One Simple Step (Journey Series)

by Williams, C. A.

  “Already missing Ben?” I smiled as I flopped down next to Remy on her bed where she lay, looking like a sad little puppy dog.

  “Yeah.” She nodded her head, and I patted her on the back. I sort of knew how she was feeling. I still felt like a part of me was missing, and I’m pretty sure Nick would have that piece forever. At least Ben and Remy seemed to be going strong, but I had thought things between Nick and I had been pretty perfect, too.

  Ben had spoiled Remy while he was here. He ended up extending his stay, saying he wanted to be here for me, and while he was, he ended up spending most of his time with Remy. I was completely okay with that though, they both deserved the happiness that you could see radiating off of them whenever they were together.

  “Listen, Al.” She sat up and gripped my shoulders, her gaze steadily holding mine. “There’s something I need to talk to you about. Please, don’t hate me.”

  I scrunched up my nose at her. “Remy, I could never hate you.”

  “You might after this,” she whispered. “I’m moving in with Ben, Ally. We talked about where things were going with our relationship, and we decided we didn’t want to do things apart from each other.”

  “Oh,” I answered simply.

  “So, that means I’m moving back to Indiana. I’ve already put my notice in at the hospital, and sent my resume in to the one that Leah works at. She says they’ve been hiring recently, and it helps that I have her as a reference.”

  I processed everything she had just told me. It seemed like everything was happening so quickly, but I was happy for Remy and Ben, they were so great together. “You’re quiet. I’m sorry to throw this at you all at once. So, what do you think you’re going to do?”

  I shrugged my shoulders, looking down to pick at my nail polish.

  “You could always come back to Indiana with me, nothing’s really holding you here. You can really work from anywhere...” She trailed off when I looked up, clearing my throat.

  “I don’t know, Remy. I need some time to think about it. I like it here, but you’re right, there really is nothing keeping me here.” I knew she meant Nick. I think she figured I was waiting for him to come back around or something, but I really wasn’t. I knew we were over. There was no ‘us’ anymore, and there never would be.

  My parents already tried on multiple occasions to get me to move home, right along with Leah. I think that they had been plotting together. But, something was telling me to stay. It just felt like home. I’m not sure if it still would without Remy, though. I had a lot to think about.

  “I’m happy for you.” I wrapped her in a hug before standing up. “I can’t believe Ben didn’t tell me though.” I pouted my lips at her and she threw a pillow at me before I shut the door.

  My phone beeped just as I stepped back into my room, and I rolled my eyes when I saw it was a text from Danny. I’m pretty sure he called and texted me more than Leah, it was a little strange. He designated me as his new best friend, because apparently Nick hadn’t been up for the job lately. I had waved him off when he tried to go into detail, threatening the loss of my friendship, which cut him off immediately.

  Danny: Meet up at Clammy’s?

  Me: Sure, why not? See ya in 10.

  I flicked off the light as I stepped out into the hallway, and yelled bye to Remy. I felt like I could definitely use a drink after Remy dropped her news on me. I needed to figure out exactly what I was going to do, and I needed to do it quick. Remy mentioned something the other day about her lease being up soon on the apartment, so maybe I could set up some sort of month to month arrangement.

  I wasn’t sure how I would handle being here alone, though. Sure, I had Danny, but I’m guessing once Nick came back into the picture, he would probably end up dropping my ass. They had been friends for forever.

  “Yo, Ally-Cat, over here,” Danny yelled from a corner table as soon as I swung the front door open. I nodded at him as I took my seat, and quickly snatched up the margarita that he already had waiting for me.

  “Ah, that is exactly what I needed,” I said, after taking a long sip. He smirked as he pushed a basket of fries toward me and I grabbed a couple.

  “Bad day or something?” He flicked his eyes toward the waitress, who brought him a fresh beer, and he gave her a big wink. The cockiness that rolled off of him was nauseating at times.

  “I guess so.” I shrugged my shoulders as I opened up a menu even though I knew the whole thing by heart. “Remy’s moving back to Indiana. Now, I need to figure out what I’m going to do.”

  “What?” His mouth gaped open. “You mean you’re thinking about leaving me?” His voice got whiny as he pointed a finger at me. “Not allowed to happen, sorry.”

  “Don’t be such a girl.” I threw a fry at him, and he opened his mouth, catching it easily.

  “Seriously.” He crossed his arms over his chest, and leaned into the table. “You can’t leave, not yet. He needs you, Al, even if he doesn’t know it.”

  “Who?” I asked, even though I knew the only he that Danny could be talking about was Nick. I think we had clearly come to the conclusion that he, in fact, didn’t need me.

  “Don’t play stupid, Ally-Cat. Just trust me on this. Nick needs you.” He licked his lips before adding, “Really bad, no matter how much of a stubborn jackass he’s being right now. Things aren’t over between the two of you. I think he just needs a little push.”

  I shook my head. “I think you’re wrong, Danny.”

  “Whatever, just think about it, Ally.”

  And I did. For the rest of the night, of course. I didn’t want to, but Danny had planted the doubt in my head, and I started up with all of the what-ifs all over again. What if Nick wasn’t with Kara any more? What if there was more to the story than Nick had let on?

  I could feel my stomach knotting up as Danny droned on and on about sports. I tried to pay attention to him, but it just wasn’t happening. By the end of the night, I was just ready to go to bed and shut my brain off. Maybe sleeping on it would help. Or just make me even more confused. What in the hell should I do? Maybe I should go back to my whole WWLD thing again. It had worked on Teddy…eventually, so maybe it would work in this situation, too.

  Okay, was I really about to do this? I stared at the outside of the house that had become so familiar to me, kicking at the gravel in the driveway, trying to build up the nerve to actually knock on the door.

  An unfamiliar car sat in the driveway, and it made me think that Danny had been lying to me just to get me over here. Maybe he wanted me to cause a riff between Nick and Kara or something. I took a deep breath, and pushed one foot forward.

  I considered just bypassing the house, and heading down the beach. It seemed much more peaceful there, but I didn’t want to be a chicken. So, I put one foot in front of the other, and then again, until I crossed the driveway and eventually made it up the sidewalk. I knocked on the door a few times until I heard Nick’s voice through the door. I was surprised I didn’t hear Gunther’s barks mixed in there, too.

  The sound made me freeze, and all of those feelings that I had stuffed down came right up to the top, ready to spill out. I think I had come during the day, when he should be at work, because I really didn’t want to come face to face with him. He obviously didn’t want to see me. Did doing this make me pathetic?

  “Come in, it’s open.”

  I slowly opened the door and stepped in, closing it softly behind me. “I’m back here.” I followed his voice down the hallway, and came to a stop at his bedroom. I peeked my head around the corner, seeing him before he saw me.

  He looked sexier than I had last seen him, if that was even possible. Stop it, Ally, sexy is bad. This asshole hurt you; he is in no way sexy. Nope. Not sexy at all sitting there in his recliner, in nothing but a pair of gray pajama pants, a trail of hair on his flat, tan stomach leading to…nope, not going to think about that.

  I moved my eyes up, stopping when they landed on a pair of black square-framed glasse
s that I had never seen before. They gave him a sort of sexy, studious look, and his hair was a crazy mess like usual. I flattened myself against the wall in the hallway.

  What in the hell was I thinking coming here? Was I just trying to send myself back into a downward spiral? I didn’t want to know what was going on in his life. If him and Kara were having their happily ever after, and he had moved on without a thought about me. No, I didn’t want to know.

  I turned to walk back in the direction I came from and that’s when I heard his voice. This time it was closer, so I picked up my pace. “Mom?”

  I turned the corner leading back out into the living room, and he stepped into the hallway at the same time. “Ally?” he called out, confusion lacing his voice.

  I stopped when he said my name, but couldn’t make my body turn around. It felt like I was stuck in quicksand and my body couldn’t move.

  “Ally,” he repeated my name, like he couldn’t believe I was actually here. Neither could I.

  “Hey, Nick.” I turned around, and gave him a small wave. “How’s it going?” I rocked back on my feet, and gave myself a mental face palm. How’s it going, really, Ally? What you should be doing is just punching him in that stupid pretty face of his. That’s what you should be doing.

  I snapped myself back to reality when he cleared his throat loudly, and took a step closer, rubbing a hand over his face. “I can’t believe you’re really here. I’ve thought about when I would see you again at least a million times, but I never thought it would be like this.” His lips twisted into a smirk, and I caught a flash of those damn dimples.

  I forced my eyes away from his face quickly. “Yeah, well, this was a mistake. I should leave.”

  “Ally, don’t—” He was cut off by the sound of a baby crying and my eyes snapped to his. He let out a groan, squeezing his eyes shut before he held up a finger to me. “I’ll be right back, please don’t leave.”

  I gave one nod of my head, which seemed to please him and he headed back towards the extra bedroom. I dropped down on the couch when really my feet wanted to head right out the door. He seemed…different somehow. A little exhausted looking, but different in another way, too. The baby cry had really thrown me off, and I think that’s why I stayed.

  Nick came back out, walked into the kitchen with a baby cradled in one arm, and began to make a bottle at the sink. I watched his every move, as he measured out the formula, and got the water to the temperature that he liked. The baby wasn’t full-blown crying anymore, but was letting out that sweet baby whimper as he got the bottle ready.

  “So,” he started as he sat down in the recliner across from me and began feeding the baby her bottle. I at least could tell it was a girl since she was decked out in everything pink. It almost made me laugh, seeing Nick surrounded by all of that pink. Almost.

  I really needed to pinch myself because I felt like I was in some sort of twilight zone or something.

  “So,” I repeated back to him nervously, and wiped my sweaty hands on my knees.

  “This is a little awkward, right?” He grabbed up a burp cloth that had been laying on the end table, and dabbed at the baby’s chin before setting her on his shoulder to burp her.

  “Um…just a little. Care to explain?” I waved my hands at him and the baby, and he groaned loudly, raking his free hand through his hair.

  “Ally, I just didn’t know how to…I meant to tell you...” He pursed his lips like he was trying to gather the right words, and he started again, pointing down to the baby. “This is my daughter.”

  I had a pretty good feeling that’s what he was going to say, but it didn’t make actually hearing it any easier. I felt my throat close up just as my heart plummeted down into my stomach, and I stared back at him open-mouthed, not sure what exactly to say after hearing something like that. A million different thoughts were running through my head at what exactly that meant. Yeah, she was his daughter, but did that mean...

  “Ally, I never cheated on you, I swear. And if you’re even questioning it, just figure out the timeline, it wouldn’t have been possible. Kara just didn’t tell me she was pregnant until after I met you.”

  I sucked in a breath at the mention of Kara, and I snapped my head around, forgetting up until this point that I had been worried about a confrontation with her.

  “Don’t worry, she’s not here. Hasn’t been for a while.”

  I snapped my head back to his, and saw him smile gently at the baby as he continued to feed her. I could see the love he had for her just radiating off of him. “What do you mean? Where has she been?”

  He shook his head. “No clue, I woke up one morning, and she was gone. She left a note, saying she couldn’t handle things anymore, and I was on my own. I got some papers delivered the next day for sole custody.”

  “Wow.” I couldn’t imagine just leaving my child, whether it was with her dad or not. The one time that I had met Kara hadn’t been the best impression, but I couldn’t believe she would just leave her baby like that. She was a bitch with a capital B.

  “Yeah, I guess if I thought about it, I could kind of see it coming, but if she was going to do it, I wish she would’ve signed custody over to me before Ariel was even born.”

  My eyebrows shot up at the mention of his daughter’s name. Did he really…no, it must just be a coincidence. I had always loved the nickname he had given me, but naming his daughter Ariel because of me didn’t seem like a possibility.

  “Well, I’m sorry you’ve been having to do this alone. You seem like you’re handling it pretty well.”

  “Yeah, I think I’m getting the hang of it. I took a little bit of time off from work, but I’m going back soon so I’ll have to figure all of that out.” He pulled the empty bottle out of Ariel’s mouth, and ran a finger lightly over her cheek; she didn’t flinch once in her deep sleep. “Let me go lay her down.”

  I stood up quickly. “I think I should really get going.”

  “Stay, please?” he asked quietly. My eyes darted to the sleeping baby in his arms, and I nodded my head once. He was back before I even realized, and grabbed onto my hand to tug me down onto the couch to sit next to him. His touch sent all sorts of memories rushing through my head, and I quickly pulled my hand away.

  “Ally—” he started, and I put up a hand to stop him.

  “Just tell me one thing, Nick. Why didn’t you tell me that all of this was going on?”

  “I wish I would’ve, Ally. Trust me. I was hoping that things had played out differently. When Kara first told me about the baby, she wanted me to sign adoption papers, not even have a chance to be in her life.” He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. “I can’t even imagine not being a part of her life.”

  I awkwardly patted his knee, trying to give him some kind of comfort and he gave me a small smile. “So, I thought about it a lot, and I finally told her no, that I was going to do this by myself. The guy she was with at the time didn’t want a baby around that wasn’t his.”

  “So, you just assumed I would be the same way?” I asked, quietly.

  He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know, Al. There were little things you would say every once in a while, and it sort of sounded like you didn’t want kids. So, I kept putting off telling you. And then Kara dropped the bombshell on me that she wanted to be a part of the baby’s life. I was thinking that we could work something out, some kind of agreement, but I felt like we needed to raise our daughter together, no matter how much I couldn’t stand her.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Nick, do you realize how many single parents there are out there? You don’t always have to be the good guy.” I was hurt and touched at the same time by his line of thinking.

  “Yeah, well, after everything that happened with you, I was definitely rethinking my decision. I couldn’t stand being apart from you, Al. Kara moved in here—”

  “Kara moved in, here?” I pointed to the floor, and he nodded his head. “So, does that mean you guys were, like, back together?” I did
n’t want to think about that, but I couldn’t help it.

  “Never, Ally. I swear. I couldn’t even touch her. I wouldn’t.” I felt myself relax just a little. He looked sincere, and I think that I believed him, but really, it didn’t matter. “I was really thinking about coming to tell you the truth, and take things from there, but then, then she started to talk about what she would do if things didn’t work out between us. She was thinking about moving to California, and taking Ariel with her after she was born. I couldn’t let that happen. I had to think about my daughter first. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry for thinking about your daughter, Nick, that’s not your fault. The one to blame here is Kara.” I didn’t know it was possible, but I hated that girl even more. I disliked the word hate, but I had never felt it so strongly in my life as when it came to Kara.

  His blue eyes lit up with something that resembled hope, and I squirmed in my seat. “Ally, I wanted to come to you so bad after that, but I needed to get all of my shit figured out, and get used to having a baby. I know I hurt you, but do you think we could just start fresh, wipe the slate clean? Please,” he added, his eyes pleading with me. I had to look away.

  I had thought about this moment so many times. Would I let Nick back into my life if he wanted to? Could I forgive him for breaking my heart into a million pieces? Really, I didn’t think the opportunity would ever come. I just wish I had answered those questions in my head before now.

  I took a deep breath, and looked straight in his eyes, knowing that I needed to be confident when I gave him my answer. I needed to be strong for myself, because what I was about to say was going to break me all over again. “I can’t, Nick. I’m sorry,” I added in a whisper.

  I saw his whole body tense up, and he twisted towards me, his hands gripping my knees tightly. “Ally, what can I do to change your mind? Just give me something, please. Anything.”

  “Nick, the answer’s still no.” I shook my head, trying to stop the tears that I could feel coming on.

  “Is it because of him?” he bit out, and I could see his eyes darken with anger.