Love Me in Shadows

by Tess Harper

  David gives me the kind of grin that I've come to know means he's silently laughing inside.

  "You're so mean," I tell him.

  "I am?"

  "Yeah. You're laughing at me."

  "I'm not laughing," he says. Unfortunately, stringing that many words together does make him chuckle at the end.

  "See?"

  "Yeah." He takes a deep breath. "I knew how cute you were was gonna get me in trouble."

  I don't have a response for that.

  David catches my hand. "I wish I was going with you tonight."

  I squeeze his hand. "Me too."

  "You sure they won't let you take a roadie?"

  I cock my head to the side, grinning. "Just for a cello?"

  "Hey, these hands are precious," he whispers, bringing my knuckles to his lips.

  I shiver everywhere. The softness of his lips remind me of the way he kissed, and...Oh God I'm making fish face again!

  "Is something wrong?"

  Great. Fish face strikes again. "No, I'm just worried about tonight."

  "You're going to do great."

  "I hope so."

  He gives my hand a squeeze. "I know so. What you should really be worried about is your Music Theory final. I think I'm finally going to score higher than you."

  "Yeah right," I say haughtily, then amend, "but even if you do, it's only because I've been too busy to study as thoroughly as I should."

  He puts his hand over his heart dramatically. "Oh Laura, you're not even going to let me enjoy beating you this one time?"

  "You haven't beat me yet!"

  "But I have a chance."

  "Only because I'm super busy, so does that even count as you really beating me?"

  He laughs. "You're so cruel."

  "No I'm not! I would be cruel if I still beat you on that final despite my hectic schedule and decided to rub in the fact that I won."

  He sighs and stops laughing. "You're going to do that, aren't you?"

  I can't help but grin. "Hey, only if I beat you, which I probably won't because you're studying so hard, right?"

  "You know, I am studying pretty hard. Maybe you shouldn't be so confident."

  "Really? Want to bet?"

  My heart skips a beat. His eyes fill with heat. "If I win, I'll take you out somewhere to celebrate," he says.

  I know I should say something, but my words fail me. I'm instantly transported back into that moment. I remember how large he was in my hand, the feeling of his skin gathering beneath my palm as I gripped him and pulled up. I remember the vow he somehow kept: I'll only kiss you. And I remember how deep a kiss can be. How a single kiss can shatter you. The reverent look in his eyes as he looked up at me, between my legs, tongue gently exploring the most sensitive areas of my body.

  He steps closer. I step back. "Okay," I whisper, "but if I win, then I get to cook you something. Maybe at your place."

  David goes still, but his eyes burn with such intensity that for a second I think he's going to push me up against the lockers and take me right here in front of everybody. It's just wrong how much that thought thrills me.

  "You know, I'm kind of hoping that you'll beat me now." He flashes a cocky smile. "Good luck tonight, Laura. You're gonna do great, I wish I could be there to see it."

  ***

  I try to sit still as Dolly and Anna fuss over my makeup while Cassie reads the "To be or not to be" speech from Hamlet out loud for inspiration. My left leg starts to shake around "puzzles the will." Unfortunately, it is at this moment that Anna is leaning over with the mascara wand. I hit her shin, and the mascara wand she's holding hits my eye.

  "Damn!" I blink rapidly as Dolly and Anna grab my hands before I can ball them up and rub my eyes.

  "Ouch," I whine.

  Anna looks like she's about to cry. "Sorry."

  "It's not your fault," I tell her. "Cass is the one who did it."

  Cassie scowls. "What the hell? No I didn't. Anna did."

  "Anna did that because I kicked her," I begin.

  "Then it's your fault," Cassie replies.

  "No it isn't!" I claim. "I only kicked her because the speech you're reading--which I do not understand, by the way--is depressing me."

  "So why didn't you kick me then?" Cassie asks.

  "Get over here and I will!"

  "Alright you two!" Dolly yells. "Anna, jojoba oil and cotton balls, stat. And Cassie, I also have no idea what your babbling about, but I'm pretty sure it's the worst motivational speech in the history of ever."

  I shut my eyes and take a deep breath. "Yeah. I don't want to suffer any slings or arrows tonight. Seriously, if I suffer something like that, then something went seriously, unbelievably, outrageously wrong."

  "I'll agree that the content isn't inspiring, but isn't it inspiring to hear what many consider to be one of the greatest soliloquies in the English language?" Cassie defends.

  "No," Dolly, Anna and I yell at her.

  Cassie pouts. "This is no fun. You guys get to do her makeup and I'm stuck in the corner."

  "Didn't you say you had a paper to write?" I ask.

  "Yeah but..." she throws the book down and shoots up. "Alright Anna, hand over the eyeliner. I'm gonna fix the mess that Hamlet made."

  Dolly laughs. "Your blaming this on Hamlet now?"

  "Yeah, that guy was a dick," Cassie says as she drops down on one knee. "Fuck. Do we still only have fifteen minutes?"

  "Oh my God, that is so not helping," Dolly says.

  "Does it really look that bad?" I ask, trying to keep my stabbed eye from watering and failing miserably.

  "Don't worry. We'll fix it." Anna soothes.

  Guess I look like shit.

  Still, they somehow pulled through. Two minutes before my ride shows up I have my purse slung over my shoulder and am at the door, saying goodbye to my friends.

  I kiss Dolly on the cheek. "I can't believe I'm doing this," I whisper.

  "Oh, it will be wonderful," she laughs, pushing me to the door. "I can't believe they're offering you so much money."

  "It makes me feel uncomfortable," I admit.

  "It should make you feel rich!" Cassie does her best to sing. It doesn't end well. "You're taking all of us out to dinner when you get back."

  "And coffee in the morning!" Anna adds. "Oh, I wish I could go. Singing on a boat! It all sounds so romantic."

  "Yeah. Romantic. You might need this," Dolly mutters, handing me an antique fan. "Swat away any old man's hands if he decides to show you a little romance."

  I laugh.

  "She's gonna need something much bigger than that if she wears the dress they gave her," Cassie says.

  My cheeks turn red at the mention of the dress. As red as that dress, in fact. I'd done my best to forget that I was wearing it, which was a feat considering it hugged every inch of my body, leaving nothing to the imagination.

  "Oh, stop teasing her you guys," Anna says, pulling me into a hug. "We're all just so happy for you."

  I can't help but smile. At first, all the happiness directed at me made me feel like an egotistical bitch. Then Dolly pointed out that it's even more bitchy to pout when good stuff is happening to you, especially if the good stuff is stuff others would kill for. So, I decided to graciously enjoy all the warm and squishy feelings coming my way.

  "Remember to breathe," Dolly says.

  "But don't make a fish face!" Cassie adds.

  Dolly pushes her shoulder. "She does not look like a fish."

  "Yes she does!"

  "No she doesn't!"

  "I'll breathe and won't look like a fish," I tell them.

  Anna pulls me into a hug. "I love you. Knock 'em dead!"

  "Thanks you guys." We have one last group hug before heading downstairs.

  Chapter 28

  The ride to the boat is like a dream. It had just stopped raining, and the dazzling city lights sparkle in puddles. The driver held the door open for me and then carried my cello to the car. He was an older, jovial
gentleman with a British accent and made me feel like royalty.

  Once we're on our way, I pull out my phone. Dolly has already sent a text. How's the car?

  I grin and lean back into the comfy leather seat. Amazing u guys would be jealous.

  We are. Anna is watching Overboard 2nite instead of Notebook.

  Grinning, I lean my head against the window. There's something so comforting about being driven in a car like this at night--not that I've ever had much experience with such luxury, of course. My mom's car had cloth seats, a funky Chinese-food smell that had never gone away, and an air conditioner that had blown out lukewarm, musky air in the summer. The last time I was in a car this nice was...

  My stomach drops. Why did I have to think about that?

  My phone vibrates with another text. My friends are all starting the movie now and want me to call when I'm done. I tell them I will, then zip up my phone in my purse.

  The dream ride continues, but it no longer holds the same magic. I'm cold and the world seems less beautiful. It's lonely in a city. It's unpredictable. Success never comes easy, and everyone with a dream silently and secretly worries that it will never come true--or worse, that once they have it, it will be stolen from them.

  ***

  The yacht is bigger than a city block and a sparkling, angelic white. The windows glow with warm, soft lights. Most of the guests have already arrived. Small, white floor lights light the way from the dock to the boat. A man named Bernard takes my cello and belongings and leads me to a room I can only describe as a ballroom.

  The wall to my left, at the front of the ship, is just windows. Chandeliers hang from a vaulted ceiling. Women and men sip champagne that well-dressed caterers pass out on silver platters.

  I'm suddenly aware of what I'm wearing. It's too red. It looks trashy. I'm the entertainment, not one of them. "Are you sure I'm supposed to be here?"

  Bernard nods. "Your room isn't ready yet. Wait here."

  My room? Why did I need my own room? "I can share with one of the other performers..."

  "I'll take your purse and your cello and be back for you in a few moments."

  This made no sense. "Why can't I come with you? Wait!"

  Bernard is already walking off, leaving me in the most grandiose room I've ever been in.

  Well, great. I hug my chest and inch towards the edge of the room by the staircase, doing my best to ignore everyone else in the hopes that they will follow suit.

  I feel the man's gaze before I see him. A familiar cold settles over my body, making every hair stand on end. I breathe faster.

  Don't look.

  I lean against the wall, eyes wide. He couldn't possibly, I mean, what were the chances?

  If the chances are that slight, you don't have to check. You're late, anyway. Just walk away.

  I don't. My palm scrapes the linen wallpaper as it curls into a fist. Slowly, I glance over my shoulder.

  It's hard to determine the man's age. Early thirties, maybe. There's something confident about his posture, something sexy and mysterious in his angular, austere face. His cold, cruel blue eyes cut through me.

  I freeze.

  The corners of his lips curl into a small yet predatory smile as he raises an amber glass and nods in my direction.

  Go Laura. Now.

  He takes a sip. I feel myself blushing. Feel heat fill my veins as if I, too, had taken a sip. But that warmth quickly fades between an icy apprehension.

  His large knuckles are a gray-green from ugly, faded bruises. He wears no rings. I wonder why I noticed that. His cuff-links are the color of silver. They make his dark eyes and too-pale skin look even colder.

  My heart races. I've stared for too long to leave now. He'll know I'm running. And that look he's giving me leaves no doubt in my mind that this is a man who loves to chase.

  He pushes past his party without even murmuring an excuse. The men around him look troubled, but say nothing. They must be used to it.

  Even as I slide down the wall, back towards the door Bernard disappeared behind, I can't take my eyes off his. He shifts through the crowd as if stalking me. Shadows from the other guests fall over his face and chest. His own shadow turns the red floor purple.

  My heartbeat throbs in my throat. The small of my back hits a doorknob. It's the door I came from. I can open it and slip inside. I squeeze it, trying to turn it, but it doesn't budge.

  It's locked. I'm stuck with him. And now I can't hide my fear from this predator--or the fact that I tried to run.

  I shut my eyes, hoping the man who told me to wait will return for me. I don't even fully understand why I'm afraid--why the man in front of me looks so serious and is so attuned to me.

  I feel his shadow close in over me and smell expensive cigars.

  "Hello." The voice is deep and raspy, as if he's smoked a pack a day since he was fourteen, and thick with a Russian accent.

  My heart beats faster. I press my back into the door, grasping the doorknob to keep upright. It isn't my lover's voice, but because of the accent it's familiar. The memory of how much I still want him--the realization of how much I still need him--makes me open my eyes.

  My breath catches as my tongue flicks across my bottom lip.

  "You look upset," he says, softer.

  Every cell in my body begs me to look away, but I can't. Something about him captivates and frightens me. I've always found blue eyes unsettling on a man, especially ones as cold and steely as cuff links.

  "I just feel out of place." It's an honest, if incomplete, answer. My heels are too high. They make my ankles feel like they are already shaking. The red dress is so thin and slight that it almost feels like I'm wearing nothing. My skin prickles underneath the fabric from the cold air. I can even feel the air circulating between my thighs.

  "Why?" The man asks. The sincerity in his tone would have made me laugh if I wasn't so afraid. The room is full of women in furs and designer dresses. Jewels are draped from their necks and wrists. They also wear heels, but their ankles don't wobble as they walk.

  "I feel ridiculous standing here, dressed like this," I admit.

  "Then maybe you shouldn't stand," he murmurs.

  A chill creeps down my arm as he touches my shoulder. What the hell is this man suggesting? Why is he touching me?

  His lips part the hair by my ear. "Dance with me."

  It isn't a question. I grip the doorknob behind me tighter. My breathing quickens. "I'm not supposed to leave this spot."

  He takes a step back, momentarily retreating so I can see his predatory smile. "Bernard won't mind if I steal you for a bit."

  "Steal me for a bit?" I repeat.

  "Yes." He moves his hand from my shoulder to the small of my back. "Are you frightened, little Nightingale?"

  Little Nightingale? I am frightened. It wouldn't surprise me if I looked frightened, too. But I probably don't look nearly as frightened as he looked creepy.

  I let go of the doorknob and sidestep out of his reach. "I am just a singer."

  He closes in on me again. "Are you?"

  What he hell is that supposed to mean? "Look, I don't mean to offend you..."

  He grins. "But you're going to?"

  "Well, I don't know for sure, but I just don't mean to, if I do..." I was babbling, and the light in his eyes suggested he enjoyed it. "Um, look sir--"

  "Sir," he interrupts. It isn't his voice that stops me from continuing, but the dark look in his eyes. "I thought I'd have to wait a long time to hear you call me that."

  Okay, what? WHAT? Why the hell did I let that Bernard guy take my purse? I need Dolly's fan!

  He chuckles. "You have such an expressive face. I'd love to get to know you a little better."

  Damn. I don't want him to enjoy this, whatever 'this' is. At least I don't think I want him to. "I don't think that's a good idea."

  "Does that mean you don't want to dance?"

  Yes! That's exactly what it means! "It just means that I don't want to get distracted.
I'm here to do my job, and then I need to get home." That's the truth. Mostly. I decide to leave out the fact I didn't want to get too close to this creeper.

  He smiles again, and I get the feeling that he's thinking of his words. They come slowly. "I'll remember that, little Nightingale."

  His strange endearment leaves me cold. Thankfully, the door I'd previously clung to for dear life opens. The man who brought me here--Bernard--pokes his head out.

  Bernard looks at me, then at my strange suitor. "Am I interrupting something?"

  No! Take me to the dressing room!

  "Unfortunately, no," the man says. He gives me a thoughtful glance. "I look forward to your performance."

  Well, it doesn't creep me out at all that his guy will be watching.

  The man then leaves without looking back and walks into the center of a group of smiling, chatting people. He says something when he joins them, and they laugh.

  Bernard touches my shoulder. "Miss?"

  I blush, realizing that I was staring, and allow Bernard to usher me through the door. It's almost time for me to sing.

  Chapter 29

  Since we're behind schedule, I only spend about fifteen minutes in the dressing room before Bernard takes me to the stage. The blood red material clings to my skin. I grip the black curtains as I wait on the side to go out. I want nothing more than to bite my lips, but I don't. They're painted red to match my dress so no one will look away when I sing.

  I wouldn't mind if people looked away--if they didn't watch at all--even though I'd never looked more beautiful in my life. But everything about this evening seems like a prettily dressed-up lie. I can't wait to get home.

  A large man with a happy disposition finishes his speech and holds out his arm. A spotlight swings to my side of the curtain. I think of my friends smiling, encouraging faces and what they'd say to reassure me.

  It's go time.

  Yes, that's exactly what Dolly would say. I step out with a small smile.

  My dress shimmers and constricts my movements as I walk out. The straps of my heels dig into my ankles. It kind of hurts. My smile falters. I try to think of my friend's faces again, but the spotlight shines too brightly in my eyes.

  It doesn't matter, Laura. There's no turning back.