Impossible Love: An Unforeseen Destiny Novel Book One

by Kimberly Readnour

  “I don’t believe that. There’s always something if we start the chemo now—”

  “I’ve chosen not to do treatments.”

  I turn my head sharply to her. “Mom—”

  “Please understand, there’s no guarantee it will help. It’s too late.” Her eyes beg me for my understanding, but I’m not having it.

  “No! You’re guaranteed to die without treatment.”

  “Please, please, please understand. I’m not choosing to die. I’m choosing to live out the rest of my life without being sick. If there were any chance of the cancer going into remission, I would try. But the treatments will only prolong the inevitable. I don’t want to spend my last remaining months inside a sterile room, pumping my veins full of poison.”

  Mom tries to reach for me, but I wave her off and stand abruptly. Without thinking, I turn and fly up the stairs. I have to get away from her. I’m too upset and need to calm down. Why would she choose to die? Why wouldn’t she fight? I need her to fight.

  I grab my phone and toss it in my bag then rush down the stairs. I grab the keys from the table as I pass.

  Mom’s red-rimmed eyes glance over at me. “Where are you going?” Her panicky voice throws me for a second, but I keep pressing forward to the door.

  “Out. I need to think.”

  “Kayla, I have more to tell you. And I don’t like you driving this upset.”

  The rush of emotions flowing through me is too much to handle. I’m shocked and hurt, but most of all I’m angry. Angry at life, death‌…‌everything. Pausing, I glance at Mom. She presented this trip back in November. November! Every muscle tenses as my nails bite into my palms.

  “Did you know you were dying at Thanksgiving?” I choke out.

  A pained stare crosses Mom’s eyes. “Yes.”

  I feel like I’ve been slapped. She’s lied to me for four weeks. “So this trip was what? A cover up? To help cushion the news?”

  “I’m sorry, but there’s more. I—”

  “No, Mom, we’ll discuss everything later. I-I have to get out of here. I need time to think.”

  I slip my flat sandals on and slam the door behind me. I want to scream as soon as the warmth hits my face. The threatening tears fall mercilessly down my cheeks. The bubble sitting in my chest bursts wide open as the searing pain slices through me. Why is she choosing to leave me? A chicken races in front of me, and it’s all I can do not to kick the damn thing.

  Tears continue to flow down my face as I speed along the curvy highway. Lymphoma? How did she come down with that? It can’t be real. She’s all I have left.

  “She’s all I have,” I yell into the air. My chest heaves up and down, and I barely see anything driving along. I should pull over somewhere. But I don’t. The tears continue to fall, and I continue to drive.

  My mom is dying. My beautiful mother. Dying. It’s not right. But giving up? I think about the effects of chemo. We had an entire semester dedicated to cancer treatments. We even had an ethics debate on the good versus evil effects of chemotherapy. If she’s too far gone, can I blame her for not wanting to subject herself to all that?

  I blow out a breath and continue down the road in a dysphoric haze. My tears have slowed, but my cheeks are taut from the leftover tear residue. Is that even a thing? Tear residue? I’m not sure, but the salt-streaked tracks are present.

  Kealia Beach comes to sight, and my eyes narrow at the glimpse of the waves rolling in. How’d I get here so fast? I glance at the dashboard clock. Maybe Kai’s home. Chills shudder through my body as another wave of tears threatens to wreak havoc. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I make a rash decision, and in less than fifteen minutes, I pull into a less-than-familiar driveway. All rational thought tossed aside, I exit the car and walk along the sidewalk leading to a wooden door. I suck in a breath and muster all the encouragement I can to knock.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Kayla~

  Thoughts of fleeing enter my brain, and I step back. What was I thinking coming here? He’s probably not home. I cross my arms and pivot to leave, but the whooshing sound of the door halts my progress.

  “Kayla?” Kai asks, surprise and wonderment lacing his tone. “What are you…”

  I drop my head and turn toward him. Tanned bare feet come into view and step closer in front of me.

  “Kayla, what’s wrong?”

  Kai places a hand on my chin and gently lifts. His brown eyes widen, concern etching his handsome features as his gaze scans my body. My mouth opens to speak, but words fail to come.

  “Kayla,” he says assertively. “I need to know if you’re physically hurt.”

  I shake my head back and forth, but the tears welling in my eyes bear my emotional pain. Kai murmurs what sounds like an okay and draws me in close. Warmth drapes around the pain inside my chest. However temporary the security may be, I seek comfort in his arms. His quiet reassurance is all I need for the tears to spill forth as I cry on his shoulder.

  His hands caress the back of my head before lowering to both shoulder blades. He leans his head against mine and grasps tighter. “Let’s go inside,” he whispers in my ear.

  I nod, even though I don’t want to leave the comfort of his embrace. His left hand traces along my arm until our fingers intertwine. With a gentle tug, he leads me into a living room and guides me to his couch.

  Kai sits and pulls me beside him and then drapes his arm around my shoulders. I lean into him and squeeze my eyes shut. I don’t want to cry anymore, but the tears continue to fall. This pain is unbearable.

  Kai remains quiet, and like last night, he doesn’t push for information. His only interruption was a brief text he sent out. But right after he finishes, he tosses the phone to the side and holds me against him.

  A few minutes later, Kai’s feather-light strokes along my arm reignite the warmth I felt earlier. My tears dry as my breathing evens. Tingles shoot across every nerve endings, and the sudden awareness that I’m alone at Kai’s house sinks in.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” he asks.

  I nod, inhale deeply, and let out a shaky breath. Once I find the strength to talk, Mom’s unfair fate spills from my mouth.

  Kai squeezes me tighter when I finish. “I’m so sorry, Kayla.” He leans over and kisses the top of my head. “That really sucks.”

  “Yeah, it does,” I reply with a humorless laugh.

  I pull away just enough to take in Kai’s appearance. He’s dressed in a white button-down shirt with dark gray, cargo-style shorts. His hair is damp as if he finished showering before I arrived.

  “Did I interrupt? Were you getting ready to go out?” I chastise myself. Of course, he was getting ready to leave. It’s Christmas. He’s probably going to his mom’s house. I look at the wet spot on his shoulder marred by my leftover mascara and cringe. If he’s leaving, he’ll have to change first.

  “I’m right where I want to be.”

  My gaze sweeps to his. We hold our stare while I ponder his words. He said where he wants to be, not where he needs to be. I really like that he said that.

  Kai shrugs, breaking our connection. “I texted Mom and told her a friend needed me. She’ll understand.” He raises his hand and tucks an errant strand of hair behind my ear.

  “I-I’m better now,” I stammer. “It’s Christmas. You should be with family.”

  “No, I want to be with you.” Kai leans in closer. His musky, woodsy scent wafts over me. The mix is intoxicating. “You’re more important right now.”

  I’m not sure whether it’s his words, his scent, or the fierceness of his stare that awakens my insides, but I close the gap between us and kiss him. He stills momentarily, and for a brief moment, the thought crosses my mind that he doesn’t want this, that I was reading into things, that he’s rejecting me. But then he starts kissing me in return and pulling me closer. His hands run along my back, igniting a want deep inside that needs filled, now. No more waiting. I need him to make me forget the sadness, to make me feel b
etter.

  Keeping up my daring streak, I shift my body to straddle Kai’s lap while he continues to kiss me. I’m inexperienced. I don’t have the first clue how to seduce a man and will probably end up making a fool of myself, but I don’t care. I want him.

  I place my hands on his chest and relish in his firm muscles beneath my fingers. His tongue works with mine while his hands massage their way to the nape of my neck. I shift slightly and hold in my gasp as his arousal hardens against my inner thigh. My insides clench as moisture develops below. I’ve never been so turned on in my life. A slight whimper slips out, and I seek relief by grinding against his hardness.

  Kai quickly breaks away. “Whoa, Kayla, we need to slow down.” He’s panting and trying to regain composure.

  “Why?” I ask, leaning in to kiss him again.

  His hands come forward and block me. “Because, sweetheart, if we keep going I’m not going to stop.”

  “I don’t want to stop.”

  He stills for a moment which releases the tension his hand has on my shoulders. I lean toward him again, taking advantage.

  “No, Kayla. Stop,” he says.

  I pause and stare into his eyes. “You don’t want me?”

  The sting of his rejection sparks my insecurities. Of course, he doesn’t want me. I have no experience. Of all the girls he could have why would he want me? I drop my arms and wrap them around my stomach. God, I wish I could disappear.

  “No, sweetheart, I want nothing more than to have you, believe me. But not like this. You’re too vulnerable. I don’t want you waking up tomorrow with regrets. Besides, I don’t want the memory of your first time to be associated with‌…‌sadness.”

  My stomach dips. His sentiment makes me fall for him a little more and sparks something deep inside. I need him, now. There isn’t anyone I want more than Kai, especially at this moment. My hands embrace the sides of his face, and with the slightest pressure, I touch my lips to his again. Then I focus on pouring as much emotion into my kiss as I can, letting him know exactly how I feel. When I stop, I stare into his eyes.

  “My mom is my best friend. My only family. There isn’t anything worse than learning she’s dying of cancer. I realize I’m vulnerable. I do. But she’s dying, and there’s nothing that will change that. I’m almost a nurse, so I know her options. But she’s too far gone…” I swallow down the threatening cry and continue.

  “I need you to erase this pain. And maybe I’m selfish, but I want to look back and remember something good can happen, too. That when Christmas rolls around next year, I’ll have a positive memory to pull from.” I pause and shrug. “I don’t want every Christmas ruined for me.”

  Kai’s gaze clouds over, and I don’t miss the sudden spike in his respirations, but he doesn’t seem convinced, yet. I switch my tactic.

  “I want you: here, now, tonight. Please,” I beg. My hands roam along his abdomen to his pelvis and stop right above the obvious bulge in his pants.

  “Kayla, I don’t know,” Kai says above a whisper, indiscreetly removing my hands.

  For some reason, his refusal only fuels my desire to have him.

  “Please.” I lean in to plant a soft kiss on the side of his mouth. He swallows hard, and I take joy in the fact that my pleading seems to be wearing him down. “Please,” I repeat.

  Kai sucks in a breath and closes his eyes. I can sense the struggle he’s having between his conscience and desire. A moment passes, and his eyes reopen and peer into mine. The heat behind those chocolate-brown eyes confirms my suspicions.

  The small gap between us disappears as warm lips press upon mine, silencing any future pleas. His hands wrap around my hips and grip tightly. The sudden thrust of his tongue causes a low moan to escape, and I lean my chest closer to him in surrender. Goosebumps erupt across my skin from his deft fingers tracing along my side and working toward my breast. When his thumb skims across my nipple, sparks ignite deep inside my core. Oh my God, I’m so ready for him.

  Kai rises and lifts me into his arms, our tongues still dancing with each other. I wrap my legs around his waist, and his hold tightens as he carries me down a narrow hallway. His shirt bunches in my grasp, his hard pecs beneath my touch. This shirt has to go. Like now. My fingers fumble with the buttons.

  Score!

  As his shirt falls open, I waste no time and plant my hands on his bare chest. Another soft moan escapes from me as my fingers slide across those ripped muscles, finally touching those hard ridges that have plagued my thoughts.

  I’m so engaged by Kai’s rock-hard body; I don’t realize we’ve entered his bedroom until I’m sitting upon crumpled ivory sheets. Kai breaks away and raises my shirt over my head. With a quick toss, my shirt ends on the floor, next to his. But there’s no time to think about being shirtless. I don’t have time to think, period. Kai’s lips are back on mine, and with the slightest pressure, his palms push my shoulders backward, guiding me to the mattress. His fingers drift to my shorts and work them past my hips until I’m laying beneath him in just my bra and underpants. He sucks in a breath and stands.

  The deep burn in Kai’s eyes as his gaze rakes over my body causes my breath to hitch. I should be self-conscious. But I’m not. If anything, I feel desired.

  Kai slides his cargo shorts off and stands before me in all his glory. As much as I want to study every inch of his delicious body, I can’t pull away from his eyes. Their hypnotic stare seems to have a hold on me.

  He crawls back on top, hovering above me. “Kayla, are you sure?”

  I nod, afraid to speak in fear of how my voice sounds. I’ve never wanted something so badly in my entire existence.

  Kai moves a strand of hair from my forehead, and my heart beats faster when the tips of his fingers slowly trace the side of my neck, down the middle of my chest. The back of his hand grazes the inside of my breast, and I shiver as he continues the downward path. He acts as if he’s mesmerized by his hand that trails along my midsection and stops at the edge of my underwear.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he rasps out.

  Kai raises his head and our gaze locks. The longing in his eyes is unmistakable; the spike in our heartbeats undeniable. He lowers his mouth onto mine and kisses me in a slow agonizing pace. I reach up and run my fingers through his soft waves and tug ever so lightly.

  Kai groans against my mouth. He runs his hands down my shoulders before slipping them behind my back to unhook my bra.

  As soon as the bra disappears, he nuzzles against the right side of my neck and plants small kisses behind my ear. His hand sweeps around to cup my left breast, generating a pool of heat between my legs. I whimper in pleasure when he rolls my left bud between his long fingers.

  Kai leaves a trail of kisses to my right breast. His tongue extends and traces a circle around the hardened nipple before his lips cover the entire tip. My breath catches as he sucks in the flesh and gently nibbles upon release. A weird sensation courses through my body, causing a slight arch to my back. A devilish grin flashes across Kai’s face. His mouth collides with my skin, nipping and licking along the same path his hand had followed earlier.

  Kai scoots farther down the bed until he’s positioned between my legs. My breath releases quick and ragged as his hands run along my sides and grab hold of my underwear. A blush invades my cheeks as he removes the panties soaked with my arousal.

  Kai’s heavy-lidded gaze connects with mine. “Don’t be embarrassed. You’re right where I want you.”

  Oh boy.

  Kai drops his gaze and traces his fingertips along the outside of my legs. His hands make their way up and around to the inside of my inner thighs. His breathing accelerates, along with mine as he gently pushes apart my legs. I glance at him, and my insides melt from his obvious desire as he watches his hands glide along my skin. It’s so hot.

  Kai’s eyes close the moment his fingertips find my core.

  “Mmm, you’re so wet,” he murmurs. His finger presses inside and slowly works back and forth.
My head rears back as his mouth joins my most intimate spot, creating sensations I never knew existed. My hands fly to his head and grab his hair as his tongue and finger synchronize perfectly together. Pressure builds, and I know I will soon climax to territories I’ve never explored.

  Kai slips in another finger which creates a fullness that measures beyond satisfying. His fingers and tongue work faster, causing my muscles to spasm. Sensations that can only be described as euphoric overtake my body, and I scream out, “Kai.” I throw my arms above my head, grabbing anything I can as waves of tremors ripple through me. When I come down from the high, I realize why people have sex. It’s freaking amazing.

  Kai positions himself above me while leaning on his forearms. The corners of his mouth rise, and he brings his mouth to mine. My lips part welcoming his tongue that slips into my mouth.

  He breaks the kiss to stare into my eyes. “We can stop right there. We don’t have to continue.”

  “I want you‌…‌please,” I whimper.

  He kisses me slowly and with more passion than before and then slides off taking his warmth with him. The sudden emptiness surprises me, and I want him back. I want him on top of me, around me, and in me. I almost ask where he’s going, but the ripping sound of cellophane alerts me to the reason he left. I mentally sigh‌—‌at least one of us has a brain tonight because I haven’t given any thought to protection.

  Kai nestles back between my legs and moves his hands along my body, caressing my skin. Heat flares between my legs again, anticipating his next moves.

  “This is going to hurt, but I’ll try to be gentle.”

  Kai positions the tip of his cock at my entrance, and my legs spread farther as if giving permission. I close my eyes, overcome by emotions swirling through me.

  “Look at me.” Kai’s voice commands.

  My eyelids flutter open to a questioning stare. It’s as if Kai’s giving me one last chance to back out. I don’t want to stop. My hands squeeze his hips, pulling him closer, and that’s all the reassurance he needs. I let out a small cry as Kai eases into me, erasing all signs of innocence. He stills and rests his forehead on mine.