Her Second Chance

by Bette Ford

  “Sweetheart,“ Darrin husked, reclaiming her lips, but the sound of the vacuum outside his office intruded. He sighed, “Let’s get out of here.”

  “And go where?”

  “It doesn’t matter as long as we’re together.”

  16

  On their way to her home they stopped at a Chinese restaurant and picked up take-out. But instead of eating they cuddled on her sofa.

  “Say it again,” Darrin begged, his mouth caressing her kiss swollen lips.

  “Love you,” Trenna repeated, still tingling from the intensity of his kisses. Her head was on his shoulder. There was no doubt that this was love. She had never felt more cared about or cherished. She was happy and couldn’t contain her smile.

  Raining kissing down her forehead and cheeks, he said, “Good. Because I will never get tired of hearing you say it. Say it again.”

  Giggling, she could barely get the words out. Blushing, she said, “You’re staring. Stop it!”

  “I can’t help myself. You’re gorgeous,” Darrin murmured between kisses. “…And perfect for me.”

  Just then her stomach grumbled and they both laughed.

  “Excuse me.” She glanced at the clock. “Is it eleven?”

  “I’m afraid so. Let’s eat.”

  After sharing a meal of shrimp fried rice, pepper steak, and steamed vegetables, once again they were seated side by side on the couch, their feet propped up on the padded ottoman.

  With her head resting on his chest, he stroked her hair. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around us being together like this. I’d lost hope. I left that night believing you were still in love with Martin, that you wanted him and not me. I was eaten alive with jealousy after you said his name.”

  “Darrin, I’m sorry I hurt you. Until we were together I believed him. I believed there was something wrong with me. That it was my fault that he needed more and more stimulation to become aroused.”

  Squeezing his hand, she said, “Finally the blinders were off. You were the one who came out favorably, not Martin. You and I had made love. For the first time I understood the difference. I found no enjoyment with Martin. I was floored by my reaction to you and was very confused.”

  When she saw his wide grin she punched him arm.

  He chuckled, “Hey, I didn’t say a word!” Still grinning, he said, “I like being alone like this, just the two of us.” He admitted, “For weeks, I kept hoping you’d change your mind, that you would realize how much you meant to me. You ordered me to stay away. I respected that, but I was miserable.”

  He brushed her lips with his. “Since I met you, there was no one else for me. No women had ever told me no. I thought you were grieving so I tried to honor that. The day when you got off on my floor and bumped into me, I nearly lost it. My heart pounded with excitement at the possibility that you had come to see me.”

  “I don’t understand why you hadn’t given up. It would have been so much easier on both of us if you had walked away.”

  “I couldn’t do that. Heaven knows you gave me reasons to never look your way again. I don’t know. Maybe I was just too stubborn to walk away from the woman I believed that I’d waited a lifetime to find? Trenna, I had no doubt that you were it for me. Unfortunately, I just couldn’t convince you. It wasn’t until weeks later that I lost hope. I was a wreck after being with you and knowing your sweetness. I could not handle you not wanting to see me or even talk to me. That was the worst for me.”

  “I’m sorry. I was a mess. I had all these feelings for you but I was also terrified of being hurt. Plus there were always other women. The office building was full of them.”

  “After meeting you, I didn’t want anyone else.” He kissed his way down the side of her throat to the scented hollow. He tongued the soft skin there. “No one else can satisfy the ache I have for you. Deep inside, I knew from the beginning that you were the one for me. Sweetheart, you’re my love…my heart.”

  “How can you be sure?” she asked in an urgent whisper.

  Somber, he stared into her eyes. “It started with attraction and as I got to know you it grew into respect, admiration and eventually to love. I’m very sure about my feelings for you, Trenna McAdams. You can believe, I tried so many times to convince myself to get over you. I told myself to walk away, save myself from the endless heartache. I went out with other women, hoping to get past these feelings for you. But it didn’t work, nothing worked. I couldn’t get you out of my head.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. Early on, my brother recognized the signs and knew I was a goner. Even at my lowest point, Doug kept encouraging me. Lately, he was the only one who still believed because I nearly lost hope. He understood because he had been through something similar with Megan.”

  Trenna smiled, “Remind me to thank your brother. I’m surprised you didn’t guess that the attraction between us has always been mutual.”

  He chuckled. “I can appreciate the humor now. Darlin’, you’ve done an excellent job of keeping it a secret.”

  She cupped his cheek. “All I knew about love was what I had with Martin.” Shuddering at the painful memories, she confessed, “I couldn’t put myself back in a position of vulnerability. I was terrified of losing control of my life again. So I kept coming up with reasons not to get involved with you, not to feel anything at all for you. But it never worked.” He was silent for so long that she looked at him expectantly. “What?”

  “I’m just trying to understand it all. How did you move past the verbal abuse? How did you find the courage to do it on your own, without counseling?”

  “Courage? Hardly!” she scoffed.

  He reminded, "You’re strong and fiery.”

  Although touched by the compliments, she said, "I don’t know how you can say that. I was a coward. I should have left him." She dropped her head not wanting him to see her shame. "I call that weak not strong.” Wiping away a tear, she admitted, “I’m ashamed that I stayed so long, that I allowed Martin to control me, bully me and force me to look at those awful movies with him. I told him yes when I wanted to say no. It was horrible! And when I finally put my foot down, Martin was furious. He tormented me, called me names and belittled me. I took it for too long. Unfortunately, I couldn’t talk about it to anyone, not even Maureen. That has been the hardest part for me, finding a way to forgive myself for staying.”

  Darrin put a finger under her chin, but she refused to lift her lids. He urged, "Look at me, Sweetheart. I need you to look into my eyes, to see and hear the truth in my words.” He waited until she met his gaze. “You were a victim. Yet, you were strong enough to do what you thought was the right thing to do. Despite the hurt and berating you had to endure, you chose to stay and keep the vows you made. I respect you for keeping your word. I repeat you were a victim. Say it!"

  “I was a victim. But…”

  "Trenna, there are no buts about it.”

  She shrugged. "I’m still working on not blaming myself. I slip up. Having a best friend, who specializes in abuse cases at a Women's Center was been a huge bonus. Maureen helped me without realizing it. And I will be forever grateful that I was raised in the church.

  “I allowed Martin to keep me from going to church. But he could not control my faith in God. That faith has helped tremendously. He could not keep me from praying or reading my Bible. I gained such strength from God’s Word.”

  “What was the straw that pushed you to the edge?”

  “Church. He had no right. I said no and meant it. I moved out of our bedroom.”

  Darrin hugged her.

  She sighed, “I know my way of handling the abuse was unusual. I should have sought counseling or gotten a divorce but I couldn’t. So I endured it. When Martin passed, all I felt was relief and so much guilt.”

  He kissed her cheek. “I’m glad you moved to Michigan.”

  “Me, too. I was able to pick up the pieces and move on with my life. I’m grateful that God took the overwhelming pain
and most of the shame away. I’m not saying that I'm perfect or that my way would be best for anyone else. But it's working for me. God’s gave me the courage to fight.”

  He kissed her forehead. “I believe God helped you persevere. Just as God helps everyone who believes. I hate to speak ill of the dead, but Martin McAdams was a class-A jerk. He didn't realize what a sweet treasure he had in you.” Darrin cradled Trenna against him, her cheek rested over his heart. He surprised her when he asked, “Was the trouble in your marriage the reason you waited to have kids? I ask because you clearly love children and would make a wonderful mother.”

  She sighed heavily. “Martin was the reason. He said no. He already had twin girls from his first marriage and they’re a few years older than I am. He had raised his kids and didn’t want to be a father again.”

  “How did you handle that?”

  “I understood. I would be lying if I didn't admit I was very disappointed. But I had no choice but to accept it. I kept busy with grad school.”

  “Are you saying you just gave up on ever having kids?”

  She nodded.

  “I’m so sorry. Everyone knows you were born to be a mother.”

  “Thanks, but no one gets everything they want in life. I’ve been blessed to have had such wonderful parents. I grew up in a home surrounded by love. Now that I have my own school, and thanks to you, am able to expand my foundation, I’ve accomplished all my professional dreams.” She smiled up at him when she said, “Now I’m grateful to have you in my life. For so long I was alone.”

  “You’re not alone any more. You have me. And I love you.”

  Before she could respond Darrin tilted her face up until he could reach her mouth. He devoured her lips as if they were coated with honey. She quivered, not expecting the sudden rush of pleasure. He tasted her, moving slowly down her throat, and when he reached the valleys between her breasts, Darrin lingered.

  Trenna moaned, unable to contain her enjoyment. Her entire body felt as if it were on fire from direct rays of the sun. It wasn’t long before she ached from deep inside. Her feminine center moistened, became dewy with need. Goodness, how she wanted him…wanted his hands all over her…wanted his body to be a part of hers.

  That realization was unsettling. Her thoughts flew back to their last time together. Thoughts of intimacy brought back the old fears and doubts about her ability to please a man. They quickly overwhelmed her and swiftly replaced her desire for him. She needed no reminders that her history with the opposite sex was abysmal. How could this be happening to her?

  Fighting back tears, she hid her face against the base of his throat. She whispered, “You have no idea how much I wish I’d met you first.”

  “Me, too. But we can’t change the past. Now that we're together, I plan to show you every single day how much I love you. Trenna, I’m not like Martin. I have no need to dominate you or control you. I like you just the way you are, strong and feisty. But most of all I want you to be happy.”

  Trenna smiled: there was that word again. Strong. He kept calling her strong because he believed it. He meant every word, and he meant the world to her. Darrin was such an accomplished man, confident in his manhood, and not in the least bit intimidated by her success. "Thank you."

  "You are welcome.”

  She whispered, “You deserve better.”

  “How? You are the best.”

  She blushed. “You were always smooth-talking, charming, and too good-looking for your own good. I told myself not to believe anything that came out of your mouth.”

  He arched a brow. “You certainly never bothered to hide your animosity.”

  “Trust was beyond me.” Wrapping her arms around his neck, she clung to him. “I'm so sorry, about a lot of things, especially the way I treated you. I was afraid of how you made me feel, so I kept pushing you out of my life. The past few weeks apart have been hard. What I didn’t expect was to miss you so much.”

  She hesitated before adding, “I was miserable without you, hated the way things were between us. I didn’t know how to fix things. I was shaking when I came to see you. I had no idea what I was going to say. But I had to try to make things right.” She caressed his cheek before she admitted, “I’ve said it before but I’m truly thankful that you didn’t give up on me. I’m in love with you and I pray that you won’t regret tonight.”

  Darrin stared into her eyes, and then studied Trenna's small, rich brown features. As his gaze moved down her curvy figure, the hunger in his dark eyes was unmistakable. The way he looked at her caused her heart pick up speed, made her knees shake, and she felt as if she were the most beautiful, desirable woman on the planet.

  “No regrets. And now that we know the feelings are mutual, my first inclination would be to hold on to you with both hands. For me, that means flying to Vegas and sealing the deal. Because of the way feel about you, I won’t rush you into doing anything that you are not ready for. Love means I want what’s best for you…always.”

  Overcome by emotion, her eyes filled with tears.

  “Why are you crying? “

  Forced to swallow a lump in her throat, she laughed. “I’m happy! And for the first time since I lost my parents, I’m my own person. I'm truly free from the past.” She giggled when he gave her a tight squeeze. “It feels good knowing my heart’s no longer weighed down by anger or resentment. I prayed for this day. And with God’s help, I can honestly say that I’ve let it go and forgiven Martin.”

  “That’s incredible! What a blessing. But I’m not surprised because God’s able. He took the grief and pain of losing my father from me. There is nothing God can't do.”

  “I’m glad you feel they way. I’ve noticed for the last few weeks you have been sitting in the back of the church during service. I didn’t know what it meant.”

  “I’m growing in my faith.” He smiled. “It’s our time, Trenna. From now on you and I are going to do this love thing the right way.”

  Puzzled, she asked, “What does that mean?”

  “It means we aren’t doing it my way or your way, but God’s way. That’s the only way we can be assured what we have will last for a lifetime.” Darrin cradled her face in his palms. “I want you to be my wife. I want to marry you, Trenna McAdams.”

  “You’re serious?”

  He nodded.

  Although her heart pounded with excitement, she held back. Instead of answering she quizzed, “Right way? What do you mean?”

  “We’ve both grown up in the AME church. And we share similar beliefs and faith in God. I’d like to honor that.”

  “Are you saying that we’re not going...” She stopped unable to get the words pass the lump in her throat.

  “To make love? Oh yeah, we are.” He grinned. “But not until we’re man and wife.”

  Shock and disappointment battled with a deep sense of relief. She loved him, more than she thought it was possible. Even more surprising, she wanted to be with him.

  But she also knew herself well enough to know she needed time to get used to the idea. She smiled at him and firmly pushed the doubts always. They loved and cherished each other and wanted to be together. That was all that really mattered. Trenna teased, “I haven’t said yes.”

  “I’m aware.”

  She was somber when she asked, “What if I can’t make you happy? Remember, my track record with marriage is not good.”

  "You married the wrong guy."

  “I’m serious! What if I mess this up? How can I say yes? Second chances are rare in life. I don’t want to disappoint either one of us.”

  “I know, love. And I don’t expect it to be easy. Nothing worth having comes easily. I have enough faith in God and in you to believe we can make it work. The only thing I'm absolutely certain of is that I love you and that you love me. That’s enough for me. The big question is, is it enough for you? We both know that all we really have is today. Only God knows the future.” He squeezed her hand. “Well, is our love enough?”

 
There was no hesitation when Trenna said, “Yes, Darrin. I will marry you. When?”

  Darrin threw his head back and laughed. When he sobered he kissed her tenderly. ”Sweetheart, you decide. I will be there whether it’s tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year. It is up to you.”

  17

  It was Valentine’s Day. That Saturday morning dawned bright and sunny, without a cloud in the winter sky. It was also cold and crisp, perfect for their wedding. Unable to sleep, Trenna was up at six.

  She admired the four-carat pink fluorite engagement ring that Darrin had surprised her with on Christmas Eve. She couldn’t control the tremors in her hands as she moved the ring to her right hand for the ceremony or the butterflies in her stomach. ‘Just nerves,’ she assured herself, ‘nothing to worry about.’

  "A perfect day for a wedding," Mrs. Hale echoed, hours later from an armchair in the church’s lounge.

  Both Maureen and her grandmother were both elegantly dressed in shades of pink. Maureen was in a pale pink, knee-length lace dress, and Mrs. Hale was in a deep rose silk suit.

  Trenna peeked out the window at the long line of cars parked along the curve of the church’s drive. Bells chimed as a sleek, steel-gray limousine came to a stop at the entrance.

  “Oh, no you don’t!” Maureen scolded as she pulled Trenna away from the window.

  “I was only checking to see if the florist was back with my bouquet. I can’t believe she forgot it! What if she got the colors or the flowers wrong?”

  Maureen said, “Not likely, Shanna is a pro. The sanctuary looks beautiful. Don’t worry, she will be back soon.”

  “I hope so. I can’t get married without it!” Trenna complained.