Sounds of Yesterday

by Pacheco, Briana

  “I need your help. I don’t know what to do.” I sniffle and cry harder when I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. “I’m outside.”

  “I’m coming.”

  He hangs up and opens the door in a matter of seconds. He looks me up and down before pulling me inside.

  “What happened?”

  “Cindy reported a false statement saying that my father and I are screwing or something.”

  Zach stirs in his sleep so I lower my voice. I don’t want to wake people up. I hate dragging people into my problems but I feel like Alex is the only person who can help me. He said he could help when we first learned my father was my professor. Maybe he can talk some sense into these people.

  “She went to the dean but since he’s basically family, the board is involved. Alex, I can’t have this on my record. I can’t fail this class either. I’ll do whatever they want, just please help me get rid of this.”

  “Hey, baby, calm down.” Alex rests my head on his bare chest as he rubs circles on my back. “What did your father do?”

  “He told them I was his daughter and that the allegations are shit. But now they’re looking into him playing favorites. I passed my tests and did everything everyone else did. I’m passing on my own.” I know this because you can’t cheat on the exams. I’m the one taking the tests. I participate in class even if I don’t want to.

  “I’ll take care of this. Don’t worry about it.”

  “How?” Alex doesn’t answer and then it hits me. He won’t talk to them. How can I be so stupid?! “With money?”

  He nods and I pull back.

  “It feels so wrong. It’s your money. Is there any other way? I can pimp myself out by wearing–”

  “I don’t give a shit about the money. I care about you. And you’re not pimping yourself out.”

  “But you will.”

  He takes my face into his hands. “Don’t you know I’ll do anything to protect you.”

  I cry softly and nod because I know he will. He wanted to take care of Pierce but I made him promise not to. It’d only cause more problems. Alex’s family has connections but Pierce’s family is connected by well known police officers and lawyers and all those higher ups. I don’t ever see them betraying some kid they love just for some money that can possibly get them kicked out of their jobs and thrown into jail if ever found out. Corruption over family is one thing. Corruption over money brings in a whole lot of mess.

  “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” I wipe my face and grab onto his hands. “Name it and I’ll do it.”

  He cracks a small smile and leans in to kiss me. “Make it up to me with your smiles and laughs,” he pulls back and wipes away more tears, “and kisses and hugs. Love me. Make it up to me with lots of babies and the promise of maybe, hopefully becoming my wife some day.”

  I laugh and rest my cheek against his palm. “You could have just said sex, you know.” Any man would have turned that into sex and blowjobs for life or something but he added the promise of a future…with me.

  “I know but I want so much more.”

  So do I.

  “You’re perfect.”

  “I know.”

  He chuckles and wraps me in his arms. If I could stay in this perfect, happy bubble for the rest of my life, I would. Without hesitation. Alex and me against the world.

  “I hate the world we live in,” I confess. It’s disturbing and dark. So many psycho people are out there hurting others. I miss growing up and not having to deal with anything. Being an adult fucking sucks.

  “So let’s create a world where it’s just the two of us.”

  “Yes. A million times yes.”

  We fall onto his bed and I stick to him like glue until his alarm goes off for the last day of classes before Thanksgiving break. All this shit better get fixed.

  Cindy better watch out if it doesn’t.

  ***

  Walking into my music theory class, my eyes glance all over the room to see if my father is anywhere to be found. Surprisingly, he is. He doesn’t acknowledge me and I’m fine with that. Next, my eyes land on Cindy and she’s all dimpled similes and perfectly made-up Barbie face.

  We get broken up into our smaller groups for the next fifty minutes. When time is up, Cindy walks up beside me and juts her chin out like she’s some damn queen of the country. “You and Alex are like playing with toddlers. You dangle their favorite toy in their face and they’ll do anything to get it back.”

  “Get away from me,” I say, hitching my bag up on my shoulder.

  “Tell Alex I’ll have fun spending all of his cash.”

  I punch her in the face.

  Okay, I don’t but in my head I do.

  I walk up to my father and he surprisingly speaks first.

  “Thank you. Whatever you did…just, thank you.”

  Thank you would never be enough to say to Alex. I owe him so much more. I never wanted him to spend his money on me and now look where we are. It feels wrong. I feel like the people who use him for his name.

  “How’d the fiancée take the news of you having previous children?” I say, changing the subject. I don’t want to know what Alex had to do. I’m just glad my father is here and I’m not being looked into. I came here because it’s where I wanted to start over. I will not be thrown into the same hateful world I was in back in high school. I will not let others bully me or look at me the wrong way over something that didn’t even happen this time. I want a clean break. Having this problem taken care of is how that will happen for me.

  I am Emily Spencer and I will be known for my music. Not for some childish rumors.

  “She wanted to know how a man could just discard said children.” Ouch. “She wants to meet you. Officially. And Declan. Some day.”

  “That probably won’t happen.” His life and my own will probably never cross again after I’m done with this class. We will go back to being two people who share the same blood and don’t talk to one another.

  He smiles and nods. “Probably not.”

  “Okay…so, have a happy Thanksgiving.”

  I turn on my heel and head out of his classroom.

  I stop short when he calls out my name and jogs toward me.

  “Emily, I don’t think your mother ever told you this but she really wanted children. It was her only wish. A boy and a girl.” I nod because she’s always telling Declan and me that we were planned. It’s hard to believe but for her sake, we let her believe we actually think that. “I loved her enough to give her that wish.”

  “Even though you never wanted children.”

  He rubs his jaw and looks down before nodding. “All I wanted was to make her happy.” He lets his arms dangle by his sides as he locks eyes on me again. “I always wanted to teach music and well, having you and Declan made me think I could start younger than I intended. I pushed you both and your mother saw it. It was wrong. Declan never liked music so it all fell on you. You were good. For a kid.” I roll my eyes and he laughs. “The drinking made everything worse. I’m sorry for the life we created for you. I was never meant to be a father.”

  I look around us, at this college where people who want to study music come to. I’m here because I fell in love with music. I fell in love watching my father play in the garage. I fell in love knowing my tiny little fingers could create magic. Because that’s what music is to me. Magic.

  “I found a reason to live because of you.” Music was my escape, my savior. Without it, who knows what would have happened to me. “My therapist says I should forgive you some day so I can move on from feeling lonely and rejected all my life. Maybe I can.” Small steps, right? Just because my father abandoned me doesn’t mean I need to feel like everyone else will.

  “God, please tell me I didn’t fuck you up beyond repair and now you need therapy.”

  I actually chuckle because he’s serious. I brush my hair behind my ear and shake my head.

  “No, I was raped last year.”

 
We both still.

  I can’t believe those words actually left my mouth.

  I have never spoken them louder than above a whisper to someone other than family.

  “Uhh, I have…class…bye.”

  I turn and run to my next class because for the rest time since it happened, I wasn’t afraid to say that statement. He was the third person I’ve ever said that too that didn’t know. First was Declan, second was my mother. Both of them told my friends for me. Declan was the one who went to the police station and that’s how the shit storm started. He went right to one of Pierce’s dad’s buddies. Word spread faster than a wildfire after that.

  I lose myself in the rest of my classes. I don’t want to think about how my father feels knowing his blood was violated. I don’t even want to know if he cares. He can possibly forget I said that so he can move on and focus on working things out with his fiancée.

  I text Alex asking if he wants to grab some food before we head back to the dorms. They’re all leaving for break and I’m still undecided. I want to spend some time with Sallie and the kids so they’re not alone. Charlie is thinking of visiting Mom. They’ve gotten closer over the last few months and Mom mentioned that them dating can be happening soon. I hope it does. They dated for two years before Charlie came to Florida to help his sister out. They can rekindle that spark.

  Alex: I have a surprise for you. Meet at my dorm. Food is present, fyi. :D

  He doesn’t need to say more. I walk past students who do double takes once they notice who I am. It’s been like that since late August. I’m the girl dating Alexander Sawyer. They want to know how I managed that. They can go fuck themselves.

  I spot Sophie and Zach walking in the opposite direction near Eaton, lost in their happy, lovey dovey bubble so I head into the building without saying hi. They won’t notice me anyways. They’ve got their googly eyed love shades on.

  I push the call button for the elevator and wait.

  A person stands beside me, with music blaring from their headphones. It’s muffled but I know that beat and those lyrics by heart.

  I turn and spot the guy who gave me the Sebastian plush toy, Kellan, nodding his head, looking down at his phone. He’s oblivious to who’s beside him so I look straight again and tap my fingers to match the beating of the drums against my thigh.

  The elevator doors open and we step in. When the song comes to an end, we’re on our floor. Kellan pushes his headphones down so they’re wrapped around his neck. He starts walking out of the elevator then looks over at me.

  “Well, aren’t you sneaky! Go ahead, ladies first.”

  “Thanks.”

  He walks beside me but manages to give me space in the narrow hallway.

  “Did you see Bring Me the Horizon last month in Orlando?” I ask.

  Kellan looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. Or became an alien.

  “You know who they are?”

  “Can You Feel My Heart is always on repeat.” His eyes get wider. “I wanted to see them but I was busy. I missed so many concerts so far. Damn college.”

  Kellan laughs. “If we had that dinner, I would have known this about you.”

  I roll my eyes. I gave him forty bucks for that toy and I told him to go buy himself food. I was being kind.

  “What about lunch some day? You can eat a salad or a carrot or whatever other bunny food chicks like, and talk music with me.”

  We stop in the middle of the hallway, him at his door, me at Alex’s.

  “As long as you know I have a boyfriend then I can do lunch,” I answer, knocking on Alex’s door. It doesn’t hurt making some new friends. And people who want to talk about music, sign me up. I’ll just bring a friend and my bottle of mace with me. You know, because it’s the smart thing to do.

  Alex’s door opens. He murmurs a ‘hey’ to Kellan and waits for me to enter.

  “And I’m like a human elephant not a bunny. Salads and carrots don’t do it for me.”

  Kellan opens his door with a big smile. “Alright. Lunch when I get back from break. Don’t forget.” He eyes Alex and offers him a sincere look. “It’s just lunch.”

  “Okay.” Alex turns his eyes on me. “Joey, the guy from my study group made you a peach cobbler pie.” To what do I owe this honor?!

  Alex has tried to make me brownies here twice. I know he bribes one of the kitchen cooks for fifty minutes in the kitchen. Those are the best fifty minutes of my life, watching him bake my favorite treat.

  “For me?” My eyes get big and my stomach gets this little fluttering feeling because food!

  “Yup. He wasn’t joking when he told you to join the nerd side because we have pie.”

  “Awww.” I wave at Kellan then enter Alex’s room.

  “He just wants me to get fat so you’ll leave me and start dating him. He said it. Joking of course but any threat of losing you is a real one to me.”

  Alex starts blushing and I get all giddy again knowing he’s embarrassed.

  We eat pie while I try to ask Alex for details on how he managed to keep Cohen’s and my records clean. He doesn’t even tell me how much he gave Cindy to shut her up because that’s all she wanted. Money. She found her way in and used what she knew Alex would never give up. Me. My future.

  I hate her.

  I hate people because of people like her.

  Chapter 24

  Instead of going home for break, I spend a few days in Florida with the people I won’t be seeing in a state that I don’t want to visit. I stop by Liam’s house the day I have to leave and he lets me play on the piano. His mom and dad are home, along with a few aunts and cousins of theirs. They decide to watch me play a cover of Jacquie Lee’s Broken Ones. I insist that they don’t because I’ll just ruin their happy, giving mood. I want to sing the words to the song but they ignore me so I do what I set out to do.

  When I hit the last note, Liam’s mom leaves the room.

  I don’t see her again until I’m about to leave the house.

  Mrs. Ryan comes to stand beside me in a beautiful navy blue sweetheart dress that I can guarantee is made by Gwen Sawyer. I’ve heard they’re the best of friends, including Tyler’s mom. I hope Sophie and me are like this in the future. Even when we’re older, I want to share clothes and gossip and never lose the relationship we have.

  “Angelica loved the piano,” she says with a sad smile. “She was eleven when we lost her.” She blinks back tears. “Today, you made me feel like she was home for the first time in three years. Thank you.”

  She pulls me into a hug that I return with as much force as I think she needs.

  Hugging strangers was and will always be a strange thing to me but I’ll break my rules for a grieving mother. If my mom lost me and someone reminded her of who I was, I’d want that person to comfort her, even if it’s just for a few seconds.

  Liam walks into the entryway, breaking us up.

  “I’ll drive you to the airport,” he proposes. “Alex wants to make sure you get on the plane safely.”

  His mother tells us to drive safe.

  When I step out onto the main walkway, I almost collapse when I see us walking toward a red Audi R8 parked a few feet away.

  Liam chuckles and opens my door for me because I can’t move. My eyes roam over this beauty and I want to throw myself against it and roll around on it. Gently, of course.

  “Alex hates me for having this car.”

  “I so hate you too!”

  “We made a deal when we got our licenses back then. We can’t have the same make of a car. Tyler has the Benz, I got the Audi, and Alex has the BMW.”

  “I can have a Mustang or Camaro, if you’re feeling generous,” I tease.

  “Noted.”

  He shuts my door and I stare at him wide-eyed until he gets in the car.

  “I was joking. Do not think I was serious. Driving freaks me out.”

  Liam nods a few times and starts up the car. “Whatever you say.”

  I sigh and sink into the se
at, pretending that I’m being driven by a Transporter.

  As we near the airport, I sit up and glance at Liam. He’s focused on driving and hasn’t said a word in the last twenty minutes. What his mother said to me has me thinking and I feel like I should address the big elephant in the room–er, car. Everyone says Liam doesn’t talk much. But I only notice it because I’m there. The girl that looks a lot like his late sister.

  “Hey, Liam,” I start.

  “Yeah?”

  “Do you talk more to other people?” He turns his head to me, raises an eyebrow then sets his eyes back on the road. “You’re always quiet around me.”

  He doesn’t say anything until we’re pulling up into the drop-off area of the airport.

  “You remind me of my sister,” he concedes, looking down at the gearshift. “She was this quiet, annoying pain in my ass but I loved her so fucking much.” He looks up at me with a sad smile that matches his mothers. “The day she died…” He shakes his head and I see the tears.

  “You don’t have to tell me.” I place my hand on his arm and awkwardly stroke it. “I’m so sorry for saying anything.”

  “No, don’t be.” He looks out of his window and wipes his eyes with his free hand. “She wanted to go swimming but I wanted to get laid at the time so I told her she was old enough to go out alone.” He takes a deep breath and turns his eyes back on me. “She was afraid of water and I sent her to the pool with no supervision. Her eyes…I’ve seen that look in your eyes a few times. She was terrified and hurt that I called her a baby but she was determined to prove me wrong.”

  Tears pool in my eyes and we both start crying silently. That is so heartbreaking. I can’t imagine the guilt he feels for those being the last moments he shared with his sister. He was young and he shouldn’t feel responsible. We all make mistakes.

  “It’s hard to talk to you sometimes because I think of Angelica and I freeze.”

  “I should wear sunglasses around you then,” I respond.

  Liam laughs and it lightens up the somber mood we’ve created.

  “You can talk to me through music, if that helps.”