Soul Love

by Lynda Waterhouse

  ‘I’m not so sure. People like her do get caught out in the end.’

  ‘No, they don’t. When is Kai going to get what’s coming to him? It’s not fair …’ I said and frowned. ‘And don’t tell me life is not fair.’

  ‘Would you like to swap places with Kai or Mia for one second?’ Gabe looked quite serious. ‘Could you bear to be as morally empty as them?’

  ‘It might be fun for a while. I’m sure I could write some better poetry and I’d be nicer to Sarah than the real Kai is. It’d be fun rifling through Mia’s wardrobe. But, hang on – they’d be in my body at the same time. No way. I couldn’t bear Mia being me even for a second.’

  ‘Being strong in yourself is the best defence against people like that,’ Gabe said.

  ‘That’s what the old hippy lady told me. She said to be strong. I wish I hadn’t given in to Mia so many times just for a quiet life. But Sarah really, really loves Kai.’

  ‘He doesn’t pay her back with love, does he?’ Gabe said.

  ‘Maybe she just needs him,’ I added as a picture of Cleo jumped unwelcome into my mind. I knew that Cleo desperately needed Gabe’s friendship.

  ‘He despises her, but he needs her at the same time. That’s not love.’

  ‘He’s got Emma and the baby coming,’ I said.

  Gabe shook his head. ‘Wonder how his character will stand up to that test?’

  I finished off my drink and stretched my arms. ‘My, aren’t you and I so mature and wise? If only people would listen to us.’

  Gabe laughed. ‘Let’s look at something really old and wise.’ He reached for his telescope and positioned it north.

  I hugged my knees close to my chest and looked up. I took a deep breath, filled my lungs with the sweet air and became absorbed in the landscape of the sky. I rested one hand in the small of Gabe’s back as I continued looking upwards.

  I felt something that I’d never felt before. It was a feeling beyond happiness and very close to sadness. A feeling so powerful it would have to fade soon or I’d burst. I felt this way because I was with Gabe.

  This wasn’t a fairy tale. It was more precious than that. Gabe had given me the option to walk away and even though it was scary I had chosen not to. I was trusting my own feelings and I felt proud of myself. Because it was a hard choice and we had faced up to it we had earned this perfect moment and every other perfect moment that came afterwards.

  We understood and liked each other. I knew we could support each other. I was looking forward to finding out more things about him. I was looking forward to sharing more experiences with him. Gabe took his eye away from the telescope.

  ‘A perfect night sky. You can even see Cassiopeia.’

  I felt a tingle down my spine as I recalled my meeting with Cassie and how she’d told me to be strong.

  I squinted into the telescope and followed Gabe’s instructions.

  ‘Can you see it yet? It’s a very distinctive group. There are five main stars. The ones like a letter W.’

  ‘I’ve got it!’

  ‘And I’ve got you, Jenna. You don’t know what that means to me.’

  Gabe grabbed hold of my hand. I squeezed it back and said, ‘You big softie.’

  We lay together for a long while holding each other and not speaking. I took in Gabe’s wonderful smell and rested my head on his chest, feeling his heart beating. My throat felt dry. Every sense and feeling in my body was heightened. I slipped my hand underneath his T-shirt and felt his skin. It felt warm and soft.

  Then I was overcome by the biggest fit of giggles.

  ‘What is it?’ Gabe looked puzzled.

  ‘I was just remembering the first time I saw you. You were sitting in a deck chair at Charlie’s place and you were stroking your chest like I am now. I couldn’t take my eyes off you. It seems funny that so much has happened since then.’

  ‘You’re crazy, Jenna. But I love you anyway.’

  Gabe spoke those words so quietly that I half thought I’d imagined it. The weight of Gabe’s feelings behind those three clichéd words hung in the air for us both to feel. He’d told me he’d loved me before in his letter, but this was the first time he’d said it out loud. I considered saying them back to him, but stopped myself. There was no rush. There would be plenty of time for me to tell him how I felt. We were going to go to school together.

  For the moment it was enough to be together falling asleep in a Greek temple, looking at the stars.

  Chapter Forty

  A large crow screeching overhead woke me up the next morning. There was no sign of Gabe, only a note saying he had gone to get us coffee. I don’t think I’d ever been awake so early. Not since I was a baby. I pulled my fleece on and stood up to get warm. My whole body felt charged with electricity.

  It was a new day and a new beginning for me. Something inside me had shifted. It was like I was seeing things clearly for the first time in ages. I knew where I stood with Mia and Jackson and I knew where I wanted to be – with Gabe. As I put my hands in my fleece to keep warm I felt the stone from Cassie. When I looked at it in the daylight I saw it was a piece of amber with a tiny insect trapped inside. I stroked the stone and put it back in my pocket.

  Gabe came back with a battered thermos and two chipped mugs.

  ‘It’s pandemonium back at the ranch,’ Gabe said. ‘Mia and Rebecca stayed in the guest room. Rebecca’s parents have arrived and they’re none too pleased.’

  I shrugged my shoulders. ‘You mistake me for someone who cares.’

  Gabe poured the coffee into the mugs.

  ‘Not even if your name was mentioned?’ he added.

  ‘They can’t pin this one on me,’ I said, shaking my head.

  ‘Rebecca told her mum about the ring being slipped into her bag. She said, “This is what must have happened to poor Jenna”.’

  ‘There’s nothing poor about me!’ I snapped back. ‘If Rebecca says that’s what happened, then she’ll be believed. Her mum is the chair of the school governors, after all. She was the one who recommended that I make a “fresh start” somewhere else.’

  Gabe prodded me in the shoulder and said, ‘So you don’t want to hear about what happened when Mia’s mum arrived, then … ?’

  My ears pricked up at that. I cupped the mug in my hands and said, ‘Tell me everything.’

  Before he could say a word there was a loud rustling noise and Aurora burst through the bushes, saying, ‘You’ve missed a right bloody ding-dong.’

  Gabe and I both chanted, ‘Language, Aurora!’

  She squeezed herself between us and said excitedly, ‘After you sneaked off with the flask, it was like a courtroom drama. As soon as she saw them, she burst into floods and started saying she was being victimised.’ Aurora’s eyes flashed as she recounted every part.

  Gabe and I smiled at each other.

  ‘Rebecca’s mother said her daughter had never been in trouble before she linked up with Mia. Mia answered back, “They didn’t find a thing on me. Just like last time. Nothing on me.”

  ‘Rebecca’s mum went very pale and said, “So this has nothing to do with truth and everything to do with what you can get away with.” Mia sniggered. So did her dad. That was too much for our dad, Gabe.’

  Aurora stood up and mimicked Lord Netherby. ‘Your attitude is despicable and goes some way to explaining your daughter’s lax morality. I had informed the police that I would be dropping the charges, but I am tempted to change my mind. There is a witness to the theft. The man who runs the burger stall will, I’m sure, make a statement that he saw one girl slip the ring into the other’s bag. May I also add, on another matter, that Jenna Hudson is a personal friend of this family and I have found her to be a decent person. I am also considering writing to your school to reopen that case. I am not without influence. There is probably CCTV footage in the area of the shop.’

  ‘That was my idea!’ Gabe piped up. ‘Dad and Isobel had heard about your exclusion and I put them right – I hope you don’t min
d.’

  So Gabe had been planning ways to help me out. If it were Jackson, he would never have troubled himself to do that! Gabe was not the type to walk away from a situation.

  Aurora waved her arms at us impatiently. ‘I haven’t finished! When they heard this, Mia began to cry and whimper, “I didn’t mean to do it. I couldn’t help myself. No one stopped me. Jenna and Jackson egged me on.”

  ‘Mia’s dad offered to pay everybody off, but Dad said there was a principle at stake, and unless Mia formally admitted to the school that she had used the credit card then he would press charges.’

  Aurora cheered and Gabe grinned.

  I surprised myself about how deflated I felt. Hadn’t I been waiting for weeks for this to happen?

  As I was gathering together my stuff and helping Gabe tidy up Aurora said, ‘How is Marcus today? He wasn’t feeling very well yesterday.’

  ‘He’s probably just over excited,’ I said. Nothing was going to spoil my day.

  Or so I thought.

  Although it was still really early, lots of people were up and about queuing for the showers and toilets. Some people were still playing music. A helicopter flew overhead, bringing in one of the bands.

  And I was going to be part of it! In years to come I could say I performed at the Netherby Festival.

  Sarah had said that I could drop in any time and use the small washroom in her caravan, so I went round to the side and tapped on the door. No answer. I tapped again and listened. I thought I could hear a faint sob.

  ‘Sarah, are you all right?’ I said as I let myself in.

  Someone was sitting next to her on the small seat. As I walked in I overheard him saying, ‘Kai is really sorry that he hurt his special sad-eyed lady.’ He was stroking Sarah’s hair and she was letting him. They both turned to look at me.

  ‘I just came round for a wash, like you said I could.’

  Sarah looked up at me. Through her tears, her eyes were shining.

  ‘Jenna! You can be the first one to hear our news.’

  ‘Sarah, are you sure?’ Kai looked a little shifty.

  ‘I want the world to know that we are back together again.’ Sarah flung her arms round his neck. ‘Life has been such a torment without you, Kai.’

  Kai looked down at his feet and mumbled, ‘Sarah and I are back together. I’m coming back to the shop and to the cottage.’

  ‘What about Emma?’ the words tumbled out of my mouth before my common sense could put a stop to them.

  Sarah’s eyes darkened. ‘We are not going to dwell on the mistakes of the past. This is a new beginning. There will be no blame.’

  Kai hugged her. ‘That’s my beautiful lady! I was entranced by a siren who poisoned my body, but my heart was always true to you.’

  It was too sickening to watch. As I turned to go, I said bitterly, ‘Is that baby just a mistake you are not going to dwell on?’

  I slammed the door shut on my way out.

  Chapter Forty-One

  I stomped blindly out of the caravan. How could Sarah be so stupid as to fall for Kai’s lines? How could she gloss over the ‘small matter’ of a baby?

  I didn’t see Ava until it was too late and I’d bumped into her.

  ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to knock you over.’

  She patted her hairdo back into place. ‘That’s all right, dear. I was just taking some lemon drizzle cake to Julius. He forgets to eat, you know.’

  Ava gripped my arm and studied me for a moment. ‘But who’s rained on your parade? Had a tiff with lover boy?’ she said and winked.

  ‘Just bumped into Kai and Sarah, if you must know.’

  ‘So they have kissed and made up. I love a happy ending. Will you be wanting those records back, then?’ she cooed.

  ‘I know at least two people who won’t think that this is a happy ending.’

  I told her all about Emma and the baby she was expecting. Ava went pale and crumpled a little. She leaned against a tree for support.

  I felt terrible. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m just feeling so angry. I didn’t think about how you might react.’

  Ava smiled. ‘I’m not shocked. It just brought some painful memories flooding back, that’s all.’

  She was shaking.

  ‘I’m sorry, Ava. Can I help?’

  ‘You’re forty-four years too late to help me out … Sixteen years old … I can still see myself so clearly. Thought I knew it all. Didn’t know enough to stop myself getting pregnant, did I? It was a big deal in those days. I’m sure the boy would have stood by me, but he was off to university. Had big dreams to become a writer. I was just a summer fling to him. My parents could’ve disowned me, but they packed me off to a mother-and-baby hostel, where I got to hold my son for ten minutes before they took him away from me.’ She wiped her eye. ‘It was for the best. I couldn’t afford to keep him. A family adopted him and I had to carry on with my hairdressing apprenticeship. It wasn’t done to keep in touch in those days.’

  She pulled out a crumpled tissue from the sleeve of her cardigan and blew loudly. I hugged her. She hugged me back.

  ‘Now, about those records. Didn’t you say they’re worth a lot of money?’

  I nodded. ‘Gabe said they were extremely rare.’ I loved just saying his name.

  ‘I’ll see they get passed on to the right person,’ Ava said.

  By the time I got back to the tent, the rehearsal had started. Charlie was busy working himself up into a state of nervous tension. Gabe was trying his best to improvise a set of drums on a tabletop.

  Cleo was huddled in a corner, looking miserable. Freddie had written out a play list that was passed around.

  Charlie announced, ‘There’s been another development. We couldn’t find you or Gabe last night to tell you. Lyle Hasslett, the lead singer from the Stale Pumpkins, has decided to make an appearance at the festival after all, so we have been cut to three songs.’

  ‘That’s not in the spirit of anti-folk, is it?’ I asked.

  ‘It’s not his fault. It’s his PR people. They think he can be a crossover act,’ Charlie said quickly.

  ‘Sounds painful,’ I joked.

  Freddie giggled.

  Charlie frowned. ‘It means that we’ve had to cut a few songs, including “Because the Night”.’

  I felt a huge pang of disappointment. Suddenly I became aware of everybody’s eyes on me waiting for a reaction.

  I covered my face. ‘Stop looking at me! I’ll get over it.’

  Gabe laughed. ‘Call yourself a diva? You should have thrown a hissy-fit by now.’

  I gave an exaggerated shrug. ‘It’s only the Netherby Festival, the largest showcase of alternative music in the country. No problemo.’ Then I began to fake a screaming fit. Even Cleo had to smile. That had to be worth something.

  There were a few hours to go before the performance and I badly needed to come into contact with some hot water. I also needed to check up on Mum and Marcus. So I took off back to the cottage.

  It turned out that Marcus really was sick. He was running a temperature, so Mum had decided to phone for a doctor. He was asleep when I got back.

  ‘Marcus has got chicken pox,’ Mum said. ‘He’ll be sick for a couple of weeks and then he’ll be fine.’

  It felt weird being alone with Mum in Sarah’s place. Mum belonged in a tidy clutter-free kitchen with a stocked fridge. It was strange watching her drink tea from a chipped mug that in our house would have been smashed and used to line plant pots weeks ago.

  ‘I’ve missed having you around the place,’ Mum said.

  ‘No one to moan at,’ I said, rolling my eyes.

  ‘No one to drain my wallet or complain about my cooking.’

  ‘After staying with Sarah, I’ll never do that again. There’s only so many things you can do with a tin of tuna.’

  Mum laughed. ‘She always was a terrible cook.’

  ‘You do know that Kai has come crawling back to her.’

  I told he
r what I had witnessed in the caravan.

  ‘If it makes Sarah happy, then I’m not going to criticise.’ Mum fixed me with one of her stares. ‘Besides, she’s worked wonders with you.’

  ‘You mean I’m speaking again.’ I stuck my tongue out.

  ‘You look different, seem more confident. I can’t explain it. I suppose you’ve grown up a bit.’

  I took a deep breath. I was dying to tell her all about my summer and about Gabe. But I knew that it wasn’t the right time.

  ‘I’d like to make a fresh start here, Mum. There’s a great local school and I will be sixteen in September. I can work in the bookshop or at the café. If Kai won’t let me stay here, then I’m sure I could find a cheap flat. I’ve got lots of friends around here that will look out for me … Please.’

  Mum took lots of sips from her tea before she said, ‘Are you sure you won’t get homesick? I had arranged a place for you at another school in London.’

  ‘Of course I will, but you and Marcus can visit lots and I can come up to London. I know that I can make a go of things here.’

  ‘I’ll give it some serious thought, but I need you to be honest with me about that credit card business.’

  So I was. It seemed so inconsequential to me now. I even told her about Rebecca and the ring and I told her about what Lord Netherby had done.

  Mum leaped up from her chair. ‘I’m going to get on that phone and make Mrs Kelly take you back.’

  ‘Don’t do that, Mum. Like I said, I’m not sure I want to go back there anyway.’

  I let Mum seethe for a while and groan on about how bad everyone at the school had made her feel and how sorry they were going to be. She finished off her tea and slammed the mug down on the table, saying, ‘I always thought that Mia would be at the bottom of it.’

  ‘So don’t send me to a school that is populated by Mias, then! I don’t want to go back to a place that’s obsessed with exam results and where I have to feel so grateful for being allowed into in the first place, because I’m not quite rich or clever enough. I want to go to a place that values me and my strengths.’

  Mum stared at me for a long time before saying in a soft voice, ‘Wow! You really have grown up.’