Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews
Page 23
By Svitty, December 2, 2008
Some points, in no specific order or reason:
-Exceptionally cool collector’s knife. Makes for an excellent paperweight that can sometimes come in handy.
-Too fat to use as a proper screwdriver or turning device of any sort.
-Has almost every type of device you can find on a Victorinox tool, all in one tool.
-Alarm is useless, not very loud…but cool to have anyway. Most of the display functions are useless but cool.
-I have a decent collection of Victorinox knives, and you could glue 4 of them together and not have a knife that is as fat as this thing is…it’s huge. It’s almost twice as fat as my Swisstool XL (now called Workchamp XL I think), and that has 50 functions; this has 80.
-It has a cool LED light that is actually bright for its size.
-This is really just a collector’s piece, although you’d have to admit to yourself that anyone can buy it, thus negating the “collectibility” of the knife. It serves the same purpose that buying a big sword does: it just looks cool, and sometimes you take it out to show friends your goofy new toy.
-Victorinox quality. Even though it’s just a big, dangerous paperweight, it’s extremely sturdy as all Victorinox knives are. It is very well built, there is no play in any of the tools, and they all do work. They’re just not useful in such a massive frame.
-Overconfidence in the “usability” of this tool will lead to loss of blood…you have been warned.
* * *
Customer Questions & Answers
Does it come with a refrigerator?
Silly. It comes with two refrigerators.
Oboe Joe answered on September 14, 2013
Scarecrow Motion-Activated Sprinkler
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000071NUS
4.3 out of 5 stars
Name: Contech CRO101 Scarecrow Motion-Activated Sprinkler
ASIN: B000071NUS
Price: $49.49
The Contech Electronics Scarecrow Motion-Activated Sprinkler presents an innovative, humane way to keep pets and wildlife from disturbing your yard and garden without the use of complicated traps or potentially hazardous chemicals. The sprinkler combines a surprise spray of water with unexpected motion and noise to create a safe, effective deterrent to unwanted visitors, helping keep your garden looking its best.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
How did I waste my life up to this point not owning this product?
By A Mom, January 22, 2012
From First Time Dad: It’s not often I purchase a product and then upon receiving it immediately regret never having owned one previously. After spending many weekends painstakingly constructing lovely cedar-raised garden beds for our backyard, I was extremely disappointed to find out nothing could germinate because what I’d actually built was a sturdy, expansive cat toilet and digging fun center. I was harvesting nothing except a bumper crop of kitty logs and probably toxoplasmosis. Letting the pregnant wife and/or small child into the back yard required a meticulous “depooping” ritual that really is a special kind of buzzkill in trying to enjoy your small but idyllic private property. Since installing Contech Scarecrow, not one turd: not a single one. My only complaint is the thing is so darn effective I haven’t yet had the pleasure of actually seeing it nail one of those filthy bomb-dropping felines in the act of hunkering down to let one fly in the newly sprouted lettuce. Heck, even my 1½ -year-old thinks the thing is fun to play with and will spend half an hour sitting next to it, setting it off, and laughing hysterically. A babysitter? Yeah…I didn’t think I was getting a freaking automatic babysitter as a bonus, but yet, there it is. I’m half expecting this thing to start mowing my lawn one day. Seriously, how did I get to the age of 33 without owning one of these? If the 13-year-old me had access to this technology, surely I would have spent an entire summer’s worth of paper route money on 1000’ of garden hose and headed straight for the middle school teachers’ parking lot. That neighbor’s dog who liked to sit in the corner of his lot nearest my bedroom window and bark at nothing at 2 am? Boom! I’m convinced there’s no problem this product can’t solve with a well-timed spray of water. Five stars!
Our neighbor’s daughter finally stopped trespassing on our lawn! Thanks, Contech Scarecrow Sprinkler!
The Scarecrow will even rid your lawn of unwanted KISS fans.
540 of 551 people found the following review helpful
A good, if expensive, solution
By Coronet Blue, June 6, 2006
Before I bought my house I thought cats went in a litter box. Well some do, but my yard is apparently more appealing to Leo, my neighbor’s cat, who is old and incontinent. If you are reading this you know that none of the sprays, repellants, etc. do anything at all and should be removed from the market. But doggone it, the Scarecrow works. There are a few minor things you should know, however. First, if you care about the Scarecrow leaking, be sure to assemble the unit with Teflon tape. Second, the Scarecrow is entirely plastic, right down to the spike that you drive into the ground. Not a big deal perhaps, but if your ground is hard you won’t be hammering the Scarecrow into the dirt. Finally, if your yard is good sized you’ll probably need two, so crap avoidance has its price. And don’t forget to run your hose in such a way that you can turn the water off before you approach the Scarecrow, because it will spray anything in its path, birds, the mailman, anything. This raises some interesting possibilities if you are plagued by door-to-door salesmen.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
Best home alarm system ever!
By John, February 18, 2013
I originally bought this thing to keep the local deer off my lawn. But soon after installing it (and connecting it to a sprinkler timer thing that turns on the water at 9:00 p.m. and turns it off at 6:00 a.m.), I realized it does more than scare deer: IT SCARES AWAY BAD GUYS! Imagine some idiot casing your house, checking out windows and such in the dead of night. Now imagine the same idiot getting a face full of water. The best home alarm system isn’t a beepy-screechy thing once a window has been opened. Oh no, definitely not. The BEST home alarm system is hearing some idiot yell [vulgar utterances in his native vernacular] after getting surprised by a face full of water. Get this and protect your home.
29 of 31 people found the following review helpful
Awesome Product
By Serene, July 3, 2006
We purchased one of these to take care of our hell-spawn (raccoon) problem. The coons were digging up the yard, eating new plants, and searching for grubs. They left piles of dirt on the walkway and destruction in their wake. We purchased a battery of these scarcrow things and lined them up to create a critter-free zone and voila! No more eviscerated plants, no more dirt piles, no more coons! It’s expensive, but worth it.
The crow even works on dumb humans, like me! =-) I came home late at night from the movies and found quite a surprise when my sister turned this thing on forgetting I was still out. The scarecrow got me. Repeatedly. And I deserved it.
Whatever you do, don’t forget to turn it off or the UPS man won’t like you very much.
Awesome. Worth every penny.
Celebrity endorsement by Stephen Colbert.
Extremely effective on a wide variety of pests and man-babies.
Perfect for keeping those pesky elderly out of the yard! :)
Drinkwel—The Multivitamin for People Who Drink
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0041HT1BW/
4.6 out of 5 stars
Name: Drinkwel—The Multivitamin for People Who Drink (With Kudzu Flower, Milk Thistle, N-acetyl Cysteine)
ASIN: B0041HT1BW
Price: $39.95
Drinkwel is the first daily multivitamin created specifically for healthy people who drink. Its ingredients replenish nutrients, support healthy liver function, help process alcohol
-induced toxins, and more.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
9 of 11 people found the following review helpful
Drinkwel, I love you
By Britt, November 30, 2012
Drinkwel, I love you. One Saturday afternoon, 8 months ago, I was laying in the dark, in bed, with my laptop and weakly Googling hangover remedies whenever I could lift my foggy head to type, and that’s when I found Drinkwel. I was determined to never feel like this again, so I ordered some and we have been together ever since. I try and take 3 pills daily as a multivitamin and an extra 3 religiously after drinking. When I first started taking it, I would wake up in the morning after a night of drinking and first sort of open one eye to assess my hangover situation and then the other and then move around cautiously trying not to stir the hangover that I knew had to be lurking inside my poor body. Then I realized I was completely fine and that Drinkwel had defeated any hangover that was trying to get me and destroyed it, and that was the first time Drinkwel and I said “I love you.” I don’t get hangovers anymore, and I can’t recommend trying Drinkwel enough. Anyone that I have given it to has also had the same results and always asks if I have any “hangover pills” with me when we are out drinking, which sort of makes me feel like a drug dealer or something, but whatever and, duh, of course I have my most loyal drinking companion with me. I’m happy to share so that the next day my friends will be up and ready to go enjoy the day with me, and we can totally still go drink Bloody Marys, but this time we will all change out of our clothes from the night before, get freshened up, and actually be able to finish our breakfasts because the room is not spinning and our tummies don’t hurt. I had even more reinforcement of why I can’t live without Drinkwel (as if I needed any) a couple of weekends ago when my other half and I went away for the weekend and forgot Drinkwel (worst miscommunication ever: “I thought you packed it”—“No, you said you did!!” ugh.). I was worried. I wish we would’ve forgotten booze, too. Saturday morning and day and afternoon and into the evening was an awful experience, hung over in a way the both of us hadn’t felt since we started taking Drinkwel, and we both realized what a good friend Drinkwel is (absence makes the heart grow fonder!) and how much it really works, and then we went back to bed until Sunday and swore not to drink without it again because a weekend ruined by being hungover is the worst. If you want to have a love affair with a vitamin and not be hungover, or at least one of the two then, look no further. Drinkwel can be yours, too, if you’ll have it.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
Impressive!
By Jenn, January 18, 2013
The first thing you’ll notice upon waking up is that you’re walking to the toilet, not stumbling. That is a good sign! A casual glance in the bowl after the morning’s ritual might be a shocker the first few times. “Great Odin’s Raven! What have I done to myself?” you’ll exclaim, but probably with different words. Not to be too graphic, but the toilet bowl will reflect a radioactive shade of neon yellow back at you. This is just your body ridding itself of all the extra vitamins it didn’t need. I call this “good bang for your buck.” I would go so far as to say I have never felt so fog-free and mentally energetic. As I’ve gotten older, I had routinely felt an oppressive cloud hanging over my mind. It was hard to predict when it would happen, but those days would just be less productive. But on the Drinkwel Supplement, I felt wonderful—refreshed and alert—every single day, regardless of how much I drank the night before! This leads me to believe I have probably been walking around vitamin-deprived for years. Results may vary. I can only speak to my own personal experience, but I’m hooked. I promptly ordered Bottle #2.
3-Carat Diamond Pacifier
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000VG4608
3.6 out of 5 stars
Name: 3-Carat Diamond Pacifier (278 Pave-Set Diamonds)
ASIN: B000VG4608
Price: $17,000.00
Take your breath away beyond anything you’ve ever seen before. Our Diamond Pacifier truly takes your breath away. Crafted with love of 14-karat white gold and set with 278 diamonds. Engrave it with your child’s name, initials, birthday, or birth weight for a magnificent keepsake. A gift that will never be forgotten.
Crafted Of: 14 karat white gold and 278 diamonds (totaling 3 carats)
Genuine silicone nipple
Moving handle
Not suggested for actual use
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
71 of 77 people found the following review helpful
Color??? Clarity???
By Eric Bryant, July 28, 2012
This is a total rip-off. It looks nice, but remember the 4 Cs? That’s right, they tell you how many carats, but what about cut, clarity, and color? For my child, nothing less than a VS1 or an F will do. Hold out for a better diamond.
103 of 123 people found the following review helpful
Great deal—have your butler run out and get one of these immediately
By M. Goff, July 28, 2012
My wife and I spent months looking for the right pacifier for our baby. We knew we needed something that would distinguish him from the proletariat scum we used to see at his day care (like any responsible parents, we’ve since removed him from the day care and are rearing him in his private cottage with the help of our French au pair), and this product was right on the money. For a throwaway price that practically anyone can afford, this pacifier will let other babies know where they stand. Other parents sometimes give us strange looks when we stroll through the park with this. We just chuckle to ourselves, knowing how ashamed they must be that they can’t do the same for their own kids. Makes a wonderful present for any toddler in your life and is a great showpiece at the yacht club!
243 of 257 people found the following review helpful
Served its purpose
By Rusty Shacklford “Adelio”, May 14, 2011
I bought this pacifier a few weeks ago for our son. We looked at Walmart and Target and just could not find one that really caught our eyes. This one did the trick; as soon as he starts crying we load up the car and head to our security box at the local bank to get it. As soon as it hits his mouth, he stops crying! One bad thing about it is that it’s a bit heavy and weighs his head down a bit, and, oh yeah, we have had numerous attempts of kidnapping, but what-the-hey, it shuts him up. We did use his college fund to pay for it, and I did have a bit of buyer’s remorse for a while, but I think in the future he will be thankful that we bought it for him.
4 of 6 people found the following review helpful
Best $17,000 I ever spent!!!!
By blamb!, June 6, 2013
My son’s birthday was coming up, and I just couldn’t think of what to buy him. I already bought him a pony and a diamond-encrusted wristwatch, and well, I just didn’t know what else to buy him! I was beginning to panic until I came across this pacifier. As soon as I seen it, I knew this would be the perfect gift for his first birthday! I mean, only the best for my little prince, right? When he opened the little box and I saw his eyes light up, it was totally worth the $17,000 that I spent. Everyone is hating him now, but I know it is pure jealousy. Buy it, and your baby will love you for it.
39 of 46 people found the following review helpful
Perfect for my little snowflake
By Unidentified User #42, July 28, 2012
My daughter is the most precious, little, unique snowflake, and she deserves only the best items, no matter what the cost. Would I ever put a non-diamond-encrusted binky in my snookie-wookum’s mouth? No I wouldn’t! My little princess will be the most fashionable baby in the trailer park that I had to move into after buying this.
Hulk Rules
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000008PE1
4.4 out of 5 stars
Name: Hulk Rules (Audio CD)
ASIN: B000008PE1
Price: $16.98
Hulk Hogan sings on this 1995 album featuring
Hogan and the Wrestling Boot Band.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
Life Changing at the Least
By Helen M. Vile, February 20, 2005
I don’t think I’m taking much of a risk when I say that this is the best CD ever made. It will change your life more than the entire series of Walker, Texas Ranger. Everything about this album is done to perfection. The vocals and backup vocals are masterful, but what really makes it the top album of all time are the lyrics. They are poetry in themselves. A must-have and good fun for all ages. “I Want To Be a Hulkamaniac” offers a guideline for everybody to be successful. And as the Hulk says, “Say your prayers; eat your vitamins, too. These are the things that (Hulka) maniacs do.”
8 of 9 people found the following review helpful
CD currently in God’s CD player…Enough said
By Claude Balls, May 6, 2004
There is an old saying that goes something like this…“When God needs work done, he creates geniuses.” Rock and Roll, Rap, and the Monster Ballad have been in dire need of a savior for quite some time now. Hulk was selected by the hand of God to revitalize the music industry. After listening to this album, I cannot even utter the words “Da Vinci,” “Einstein,” or “Tesla,” without first mentioning the Hulkster, otherwise known as Hulk Hogan, otherwise known as the Hulk, inventor and grandmaster of the religion known as Hulkamania. Hulk’s musical genius is utterly amazing, possibly supernatural. After seventeen times listening to the album straight through, although the orgasms stopped, the euphoria of the superb rhythm and bass still makes my hair stand on end. Hulkster’s flow is just too tight and original for any other MC to even think about steppin’. Quite simply, the most magnificent musical composition to be put together in the past half-millennium.