Her Second Chance

by Bette Ford

  “Do you see that I never consciously compared the two of you? It was never a competition, because if it was then he’d lose hands down. I’m in love with you, Darrin… Only you.”

  15

  ‘She loves me!’ Darrin silently repeated to himself. His heart raced. He felt as if he had just won some mega sweepstakes and all his dreams had finally come true. He was in shock! He had not seen this coming. He didn’t have a clue her marriage had been a nightmare or that she had suffered because of it. No, he wasn’t proud that he’d been so jealous of a dead man. Most of all, he was deeply touched by her candor.

  "Thank you for telling me. That had to be hard for you. You don’t have to say more. I’m beginning to understand.” For years he’d assumed her marriage had been a happy one. He’d been wrong.

  Trenna shook her head. “But I need to tell you…all of it.”

  Although he didn’t enjoy seeing her hurting, he nodded. “Go ahead.”

  “On the night of the accident, we had gone to a formal affair at a local hotel. I begged to stay at the hotel because the weather was so bad, but Martin refused. He was already angry with me because I’d moved out of our bedroom at home. We hadn’t had sex in months. So he wouldn’t listen to me.” She sighed heavily. “You know about the accident and that I was behind the wheel.”

  Darrin was content to just hold her. “Yes, and I’m so sorry, sweetheart. You didn’t ask for any of this. You never let on that your marriage had been troubled. Nor did Maureen.”

  “She doesn’t know,” Trenna confessed. “I tried, but I couldn’t talk about it. It was too painful and I’m ashamed that I had ignored her warnings. Maureen tried to stop me from marrying Martin, but I wouldn’t listen. And then it all blew up in my face. She’d been right.”

  “Thank you for being straight with me. But, my love, you’ve done nothing to be ashamed of. None of it was your fault.” He gave her a gentle squeeze. “Trenna, you were young and inexperienced. All these years, I’m amazed that you were able to cope with this on your own.”

  “It hasn’t been easy,” she admitted, and then confessed, “It’s important to me that you understand I didn’t confuse you and Martin. How could I? The two of you are not alike. While you’re strong and confident, Martin was the exact opposite. He liked to boast and was fond of showing me off to his friends like was a trophy. He enjoyed having a much younger wife. He wanted me to be totally dependent on him.”

  She sighed heavily. “He did everything he could to keep me from having a career. Everything I wanted to do turned into a battle. He tried, but he didn’t control everything. He couldn’t stop me from finishing my education. Thanks to my trust fund from my maternal grandmother, I had the means, plus the grades to enroll in grad school. After I started working on my master’s degree there was no holding me back.

  “Once I had my degree, I was fed up. For years of doing nearly everything his way, I didn’t have a career. I rebelled by working toward a doctorate.” She sighed heavily, “I promised myself that one day I’d have my nursery school and a career.

  “But intimacy was a big problem for us. Eventually things deteriorated to where I couldn’t bear his touch. I felt as if what we shared wasn’t about us. By then what love and respect I thought I had for him had vanished. I could not contain my resentment toward him or take his need to control me any longer. I came from a line of strong independent women. Both my mother and grandmother were business women.”

  “What about your inheritance from your parents?”

  “The way the will was set up Martin controlled nearly everything except my trust fund. It became important to me that he understand I was no longer a young girl. I needed to make my own decisions and my own mistakes. I was tired of dreaming about owning a nursery school. Martin said no. He was determined to keep things the way they were when we first married. He enjoyed being in control of the boutiques around the country, the factory and me.

  “It was important to me that I use my education and wealth for good. Because I was upset, and frustrate I refused to back down. We had a huge fight and I stood up to him. That was the first time I refused to have sex with him. He was Iivid! He had a vicious tongue and was not above being mean or cruel to get his way. His favorite pastime was belittling or insulting me.

  “When I complained about his temper, he claimed it was my fault. He insisted that my refusal to sleep with him caused his temper to flair. He warned me that things wouldn’t get better until I start acting like a real wife.”

  Clearly outraged, Darrin snarled, “Was he physically abusive? Did he ever hurt you?”

  She shook her head. “No, he never hit me. He was just verbally.” Then she added, “But I quickly learned that verbal abuse can be just as painful and destructive. I always believed that marriage was forever. There was no such thing as divorce in my family. And I refused to be the first. I had to keep reminding myself how fortunate I was to have grown up in the home of two loving parents who were in love. They didn’t always agree. Sometimes, they argued but there was never any doubt they didn’t adore each other and me. They raised me to believe in love and marriage.”

  Darrin nodded. “I get it. That’s the way it was with my folks also.”

  She reluctantly admitted, “The love was gone. And I was barely holding on by a thread the night of the ice storm. I had begged him for weeks to consider marriage counseling. He flatly refused. You know what happened. After the accident, I was a mess. I couldn’t get pass the guilt. It was devastating knowing I was the one behind the wheel and Martin was dead. I had resented him, but I never, ever wished him dead.”

  “I know. Sweetheart, you’re not that kind of a person. It was a horrible accident.”

  Trenna sighed, “Yes. From day one Martin’s twin girls resented me. After the accident they hated me. They accused me of marrying him for the insurance money, of cheating on him with other men, and deliberately causing the accident. His twins weren’t interested in anything I had to say.”

  He kissed her forehead, “If need be I will remind you every day it was an accident.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You moved to Michigan because of Maureen, right?”

  “Partly, I wanted a fresh start. Plus, I had something to prove to myself. I started the nursery school, developed the curriculum, and hired the best staff I could find. Running Little Hearts, and giving back to those in need, has been a huge blessing for me.” She smiled. “It was important to me that everything I did benefited all of our students and addressed their individual needs. There were no shortcuts. It took a lot of hard work, but thanks to God, I was able to get it done. I don’t mean to sound vain, but can’t help being proud of myself.”

  Caressing her cheek, he said, “You’ve shown everyone that you’re a strong and capable woman. No one can ever take that from you. I’m very proud of you. But what matters most to me was getting to know you.” He brushed her lips with his. “You’re as lovely on the inside as you’re on the outside.”

  “Thank you,” Trenna said softy. She was deeply touched by Darrin’s sincerity and faith in her. She was forced to wipe the tears that slipped past her lashes. She briefly pressed her lips against his. “That means so much to me.”

  “Just as you mean so much to me.” He cradled her face in his wide palm. Darrin said in a voice husky with emotion, “Trenna, I meant it when I said I loved you.”

  Her heart began to pound. “I know you said that but…”

  “I mean it. I’ve waited years for you to realize that I care for you.”

  Struggling to take it all in, she said, “Years? Surely not.”

  “It’s true. Why don’t you believe me?”

  She frowned. It was painful to admit, but she was determined to put it all out there. She forced herself to say, “When we were together I wasn’t enough to satisfy you.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “I was there.”

  ”And so was I.”

  “But you didn’t…�
�� Too embarrassed to meet his gaze, she dropped her lids and said in a painful whisper, “…finish.”

  He stared at her as if in disbelief. And then he chuckled, his laugh turned deep and throaty.

  She was crushed. It was all she could do not to wail. She hissed, “It’s not funny!”

  Darrin grabbed Trenna around the waist and pulled her down on the sofa. She ended up in his lap. She averted her face so his kisses missed her mouth instead landed on her cheeks.

  “Sweetheart, listen to me.” He lifted her chin until their gaze locked. “Beautiful, sexy and so sweet, you more than satisfied me. Don’t you know that you’re everything I could ever want or need in a woman? I’ve waited years to be with you. I was so hungry for you…in so much need that once didn’t even come close to being enough for me. Your body fit mine like a satin-lined glove. You may not have been aware that I came inside of you because mine followed yours.”

  He suckled her bottom lip before he confessed, “Trenna, you were so incredible that it didn’t take me long before I was hard and ready for more. I should have gotten rid of the old condom. But, baby, you felt so good that I couldn’t make myself move.” He kissed her before he teased, “Unlike you females it’s impossible for man to hide his desire.”

  She studied his eyes. “Are you saying all this to make—?”

  “To make you feel better?”

  She nodded, afraid to hope. “You gave me such pleasure. And I disappointed you.”

  “That’s not how I felt. Sweetheart, Trenna, for so long you have owned my heart. Do you remember that old song You’re All I Need to Get by? That’s how I feel about you.” He moved a caressing hand down her back. “You’re perfect for me in every way. I adore you. Your curves are so unbelievably soft, your skin so smooth, you made me wild for you.”

  Darrin placed a lingering kiss on the side of her throat. “Mmm, you’re more than enough to keep me coming back night after night, week after week, month after month and year after year. But despite your beauty, it was your warmth and kindness to everyone that stole my heart.”

  His kisses were slow, filled with need and longing. When they came up for air she moaned with pleasure. “Baby, your lips are so soft and enticing I can’t help wanting to kiss you again and again.”

  “Oh, Darrin,” she sighed. “Whenever you kiss me, sweet man, I melt like a pat of butter on a hot griddle. From our first meeting I was attracted to you. And it scared me, so much that I fought my feelings for you. The mere thought of being vulnerable to another man was terrifying. I put up a wall to protect myself and keep you out.” She sighed. “And you were the talk of the building, handsome and successful. I hated the gossip about you, the speculation about who you were dating and sleeping with. All of it gave me reason to keep a wall between us. Only you, stubborn man, refused to give up on me.”

  He shook his head. “No way, no how.”

  They smiled at each other.

  “I couldn’t figure you out, couldn’t believe you wanted to help with my foundation. You introduced me to your friends, looking to invest. The most shocking was that you didn’t expect anything in return. My defenses started to crumble. I honestly did not know what to think, how I felt about you. It was a struggle to keep you at a distance. It became a losing battle.

  “The day of the snow storm I was preparing to spend the night at my school when you called. I couldn’t believe you were willing to take me home in that blizzard. To me storms were something to avoid at all costs.” She laughed, “I should have known I was in deep trouble, because despite my fear of getting involved, you managed to make me feel safe. I don’t know how you did it, but I trusted you.” She caressed his cheeks enjoying the feel of his hair-roughed skin.

  He whispered huskily, “I like having your hands on me.”

  Flattered, she admitted, “I’m glad. I hadn’t planned to invite you inside, but I did. It was important that I repay your kindness. Deep down, I wanted you to stay. I enjoyed spending time with you. Things were fine until you kissed me.” Thrilled by the warmth in his eyes, she crooned into his ear, “I had no idea your kisses would be so dangerous, seductive. That entire evening with you was special to me. Even though, I was shocked by my response to your kisses, I didn’t want you to ever stop.”

  “And I didn’t want to stop,” he said in her ear before he tongued her earlobe.

  Shivers of delight raced along her spine as she said, “You don’t understand. It wasn’t until I was with you that I understood that Martin and I just had had sex. But what you and I had was vastly different... We made love. The difference was you. You made it special…magical for me.

  “Most important, you made me feel beautiful for the first time in my life. I’d never known such tenderness, never even imagined it could be that way. When we made love, you, sweet man, made sure I was with you every step of the way.” Trenna paused before she revealed, “I couldn’t get over that you were more concerned about me and my needs than your own. You set out to pleasure me, and you were very successful. I lost control and came apart in your arms. That had never happened before...not ever. Goodness, you made me feel so much and so deeply that it terrified me. I was afraid of giving you power over me.”

  “I didn’t want to control you. I wanted to love you.”

  “It took me a while to realize that.” She dropped her lids, unable to meet his gaze, then said, “You were right. I did compare you and Martin. I couldn’t help it. I was in shock. You made me feel sexy, beautiful, and cherished. I had been married for years, but never even had come close to climaxing. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I hated having sex with Martin. It hurt. And I didn’t sleep around.”

  “But I thought…” He stopped, then said with a frown, “You were dating.”

  She lifted a brow. “To me dating means having fun, not having sex. They are two different things. I’ve been celibate for a long time. So now you can understand why I was totally unprepared for you and your special brand of lovemaking.” She smoothed a hand over his shoulder and down his chest. “You, sweet man, were incredible, tender yet unbelievably sexy. It was a major turn on for me.”

  Darrin grinned but didn’t interrupt. Perhaps he sensed how important it was for her to finish, to get it all out, and to put the past behind her?

  Locking her arms around his neck, she moved until they were chest-to-chest. She pressed her lips against his cheek, his chin, then lingered in the hollow of his throat.

  “Being with you opened my eyes. Because of you, I discovered that certain things I believed were factual about men and women, lust and love were false, myths. After we made love I didn’t know how to handle what happened between us or how it made me feel.

  “When I realized that you were still aroused, I was devastated. I thought I failed, again. That I wasn’t enough. For a few moments, I thought it would different. And then it wasn’t. Upset and confused, I couldn’t handle another failure. I was replaying in my head, all the mean things he’d said about me. I pushed you away, asked you to leave.” She shook her head before saying, “Even though I cared about you, I wasn’t ready to admit it, not even to myself. I was such an emotional basket case. I could not label my feelings. All I knew for sure was that my emotions were raw, new and so deep they terrified me.”

  “Why are you saying these things? Is this some kind of game?”

  “No!” Shaking her head, she whispered, “I’m sorry it took so long for me to figure it all out.” Then she revealed, “It didn’t help that you were avoiding me. I hated not being able to see you or talk to you. It was horrible. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I kept remembering how you helped me when you didn’t have to. I couldn’t figure out why.

  “Darrin, I tried and tried, but I couldn’t get you out of my head. Tonight, when I saw that your car was still in the lot, I knew I had to talk to you. I came because I owed you an apology. I came even though I knew you probably would not want to see me. I don’t know why, but it all came together for me.”

/>   He stared at her.

  “I realized I was taking huge risk. But I had to tell you all of it. You deserved the truth and so much more. I didn’t want there to be any more secrets between us. I love you, Darrin Morgan.”

  “Don’t play with me,” he growled.

  “I’m not…”

  He said nothing more, just stared at her. Finally, he asked, “Are you absolutely sure that...”

  “That I love you?” Trenna nodded. “I’m positive.”

  He slowly released a deep breath before he said, “Thank you.”

  Before she could take her next breath, she was in his arms and he was kissing her. Slow, deep, and incredibly tender caresses that left her shaking.

  She whispered against his lips those all-important words to him. “I love you, love only you. I’m so sorry that I asked you to leave.”

  He pressed his hand against her kiss swollen lips. “You don’t owe me an apology, you owe me nothing.” Then he placed a kiss in the center of each of her palms. “But you have my heart.”

  “And you have mine.”

  “Trenna…sweetheart,” Darrin’s voice was gruff with emotion when he repeated her name. He claimed her lips, this time taking a series of hot and hungry kisses. When they parted, they were both breathing hard.

  “I feel as if I’ve waited forever to have you like this, warm and responsive in my arms. How could you not know that you’re my world? Trenna McAdams. I love you and I need you.”

  Startled dark brown eyes stared into dark blue ones. The love she saw there was unmistakable. It meant everything to her. This was no dream. It was real. With her heart pounding like a steel drum, Trenna bit her bottom lip. She took a deep breath and then slowly let it out. “Darrin, I love you. I suck at relationships.”

  “That’s because you married the wrong man. You didn’t marry me.”

  She couldn’t help smiling. “Darrin…I’m just getting used to the idea of being in love. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so thankful that you, sweet man, didn’t give up on me. You believed in us when I was too scared to try. We’re here together, like this, because of you. Darrin, you’ve been so patient with me. The memory of your tenderness gave me hope. But trust doesn’t come easily to me.”