Smile, Alice
Page 9
My cheeks start to warm, and he catches the building blush as I feel it.
“I know time is precious to you, all I’m asking for is a little piece of it when Joel is asleep.”
I’ve opened my eyes, all I need to do now is keep them open.
“I can do that,” I nod.
“Shall we start with wine?” he asks, nodding to the bottle in my hand.
I pass it over to him and watch as he goes about pouring us a glass. I slip out of my jacket and kick off my shoes.
I move to sit on the sofa and I pull a cushion onto my lap. He joins me, angling his body so he is facing me with one of his legs tucked under the other.
He hands over my glass and raises his, “By the end of this tour, I will know everything about you, beautiful Alice.”
I tap his glass with mine and smile, “Good luck,” I whisper.
Chapter Ten
I spend more time doing my hair and makeup this morning than I usually do, and I stare at my smile in the mirror. It’s not that I hated Damon when we first met, I hated the reason we were around him.
I’ve come to believe that nothing bad can happen around him. He’s making me feel safe and secure and I haven’t felt anything remotely close to safe since before my dad died. I was the one who made sure Joel felt safe and kept my own insecurities to myself.
Joel is in the living area with River when I make it out dressed and ready for the day. Damon is nowhere in sight.
“Good morning,” I chirp, sitting on the sofa next to River.
“I’m stealing your brother again for the morning,” River informs me.
“Is that right?”
“I’ll have him back by noon, one at the latest.”
“Where are you going?”
“Back to the studio, I need to work on some shit I didn’t finish yesterday, and Joel wants to tag along.”
I go to open my mouth to say he can go but River jumps in.
“Maggie is coming too. He’ll have his phone on him, so you can call at any time.”
Damon walks into the room and I have no interest in talking to River any longer. He’s fresh from the shower and his hair hangs around his shoulders, damp and gorgeous.
“What’s going on?” he asks, keeping his eyes on me as he moves around the room and leans on the back of Joel’s chair.
“Joel and I are heading back to the studio, you’ll have to keep Alice entertained.”
“Are you okay with that?” Damon asks me.
“It’s fine.”
It’s the first time anyone has asked if I’m okay with anything and it feels good to have Damon on my side for once.
Joel is the first one to stand and River shortly joins him, and then they’re leaving, before I change my mind I suppose, leaving Damon and I alone.
The door closes after River and the silence becomes awkward. Every second that passes with unspoken words, is another second my muscles tense and I want to run and hide in my room.
He starts to laugh and rubs the back of his neck, staring down at the floor.
“What’s so funny?” I ask.
“Nothing,” he blatantly lies.
“You must find something funny, or why laugh?”
I stand up, feeling self-conscious in this situation. I cross my arms over my chest and hold on tightly.
He walks over to me, I brace myself for a kiss, but it never comes. He’s close enough to feel his warmth radiating from him, but that’s as close as he gets.
“You make me nervous,” he admits.
“I do?”
No wonder he laughed, it’s fucking hilarious I’m making him nervous. He’s the rock star, I’m a no one from England. I’m the one who is and should be nervous.
“Yeah, it’s been a long time since I haven’t had the first idea how to do this.”
“It sounds like every relationship I’ve had and I’m definitely nervous around you.”
He comes in for a kiss, and I lean into him. I don’t push him away and I fight every instinct that is screaming at me to find an excuse why this shouldn’t happen. His lips are warm and as soft as silk. Tenderly, he deepens the kiss and sweeps his tongue over mine. Adrian was taller than me and when we kissed, I would have to lean up on my tip-toes. It always made me feel like I had to work for the kiss, that I had to take it from him. With Damon, he bends his knees a little and takes the kiss from me and it’s the hottest experience I’ve had in my life. My hand slips around his neck and I pull him against me, every inch we’re apart feels like a mile.
He breaks the kiss and rests his forehead against mine.
“Why don’t we go out for breakfast?”
“Breakfast?”
I don’t get it, was he thinking of food whilst I was thinking of needing every part of him connected to me?
“Yeah, breakfast. If we stay here I might ruin this again by going too far, too fast. I’d like one kiss with you that doesn’t end up with one of us leaving.”
“Okay.”
As usual, we are driven around with Harry as our escort and he sits up front with the driver. Damon doesn’t let go of my hand and it’s scary how natural it feels to be connected to him.
The diner isn’t far from the hotel and it’s nice to be a woman, going for breakfast with a guy, with no responsibility for an hour or two.
“How many relationships have you had? Back in the hotel, you kinda made it sound like you had a few.” Is the first question he asks when we’ve sat down and ordered.
“Three,” I sip from my coffee and carry on, “Paul Morton when I was fifteen, we lasted for three months. Then there was Seb Fletcher when I was seventeen, that lasted for eight months and then there was Adrian, which I’ve already told you about. So not as many as you think.”
Our food arrives, and my mind is still with Adrian. He led me to believe he was the love of my life, turns out, I was a free house for him to live in, so he didn’t have to live at home with his parents and I was a slave who cleaned and cooked for him.
“What about you? How many relationships have you had?”
“One, it was back in high school. She went off to college and couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t go with her. I knew we’d make it big with our music, I couldn’t go to school, so we broke up.”
“So, you haven’t been in a relationship for eight years?”
“Nope.”
“She’s married now and has a little girl.”
“You keep tabs on her?”
“Not really, River tells me things sometimes. She is his sister.”
Oh.
“What about that girl back in LA, Luce?”
He rolls his eyes and tries to hide his amusement.
“She has never been anyone to me. There’s always women hanging around and she’s one who always seems to be around when we’re in LA.”
“Does she know that? The way she treated me when I couldn’t stand to look at you was completely uncalled for. It would’ve been easy to assume you were together.”
“You handled yourself well enough though,” he chuckles, “they all get jealous and territorial. I block them out most of the time. I haven’t not had a girlfriend on purpose, I’ve just never met anyone who makes me think about anything else besides music. Until now.”
Is it possible to believe this guy is telling the truth? I lost count of the times Adrian told me something because he knew it was what I wanted to hear. Still, I keep my eyes open and roll with whatever happens.
Nothing will hurt as much as losing Joel, so if it turns out Damon is another guy with another spiel of bullshit, the heartache will be lost in grief.
“You’re not my usual type,” I admit to him.
“You’re not mine, but I think I’ve been wrong about that for a long time.”
“You’re a rock star, in a rock band, famous all around the world.”
“And you’re a star, who’s shining so fucking bright I can’t see anything else but you. Rock stars can come and go, but you, you’re a once in a li
fetime find.”
He takes my breath away. I soak in every word and lower my eyes from the intensity that is creeping over me and taking root in my heart.
“I know Joel’s told you about our parents,” I say, desperately wanting to change the conversation, but I don’t know where I was going with this new line. Talking about my mum and dad isn’t something I normally bring up myself, unless I’m with Joel.
“He talks more about your dad than your mom.”
“He used to miss her when he was younger but now he’s older, he understands more, he’s angry with her. He hasn’t cried over her in a long time.”
“Does she know about his illness?”
“Yes,” I say, stabbing my fork into the stack of pancakes, “She still lives in the house we all lived in. When he was first diagnosed I was eighteen and I had just become his legal guardian. I wasn’t leaving foster care without him, our social worker helped us out a lot and as long as I got him to school, kept him safe and fed, they left us alone. We had our first home in eight years and because I had everything for him, I stupidly believed she would want to see him without having to have the responsibility over him. I put aside my hatred for her and went to see her. She had the nerve to pretend she didn’t recognise me and tried shutting the door in my face.”
It still makes my blood boil as it did that day on her doorstep. The doorstep my dad taught me how to tie my shoelaces on.
“What did you do?”
“I couldn’t face going in the house, so I put my foot in the doorway and refused to move until she heard me out. I blurted it out that Joel was sick and needed a mother. She kept repeating she didn’t have any children. I thought I couldn’t hate her any more than I already did, but that day, I wished it was her who had cancer. Joel was only six years old when she gave us away, how could she picture his little round face and not care he was sick?”
“He doesn’t need that selfish energy around him.”
I couldn’t agree more with him.
“For the last three years, I vowed I will never go back to her and I’ve looked after him.”
“You’ve done him proud, he loves the shit out of you.”
“It’s been the two of us for so long, I’m all he’s known. It’s why I found it so hard when you showed up.”
“I do understand,” he assures me.
I can’t talk about this anymore.
“What about your family?”
“I grew up in California with my parents and two sisters, my grandmother lived with us too. They still live there but my sisters moved away. Lacey is married and has a kid on the way up in Seattle and Jamiee is a party girl here in Chicago. You’ll get to meet her tonight at the show.”
Nerves hit me, but I smile my way through them and finish my coffee. Neither of us say a word while he finishes his breakfast and when we leave, he buys me a rose from a flower stall on the corner of the street.
The car pulls up and he opens the door for me. I slide across the back seat and he does too. He hands me the rose and says, “The colour reminds me of your cheeks when I make you blush.”
And again, I feel my cheeks burn under his compliment.
“How can you keep up with this?” I ask Joel.
His page is going crazy, notifications keep pouring in and if he’s not reading through them, he’s replying to comments, and typing out messages. If he hasn’t got his new phone in his hand, he is on his laptop.
“It’s easy, I love it,” he beams.
He has over two hundred thousand followers now and the support never stops. People from all over the world are sending their prayers for him and it warms me to know not everyone is cold and selfish.
“He’s taking all our fans,” Baz laughs.
The band is currently having a meeting around the table in our suite and Joel and I are keeping to ourselves on the sofa. I smile at Damon because he’s made all of this possible.
“He’s gone viral, it’s good for his page and fantastic for the band,” Slate adds, setting off warning bells in my mind.
Damon stiffens and looks over to me. Thankfully, my phone goes off and I ignore everyone in the room.
I dig around in my bag and see I have a message from Adrian when I pull my phone out.
I lean back and read what he has to say, then I nearly choke on the air in my lungs when his audacity nearly gives me a heart attack.
I read it again and open the attachment. It’s a newspaper article from back home covering Joel and his illness and his wish.
‘Hope Joel is doing okay, let me know when you’re home. I’ll stop by and spend some time with him.’
He isn’t worming his way back in, if he couldn’t be there for Joel during his worst times, he certainly isn’t going to be there during times he has a little fame of his own.
“What does he want,” Joel asks, looking over my shoulder.
“I’d like to know myself,” I mutter, getting up and walking into my room.
I punch in his number and press the phone to my ear. I haven’t spoken to him since I kicked him out last year. I knew I had made the right decision when he didn’t fight for me at all.
God knows what he’s going around telling people, I need to put a stop to this notion of him seeing Joel right now.
“Alice?” he answers on the third ring, sounding surprised to hear from me so soon.
“Why do you want to see Joel? You haven’t bothered with him for months,” I jump straight in and demand to know.
The door slowly opens, and I turn around to see Damon stepping in and closing the door behind him.
“I saw him in the paper and his page is everywhere on Facebook. He’s looking good.”
“Again, why are you bothering?” I snap.
I don’t care what he has to say now.
The line goes quiet and I’m surprised he hasn’t hung up, not wanting to deal with me in this mood. He used to hate it when I wanted to talk or moaned about him not helping out around the house.
“You saw him in the paper and you’re being your usual selfish self. Lose this number and stay away from us when we get home.”
I hang up and refrain from throwing the phone at the wall.
“Joel said you got a message from your ex, what did he want?”
“He sent me this,” I say, showing him, “he wanted to see Joel when we get home.”
“Everyone crawls out of the woodwork when your face is everywhere.”
“He’s not seeing him,” I say, adamantly.
“You don’t need to think about that now, and it’s not like Joel wants to see him.”
“You’re right.”
He lowers himself to my height and it does nothing to make me feel any less small against him. It becomes difficult to breathe as he tips my chin up so I have no choice but to stare into his eyes and he moves in and presses his soft lips to mine. He doesn’t move for a moment, not until I move, and he sweeps his tongue along my bottom lip, pleading for me to open for him. I do, and I’m helpless as his mouth covers mine. I can’t remember the last time someone kissed me just to kiss me without pushing to go further. In my experience, a kiss has been a means to getting between my legs. Damon kisses me like he can’t stop himself.
I’m being devoured by him and it’s pointless to fight it.
“I’m always right, never forget it,” he whispers into my mouth.
So cocky.
A knock on the door interrupts us but neither of us break away from each other.
“Yeah?” he calls out.
“Your darling sister has arrived,” a light, floaty voice sing songs through the door.
Damon takes my hand and presses his lips to my forehead.
“Jamiee can be a little much, just know she has a heart of gold and she is just a happy person.”
Frowning, I wonder if I’m that bad, for him to think I’m against happiness or something.
“I’m not rude to everyone.”
“Yeah, you are,” he chuckles.
She throws her arms around Damon and using one arm, he hugs her back. I tug on his hand, trying to give him the space to greet his sister, but he tightens his hold.
He steps back and ends up slinging his arm around my shoulder.
“You’re early, you said you was meeting us before the show.”
“I was passing by and decided I’d ride with you guys,” she says, then she spots me.
“Hey, I’m Jamiee. His sister.”
Her smile is huge and it’s hard not to genuinely smile in return.
“I’m Alice, his sister,” I say, nodding towards Joel.
She spins on her tip-toes and throws herself on the sofa next to my brother.
“I’ve seen your handsome face all over the internet,” she smiles brightly at him and it seems bright red blushing runs in our family.
“It’s nice to meet you, Joel Butler.”
“It’s, um…nice to meet you too,” he stumbles out.
Joel thinks she’s pretty, I can tell.
“Is he crushing on my sister?” Damon whispers in my ear.
“You’re crushing on his sister,” I remind him, “At least he isn’t old enough to do anything about it.”
Rolling his eyes, he entwines his hand with mine and pulls me in front of him and then wraps his arms around me.
“I’m crushing hard,” he whispers in my ear.
I can’t stop the smile from spreading across my face, and I ignore the little voice in the back of my mind that’s mocking me, telling me a rock star could never fancy me. Being around so many people who are here for Joel allows me time to enjoy these moments of joy and happiness and I intend on enjoying every moment.
“So, big brother, mom will be interested to hear about what I’m seeing right now,” she says, eyeing the two of us being so close.
I slink out of his arms, now uncomfortable in the embrace, and fall into the armchair. Jamiee laughs to herself, it doesn’t sound malicious, so I don’t feel the need to bite down on my tongue from slinging a comeback at her.