Conflicted

by Lisa Suzanne

  I nodded, unable to speak as the familiar and delicious ache pulled at my core.

  His lips found my neck, and I leaned my head back and closed my eyes while he kissed his way along my collarbone, to my throat, and down into my cleavage. He trailed his lips upward, finally landing on my own.

  He cut off our kiss and pulled me away from the door. “Bend over my desk,” he said, his voice husky.

  I walked over to his desk to do as he asked.

  “Turn toward the window.”

  The cool wood against my cheek contrasted sharply with the heat permeating my body. I focused my gaze over the same view of downtown LA that Cole looked upon every single day from his desk chair.

  “That’s perfect,” he said, coming up behind me. He bucked his hips against mine, and I used the desk as leverage to keep still. His hand trailed up my thigh to my ass. He cupped one cheek in his big hand, and then he trailed his long fingers down to my slit.

  He palmed me between my legs, and I let out a soft moan.

  “Jesus, Lucy.”

  He pulled my panties down my legs and tossed them on the floor. He slid one finger into me. Everything went black around me except for that singular sensation of his finger driving in and out of me. Whatever was outside that window was gone as I focused every bit of my attention on what he was doing to me.

  His other hand came around the front of me and I lifted up slightly. He reached into the top of my shirt and under the cup of my bra to squeeze my nipple, and I couldn’t help another involuntary moan. He leaned forward to kiss my neck, his fingers still pumping in and out of me.

  And then everything stopped. His hands were off of me, and I was left feeling cold and empty.

  I didn’t move as I listened to the hot sound of his belt buckle sliding through the metal and then a zipper.

  “I’m going to fuck you from behind,” he said, and then he rammed into me without further warning.

  He filled me completely, and as he growled over me while he pumped in and out, I couldn’t help but feel the overwhelming thrill of having sex with my hot boss in his office.

  He was aggressive, powering himself deeply into me before pulling almost all the way out. He moved at a fast pace, driving me swiftly toward my peak.

  There was so much wrong with what we were doing, yet nothing could stop us. The combination of Cole Benson and this situation that was forbidden in every single way pushed me into ecstasy.

  My core tightened, my legs shook, and my body squeezed Cole tightly to me.

  Just as I started to come down from my high, Cole grunted and then spilled stormily into me. The sound of his voice, the force of his orgasm, and the feel of his arms tightening around me pushed me into a second climax.

  I barely contained myself from screaming through my second orgasm. When I came down, my limbs felt heavy. Too heavy to lift. Too heavy to carry me.

  I allowed all of my weight to press onto the desk as Cole pulled out of me. I was completely drained and thoroughly fucked.

  I felt his arms lift me up, and he held me upright for a moment. I rested my head on his shoulder and allowed my heavy arms to just hang.

  He chuckled. “You okay?”

  “Yeah,” I said, my voice lazy. “I just need to sit for a few minutes.”

  He helped me to a chair, and I sat while I regrouped.

  “Jeez, Cole,” I said. “How are you still standing after that?”

  He grinned at me. “You energize me, Lucy. Being with you is so different from anyone else I’ve ever been with.” He bent down to kiss my forehead, and in that moment, I felt protected and loved. “You’re incredible.”

  “You’re not too bad yourself.”

  He raised one eyebrow at me and lowered his voice. “Is that just the multiple orgasms talking?”

  My face heated, but I couldn’t deny that what he’d just done to me had been pretty incredible.

  A knock at his office door interrupted our post-sex recovery.

  “Shit,” he muttered. He patted down my hair. “You okay?”

  I nodded as I pulled my panties back on, smoothed my skirt, and adjusted my shirt. He glanced at me one last time before opening the door.

  “Mr. Benson, we have the proofs ready for Mr. Jarvis.” Laura from the marketing department peered into the office at me. She paused and looked back and forth between us as if she’d caught us doing something we shouldn’t have been doing. My face heated again, and I could tell my neck was turning red. Cole maintained perfect composure as Laura spoke again. “We just need your final approval.”

  “I’ll be down in ten minutes.”

  “Yes, sir.” She gazed up at him with a look of adoration in her eyes. It was similar to the way I looked at him, but I felt like I had a right to now that I’d had sex with him. She hadn’t.

  Well, to my knowledge she hadn’t.

  What if she had?

  I suddenly wondered how many women in this very office Cole had been with.

  “You could have called,” he said sternly.

  “Yes, sir.”

  He shut the door and leaned up against it, closing his eyes for the briefest of moments.

  I couldn’t help my chuckle. “I always thought you just treated me like shit. You got a thing for her, too?”

  He gave me a sharp look. “You keep talking like that and I may just have to discipline you.”

  “Yes, sir.” I stood on shaky legs and walked toward the door.

  He grinned at me. “Get back to work.” He swatted my ass on my way out.

  I checked my phone at lunch, and I had a new text from John. The time stamp let me know he’d sent it just after our earlier texts, and it had been sitting on my phone waiting for over three hours. I was hoping you’d be home tonight. I have something I want to give you, and we need to talk.

  He was right. We did need to talk, but I was pretty sure he wasn’t going to like what I had to say.

  I thought about what to say in reply. Sorry, but I’d rather spend time with Cole seemed inappropriate and cold, but it was the first thought that ran through my mind.

  Instead, I replied, I’m sorry. Busy day at the office. Can we talk tomorrow?

  I didn’t have a reply by the time I was done eating. I went back to my desk and tucked my phone away.

  I didn’t see much of Cole after lunch. He was tied up in a meeting with all the top executives in the company, and I was on my own. I wondered if the meeting was about the Assistant of the Year since a glance at my calendar told me that the announcement was scheduled for the next day. I’d been so preoccupied with hiding my affair with Cole that it had snuck right up on me.

  I finished Cole’s checklist and got to work on some new ideas for the MTC account, and before I knew it, the clock ticked past five o’clock.

  I worked right through it, lost in brainstorming fresh ideas. I didn’t even realize the time until Cole interrupted my train of thought by clearing his throat.

  I scribbled one last thought down and then looked up at him.

  “I appreciate your dedication, but you don’t have to work this late. We need to leave for dinner in less than an hour, so if you need to run home, now’s the time.”

  I set down my pen and smiled up at my boss. “I don’t need to go home. In fact, I thought I’d just hang out here and get some more ideas down for MTC while I’m on a roll.”

  “Great enthusiasm for the project. Clearly you were the right choice for the account.” He glanced around, and once he realized we were completely alone in the office, he lowered his voice. “I’ve got something in my office that you can show the same enthusiasm for.”

  I laughed. “Oh, do you?”

  He nodded. “Follow me.”

  I stood and stretched, thinking that one more romp before dinner didn’t sound so bad.

  Even though the office was empty, I appreciated Cole’s discretion. As soon as I was through the doorway, he kicked the door shut and then pushed my body against it. His mouth crashed down ag
gressively to mine, and it was the passion and fervor he exhibited for me that completely turned me on in a way no other man had ever managed before him.

  His tongue pushed past the seam of my lips, dancing hungrily against my own. A deep moan rumbled involuntarily out of me as he assailed my mouth with his. The ever-present ache in my core intensified as he tightened his hold on me.

  He was going to fuck me again, and I was ready for him.

  He pushed off the door, separating from me. He stared me down as we both panted, and the way he looked at me with so much hunger and lust made me want him even more.

  “What was that?” he muttered, and it was only then that I realized he hadn’t stopped because he’d been about to toss me on his desk and he’d wanted to switch positions. He’d stopped because he’d heard something.

  And I’d been so caught up in his kiss that I didn’t even hear whatever it was that made him stop.

  “What was what?” I asked stupidly, not bothering to whisper.

  “Someone’s out there,” he said.

  I glanced at the clock. “The cleaning crew?”

  He shook his head. “They don’t start for another half hour.”

  “Well, why don’t we just go out there?”

  “Your hot little moans aren’t exactly quiet. Go in my private bathroom and wait there. I’ll check it out.”

  “I can go see who it is. Isn’t that my job as your assistant?”

  “Your job is to do what I tell you. I can’t let our relationship get out. Not when you’re married and the Assistant of the Year is being announced tomorrow.”

  My heart raced and my eyes widened. “Is it me?”

  He narrowed his eyes at me. “Now isn’t the time. Get in the goddamn bathroom before I carry you in there.”

  I raised my eyebrows and couldn’t help my smile. “Carry me in there?”

  “Go,” he snarled. He meant business, so I scurried into his bathroom. I kept the door cracked open so I could listen to his conversation with whoever was out there.

  He opened the door. “Can I help y—” He was interrupted.

  “Where’s Lucy?”

  Fuck.

  John’s voice was clear as day, and I pressed myself to the wall a little tighter as my heart raced in fear.

  It wasn’t supposed to be like this. We couldn’t get caught. I needed to talk to John, to tell him that I was leaving him. He wasn’t supposed to find us about to screw on Cole’s desk. This was all wrong.

  God, what if he found me? My heart raced even faster as I held my breath.

  “It’s not my job to keep track of your wife,” Cole said irritably.

  “She said she had to work late. Her car is in the parking lot. So where is she?”

  “How the hell should I know? We’re meeting here at seven and we have a dinner with clients at eight.”

  “Who’s in your office?” John demanded.

  “None of your business. Now get the fuck out of my building.”

  “It’s my business when you’re screwing my wife.”

  “Excuse me? I haven’t touched your wife.” Cole’s indignation was award-worthy, and his easy ability to lie was more than a tad concerning.

  Silence followed Cole’s declaration, and I imagined John trying to stare Cole down in the quiet.

  But Cole would never back down. Cole Benson didn’t lose, especially not on his home turf. He didn’t withdraw. He didn’t give up. It just wasn’t in his DNA.

  I heard John sigh, and then I heard a soft thud, retreating footsteps, and the elevator doors. My heart rate slowed back to normal the further John moved from our corner of the building.

  “Jesus Christ, Lucy. You need to talk to him. I can’t keep doing this.”

  I emerged from my hiding place and found Cole sitting in one of the chairs that faced his desk. He rubbed the bridge of his nose as if he had a sudden headache.

  “I’m sorry.”

  He glared at me. “Don’t apologize. Fix it. Be honest. I don’t want to be in the middle of this shit. This is why I stayed the hell away from you.”

  I felt tears prick behind my eyes, and then one cascaded down my cheek. I wiped it away.

  I wanted Cole to offer me some comfort. That had been close for both of us, and the adrenaline that had rushed through me was gone now, leaving me crashing to the ground.

  Instead, he was angry. And he had every right to be. “You don’t have the right to cry right now.”

  “I know I don’t. This is my fault, and I’m going to fix it.”

  “When, Lucy? When the fuck are you going to fix it?”

  “I don’t know,” I whispered.

  “Just go. I need some time.”

  I stared at the back of his head for a minute, wanting nothing more than to run to him and hold him in my arms.

  And then I walked out of his office toward my desk.

  My breath caught as I spotted the item that had made the thudding noise before John had left.

  A black velvet box sat on my desk, and the second I spotted it, guilt knotted my stomach.

  I knew exactly what it was before I picked it up and opened it. I stared at it for a long time.

  I should’ve known the second John said he had something for me, the second he said it was something he knew I’d always wanted.

  I flipped open the top of the box, and my heart broke.

  John was a good man. Everything he’d done had been for me, and I’d been blind to it, lost in my own selfish thoughts that he was choosing work over me when he’d been putting me first all along.

  He deserved better than me.

  He deserved a faithful woman who would always put him first. When we’d said our vows to each other, I thought I was that person. I’d worked hard to be that person, and I probably would’ve kept being her if Cole Benson hadn’t stepped foot into my life.

  It was too late now. I’d navigated a course that I couldn’t return from. I’d strayed too far from my husband and from our marriage, and I deserved every cut and crack that slashed my heart.

  I pulled the gorgeous ring out of the box. A princess cut diamond gleamed against the black velvet. I thought back to the day John had asked me what my dream ring would be, way back before we’d even gotten engaged. It matched the exact ring I’d told him—a pipe dream, really. It wasn’t something I’d ever really wanted.

  I remembered telling him that a strong marriage with the right person was more important than a huge ring.

  I checked for the inscription, knowing what it was going to say before I read it. Sure enough, it predictably matched the words John had said in the car a week earlier, the ones that were from our vows. It all starts here, babe.

  He thought that a ring was going to fix our marriage. He thought that it was what I wanted. He’d ironically sacrificed us so I could have a tangible sign of our marriage—something I’d never really even wanted.

  Cole stepped out of his office as I stared at the ring pinched between my forefinger and thumb.

  He gazed at me wordlessly for a few beats. I looked up at him. His eyes were focused on the ring I held.

  His eyes finally moved up to mine. “We need to go.” His voice was firm, and his face held not a hint of emotion.

  I wished I could read him. I wished I knew what he was thinking.

  I set the ring back in the cushioned box and put the box in my purse before following Cole toward the elevators so we could head to our dinner.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Silence blanketed our elevator ride down to the first floor. He continued his silent treatment as we exited the building, got in the back of the car, and drove to the restaurant. Just before we pulled up in front of the restaurant, he finally spoke.

  “Dan’s contract is up in a few weeks and he’s shopping around. We need to seal him into a new agreement. Schmooze his wife while I handle the business.” He didn’t look at me while he spoke, instead focusing on his phone.

  I wanted to ask if I should expect t
he frigid silent treatment to continue, but I bit my tongue.

  It felt an awful lot like we were back to where we used to be—back before New York, when everything between us changed so drastically.

  I hated that he was treating me with such indifference when I’d experienced the detonation of passion between us.

  I wanted us to go into this dinner meeting as a united team ready to conquer Utica and then go home together to make love.

  Cole focused his attention on Dan, and I was once again relegated to the position of lowly assistant. As I listened to Dan’s wife, Lauren, discuss some new shoe store in her nasally intonation, I couldn’t help but think what awaited me after this dinner. I had to go back to the office with Cole, and after that, I had to go home to John. I had no idea what to expect out of either situation.

  I started drafting my lie to John in my head. He’d want to know where I’d been when he’d shown up at the office, and I needed to make sure I had my story straight.

  Or maybe…

  It was time to finally tell him the truth. It was time to end the charade.

  I realized after a glass of wine as I tuned out Lauren that the deeply rooted issue in my heart was that I just didn’t want to hurt John. I hated that I’d betrayed him the way I had.

  I hated it…but I didn’t regret it.

  And that was the root of the issue. I didn’t want to mend things with John. I wanted to be with Cole.

  If he still wanted me.

  Somewhere between the main course and dessert, I finally committed to telling John. It had to be that night when I got home.

  The interminable dinner finally ended a little after eleven. While Cole didn’t talk to me on the way back to the office, at least his meeting with Dan had gone well. He was busy on his phone the entire car ride back.

  When we pulled up at the curb and got out of the car, I finally broke the silence. “Do you need me to come up so we can review?”

  He shook his head. “I got it all down. We can review in the morning. You should go home to your husband.”

  “I’m going to talk to him. Tonight.”

  He glanced at the clock on his phone, and then his eyes met mine. “It’s late.”