Thoughtless

by Jacqueline Gardner

  "Mr. Wellborne, our biology teacher," I said. Agent Squires wrote it down on his notepad.

  "Anything else?" Agent Squires asked me. I stared at Bryce. He was really out of it. I doubt he'd even remember we'd paid him a visit tomorrow. Being asked to mind read for a good cause was kind of fun. It beat being laughed at or locked up like a loon. I dove into Bryce's thoughts and grabbed a hold of anything he'd give me access to. Honestly, there wasn't much there. Bryce's mind was still in a state of major confusion. He'd done things he'd never even thought of doing before. All the while, he'd watched as his body did the work. His brain had no say in the matter.

  "He's still trying to piece together what happened in the weight room," I responded. Agent Squires shut his notepad and put it in his coat pocket.

  "Get some rest," he said to Bryce. "I'll be back in the morning." The two of us followed Agent Squires to the hallway.

  "So," I asked curiously. "What now?"

  "Now, the two of you go home."

  "Just like that?" I replied disappointed. But Agent Squires was rejoicing inside. He'd cracked this case wide open. He was now confident that I wouldn't reach the same fate as my predecessors. His thought brought me the tiniest bit of relief.

  "Rest easy," he continued. "I think we've nailed him. And just to be safe, I'll have a team set up surveillance at each of your houses." Rory and I looked at each other. I nodded and Rory followed my lead.

  "Ok," I sighed. But I knew that it would take more than his reassurance to get a good night's sleep. It would take weeks, even months of radio silence to make me rest easy.

  It was late when Rory finally dropped me off. After repeating over and over again that I'd be fine, Rory sped away leaving me at the doorstep. I didn't even have to knock. The door swung open and I was met with a worried face.

  "Mom, I know I said I wouldn't do this again but . . ." My mom's face was fiery red. She wanted to yell, but she composed herself and said only two words.

  "You're grounded"

  Chapter Eleven

  Feelings

  The floor felt even more hard and uncomfortable than usual at our lunch spot. Emma was nibbling at a granola bar and shaking her head.

  "My classes this morning felt empty. Weird, right?" Emma picked a mini chocolate chip out of her bar. She placed it on her tongue and waited as it dissolved in her mouth. "And I can't believe you're grounded. Did you tell your mom about Friday?"

  "You mean about my date with Terrence? Yeah, she didn't care." That was a lie. I hadn't mentioned Terrence. I hadn't mentioned Agent Squires or the break in. The truth was, I didn't know what to say. My mom had enough problems of her own. And having a daughter that was 'different', that needed constant quiet, and would probably need lots of therapy in the future, was stressful enough. I didn't sleep at all. I'd paced my room all night hoping that the killer had been caught - that this stupid Stacy thing was all over.

  "Have you told Terrence yet?"

  "Of course not. I've already blown him off twice." I rubbed my forehead. "Man, he's really going to think I hate him now."

  "Don't be stupid, Bri." She picked out another chocolate chip. "Just tell him the truth. You made a mistake, stayed out too late, and now you're grounded."

  "Actually, I wasn't planning on saying anything." Emma's eyes went wide. Despite her cheerleading persona, Emma liked rules. She liked order, and she liked the relationship she had with her parents.

  "You're not going to sneak out are you?" She sounded nervous. I smiled. By the time Friday rolled around, my mom would probably have forgotten all about my punishment, especially if I talked up my date.

  "I don't think I'll need to."

  "Oh, I get it. You're going to play the guilt trip card?"

  "I'm not telling Terrence anything unless I absolutely have to." Every minute or so, a student walked by. Some had sacks full of fast food. Some were running to their lockers or lunch detention. I was nervous when each one passed. I still couldn't help looking over my shoulder.

  "Aren't you going to eat anything?" I'd pulled out a brown sack, but hadn't opened it. Nothing sounded appetizing lately.

  "Oh, right. It's lunch time. I'm not really hungry." My stomach growled. Emma broke her granola bar in half.

  "Here," she insisted. I pushed it away. "If you don't eat something, I'll be forced to shove nutrients down your throat." I accepted it with a smile. The taste wasn't appealing but I chewed.

  "You know, I already have a mom. I'm not looking for a second one." I glanced at the time as Emma bumped my shoulder. "You know what; I need to do something before next period. I'll see you after school?" Emma was surprised when I jumped to my feet.

  "What are you doing, Bridget," I muttered to myself. My feet carried me through the halls. I avoided eye contact and focused on my thoughts and only those. By the time I could take another relaxing breath, I'd reached the science lab. The door was slightly open.

  "Hey," I said entering slowly. Rory was in the corner typing on his Mac. As usual, his brain was on overload. It was such a crazy mess that I tried to stay away from it. He looked up briefly and looked back at his computer. Rather than speaking, he let his thoughts do the talking. Hey, Bridget.

  "I told you not to do that," I replied hotly. Rory stopped typing.

  "Sorry," he chuckled. "Couldn't help myself." I looked around. He was alone. I grabbed the nearest stool and sat down.

  "You know, it really is quiet in here. I see why you like it so much."

  "So did you hear from Agent Squires?" Rory asked. I shook my head.

  "Then what are you doing here? Isn't it lunchtime?"

  "I'm not sure," I said shaking my head. "I guess I just wanted some quiet before class. Quiet keeps me sane, usually." Rory chuckled.

  "Well as much as I'd like to disagree with the 'sane' part, I've probably got too much going on up here." He pointed to his forehead. "You might not get the quiet you're looking for."

  "I'll just tune you out." I dropped my bag and threw my lunch sack on the table. "Lunch?"

  "I'm good," he responded. I picked up the paper sack and threw it in the trash. "Yeah," Rory said from behind his laptop. "I don't have much of an appetite either these days."

  "What are you working on?" I waited for Rory to look up. His thoughts started to slow down, but then he remembered I was in the room. He found a random item to focus on. Eraser. Think about the eraser, Rory. "Ok, sorry I asked."

  "I'm just practicing," Rory said calmly.

  "Practicing? For what?"

  "If you ever try to interrogate me, Bridget, I'll be ready." He chuckled. I grabbed a strand of hair and started twirling. Being alone for a while was nice. I finally had the chance I needed to clear my head before my next classes. My brain didn't feel like it was about to explode.

  "I have my ways," I replied slyly. I bit my lip and smiled. My mind got lost for a minute – lost in the same calm silence from the night before. I kept smiling, but I quickly wiped that smile from my face. My mind came back to reality and I realized what I was doing. I was flirting . . . with Rory. What was I thinking? "Uh, well this was fun, but I should go." I and jumped up, embarrassed and a little freaked out. I must have been tired – real tired.

  "Ok . . .bye?" Rory shouted as I opened the science lab door. It slammed shut before he could say anything else. I frantically hurried back to my locker, lost in thought. Geez, Bridget. I think you need a nap. I closed my eyes, letting myself relax. You see, you're exhausted. That explains your strange behavior.

  "Bridget?" Terrence came around the corner. He always showed up the most awkward times. Luckily, I had a few minutes and nothing to do at moment. His tidy, blond hair and blue eyes had a way of making me quietly giggle. Butterflies entered my stomach.

  "Hey Terrence," I replied casually. "How's it going?" Terrence smiled his usual suave smile. He leaned against the lockers, just close enough to touch my hand.

  "Just thinking about Friday," Terrence replied. "I'm really looking forward to our date.
" I bit my lip. It was refreshing to hear Terrence's voice. His soft British accent made him even more attractive, reminding me why I let Terrence occupy half my brain.

  "Me too," I agreed. Terrence rubbed my hand with his fingers, acting as if nothing had happened Monday night when I was forced to rush home. "So what did you have in mind for Friday?"

  "Well that depends." Terrence kept smiling. His teeth were a perfect shade of white.

  "Oh?" I tilted my head to the side and realized I wasn't wearing much lip gloss.

  "It depends on whether or not you take off like last time." He laughed and kept stroking my hand. His skin was smooth, and unmistakably warm. "I hope I didn't get you in too much trouble."

  "That was a one time thing," I replied. "Ok, two time thing, but that's all." I giggled. My heart jumped as the bell rang. Terrence looked disappointed that classes were soon starting. We'd hardly seen each other since homecoming. "That was the bell."

  "So it was." He leaned in and kissed my cheek. "But I was thinking of ditching next period, you?" I was already in enough trouble as it was. If my mom got a call from the attendance office, that would send her over the edge. I hesitated.

  "Uh," I stuttered. Terrence kissed me again. This time his lips felt softer than before.

  "Come on," he insisted. "We can go for a drive. Get some food?"

  "Get even more grounded than I already am," I added. Terrence raised his eyebrows.

  "Are you grounded? Bridget, did you misbehave again?" He laughed and interlocked our fingers.

  "I'm handling it. We'll be good to go by Friday. I promise."

  "Was it me?" he asked. I shook my head immediately.

  "No, you're all clear," I reassured him. Terrence's face turned to a frown.

  "Was it that boy, Rory? You know, you should let me be you tutor. Then I could see you more often."

  "That would be nice." A group of giggling girls walked by; I could feel them staring. Their thoughts pointed out every single one of my flaws. I tried not to let it tear apart my confidence. "I have to go to class." I leaned away but Terrence pulled me to him. His face was so close that I could smell his minty breath. He kissed me right there in the hallway. I tried not to blush.

  "When can I see you again?" he whispered. I shrugged.

  "Soon I hope."

  * * *

  Sundown came faster each day. The air was getting chillier, colored leaves were dropping at a quicker rate, and mountains in the distance were already snow capped. I sat on the floor in my room. I couldn't sleep again. Mom had come home, made chicken for dinner, and went upstairs to bed. She'd had another long day at work.

  I wasn't even allowed to watch television. The radio in my room was what kept me company. With nothing to do, my thoughts were filled with images of Terrence. Things were going so well. I was starting to deal with the world around me in a new way. Stacy's killer was gone, at least for now, and for once I'd met someone who seemed to appreciate my ability – Agent Squires.

  There was a low knock on my door. My mom walked in wearing flannel pajama bottoms. A steaming mug of tea was in her hand.

  "I thought you'd gone to bed," I said as she entered my room.

  "I couldn't sleep." She looked around my room. "I take it you can't either."

  "Nope," I sighed. Her mind was empty, but I knew she'd come for a specific reason.

  "I'm worried about you honey. What's been going on?" She sat down on my unmade bed. I picked myself up off the floor and joined her.

  "Nothing. I've just been doing a lot of thinking." My mom gave me the look. Clearly, she knew something I didn't.

  "I got call today at work," she replied. She took a sip of her tea.

  "Agent Squires," I sighed, hearing what she was about to say next. She nodded.

  "When were you planning on telling me all this?" she asked. I couldn't figure out what she knew exactly or what she wanted to hear. She wouldn't let me. All I knew was Agent Squires had contacted her. "Honey, you need to be careful. We can't risk anyone knowing your secret."

  "I take it Agent Squires didn't tell you the whole story?" I muttered. Her eyes went wide. She was worried – frightened actually.

  "No," she said firmly. "Don't tell me you told . . ."

  "Agent Squires already knew," I interrupted. "He talked about my 'ability' like it was a good thing. A gift." My mom got tense. Since I was little, she'd been afraid of this day. It was the whole reason she'd moved west – to the Rockies. She just wanted us to live normal lives. I was confused. She'd never acted this way before.

  "Mom, you don't need to freak out, ok. He can keep a secret." She stood up, her face stern.

  "How many times do I have to tell you," she scolded. "You can't trust anyone, Bridget. You have no idea what you've done."

  "But . . ."

  "For once, Bridget, just listen. You're to stay here, understand? You'll come straight home from school and I don't want you talking to that Agent Squires." Her mind was on fire. She was definitely angry, but not at me. Her head was pounding. She rubbed her temples, trying to remove a flashing image from her head – my dad. "Good night." She shut my door, leaving abruptly like she did when a thought was coming - one she didn't want me to hear. How was I supposed to sleep now?

  In all our years together, this was the first time my mom had thought about my dad, at least in front of me. Something was wrong. I could hardly even remember him. By the time I was old enough to remember things, he'd been permanently out of the picture. I'd never gotten much of an explanation, but I always figured mom never brought it up because it was too painful.

  My thoughts were on overload, this must be how Rory's brain always felt. A whole new bank of questions opened up. I thought if anything, my mom would be relieved that the FBI had stopped a killer from destroying our lives. I guess I was wrong.

  Chapter Twelve

  Questions

  Friday came all too quickly. I'd spent hours trying to find a convincing reason why I should be allowed to spend an evening with Terrence – he's British, he's smart, he's popular, I haven't been asked out on a date for like a year. My mom shot me down every time. For once, she was sticking to her rules. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere. My only possible weekend plans included a night in with Emma and homework.

  I couldn't sulk in my room any longer. What was I supposed to tell Terrence? I'd been thinking of excuses all morning. He was looking forward to tonight, and so was I. I looked at my face in the mirror. My blond hair gleamed in the sunlight that peeked through my bedroom window. My eyes were outlined with dark mascara and eyeliner – the same way Emma had done it for homecoming. And my lips were pink, shiny, and ready for Terrence. There had to be a way. I had to think of something, some way to get out of the house without getting into trouble.

  I could hear a car pull into the driveway. It was Emma. She picked me up every day for school. She'd done that all year. I had my driver's license, but no car. We only had one car and my mom took it to work. If I wanted my own, I'd have to save up the money.

  "Emma's here!" My mom was shouting from the kitchen. She was probably at the kitchen table reading the newspaper. We hadn't sat together at the table in days. I went through my bag, making sure that I had all the books I needed before running downstairs.

  "Bye!" I yelled before slamming the front door. The wind was rough against my hair. It blew across my face.

  "So? Any luck?" Emma was just as bummed as I was about my being grounded. "Did she say yes?" I shook my head.

  "She still says I'm grounded," I replied. "The only person allowed to come over is you." Emma sighed. She backed out of the driveway and headed down the street towards school.

  "What are you going to do?"

  "I don't know yet, but I can't cancel on Terrence – not again."

  "Bri, I don't think you have a choice here." Emma turned the wheel a little too quickly. I looked out the window at passing houses, most of which had yards full of dead leaves.

  "I'll think of something. I'll
have a plan by the end of the day." I watched Emma shake her head. She didn't agree, but she knew she couldn't do much once I'd made up my mind.

  "You and your plans," she sighed. We passed a few more houses, a few busy streets, and a shopping center before we finally pulled into the school parking lot. I hopped out of the car and joined the crowd headed for the doors. It was the usual hustle and bustle that came every Friday. Everyone's mind was anywhere but at school.

  "See you at lunch!" Emma ran off towards the football field. She had cheerleading practice first period. I waved and moved through the doors. Terrence would be waiting at my locker. We'd been together almost every passing period. He even came and sat with Emma and me at our lunch spot.

  "There you are." Terrence was waiting by my locker. A huge smile came when he saw me. I let him wrap his arms around my waist and kiss me gently on the mouth. "Friday is finally here."

  "Yeah about that," I sighed. I looked away and Terrence frowned.

  "You're not allowed out?" He was disappointed. I shook my head and made a pouty face.

  "I know, I know. I'm bummed too," I replied. Terrence paused for a second then smiled.

  "What if I came over?"

  "Nope, my mom wouldn't be up for that. Trust me, I already asked."

  "Well, there's a game tonight isn't there?" he suggested. I nodded. "Why not meet me at the game?"

  "Because she'll say no." I couldn't find a way around this punishment.

  "Isn't your best mate a cheerleader? Tell your mum that she needs your support." Terrence winked, pleased with his solution. I hadn't thought of that, but I still knew it wouldn't work.

  "We can do some more brainstorming at lunch," I said. Terrence nodded in agreement. He gave me another kiss, ran his fingers down my cheek, and turned to leave.

  I watched Terrence strut through the hallway. Just thinking about tonight made my stomach do somersaults. There had to be a way around being grounded. Nothing had happened all week. Mr. Wellborne was still in police custody and Agent Squires hadn't shown up at all. Things were finally getting back to normal. For once, I didn't feel like an outsider. I had a hot boyfriend and I was learning to control my gift – block out other people and focus on my own thoughts. It got easier as days went by, especially now that I had new confidence. This whole grounded thing and my mom freaking out for no reason were just bumps in the road. Whatever had made her so upset . . . well, it was something she definitely didn't plan on sharing. So why should it be my problem, right?