The Full Experience

by Dawn Doyle

  He wasn’t right for her, but for Cathryn he seemed to be perfect. If the huge smile on the woman’s face was anything to go by.

  “Sex on the beach for me,” Cathryn winked.

  “Just a Bud for me please, Ray.”

  “Coming right up,” she smiled.

  Raven turned to grab the Vodka, peach schnapps, orange juice, and cranberry juice to make Cathryn’s drink.

  “I’ll have one of those too.”

  Raven looked over her shoulder to see her best friend sitting down with Donnie.

  “No problem,” Raven replied, grabbing another glass, and another Bud for Donnie.

  As she placed the glasses on the counter, Raven noticed Donnie looked uncomfortable.

  “You ok?” she asked, already knowing why he looked like that; why they both looked like that.

  Donnie had been upset too and missed his friend. Even though he had Ava, and the other guys, it wasn’t the same for him. He and Beck had been friends since the first day on campus. He’d felt deserted too.

  “Yeah,” he shrugged, his eyebrows pinching as though it was ridiculous to suggest otherwise, but Raven had known him long enough to know that he wasn’t ok at all. “You?”

  Raven replied with a simple nod, then there was no more talking about it.

  “Back in a sec.”

  Raven moved down the bar and began to serve a group of girls who’d approached the bar, and began to pour their orders of red wine. She spotted Leila, Kerry, and Wynn as she rang up the bill.

  “Hey guys,” she greeted them with as much cheer as she could scrape together, and poured their drinks.

  Raven saw their sympathetic looks and needed to say something.

  “Guys, please don’t look at me like that,” she asked in a pleading tone, remaining calm. “I’ve had enough of that to last me a fucking lifetime. Just because of what happened yesterday, it doesn’t mean you need to treat me differently.”

  That was the last thing she wanted. She needed other things to stop her from thinking about it because she could still feel the ache in her stomach from the day before.

  “Sorry,” they chorused.

  “Ooh but I’m not sorry about that. Oof!” said Leila as she leant over the bar, clearing the bad air, and giving Raven the much needed distraction.

  Raven followed her eyes and they landed on Mike’s ass as he bent to get beers from the end fridge.

  “Leila!” Raven whined with a shudder. “God, you could’ve warned me.”

  “What?” Leila held her hands up. “I can’t help looking at it when he bends like that.” Leila glanced over again, but Mike was standing. “Even like that, I don’t mind at all,” she sighed.

  A male laugh caught their attention. Mike had found Leila staring when he turned round.

  He turned his back to them and placed his palms on his ass cheeks that were encased in black jeans, then wiggled his hips.

  “Please Mike, don’t do that; it’s gross.” Raven held her hand out to block the scene, and closed her eyes. “You’re going to mentally scar me. It’s bad enough my friend checked you out, but I saw exactly what she was looking at.”

  Mike laughed and continued tending.

  “I’m sorry, Ray, but Mike is damn fine,” Leila whisper shouted, and Raven raised her eyebrow. “I know he’s older than me but come one… he’s seriously gorgeous!”

  Raven shook her head at Leila as she stared at Mike with lust in her eyes. Just like a lot of women in there.

  “Hi Raven.”

  Raven stopped breathing and the room started spinning. She never expected to hear that voice again so soon, if at all.

  The silence that fell between her friends was eerie. All she could hear was the rapid hammering of her pulse. She turned her head to the source of the deep timbre.

  Beck.

  “Seriously?” Ava snapped. “Didn’t you take the fucking hint yesterday? You’re not welcome here, asshole.”

  Adrenaline coursed through Raven’s veins where she stood rooted the spot. Her fists clenched even as Beck looked at her with sorrowful eyes.

  “I need to speak to you,” he said, walking towards the bar, ignoring Ava.

  “Didn’t you hear me? I said…”

  “Babe…” Donnie cut her off, pulling her towards him and whispering into her ear.

  “No,” Ava shook her head. “I don’t care what you told me, she doesn’t want to see him.”

  “Please Raven,” Beck begged, standing in front of the bar she was behind. “I need to talk to you,”

  Raven clenched her jaw. The last time he’d said that, he’d confessed his feelings for her, and they’d kissed, ending up in her bed making love. That wasn’t happening again. It couldn’t. She wouldn’t let it.

  It didn’t matter that he wore an outfit she loved on him: Blue jeans that hugged his thighs, and a v-neck tee with buttons adorning the neckline on one side. His muscular frame filled out the material to perfection.

  She felt the familiar sting in the corners of her eyes the longer he stared at her.

  Mike’s arm rested across her shoulders, the heat from his large frame next to her, and she saw Beck take in what Mike had done. His reaction to that wasn’t the same as before. He’d obviously realized their connection.

  “Do you want to talk to him, Ray?” he asked, his tone icy cold. Raven shook her head ‘no’ because she didn’t know what would come out of her mouth if she opened it. “My niece doesn’t want to speak to you, so go back the way you came.”

  “No.” Beck straightened up, defiantly.

  “Excuse me?” Mike asked as though he’d never heard the word before. His arm slipped from Raven’s shoulder, and he seemed to grow in size as he pressed his hands down on top of the bar. “I think you misheard me, you little shit. I wasn’t asking.”

  “Look, you can do whatever the fuck you want, but I’m not going anywhere until Raven gives me some time -a few minutes- so I can explain,” Beck said, his fists clenching by his sides.

  “Ray…” Mike corrected him, “…doesn’t want to talk to you so you need to leave, or I’ll fucking hurt you in so many different ways than you hurt her; I promise you that.”

  Beck flinched at the mention of her being hurt by him, but he didn’t even blink at the threat of violence against him from a man that was older, and bigger, than he. He must’ve been adamant that she needed to hear him out.

  “Mike…” Raven grabbed his arm when he made a move to leave the bar area. His eyes turned from crazy mad to warm when he looked at her. “I’ll give him two minutes then if he doesn’t leave, by all means, show him the nice curb outside.”

  Mike’s lip curled in the corner, and he lifted his hand to cup her cheek. “Are you sure you want to speak to that dick?”

  “No, but I don’t want you to get in trouble for kicking his ass for me.”

  The last thing Raven wanted was a fight right there in the bar. Especially one that involved her uncle. She’d seen Beck hurt Kato, and after seven months he looked even stronger than before. Mike wouldn’t come away from it without a scratch.

  “One minute. And I’ll be watching…boy.”

  Raven walked to the end of the bar, Beck followed, and she could feel his eyes on her the entire time. Walking towards the tables in a quieter area, Raven stopped and glanced to her uncle. He gave her a nod. He could see her clearly and, from where he stood, he would still be able to hear the conversation.

  “I’m listening,” she said, crossing her arms in front of her.

  “You didn’t graduate,” he said, his eyebrows dipping.

  Raven stared at him with a blank expression. It hadn’t been a secret -everybody knew what had happened- but she also knew that nobody had spoken to Beck. Nobody had known his number, or where in New York he was staying.

  “Raven!” he snapped, and her eyes met his. “Why didn’t you graduate?”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot how that’s your business,” she snarled, looking into the eyes of the m
an that could believe she’d betrayed him.

  “It’s my business when it had to do with my leaving.”

  Raven snorted, her lips pursed. “Don’t flatter yourself, Beck.” She said his name as though it had left a bad taste in her mouth.

  “Then it isn’t because of that?” he asked, his eyes narrowing in confusion.

  “Why the fuck do you care?” Her finger tips dug into her own arms.

  “I care because you were doing great until…” he said, pausing as though it was painful to finish. Raven didn’t say anything. There was nothing she could say to that because it was true. “What happened?” he asked softly.

  “Time’s up!” Mike called out, and Raven began to walk away.

  “No, Raven, wait. Please!” Beck said frantically.

  Raven turned to the staff only area and moved her legs as fast as she could without running.

  Raven reached the room and pushed the door open, but it didn’t close. Instead, another body came in behind her. She turned to see Beck, his eyes panicked and his breathing quick.

  “You’re not supposed to be in here,” she said, expecting Mike to come barging in any moment. She stared at the door, but it never moved.

  They were alone in the room, and he was blocking her only means of escape. The window was shut, and she had a feeling she wouldn’t be fast enough to climb out of it before he could stop her.

  Beck was waiting for her answer. Nobody was coming to help her.

  Why isn’t anybody coming?

  She moved her eyes away from the still door, looking at his face. His so-handsome-it-hurts face that had only gotten more-so.

  “What happened?” he asked again, ignoring her.

  Raven opened the door to the Dean’s office and sat down.

  “I don’t believe I’m having to speak to you about your behavior again, Ray,” he said in disappointment. “The first time I understood, but this time…It’s not like you. You were always such a good student.”

  Raven was bored. Sure she’d not been behaving like the ‘goody-goody’ she once was but she wasn’t going to stand by and let people try to take advantage of her emotional state. That was exactly what Bobby had done. He was sorry he’d gotten out of bed that day.

  “He started it,” she said with a sigh.

  “That’s no excuse. I’ve been made aware that Bobby was just talking to you, and you hit him.”

  Raven laughed. “Yeah, people say that when they can’t hear what was said.”

  “Then enlighten me. I can’t do anything about him if I don’t know what he did.”

  “You really want to know?” She narrowed her eyes, and the Dean nodded. “Fine. Bobby asked if I wanted a shoulder to cry on. Then he asked if I wanted to go back to his dorm, saying he could make me feel so good that I’d forget all about what happened.” The Dean clenched his jaw. He knew exactly what Bobby’s words meant, but Raven knew there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about that because it was her word against his.

  “Do you want to put in a complaint?” he asked.

  Raven shook her head. “No, they were just words. Words that he won’t be saying to me again,” she smirked.

  They weren’t just words though. Even though Beck had never previously asked her back to his dorm, it only made her chest hurt more because she knew he would’ve been pissed at Bobby for even suggesting that to her, regardless of their relationship. Just like when Bobby grabbed her at the O-week party.

  “I can’t do anything about him otherwise, Ray. That’s sexual harassment.”

  Raven snorted again. “College is one big fucking harassment case waiting to explode,” she said.

  Just walking through those gates on the first day was a risk. Somebody looking you up and down, making suggestive glances, saying ‘hi’ in a sexual tone… anything could be grounds to complain and if they did, the Dean would have a queue so long outside his office, he’d need to make an appointment schedule

  “I understand that the younger generations don’t see their behavior as a threat, but we address it whenever we’re asked to. With Beck’s past behavior…”

  “What the fuck did you just say?” she said, her heart leaping into her mouth.

  “Ray, I’ve asked you not to use that language in here.”

  “Beck didn’t do a damn thing that I didn’t want him to do,” she growled, defending him even though he’d broken her heart.

  Raven felt her lip quiver. Claws ripped her from the inside, and she folded her arms across her stomach in an attempt to dull the pain.

  “Look…”

  “No, you look,” she spat, standing up. “Don’t ever speak to me about him again.”

  Raven turned and stormed to the door and grasped the handle.

  “Raven Valiente!” he yelled, using her full name.

  Raven cringed and swung round. “You know what you can do..?”

  *****

  “I told the Dean to suck my dick,” she said casually.

  “What?” Beck’s eyes bugged.

  “And choke on my balls.”

  She didn’t know why she’d said those things to the Dean, obviously because she wasn’t a man, but they were flying out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

  “What? Why?” Beck was shocked at what she’d done. Not surprising, it had shocked everyone, including her parents.

  “Because he yelled at me…again.”

  “Again?” He asked as though it was ridiculous he would even yell at her once. “What for?”

  Raven shook her head at Beck’s reaction to her being scolded. “Fighting.”

  “Fighting?” He looked taken aback.

  “Wow, there’s an echo in here,” she said, her hands out to the sides. His repetition was getting on her nerves.

  Raven took a deep breath to calm the storm raging inside her, but it didn’t help when tingles ran through her as she caught a whiff of Beck’s scent. The same scent he had in college. The scent that drove her crazy.

  Becks’ features softened, and his gray eyes were saddened. Raven had hated that look on him over their years in college, and she couldn’t help but feel that again, making her angry with herself.

  “Why Raven? Why did you throw your future away by doing that?”

  Raven felt the sting in her nose as her eyes filled. She blinked back the tears, not letting them fall.

  “Because I got my heart ripped out of my ass and I took it badly. So to speak.”

  “Don’t do that again!” Ava shouted to Donnie as she stormed into the room.

  “Sorry, I couldn’t stop her,” he said, looking to Beck.

  What the fuck?

  Raven glared at Beck. He was looking back, his eyes sad and his mouth turned down. Donnie had known Beck was coming to speak to her, that’s why he’d seemed uncomfortable.

  “Beck, get out!” Ava yelled at him, pointing to the door.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he said, his voice quiet.

  “Come on babe,” Donnie said to Ava, gently tugging on her arm.

  Ava was furious with him. “Don’t you fucking babe me.”

  “Just go, Beck,” Raven whispered, her eyes filling up again.

  “No.”

  “Did he berate you for dropping out?” Ava asked, pulling her arm away from Donnie.

  Beck looked between them. “You left willingly?”

  “Yes.” Raven said between gritted teeth as she glared at her best friend.

  “Oh my God, why?” he asked as though she’d gone insane.

  “It’s none of your fucking business! Now get the fuck out, or this time I will ‘tattle’ on you.” She held her fingers up in emphasis.

  “You don’t mean that,” he whispered, shaking his head and dropping his eyes as though in pain.

  Raven couldn’t hold back anymore. He needed to know exactly how it felt when he’d left. How it hurt that she’d felt betrayed, used, and easily left behind as though she was nothing.

  “Beck…” she began, “…y
ou took my heart, you held it tight, and you kissed it with your lips. You made it feel more special than anything,” she said with a small smile. Then her smile dropped. “Then you ripped it to pieces and threw it away like it didn’t mean a goddamn thing. What makes you think I would have a change of heart this time when I don’t have one left?”

  “Raven, I’m sorry,” he whispered, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. His lip quivered, and it surprised Raven to see the normally strong, calm, Beck hurt so much.

  But she didn’t stop there.

  “If you left because you didn’t want me anymore that was one thing. Thinking I was capable of ruining your life, that’s a completely different story.”

  “I did want you…more than anything, but what he said… Raven, it made sense. He showed up with a copy of the report with your signature on. It was a real document.”

  Raven watched as a tear rolled down his cheek.

  He took a step towards her.

  “What are you doing?” she asked, her pulse quickening.

  Beck didn’t reply as he took another step towards her, and her stomach knotted anxiously.

  “Stop!” Raven fisted her hands by her sides. “Go away. I don’t want you.”

  Beck slowly closed the gap between them. Raven tried not to inhale him as he did, but then his arms lifted, and he carefully wrapped them around her. He pulled her close, holding her to his solid body. She could feel his heart pounding furiously in his chest; just as anxious as she.

  “Let. Go,” she growled.

  “No,” he whispered into her ear.

  Goosebumps broke out over her skin as the once familiar sensations ran through her body from the warm breath on her. Something she hadn’t felt since their last night together.

  “Let me go,” she said again, but didn’t make any move to fight him off.

  “No.”

  Raven’s legs shook underneath her.

  “Please let go,” she whispered. “Leave me alone.”