Conflicted

by Lisa Suzanne

  Cole stepped down to a standing ovation and made his way back to our table. He sat, and everyone congratulated him on an excellent speech as he blew out a deep breath.

  I caught his eyes, and I smiled at him. He held my gaze for a few beats before pressing his lips together and looking away.

  His hot gaze on mine had sent a tremor of lust down my spine.

  I shook it off. My husband was right beside me. I was imagining things.

  The music started back up and the wine flowed. I’d had just enough that I wasn’t drunk—I refused to make a fool out of myself at a work function—but I felt light and happy.

  The speech was over, and the auction would close in another hour. Until then, it was time to dance.

  “Dance with me,” I said to John, looping my arm through his.

  He gave me his “do I have to” face, and I met his expression with my best “yes, it’s your obligation as my husband” face.

  “I’m really tired from work this week,” he whined.

  “Come on. It’ll be fun.” I stood and pulled on his arm. We headed out to the dance floor as Justin Timberlake’s “Can’t Stop the Feeling” started playing. I shimmied around to the beat, giving him some of my best moves, but he wasn’t having it.

  He was being a giant stick in the mud, but I refused to let him ruin my good time.

  Jack and Arlene started dancing beside us, and it was clear that Jack had been following Cody’s rule of taking a drink every time someone congratulated him. He was dancing like an old man, shaking it and boogying on down beside us, and I couldn’t help but laugh every time he bumped clumsily into John, who just kept rolling his eyes. The whole situation struck me as incredibly funny—especially the more annoyed John became.

  A group of women stole Arlene away to chat just as John excused himself to the restroom. So I danced with my old boss as the song switched from dance music to a slower ballad.

  Jack looked at me with raised eyebrows and held out his hand, and I smiled and took his hand in mine. He twirled me around the floor to the slow song, and I giggled. I caught Cole’s gaze from across the room, and my smile faded as he held my eyes captive with his.

  “So, Lucy, tell me how things are going with Cole,” he said, making a bit of a slurred conversation as we danced. He bumped into the couple next to us.

  “It’s fine. We miss you around the office.”

  “He can be hard to handle sometimes. I’m sorry I didn’t warn you about him.”

  I didn’t have a chance to respond before he continued talking.

  “He was a funny kid. Stubborn as hell and a pain in the ass. He’d do the dumbest things. He’d go out back and touch our cactus and then come inside crying because it hurt. Arlene would calm him down and then he’d go do it again.”

  I giggled. I could imagine Cole as an adorable little boy just learning how to be the stubborn man he eventually grew into.

  “When he was little, he used to take off his clothes all the time. It started when we’d gone to a deserted beach and he was wearing jeans. He didn’t have his swim trunks, so we told him to go in the water naked. Well then he thought it was okay to do it whenever he wanted. Once he even took off his clothes in the middle of a department store.”

  My giggles turned into full on laughs.

  “I’ll save myself from further embarrassment by cutting in.” His voice was deep, and I caught his scent before I saw him. Jack smiled at me and made a face like he’d gotten in trouble.

  “I’m off to get Arlene some more wine.” He elbowed Cole in the ribs. “She gets a little randy after she’s had a few.” He laughed and scampered away to find his wife while Cole rolled his eyes in disgust.

  He took my small hand in his big one, and my entire body flushed with heat at his proximity. Our hands had never touched before. If anything, he did his best to avoid any sort of contact with me.

  His skin against mine was electric.

  Just our hands touched, but it felt as if he was touching me everywhere.

  He laced one arm around my waist as the notes of another ballad filled the room. We were dancing like old people, my hand in his, his arm around my waist, and my other hand resting on his shoulder.

  That big, broad shoulder hidden behind his tuxedo coat.

  My fingers flexed involuntarily, and I couldn’t help but notice how hard his entire body was beneath that sexy tux. My mind wandered and my mouth watered as I thought back to that picture I’d seen of him wearing just his swim trunks. That mental image mixed with the man in the flesh sent an aching need right to my core.

  He pulled me just a bit closer to him, surprising the hell out of me, and I felt something rigid pressing against my hip.

  Holy. Shit.

  Was he as hot for me as I was for him?

  No way. There was no possible way.

  But his erection digging into me told a completely different story.

  “What was my father telling you?” he asked in a deep rumble. I looked up into his eyes.

  God, he was handsome. His milk chocolate irises had golden flecks in them that I’d never been close enough to notice before, and his breath smelled of peppermint.

  I couldn’t think when I was this close to him. Words caught in my throat.

  “That bad?” he asked. I sensed his nervousness.

  I cleared my throat and broke our eye contact so I could think. “Just a proud father bragging about the time his son took off his clothes in a department store.”

  “God. He tells everybody that stupid story. I’m surprised this is the first time you’ve heard it.”

  I smiled. “It’s not so bad.”

  “I was ten.”

  I choked on my laugh as I tried to hold it in.

  “It’s okay. You can laugh.”

  I didn’t hold back, and even Cole chuckled along with me. I couldn’t help the joy that filled my heart in hearing even a small chuckle out of the man who was in a perpetual bad mood.

  I made the mistake of looking up at him as we both laughed. When he smiled, adorable little crinkles outlined his eyes and he had a tiny dimple in just his left cheek. He looked carefree and young, ten times more beautiful than he had just moments earlier.

  But when our eyes met, the mood instantly changed.

  Neither of us was laughing anymore. Instead, an intense heat passed between us and the air around us filled with a raw and savage tension.

  Cole cleared his throat and looked away first.

  “Your speech went really well,” I said softly.

  He nodded once to acknowledge my words, but the wall that had so briefly come down was firmly back in place.

  The song ended. “I should get back to my date,” he said, still avoiding eye contact with me.

  Of course. I supposed I should go find my husband, too.

  He let go of my hand and dropped his arm from around my waist. “Thanks for the dance,” I said.

  He didn’t reply. Instead, he walked away from me, and I stood in my place for a few beats as I allowed the disappointment to wash over me.

  His date. He hadn’t been turned on because he was dancing with me. He’d just been thinking of his gorgeous date.

  I headed back to the table and found my husband drinking another beer and messing around on his phone again.

  “I thought you went to the restroom,” I said.

  He set his phone down with a sigh. “I did. When I came back, you were dancing with Jack, so I figured you were fine.”

  I had been fine. Better than fine, actually. I’d had a better time in the three songs I’d danced with Jack and Cole than I’d had with my husband the entire night.

  I went off in search of one more glass of wine before the auction winners and the grand totals for the charity were announced.

  I needed the wine to calm my nerves after my encounter with Cole, but instead, I found him at the bar ordering some bourbon.

  “We meet again,” I said stupidly.

  “It’s not that b
ig of a room.”

  “Well, plus I’m following you.”

  He gave me an odd look.

  I smiled. “I’m teasing.”

  He raised his brows and then walked off with his bourbon. God, could that have been more awkward?

  The benefit had been a huge success—even more successful than the year before, and I knew Cole would be proud of that fact considering it was his first benefit as the CEO.

  I stared out the passenger window of John’s Volvo as we drove home, but I wasn’t thinking about my husband.

  All I could think about was Cole.

  He’d shown me a different side, even if it had only been for a split second. I’d been using the excuse that he was an asshole to keep myself from feeling more than a crush for him. Now that I knew there was a human being with real feelings behind that nearly impenetrable wall, everything had changed.

  Everything.

  “I have to go into work for a few hours tomorrow,” John said, breaking into my thoughts. I’d nearly forgotten my husband was sitting beside me despite the fact that he was driving.

  “Fine,” I said, disappointed but not shocked that he was going into the office on a Sunday. Sundays used to be days for us to spend together. Not anymore, apparently. “Did you have a good time tonight?” I asked, trying to make conversation.

  “It was alright. You?”

  I thought back to Cole in his tux. “I had a great time.” It was a lie. There was a handful of moments that night that I’d considered “great,” but the rest of the night had been meaningless drivel that I was forced to endure to get to those moments.

  Cole’s speech. Cole’s eyes meeting mine across the table. Cole’s arm around me as we danced. Cole’s erection pressing into me. Cole’s smile. Cole’s celebration at the end of the night when the final numbers raised were announced.

  Those were all the great moments of the night. Those were the times that I’d remember.

  But dancing with John for half a song? Sitting beside someone who couldn’t even be bothered with small talk? Finding him scrolling on his phone instead of paying any attention to his wife—who, by the way, looked smoking hot?

  None of those moments made the list.

  John pulled into the parking lot and parked the Volvo, and we made our way to the apartment in silence. A heavy ache pressed between my legs. As much as my husband had been ignoring me lately, I was still a wife with needs.

  And my husband had to have needs, too. If he wasn’t getting it from me, where was he getting it from? I thought back to my conversation with Kaylee.

  He wouldn’t cheat.

  So when we walked through the front door of the apartment and John locked the door behind us, I turned around and pushed him against the door. Shock flashed across his face as I pressed my body against his.

  I was horny as hell. It may not have been because of John, but John was sure as hell going to be the one to take care of me.

  I pressed my lips to his, and he slowly started to respond. I ran my hands from his shoulders down his chest, and I cupped him through his pants.

  He was hard. He was ready for me, and even though we’d largely been ignoring each other for months, this was something natural for a husband and a wife to do.

  He moaned softly, and I backed up and looked up at him. His eyes held a fire that I hadn’t seen in a long time.

  Silently, I took his hand and led him to the bedroom. I knew we’d both be more comfortable in our bed than on the floor in front of the door.

  He started undressing, and I mirrored his movements as I pulled the dress over my head and set it gently over a chair.

  He sat naked on the bed, and I walked over to him in my lace panties and matching bra. I took the set off in front of him. My dark hair tumbled around me as I straddled his lap and he pushed up into me. I was drenched, but it wasn’t because of the man I was having sex with. He buried his face between my breasts as I used his shoulders to push myself up and down.

  After a few pumps, he lay back and allowed me to do the work. I bounced up and down over him, trying not to feel insulted that he didn’t want to kiss me or even touch me as I fucked him.

  He leaned back up after a few moments and let out a long, low groan before pushing his hips up into me. I knew he’d found his release, but I still had a ways to go. I reached down and stroked my fingers across the bundle of nerves, hoping to get closer to my own climax. It wasn’t working.

  Until my mind betrayed me with the image of Cole laughing as we danced together. Those sexy crinkles around his eyes. The way his erection dug into my hip.

  My body shattered in a soul-crushing orgasm.

  As I lifted off of my husband and made my way to the bathroom to clean up, I pushed away the guilt I felt. I hadn’t done anything wrong.

  I didn’t mean to think of him, and I hated that I’d been able to get off so easily the second he entered my mind.

  As I climbed into bed beside my already-sleeping husband who hadn’t even bothered to kiss me goodnight, I couldn’t help but think what a night with Cole might be like. Just one night. From the way his body moved as the two of us had danced, I had a feeling it would be incredible.

  Too bad I’d never find out.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  A little over a week later, I found myself on an airplane in the coach section while my boss sat several rows ahead of me in first class.

  I stuck my purse under the seat in front of me, ready to catch up on my reading during the long flight. I had a romance novel I’d been meaning to get to for a while, but between my late nights working and worrying about my marriage (definitely not thinking about Cole), I found my mind too overwhelmed to concentrate.

  I had to admit that I was totally nervous to be traveling with Cole. My plan to think of my husband every time my boss entered my mind wasn’t really working. I thought of Cole far more often than I should have. Especially his lips.

  His full, ripe, juicy lips.

  I forced myself to think of John, but all that did was make me think back to that morning.

  I didn’t even get so much as a proper kiss when I left for the airport. He’d been running late for work, so he pecked my cheek on his way out the door. It was another one of those obligations husbands and wives had, and he barely fulfilled it. He didn’t wish me safe travels or a good trip. He was too wrapped up in his own little world.

  So I headed to the airport via the car I’d arranged rather than even suggest to my husband that he take me.

  After the night of the benefit, I’d tried three more times to start a conversation about the state of our marriage, but each time, John brushed off my concerns and refused to admit we had a problem.

  I didn’t see Cole until I boarded the plane. First class had the privilege of early boarding, and apparently Cole had taken advantage of the first class lounge rather than wait for the flight with the rest of us peasants.

  I stared at him as I passed by, trying to get him to look up from his phone and acknowledge that I’d boarded, but he was engrossed in what he was doing. I could always feel eyes on me when someone was looking at me, but apparently he didn’t have that same sixth sense.

  I pulled out my earbuds, flipping through iTunes for a good playlist to accompany my reading when the flight attendant stopped by my row. I assumed she was going to start the in-flight emergency exit talk that I typically ignored since I’d been on a plane before, but instead she stared me down with a smile until I took out my earbuds.

  “Ma’am, your seat has been moved. Can you grab your belongings and come with me?”

  I looked around as if she might be mistaken. “Me?”

  “Are you Lucy Cleary?” she asked. I nodded. “Follow me.”

  I sighed, pulling my purse out from beneath the seat and tossing in my earbuds and phone as I expected her to lead me somewhere even further back.

  Instead, though, she surprised me as we started walking to the front of the plane. She passed through the curtain separati
ng coach from first class, and she led me to the open seat beside Mr. Cole Benson.

  He smiled at me. It was rare that he looked at me with anything other than total exasperation, and it looked good on him. His eyes crinkled in that adorable way they had at the benefit when he smiled. He looked relaxed—more his age instead of his usual stiff demeanor.

  It was the first time I realized how hard it must have been to take over for his father. He probably felt the need to prove himself.

  “Welcome to First Class.”

  I grinned back like an idiot, suddenly excited at the prospect of traveling with him. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe he’d loosen up a little and stop acting like a tyrannical asshole. I hoped to see more of the nicer side I’d seen when we’d danced at the benefit.

  Or maybe this was the one good deed he’d planned and he’d be a total jackass the rest of the time. Only time would tell.

  “This is so unexpected, Mr. Benson!” I gushed. “Thank you so much!” I slid into the seat next to him. He’d taken the aisle, so I had to shimmy past his legs to get to the window. I didn’t hate the way his legs felt against mine as I crossed in front of him.

  I slid my purse under the seat in front of me, grateful for the extra legroom, the comfortable seat, and the man sitting beside me even though he was hogging the armrest. I couldn’t really fault him for that. He’d been about to sit by himself when he’d offered me the seat.

  “Good news, Ms. Cleary,” he said once I settled in. I looked over at him with curiosity. “We got the MTC Industries account.”

  “We did?” I shrieked.

  He smiled again. “We did. I used the numbers you drafted, and it was the magic number Lincoln Mathers was looking for. He sat on his decision for nearly two weeks, but he called me late last night to let me know.”