by Beth Rinyu
He still seemed unsure before relenting. “Okay, good! I feel much more comfortable with you taking care of her than that little girl up the street.”
“She’s not a little girl, Trey,” Paul shouted from the other room. “She’s a responsible college student.”
“Well, I don’t know about that, I’m pretty sure she and her boyfriend were doing the nasty in the spare bedroom the last time she dog-sat.”
I threw my head back and laughed. “No worries here, Trey. I promise there’ll be no boys in the house while you’re gone.”
“Oh shoot! I forgot to pack my dress shirt!” Trey’s ADD was kicking in as he went running up the steps to finish up his packing.
I stepped out on the patio, taking in the view. Trey and Paul’s home was a short ferry ride or a drive over the bridge to San Francisco. It should have been the perfect antidote for soothing my aching heart, nestled on a peaceful hillside with the soothing sounds of the nearby creek. The air was so fresh and clean, but I still found myself yearning for the thick, exhaust-fume-filled air of New York City. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, throwing my head back and allowing the late afternoon sun to shroud my face. Glancing at my watch, I quickly calculated East Coast time in my head—6:07 p.m. If I hadn’t left, Jack and Simon would be braving my latest dinner recipe before we headed out to take Macy for her evening walk. My chest swelled just thinking about it, wishing I was there with them right then.
“Hey, everything okay?” Paul asked, sneaking up behind me.
“Yeah, I just forgot how peaceful it was here.”
“Yeah, it’s a lot different than what you’ve grown accustomed to.”
“It sure is,” I whispered.
“So why the sudden trip after I’ve been trying to get you to come back for months now?”
I bit my bottom lip, unable to keep my tears at bay.
“Did something happen with you and Simon?”
I nodded. “I broke his heart. I broke my heart and then I did what I do best—I ran away.” I spilled my guts and told Paul everything.
He listened thoughtfully, gently offering me advice every now and then.
“I certainly admire you for putting aside your wants for what you feel is right.”
“Thanks, but it hurts like hell.”
“Look, my specialty is corporate law. Family law and criminal law aren’t my area of expertise, but I do see where you’re coming from. You did the right thing by deciding to testify. You may get dragged through the ringer for a short while, but once it’s done with, it will be forgotten when the next big story comes along. The last thing you’d want is to have a record that will carry with you for the rest of your life. As far as him losing custody to his in-laws over things, that’s a tough call. Most judges wouldn’t take the child away from the biological parent, especially when the other parent is deceased. But that’s not saying that if they got some sharp lawyer who could sway the judge’s decision, that wouldn’t happen. That would’ve been a gamble.”
“And it was a gamble I didn’t want him to take, especially when the stakes are so high.”
He nodded. “I get it, Aubree. I just wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel better about your decision. I know how much you cared about him. I saw it. He changed you a lot, and I’m so thankful to him for giving me my sister back.”
He wrapped his arm around me, and I rested my head on his shoulder. “Do you think he’ll ever find it in his heart to forgive me?”
He was silent for a brief moment. “You never know. Hopefully one day he’ll realize that you did this for him. Sometimes love is choosing to walk away to benefit the other person even though it hurts like hell, instead of staying just to spare your own feelings.”
I looked up at him and smiled. “I like that…a lot.”
He rested his lips on the top of my head. “Does it make you feel any better to know that I’m so proud of you for doing what you did?”
“Yeah, it does,” I whispered.
“Oh damn!” Trey shouted from inside.
Paul shook his head and let out a frustrated sigh. “Let me go see what crisis awaits.”
Letting out a giggle as he walked inside, I took out my phone, pulled up my email, and began to compose an email.
Dear Hannah,
How are you? How’s your mother? How’s the book coming along? There are so many things I need to tell you, and can’t wait until we can get together again and talk about hot guys and s-e-x…haha! I did want to send you a little something for your book. You once asked me to write a paragraph about falling in love. I was a little reluctant to do so at first because I wasn’t really sure of what to say, but now I do. So here goes nothing…
By the time the last word was typed, I could hardly see through my tears. I hit the send button and closed out my email on my phone. My words had brought me back to those Thursday afternoons with Simon from not so long ago, but they seemed like a lifetime ago now. Our relationship had grown so much since then, only to fall apart in the end. I wondered if he thought of me every single second of every single day, the same way I thought about him. I wondered if Jack was looking up at the moon, the same way I’d been every night since I left, and I wondered if the two of them realized that in the short time of knowing them they had become my entire world.
***
Five days into my dog-sitting gig, and Mimi was finally snapping out of her depression of missing my brother and Trey. I was thankful for that because I hated fibbing to Trey each day he’d call to check on her.
“Who’s here, Mimi?” I asked while she danced around my feet, barking and alerting me to someone at the front door. “Okay, okay!” I said as her excitement grew.
My body froze when I flung the door open to find my father on the other side. There were so many times since I had arrived that I’d tried to find the courage to call or visit him, but I always chickened out at the last minute. So to see him standing there, taking the first step, meant more to me than anything. My smile turned to tears when he stepped inside and threw his arms around me without saying a word.
“You look beautiful.” He took my face in his hands and looked me over.
“I-I was going to stop by to see you, but I just wasn’t sure if you’d want to see me.”
Tears filled his eyes. “I’m sorry, Aubree. I was just so angry at you.”
“And you had every reason to be. I’m angry at myself for who I let myself become. But I’m not that same person anymore. I’m starting my life over. I’m scared because I’m twenty-eight years old, with no college degree and no formal experience with anything but dancing. But I’m not going to let that stop me.”
“Twenty-eight years old—you still have your whole life ahead of you. I’m fifty-seven and still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.”
I laughed. “You mean you don’t know what you want to be after you retire. That’s assuming that you’ll ever retire,” I teased.
“No, this is the year. I truly mean it.”
I made us some iced tea and we sat out on the patio, taking advantage of the beautiful weather. My dad filled me in on the last three years of his life, including the new woman he’d been dating. I knew right away she must’ve been pretty special. My father didn’t keep them around for long, and this one had lasted over a year.
“So, your brother tells me you’ve got someone special in your life.”
The smile instantly faded from my face. We were treading lightly with our reconciliation, and I didn’t want to throw a monkey wrench into it.
“Yeah, he’s a great guy.” I forced the smile back to my face. I hadn’t even thought about it until then, but the whole trial was going to open up old wounds with my father as well.
He nodded, and I wasn’t sure if he was buying into it. “He has a little boy?” he asked.
My smile became wider and more genuine, just thinking about Jack. “Yes, his name is Jack. He’s five years old, he’s adorable, and I just relate
to him so well. He lost his mother at a young age, like me.”
Sadness washed over my father’s face. We never talked about my mother, and I knew that was a big part of our problem.
“Can I ask you something, Dad?”
“Sure.” He nodded.
“Were you angry at me for losing her?”
“What? No! My god. Why would you think that?”
“Because if I hadn’t been born, she would have never died.”
“Aubree, that was not your fault. Your mother wanted her little girl more than anything. The day she found out she was pregnant, she told me she knew it was a girl—without even having her first ultrasound, she knew. She went out and bought pink paint and made me paint your bedroom that very night. I often think how proud she would have been of you with your dancing.”
“Yeah, and I often think how different my life would have been if I hadn’t been injured in the accident or if the accident never happened at all. I’d still have my dancing career, and I’d still have Nathan.” I let out a deep sigh. “And I would have never become that person that I so desperately want to forget.”
“You can only focus on the future, Aubree. You can’t keep dwelling on the past. You had nothing to do with your mother’s death and you had nothing to do with Nathan’s death.”
“Didn’t I?” I raised an eyebrow, knowing that regardless of what he said, I did have a role in both of their deaths.
“So how long are you planning on staying?” my father asked, changing the subject completely.
I shrugged. I didn’t want to tell him until the detective called me back to testify. After that, I was unsure of my plans. I still had three months left on my apartment lease, so I had some time to figure out that part.
“Not that I want you to leave when you just got here, but won’t your new guy be missing you?”
I pulled in my bottom lip and shook my head.
He reached for my hand. “Your brother told me everything, Aubree.”
“Damn him,” I huffed.
“Don’t be angry with him. I’m glad he did. If we’re all going to be starting anew, there shouldn’t be any secrets. I want you to know that I’m here for you. I promise I won’t turn my back on you through this.” His piercing blue eyes were filled with emotion as he stared into mine.
“Dad, your job. You’re a police officer.”
He nodded. “And in a few months I’m going to be a retired one.”
“You really have no idea how much this means to me.” I threw my arms around him.
“You’re a fighter, Aubree, and you always stood your ground for what you thought was right. You’re fiercely protective of those you love. The way you stood by Paul when he decided to come out to everyone. I admire that so much in you, and I’m so proud of you for casting your own feelings aside to protect this special person in your life. Not many people would be able to walk away that easily. Just make sure that all this heartache you’re going through isn’t in vain and you send that son of a bitch to jail for what he did.”
“I’m gonna try,” I sighed.
“And I know you’ll succeed.”
I wasn’t sure if I would, but I was certainly going to do my best. Just knowing I had my family’s support behind me was all I really needed, and no matter what the outcome, I had gotten a part of my life back that I had been missing for so long.
Chapter 37
A month had passed, and I was feeling much like a fish out of water. As much as I enjoyed being with my family, I missed New York, I missed Simon, and I missed Jack. I had been in touch with the detective, and she’d informed me that they’d be starting the trial preparation within the next month. I was making myself useful, helping out Trey at his coffee shop, but was still yearning for something more. I had faced some old ghosts, which included a visit with Nathan’s parents, and was finally able to start eliminating some of the guilt I’d been carrying around for so long. My father was definitely serious about his retirement and had set an actual date of when the big day would be happening. My brother and I were thinking of different ways to make it special for him besides just having a party. I had met his girlfriend, Karen, and she and I hit it off right away. I was happy that my father had finally found someone special, but it was a painful reminder of just how lonely I was with no one.
“Oh, Trey, I need to take this call.” I excused myself to the back when I saw a New York number flash across my phone.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Bree, it’s Detective Lyons.”
My stomach always managed to drop at the sound of her voice. “Oh, hi, Detective,” I replied.
“Bree, I don’t know if you heard or not, but Senator Stevens committed suicide last night.”
I had to take a seat as I registered her words. “No, I-I didn’t hear,” I managed to get out.
“So we won’t need your testimony and you won’t be put through the rigors of a trial.”
I was overcome with a moment of happiness until I thought of the other alternative that was facing me.
“Oh, okay—and what about the other thing?” I was hesitant to ask.
“What other thing?” she asked.
“The charges against me?”
“You made a deal to cooperate with us to go after Senator Stevens in lieu of facing those charges, and we’re going to honor that deal. You’re in the clear to leave that all behind you now.”
“Oh my god!” I exclaimed. “You just made my entire day!”
“I’m happy to hear that.”
“Detective?” I questioned just as we were about to hang up.
“Yes?”
“Are you able to tell me what’s going on with Margo?”
“Margo?”
“Yes. My old boss. The woman who ran the agency. You had said I wouldn’t have to worry about her.”
“Well, Margo—or Inga Schmidt, which is her real name—is facing some pretty serious tax and bank fraud charges, and it’s more than likely that after she serves a lengthy prison sentence she’ll be headed back to Germany.”
I shook my head and smiled. Karma was being served in double doses that day, and I couldn’t think of two people who were more deserving of it. I hung up the phone with such mixed emotions. I was finally free from the life I was trying to forget, but I was also free from the life I was yearning for so desperately. I had jumped the gun and ruined my chance at a happy life with Simon. Part of me wanted to rush back to New York and beg him to take me back, while the other part of me wanted to try and move on, no matter how hard it would be.
“Hannah!” I spoke out loud and smiled at her name flashing across my phone. I was going 3 for 3 today. It was truly my lucky day.
“Hello there, stranger!” I answered.
“Hello, is this Bree?” The voice on the other end of the phone was definitely not Hannah’s.
“Yes, this is she,” I replied.
She cleared her throat and began to speak again. “Bree, this is Jana, Hannah’s sister. She asked that I call you to let you know…” She paused.
“Let me know what?” I asked. The suspense was killing me.
“Bree, Hannah is very sick. She has a heart condition that’s worsened over the past few months. She’s dying.”
I swallowed hard and tears welled in my eyes. My lucky streak had just come to an end.
***
I was on the next flight to Connecticut to see Hannah. The whole time I had thought that Hannah had returned home to take care of her sick mother, she was really sick herself. They had set up hospice in her parents’ home, and I was welcomed with open arms. She wasn’t kidding when she said she had a large family; all of her brothers and sisters were there, with the exception of her youngest brother, Brendan. I knew how much he meant to her, and I had only hoped that she had been able to say her goodbyes to him. Both her mother and father were understandably out of it, but her brothers and sisters acted like they had known me my entire life, making me wonder how much Hannah had to
ld them about me.
“My sister just adores you, Bree,” her sister Jana said as she led me up the stairs and into the bedroom where Hannah was staying.
I stepped inside, not even recognizing my dear old friend. She was pale, her thin frame had wilted away even more, yet she still appeared swollen. It pained me to see the oxygen tube up her nose that was helping her breathe.
“I’ll give you two some privacy.” Her sister walked out and closed the door behind her.
“Bree, I’m so glad you’re here.” Hannah’s voice was weak.
“I would’ve been here sooner if I knew.” I wasn’t going to cry. As hard as it was going to be, I’d promised myself I wouldn’t allow that to happen. I needed to be strong for Hannah’s sake.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want everyone to know, but I couldn’t leave this earth without saying goodbye to you.” She struggled with her breaths.
I grabbed her hand and gazed down at her. “Well, I’m honored.”
“Thanks for being such a good friend to me, Bree. I never had a girlfriend that I could drink wine with and talk about all of those things with, and it was so much fun.”
I smiled. “It was, and I’m sure when you get to where you’re going there will be lots of hot guys waiting on you hand and foot, and you’ll be able to say the s-e-x word freely instead of spelling it.”
She managed her best laugh. “You think so?”
“I know so. You earned it, sister!”
She inhaled deeply and it took everything in me to keep the promise to myself to not cry. I hated seeing her suffer.
“Hannah, I want you to know that you have been the best friend to me that I could have ever asked for in life. You accepted me just the way I was, and didn’t try to change me. Instead you made me see the person I truly wanted to be and helped me go after her. I wouldn’t be where I am right now if it weren’t for you.”
“Just be happy, Bree. You’re a good person, and you deserve it.”
“I’m going to try really hard.”
“I almost forgot.” Her voice weakened, and she caught her breath. She pointed to the shelf on the opposite side of the bed while letting out another gasp for air.