he’d end up calling one of the nearby restaurants and place a takeout order that he’d pick up on the way home.

  Sighing heavily, he knew his stomach wasn’t the problem. Work, go home, and sleep were all he had done lately. Thanksgiving had been disappointing for him. The holidays were difficult without his dad. Having Megan, Douglas’ fiancée, join them helped both his mother and Douglas. But missing his dad wasn’t the sole reason for Darrin’s funky mood.

  He couldn’t remember what he ate. But then, food was near the bottom on his list of priorities. Not that he couldn’t recall the last time he’d enjoyed a meal. No, that wasn’t true. He recalled the date, the day of the week, and the time of night when his life had gone south.

  Had he ever experienced such an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and despair? He was normally an upbeat kind of guy. He was blessed and knew he had a great deal to be grateful. He was healthy, his mind was sharp, but most importantly, he was part of a loving family. Then his attitude toward life had spiraled downward. It started the night Trenna rejected him and pushed him out of her life.