Two Kinds Of Truth

by Lynette Creswell

  “I’m not too fussed what time we get there,” Callum explains, “but Maddie says she’d like to enter.”

  I turn towards her, my hands covered in soap. She’s been busy folding napkins and placing them inside the wine glasses, but looks up on hearing her name.

  “Isn’t that right?” Callum says.

  She nods and gives a warm smile. “Yes, why not. After all, there’s no point going if we can’t take part.”

  Callum’s eye catches mine and we exchange glances. I’m no fool, and I don’t have to be his twin to know what he’s really thinking. Irritated, I turn away.

  I rinse my hands under the hot tap and dry them on a hand towel. I can’t explain it, but my nerves are jangling like alarm bells and my stomach’s churning into knots. I try to shake off the feeling of trepidation, but it won’t budge. I’m dreading tonight. Callum appears to be living in hope that I’ll sleep with Maddie. How many times do I have to say no before he gets it into his thick skull that it’s never going to happen?

  I head over to the kitchen table. As I approach, Maddie sits down, and I take a seat at the opposite side of the table.

  Alasdair and Callum bring over the food and the smell makes my mouth water yet again. As the plate is placed in front of me, I take a deep breath and inhale the spicy aroma of Turmeric, Cumin and Ground Coriander, licking my lips in anticipation. Although my stomach’s in knots, I’m still ravenous.

  As I pick up my fork, Maddie flicks her napkin and folds it neatly across her lap.

  “Alasdair, why don’t you come along tonight?” she asks.

  He shakes his head and chuckles. “Nae, lass, it’s not my idea of a guid night out. I’d have more fun chewing a brick.”

  She laughs, “Oh, don’t be such a spoilsport. We’re going to need all the help we can get.”

  “Aye, maybe so, but if it’s brains you’re after, you’ve come to the wrong place.”

  I watch Maddie out of the corner of my eye. She’s thoughtful and loving, and right now, at this very moment in time, I believe Callum doesn’t deserve her. The light shimmers across her face and I notice the long silver earrings she’s wearing. They elongate her neck and her dark red lipstick emphasises her cupid-bow lips. I don’t mean to catch her attention but I do, and she blinks those liquid blue eyes at me.

  “What about you, Jamie? Are you a walking encyclopaedia?”

  “Nah, I take after granda. I’m more brawn than brains. Get me to wrestle a pig or a sheep and ye might be onto a winner.”

  Her gaze flits towards Callum. He’s now sitting at the kitchen table, an amused expression on his face. Her gaze returns to me. “I’ll have to remember that the next time I need some muscle.”

  “Och, you dinnea need mine, not when you’ve got Callum.”

  She shrugs. “Really. Now that would be a first.”

  ***

  After dinner, Callum grabs a set of car keys from off the table.

  “I’ll drive,” he says, waving them above his head. “And before you protest, I’ll not hear any arguments.”

  I hesitate. I thought he’d want to enjoy a few pints at least, tonight.

  “Don’t look so surprised,” he says, reading my expression. “Contrary to belief, I don’t actually drink—all of the time.”

  I shake my head. “Och, it’s fine. It’s yir holiday. I’ll drive so ye can make the most of yir last evening together.”

  I lean forward, to grab the keys, but Callum clutches them tightly to his chest.

  “No, not tonight. Like I said: my treat.”

  Maddie puts on her coat and reaches for her handbag. “Come on, let’s go. I’m feeling lucky,” she says. I follow them out of the house, but I’m aware I’m dragging my feet.

  I open the car door and climb into the back. Maddie goes around the front and sits beside her husband.

  “Brrr, it’s freezing,” she says with a shiver. She isn’t dressed for the weather, in a thin padded jacket with a belt that nips in at the waist. On her feet, there’s a pair of red high heels and her legs are clad in black nylon. It’s not what women wear around here. It’s all wellington boots and waterproof jackets. It’s no wonder she’s freezing, and tonight, dressed like that, she’ll have every man in the room drooling over her.

  Callum starts the engine and I catch his gaze in the rear-view mirror, his eyes relaying a message I don’t wish to read. They’re telling me tonight’s the night he hopes I’ll sleep with his wife. I glance out of the window, but it’s dark and there’s nothing to see except my own reflection. A lonely man stares back at me. I close my eyes and rub my thumb and forefinger across my temple. Inside my mind, I try to conjure Claire’s face, but it’s Maddie’s that floats behind my eyes. I blink, and the vision vanishes. I switch my attention towards my brother, his eyes still fixed on mine.

  “What are ye looking at?”

  “Nothing,” he chuckles, averting his gaze. “Besides, I can think of better things to stare at than you.” He glances over at Maddie, tips her a wink and then sets off. I can’t shake the sense he’s still watching me, but every time I flick my gaze at him, his own is fixed elsewhere.

  A flicker of light from a nearby farm catches my attention. Its golden glow, its warmth, reminds me why I adore my homeland, although there have been times when I’ve been tempted to leave this place, this country. Losing Claire destroyed my life, but whenever I think it’s time to move on, I look at granda struggling on the farm, and I lose heart.

  Callum hits a bump in the road and I avert my gaze from the window.

  “Perhaps it’s best if I drive,” I say as he swerves to miss the curb.

  He laughs out loud. “Now, don’t be a party pooper. After all, where’s the fun in that?”

  We arrive at the market square with half an hour to spare. I quickly push open the car door and clamber out, hit by a biting wind which sends a chill straight through to my bones. I watch Maddie pull her jacket that bit closer and Callum puts his arm around her shoulders. It’s odd: apart from a kiss, it’s the first time during their visit that I’ve seen him physically touch her.

  I look up at the dark sky, catching a glimpse of the crescent moon as it’s swallowed whole by thickening cloud. The cold night air has left the streets deserted. Only the light from several street lamps illuminates our way to the Scran and Sleekit. I hold the pub door open for Maddie and Callum, the warmth from the wood burner hitting my cheeks as I follow them in. I’m thankful to be indoors. Maddie points to a vacant table in the far corner of the dining section, and we make our way over, passing a crowd of young revellers enjoying shots at the bar.

  “How about I get a round of drinks in?” I say.

  “Sounds great. But they’re on me,” Callum tells me. “Maddie, what will you have?”

  She smiles up at him. “A Gin and Tonic, please. And easy on the ice.”

  “Jamie? What about you?”

  I shrug. “I’ll come with ye and have a look what’s on offer.”

  Maddie sits down at the table and I point to the pub menu. “Why don’t ye have a look for next time ye visit. They cook great food here, and I promise ye, the Rosemary and Minted Lamb is to die for.”

  “All right,” she says, and places her handbag down onto the chair next to her before picking up the laminated menu.

  “We’ll be right back,” I say, and Callum and I head towards the pub’s entrance and make our way to the front of the bar. The bartender is stacking glasses, and Callum waves a hand in the air to catch his attention. The man puts down an empty crate and hurries over.

  “Hey, Stuart, how’s it going?” Callum asks.

  “Not too bad, thanks. I’m just covering for a lassie who’s sick tonight.” He greets us both with a firm handshake. “Okay, lads, what can I get ye?”

  “I’ll have a pint of Stella,” I say. “Callum? What will ye have?”

  He moves closer to the bar, pondering the choices, leaving me free to steal a quick glance over at Maddie. She’s still studying
the menu, but she looks lost sitting there, all on her own. There’s other customers milling around her yet it’s as though she’s the only person in the room.

  “Isn’t that right, Jamie?”

  “Eh? Sorry, what was that?” I say as I snap my head back towards Callum.

  “Stuart, here, reckons his team’s going to win tonight, but I’ve told him we’ve got a secret weapon in Maddie.”

  I laugh and grab my beer. “Yeah, sure; whatever ye say, bro.”

  “Here,” and he thrusts his wife’s drink into my hand. “Can you take it to her. I’ll be over in a minute.”

  I nod and head back towards the table. I notice a look of relief sweeps across Maddie’s face as I approach.

  “Sorry about that,” I say. “Callum’s busy telling anyone who’ll listen that we’re going to win tonight. The bartender’s an old mate from university.”

  “Oh, it’s fine with me,” she says and takes a sip of her Gin and Tonic. “It isn’t often he gets the chance to see any of his old friends.”

  “’Tis true; he’s rarely home these days and is a sight for sore eyes to some.”

  Maddie nods and takes another sip of her drink.

  “So, what’s yir first impressions?” I ask, pointing to a black and white picture of a famous sculpture of two horse’s heads known as The Kelpies. “I think they’ve done a great job giving the old pub a modern twist.”

  “Yes, it works,” she says. “It’s certainly pleasant enough, and it seems popular with the locals.”

  I lean a little closer. “Maddie, about earlier, in the stable. I really am sorry.”

  She looks down at her drink and wipes condensation off the side of the glass with her index finger.

  There’s a noise beside us and a door flies open. I glance up to see the landlord make an entrance. He shakes my hand as he passes. “It’s guid to see ye here tonight,” he says and gives Maddie a welcoming nod. I’ve known Malcolm since I was a child; played rugby for the county with two of his sons.

  He dashes off and goes to stand beside a table that’s been prepared especially for tonight’s quiz.

  “Guid evening, folks,” he says, picking up and blowing down a microphone. “I’ll be round shortly with pens and paper whilst Susie,” he points towards a barmaid, “will be taking yir money.”

  The pub is much busier now. Most of the tables are occupied and there’s a buzz of excitement in the air. There’s a commotion, and I turn in my chair to see the regular customers, sitting at the other tables, start to clap their hands and cheer. I glance at Maddie, but her eyes are on them, too. I strain my neck to try and see what’s created such an uproar and spot a young couple making their way through the crowd at the bar. The man is all smiles and waving, and the woman, who I recognise as the landlord’s daughter, clutches something small to her chest.

  My jaw drops when I realise she’s carrying a new-born baby, all wrapped in a white knitted shawl.

  I turn back to stare at Maddie and watch as her face turns to stone. She doesn’t move a muscle, her eyes fixed solely on the child.

  Once again, the landlord picks up the mic. “Come here, ye two,” he says, gesturing for the couple to make their way over. When they reach him, he puts his arm around his daughter and pulls her close.

  “Ladies and Gentlemen. I’m sure ye all recognise young Rhona and her husband, Gordon. And I’m most proud to announce the safe arrival of our first grandson, Findley Fraser McGregor.” The whole place erupts with loud cheers and whistles.

  I reach out and squeeze Maddie’s hand.

  “Are ye all right,” I ask, but she’s quick to snatch her hand away, then jumps to her feet.

  “Er, sorry, I have to go to the toilet,” and she grabs her bag and hurries through the applauding crowd, into which I watch her disappear. I imagine the sorrow she must feel looking at the child in its mother’s arms: to be physically able to bear children and yet not conceive, for the sake of her husband. Maddie’s determination to live a life under such constraints reminds me of Claire. All we wanted was to be a family, to have children of our own, but that and our every desire was snatched away in an instant.

  I head over to the bar where Callum is still chatting to his old Uni pal. I nudge him and gesture for him to come and talk in private.

  “Whatever’s the matter?” he asks, his brow creased.

  “It’s Maddie; did ye see her reaction when she saw the bairn?”

  Callum sighs. “Yes, of course I did. But there’s nothing I can do.”

  I shake my head. “It kills me to see her like this. It must be pure torture for her.”

  Callum places a hand on my shoulder. “She suffers in silence every day. However, as you well know, only you have the power to change all that.”

  I continue to shake my head. “I cannae do it, Cal. I just cannae.”

  He drops his hand. “What you need is a stiff drink,” he says, and goes to turn towards the bar.

  I stop him and give him a half-hearted shrug. “Nah, thanks. I’m not in a drinking mood right now.”

  “I understand,” Callum nods. “Maybe later?”

  “Aye, maybe.”

  Callum turns his attention back to Stuart, and I head towards the table and take a seat. In a little while, Maddie steps out from the ladies’ toilets. She’s wearing a stiff upper lip, and as she approaches, I notice her eyes scan the crowd to see if anyone is looking at her; judging her from afar, I guess.

  “Is everything okay?” I ask when she sits down.

  “Yes, I’m fine,” and she gives me a weak smile before finishing the last sips of her Gin and Tonic. Her eyes have become bold, her insecurities gone now she’s reapplied red lipstick.

  “Would ye like another?” I ask, and she nods and offers me her empty glass.

  “Sure, why not?”

  I stand up from my seat and turn to face the bar. Malcolm, the landlord, is walking towards me, carrying the baby in his arms.

  “Ye can tell this wee ’un’s made of McGregor stock,” he chuckles. “He’s got a grip that’s as strong as an ox.” I look down at the little cherub, at its blue eyes and light tuft of red hair.

  “Can I hold him please?” and we both turn our heads to see Maddie standing next to us.

  “Sure ye can, lassie,” says Malcolm with a broad grin. “Go on, sit thee down and I’ll pass him over to ye.”

  Her expression changes to one of excitement as she hurries back to her chair. There’s a spark in her eyes that I’ve never seen before. Malcolm places the child inside her arms and she gasps then giggles.

  “He’s as light as a feather,” she declares. “Somehow, I thought he’d be heavier.” The baby starts to cry and she pulls him closer to her breast.

  “Shhhh, there now. Everything’s going to be all right.” She rocks the mite gently, all the while keeping her voice low and soothing. She brushes her lips against his tiny cheek and the baby murmurs then falls silent.

  “You’re guid with bairns, I see,” says Malcolm, clearly impressed. “His mammy says he usually screams his head off for a feed about now.”

  Maddie turns towards me, her smile triumphant, then she stares down at the child and her expression yields to a look of grateful satisfaction. There’s a complete transformation in her body language. She’s kind and gentle, and I find this makes her deeply womanly. I’m drawn towards her muliebrity; it’s like a hormonal magnet.

  She glances up, catches my eye, and smiles. It’s soft and tender and I go weak at the knees. Just as quickly, she breaks eye contact when the bairn grabs hold of her little finger.

  “You’re right, he is strong,” she giggles, and her long lashes flicker as she looks up to hold my gaze once more. “I bet if you ever have a boy, Jamie, he’d be a strapping wee man, too,” she says, and it’s then, right at that moment, that I come face to face with what I must do.

  ***

  Susie the barmaid comes and taps Malcolm on the shoulder.

  “It’s time for the quiz,�
�� she says.

  “Och, aye, you’re right,” he acknowledges. “Sorry, lassie, I’ve got to go.” He bends down and takes Findlay from Maddie’s arms. I notice the light in her eyes goes out. Malcolm turns, just as Rhona, Findlay’s mum, appears.

  “Here ye go, darlin’, back to yir mammy,” he says, pride still in his voice, and Rhona takes the child into her arms, but then she turns to Maddie.

  “Hi,” she says, “are ye Callum’s wife?”

  Maddie nods and jumps to her feet. “Yes. That’s right. I am.”

  “’Tis nice to meet ye. I’m Rhona, and I see you’ve taken a shine to young Findlay. If ye ever want to pop in and see him, you’re more than welcome.”

  Maddie gives the biggest grin ever. “Can I? That would be lovely,” she says.

  Rhona flicks a finger towards me. “Jamie, here, knows where I live. He can bring ye next time you’re in town.”

  I nod. “Aye, I can do that.”

  Rhona waves goodbye. “I’m off to take the wean home,” she says and makes a beeline to her waiting husband, standing at the door.

  We both sit down, just as Callum returns from the bar. “I’ve got the pens and paper and I’ve paid the entry fee,” he says, and places the items onto the table. “We just need to think of a team name, and quickly.”

  “Any ideas?” I ask.

  Callum sniggers. “How about Norfolk and Chance?”

  Maddie rolls her eyes and sighs. “Do you have to be so uncouth?” she chastises.

  Callum looks down at her. “Can you think of something better?”

  She nods. “Yeah. I thought we could call ourselves Les Quizerables.”

  I take a swig of beer and chuckle into my glass. “I like it,” I say. “It sounds classy.”

  “Yup, something you’ll never be,” Callum jokes.

  “Ye, neither, arsehole,” I comment, and we both laugh out loud.

  Callum jumps up and heads over to register our team.

  “’Tis a great name,” I say, and Maddie swipes a lose curl away from her cheek.

  “Thanks. I stole it from the internet.”

  Callum rushes back and sits down. “The quiz is set to start,” he explains, and a hush sweeps across the entire pub.