The One We Feed

by Kristina Meister

  His muddy eyes were watching me fearfully, though in their depths there was a trace of longing. I knelt in front of him. He flinched as I brushed his recently healed face with a gentle hand.

  “Who do you see, I wonder,” I whispered.

  He shook his head and, even when I did not speak, continued to shake it.

  “Enkidu, perhaps?”

  The blood drained from his face. I met his shock with a smile and winked. I knew the moon was reflected in my gaze.

  “Well, sir, now you are one of them and they are all immortal. Be careful what you wish for.”

  Reesa laughed behind me sardonically. I caught her eye and smiled.

  “Think you can handle him? In this case, life is worse than death, I think.”

  “Don’t worry,” she said with a nod and a flash of her talons, “he ain’t any trouble now.”

  The rumble of my truck echoed up the rock face. On the gray flats below, Ananda parked. In the bed was a group of disheveled prisoners, all happily eating the muffins and bottled milk their new keeper had purchased at the local 7-Eleven like they were ambrosia. He climbed toward us, and, as if they’d known him forever, the Rakshasa approached him, touched him in welcome, and moved aside.

  “Reesa,” he said with one of his instantly affirming smiles.

  “Hi.” I could tell from her blush that the two of them would get along perfectly.

  He dropped beside me and examined Mara with a shake of his head. “You have changed, Lilith.”

  “Who do you see?” I said with a poke to his arm. “Your cousin?”

  To my surprise, he tilted his head and looked at me instead of our unmasked quarry. “No. I see you. Covered in slime.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “Sorry. I promise I’ll take a shower.”

  He swept aside my apology with a wave of his hand and turned back to Mara. “He is not so fearsome now.” Reaching out, he planted his hand on the tiny man’s shoulder and in a few seconds had stilled every misgiving the ancient king was feeling about a new kind of existence.

  “I’m not so sure he ever was.” I shared a knowing glance with the Arhat but, for the benefit of the others, stood up and shook my head. “He exploits our own weaknesses. The only defense is to know them just as well.”

  “Sound like her, too,” Reesa said with a nod.

  I kissed her forehead. “But I’m not her. Just another student.”

  “You should come with us,” Ananda breathed in Mara’s ear. “You would like it, I think, not having to be the one to discover what is next.”

  Mara nodded vaguely and closed his eyes as if in sleep. It was too much to take in, the loss of an ancient identity in the same breath as the realization of several eons of work.

  The roar of Jinx’s bike struck my eardrums like an angry tap-dancing titan. Soon he too was bounding up the hill, taking rough terrain in little hops. I met him at the edge of the landslide, where he came up short in a combination skid/gasp.

  “Jesus fucking H Christ!” he sputtered. “Ass-grabbing son of a motherless goat!” He walked around me once, and, just for show, I blinked my new red eyes at him. He finished with a whistle.

  “Thank you.”

  “You look like a...like a fucking cat...thing.”

  “In a bad way, I’m assuming.”

  “Um...in an awesome way.” Then he fished in his pocket and held out a tiny mirror. “See for yourself.”

  I took it from him and lifted it. Eva’s face smiled back at me, free from pain, free from gore, perfect and happy.

  Not for tellin’ your future, Gran, but maybe for seeing your past.

  I dropped it and shook my head sadly. “It’s just Eva.”

  “Well, don’t worry, you look sick.” He stepped back and pinched his nose. “Though you smell like corpse cheese.”

  “Thanks,” I said, intending to go on at length about how unfair that was, until I realized that he too could see me, the real me, beneath Mara’s artful disguise. My mouth fell open.

  “Yeah, I just see you,” he said with a shrug.

  I giggled and handed the glass back to him. “More honest than my own mirror, my dear.”

  He shoved it back in his pocket with a conspiratorial grin. “Must mean you’re the one I trust most, right?”

  “Aw, Jinxy,” I said, attempting to ruffle his spikes though he ducked and evaded my gruesome claw, “you are my sidekick!”

  He danced out of my grasp and over to the curiosity Ananda was soothing. Spinning a little circle inside the ranks of the filthy, dust-bathing Rakshasa, he found Reesa and stuck out his hand.

  “What’s shakin’ Cheetarah?”

  She was frowning, but soon a smile supplanted it. Jinx was someone you could not be angry with for very long. The absurdity of his cute little face surmounted with spikes was overwhelming. She took his hand and laughed.

  “The name’s Reesa.”

  “Yeah, I know, but I figured if anyone was a Thundercat….” At her confusion, he sighed. “Never mind. I can see we have a lot of work to do.”

  “Who are you?”

  “This is Jinx, my sidekick!” I called out just as Devlin trundled up in the moving van. The headlights cast a dim glow over the cracked earth. He leaped out of the high cab and pulled the locking lever on the back gate. I waited for him at the brink. His ascent was slow in his expensive Italian loafers, but when he reached the summit and caught sight of me, I knew he understood that we had been successful. It was in the look of gut-wrenching misery on his already strained face.

  I now looked like his brother, Radu.

  “I’m sorry,” I said in his just-acquired mother-tongue. “It will take me an hour or two to control it.”

  He took a deep breath, the muscles of his jaw flexing. “My brother is dead, Lilith, and of anyone possible, I am glad it is you wearing his face.”

  “I choose to take that as a compliment.”

  He smiled, and it was only slightly reptilian. I turned and glanced over my shoulder. Ananda was pulling Mara to his feet and escorting him down the hill toward us, accompanied by the entire host of Rakshasa.

  “I’m going to owe you big time,” I said with a grin.

  He raised an eyebrow in what might have seemed like cold disdain before, but, having felt his emotions from the inside, I could now decode it as mild amusement.

  “Don’t suppose you can find a place for them?”

  “Oh,” he said, crossing his arms, “I imagine they will make themselves more than useful. Let’s call this one square, shall we?”

  “Fair enough.” Mara slipped, and, to my surprise, it was Reesa who caught him and guided him to the next stable footing. She didn’t even need to think about making her Gran proud. She was already all that could be asked for. “Just don’t tell me you did this to beat him.”

  “Very well,l then, I won’t.”

  Chuckling, I held out my hand. “You’re the only one who understands what’s coming, what I have to do. Truce?”

  He tilted his chin upward, appraising my borrowed face and the knowing sparkle in my eye. With a sigh, he took my hand and shook it firmly.

  “Truce.”

  There was something in his palm, a hard lump pressed between our hands. When he pulled back, it stayed in my grasp and sparkled. It was Camille’s ring.

  “I thought you might want it.”

  I curled my fingers around it and brought it to my heart. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. She was gone...before.”

  I nodded and slipped the band around my middle finger, swallowing until I could find my voice. “You know, you’re not such a bad dude after all. May I count on you as a minion in the future?”

  He was about to answer when Jinx came to an abrupt halt beside me amidst a cloud of red dust. “Ha ha!” He laughed and coughed all at once. “Count. Good one, Lily.”

  Devlin frowned. Jinx’s smile dimmed a bit but did not vanish.

  “Get it? Count, like, you know...Dracula!”


  Devlin reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Believe me, young man, I have heard them all. It’s one of the primary reasons I changed my name. If Mr. Stoker wasn’t already dead….”

  “Right,” Jinx mumbled, crestfallen. “Sorry.”

  The Count reached out and, to my surprised, patted his spiky head. “Think nothing of it.” To me he made a little salute. “Say the word, my lady. Never turn down a good Apocalypse, as mother used to say.”

  “Don’t worry, you can keep him,” I said, tossing my head back at Ananda. “Just don’t go all mushy on me now.”

  Grinning, only slightly evilly, he helped the first of the Rakshasa into the truck bed. Soon they were all inside, grooming themselves and packing as tightly around Reesa as possible. Mara sat on a wheel well, staring at the brood with something like hope, while the other prisoners climbed in.

  “Lilith,” Ananda said quietly in my ear.

  I turned just in time to be caught in his embrace. He smelled good, clean and sweet; and, for a moment, Arthur haunted me.

  “You did this on your own, my dear. With no help. It is proof of your ability.”

  “I know,” I said, though I choked on the words.

  “Your life was the foundation. This act is the cornerstone. Build upon that.”

  “Good advice. Always good advice.”

  He nodded against me. “I will see you soon.”

  “Take care,” I whispered. “And if Devlin gives you trouble, call me. Or sic Reesa on him.”

  He laughed, held me out at arm’s length, and nodded. “I will take care of them.”

  “No one better.”

  He reluctantly let me go, climbed into the truck, and pulled the gate down. Devlin locked it and shot one more grin my direction.

  “I hate to ask, but etiquette demands.”

  Jinx rolled his eyes.

  “Are the two of you fine on your own for the last bit?”

  The boy beside me made a guffawing bellow and rolled his whole head. “She just turned into a werewolf and stormed an impenetrable fortress. I am pretty friggin’ sure she’s cool.”

  I could not hear him laugh, but I could see his chest twitching. “Are you?”

  “I’m a permanent delinquent. I think I’m cool.”

  “Part of the problem, I’m sure.”

  “Shut it, or I’ll tie knots at you.”

  Devlin shook his head and got into the truck. A few moments later, we were bathed in a cloud of exhaust. We watched as the truck headed slowly down the highway, north, toward the Circle.

  “Shall we?” my sidekick chimed.

  “Yeah. Did you get everything you need?”

  “Every last gigabyte. Ready for one hell of a barbeque?”

  I looked out over the desert and smiled. The Rakshasa had endowed me with a more refined sense of smell, and on the warm wind I could detect the stink of the pit.

  “Think there’s a shower in the compound?”

  “Uh, yeah. Let’s go find out before we burn it down.”

  A few hours later, I was clean and shiny, wrapped up in a fluffy, soft sweater, wearing my lanyard with the external hard drive, and sipping a cup of hot water. I still stunk to my own nose, but Jinx wasn’t complaining. Beside me on the tailgate, he popped the top on a giant can of Redbull and leaned back to watch the fireworks break the paling sky.

  All the preciously guarded air vents had been thrown open, feeding the raging, incendiary-driven inferno inside the earth. The flames had just begun to wind up the walls of the false gas station like glowing, white ivy. As they grew, I held my water and kicked my legs like a child.

  Jinx tapped me with his foot. “So what’s next, Kimosabe?”

  In an ostentatious show, I grew out my Rakshasa nails one by one, then combed my damp hair, while the hacker beside me hissed. “I have a few errands to run.”

  “Me, too.”

  “Get the site up and running, won’t you? But leave off all the stuff about us. Just focus on making humanity pay attention.”

  “Done.”

  The station suddenly exploded in a huge, searing cloud, sending out a percussion wave in its wake. Debris flew outward at all angles, like shooting stars against the sky. Some of the old cars caught too, and in one massive pyre Mara’s Hell ate itself.

  “Wicked,” Jinx said appreciatively. “Call me when you get wherever you’re going?”

  I put my arm across his shoulders and hugged him close. “You betcha.”

  “I had some time on my hands…,” he whispered. “Wasn’t sure when the shit would hit the fan, so I just entered every date this week into your sister’s book code. When the results came out, I knew which day you’d...you know, bust out.”

  I glanced at him. He was watching the flames stoically, but his fingers squeezed the can so tight it rippled.

  “What did it say?”

  He reached into his pocket and handed me a piece of well-worn paper. On it, in Jinx’s red ink, was a short but sweet message.

  “My dear, now we come to the end. Walk through the floating door and meet me on the other side.”

  I shook my head. The calculating mind of Devlin reached out from within me and grasped the message tightly. It seemed like gibberish. Before, that would have bothered me, but now I knew that Eva was a genius and that every word set down meant something. I had absolute faith.

  Our relationship had continued to improve even after her death.

  Cheers, Ev.

  “So...this is the Floating Door, yeah?” the boy wondered, toasting the fire as a car tire burst with a loud pop.

  I nodded. He had been thinking the same thing I had, just like a good sidekick.

  This was the Floating Door, a second Crossroads. The Buddha had called the ones on their way to enlightenment the Stream-enterers, but I didn’t want to just enter the stream. I wanted to transcend it, dam it up, change the tide of everything. There was no name for what I wanted to do. No words to describe the unending process of evolution we were both envisioning.

  We would ride the river and open the door.

  Devlin’s best grin was the only fitting reply.

  Another explosion blew the awning over the gas pumps sky high. Soon the pumps themselves would go, and that would be a glorious sight, indeed.

  I raked my claws through my hair again. It was drying quickly in the heat from the fire. “Wish I brought some marshmallows.”

  “You don’t eat.”

  “It’s symbolic.”

  Jinx rolled his eyes. “Like we don’t have enough of that going around.”

  Chapter 31

  The Stonecutter

  He opened the door, his tie half-undone, his sleeves in mid-roll. When he recognized me, he froze and his face lost its color. I couldn’t blame him. It had been nearly a year since we parted ways, and I looked very very different.

  “Lily?” he croaked.

  “Hello, Howard.”

  He blinked and grabbed the doorknob as if to block me from whatever insanity he expected from someone who was obviously deranged enough to stalk him and his new family.

  I smiled and couldn’t resist the joke. “Not going to invite me in?”

  “No. You’re not supposed to be here.” The deeply cut frown lines furrowed even deeper. “How did you find us? What are you doing here?”

  My smile widened, and for an instant I hoped my teeth seemed sharp. “I came to see the baby.”

  He stared at me, boggled. “N...no!”

  “Don’t worry, Howard, I’m not going to drink its blood,” I said. “There’s just something important I need to say.” He was about to protest again, but I raised my hand and blocked any further objections. “I know you’d like to think I’m still caught up on what went wrong, but I’m not. I’ve grown a lot and I know when and where I was wrong. I accept that and hope you can forgive me for what I did. I need you to know I forgive you, too. But I’m not here to say any of that. I’m here to see the baby.”

  His mouth fe
ll open in wonder. After a few moments of twitching, he finally let his hand fall and stood aside. I could feel his retreat, both physical and mental, could sense the effect my aura was having on him. I closed my eyes and composed myself, pulling back the tendrils of my several more invasive talents. He began to relax and, after a few moments, cleared his throat sheepishly.

  “Trish should be back with the baby soon.”

  I stepped past him. The house was cool inside, the hall lined with photos of a sweet little boy, wearing a ball cap, a tuxedo onesie, starkers with a tiny red bow tie. I reached out and traced the line of his adorable face, unable to suppress a giggle.

  “You did good, How. And the girl? What’s she up to?”

  “She’s gone back to school for her nursing credentials,” he said from just behind me.

  I nodded and moved into the living room to take a seat on the edge of the sofa.

  “You...uh...you want anything, coffee, water?”

  “No, thank you.”

  He sat down across from me and ran a hand through his graying hair. “How’s Eva?”

  “Dead,” I said. I didn’t want to traumatize him, but I needed him to understand the alterations my life had undergone. I managed a sad smile and leaned back, pulling a stuffed animal from behind me.

  He gasped. “What? How?”

  “She….” I glanced around. A perfect, well-appointed home, out of the chaos of our life together. It was all I could ask for. “She died saving someone’s life.”

  I heard him swallow. “I...I’m so sorry, Lily.”

  I brushed the comment aside. “You know me. I’m dealing with it.”

  He was silent, unable to form cohesive thoughts. He hadn’t spent much time with her, but he knew my Eva, through my rantings, my venting of frustration, my feelings of inadequacy, and, rightfully so, could find no way to comfort me. To his mind, she had been a burden on my thoughts. What can one possibly say to the knowledge that that burden has finally vanished? The clock on the mantle ticked; the whisper of his breathing grew calmer. We stared at each other and for once had no walls between us.

  The door opened, and there was a rush and jumble of movement as Trisha tried to balance shopping bags, diaper bag, and baby in her thin arms. Howard leaped to his feet to rescue/warn her, while I sat peacefully, my eyes tracking the little cherubic face smeared with something sticky. He had his mother’s good looks and Howard’s serious gaze.