Maybe This Christmas

by Sarah Morgan

  “It’s not your fault,” Brenna said quickly, but Jess wasn’t listening.

  “She’s married. She has another baby, and she still has to come rushing here when she thinks Brenna might be in a relationship with you. She can’t have you, and she doesn’t want anyone else to have you, either.”

  Tyler’s face was pale. “She wanted to see you.”

  “Dad, I’m not six years old. If she’d wanted to see me, she would have called me and told me she was coming. We both know she isn’t interested in me. She’s told me that so many times I’ve stopped counting, so stop lying and covering for her.”

  “I’m not covering, but I think relationships are often complicated and messy things. That’s why I’ve always avoided them.”

  Brenna felt as if she’d missed her footing and stepped off a cliff.

  She told herself that his words weren’t intended for her, that he was trying to comfort his daughter, but still it felt as if a dark cloud had suddenly appeared in the sky and cast a shadow over her happiness.

  “I hate her, and I never want to see her again.” Jess sprinted out of the room, and Tyler inhaled sharply.

  “Jess!” He ran his hand through his hair and cursed under his breath. Then he glanced toward Brenna, visibly torn.

  “Go.” She wrapped her arms around herself, thinking only of Jess. “She needs you.”

  “I’m saying all the wrong things.”

  “That’s not true. There’s no right way of smoothing out a situation like this one. All you can do is be there and listen.”

  “What about you?”

  “She’s the one that matters right now.”

  “You and I have to talk.” His gaze held hers, and she saw the uncertainty in his eyes.

  “She is the priority. I can take care of myself.”

  And they had nothing left to talk about, she knew that.

  The fact that he knew the truth about Janet didn’t change the basic facts.

  He didn’t want a relationship for the long term.

  He was never going to be able to get past that fear of commitment no matter how much she wanted him to.

  She had no doubt that this latest crisis with Janet would fade, but the real problem wasn’t Janet.

  It was Tyler.

  And no amount of talking was going to change that.

  * * *

  “SHE’S ASLEEP. FINALLY.” Looking wiped out, Tyler sprawled on the sofa and closed his eyes. “What a day.”

  “You’ve been up there for hours. What were you talking about?”

  “Everything. Her feelings. Janet. You.”

  “Me?”

  “She finally talked about the kids who have been bothering her at school. Finding out that Janet was the one who bullied you seemed to unlock something. It all came tumbling out.” He opened his eyes, blinking like someone who had walked out of darkness. “I’ve never felt so helpless. I wanted to drive down to the school and sort it out, but she doesn’t want me to do anything, which puts me in an impossible position. If I ignore her wishes, I lose her trust. I won’t risk that, but nor can I let this carry on.” He was silent for a moment. “I hate it when she cries. It feels as if someone is twisting a knife in my gut.”

  “She was crying?” Brenna was on her feet, as stressed as he was. “Should I go up and check on her?”

  “No. She wore herself out. She’s asleep on Luna. I left the door open a crack in case she wakes again.”

  “You let the dogs in the bedroom?”

  “If you’re going to lecture me on consistency in parenting, save your breath. And it was only Luna. I banished Ash. I was worried he’d wake her up.”

  “I’m the last person to lecture anyone. I think you’re doing a great job.”

  “Yeah?” His voice was loaded with self-derision. “If I’m doing such a great job, why do I have a kid upstairs who cried herself to sleep?”

  “That has nothing to do with you.”

  “Yes, it does. First Janet and now the bullies. I’m the reason they’re targeting her.”

  “Kids can always find a reason if they want one. Red hair. Glasses. Nerd. Tomboy.” Brenna paced across the living room. The lights of the Christmas tree were reflected in the huge window, the festive cheer a cruel contrast to the emotions in the room.

  “That was Janet’s excuse?” His voice was rough. “She called you a tomboy?”

  “We’re not talking about me.”

  “So let’s. Let’s talk about you. It’s a conversation that’s long overdue. Come here.” His voice was soft, and when she glanced across at him, her body heated as she saw the look in his eyes.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “If you don’t come here right now, I’ll come and get you. Your choice.”

  “Jess might wake up.”

  “I know. I’m not suggesting Christmas tree sex. Just a hug. I need one even if you don’t. Come and sit with me.”

  She did, and instantly felt better as he pulled her into the protective circle of his arms. She snuggled against him, needing his strength. “I feel terrible for Jess.”

  “Don’t. It was my fault she overheard. I should have been more careful.”

  “That wasn’t what I meant. I can’t believe Janet left her husband and baby at home and came here because she found out I’d moved in. It’s been years.”

  “I want you to tell me about it, but not if it’s going to make you feel worse. I’ve made enough women cry today.”

  “What do you want to know?”

  He pushed her hair back from her face, his hand gentle. “When did it start?”

  “I don’t remember. Early on. She was older than me so I didn’t see that much of her, but she used to wait for me after school. Once, she trapped me in the locker room to stop me meeting you. Eventually, a teacher came.”

  “They caught Janet?”

  “No. She told them the lock had broken, and she was trying to rescue me. By then I was so late I thought you would have left, but you hadn’t. You were still there. You teased me about staying late studying.”

  His arms tightened. “You should have told me.”

  “You would have said something to her, and that would have made it worse for me.”

  “I remember that day you came out of school with bruises.” His voice was low. “How often did she hurt you?”

  “Mostly it was psychological. She tried to undermine my confidence. I was Boring Brenna or Brenna the Boy because I didn’t have big boobs. She went out of her way to make sure I knew I wasn’t your type. ‘Flat chest and brown hair isn’t his thing. He’ll ski with you but he will never, ever, want to have sex with you.’ That’s what she said.”

  “I will kill her.” He spoke through gritted teeth. “Tell me you knew she was wrong.”

  “No, because I didn’t. Not for years. I carried those words around in my head, and they changed the way I related to you, and the way I felt about myself. For ages I assumed I wasn’t attractive at all. That no man would ever want to have sex with me.”

  He inhaled deeply. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”

  “That I didn’t feel sexy? How was that conversation ever going to happen? We didn’t talk about stuff like that. To borrow Jess’s favorite expression, it would have been an avalanche of awkward. And to be honest, I liked the fact you treated me the same way as your brothers.”

  “I had no idea you felt that way. You were always so confident.”

  “On the slopes, yes. I was a good skier. I was good at a lot of things, but my confidence in myself was really low.”

  “I thought you were a bit shy. I should have known. You were my closest friend, Bren—”

  “Yes, but I was in love with you. And I couldn’t talk abou
t it because I believed it.” She heard him mutter something under his breath but carried on. “Maybe that’s why I’ve never been good at the one-night-stand thing. I don’t know. All I know is that it took me a while to get over that and realize that sexy means different things to different people.”

  “You’re sexy, Bren.” Tyler lowered his mouth to hers. “Anytime you want me to prove how sexy you are, say the word.”

  She lifted her hand to his face, exploring the rough texture of his jaw. “I think that’s why she had sex with you that time. To prove she could.”

  “She came and found me. She knew where I’d be.” He held her gaze. “Is it too late to say I’m sorry?”

  “It’s never too late, but in this case it’s not necessary. You didn’t owe me anything. You didn’t know what was happening. We were friends, that was all.” She leaned forward and kissed him. “What happens now? Where is Janet staying?”

  “According to Jackson, a bed and breakfast in the village. And she’s on her own.”

  “So she really did leave her husband and baby to come here simply because she heard I’d moved in with you?”

  “Looks that way. I’d rather think she came here to see Jess.”

  “Do you think she’ll come back?”

  “I don’t know. I have to assume she will because she hasn’t seen Jess yet. I need to make sure I’m here when that happens. I feel as if I’m standing on top of a slope, knowing it’s about to avalanche. And I can’t do anything about it.” He pulled her closer. “One thing I’m sure about, though. I don’t want you to have to see Janet again.”

  “That’s in the past.”

  “I don’t think it’s in the past for Janet.”

  The tiny lights on the Christmas tree sent a warm glow across the living room.

  “Jess is the one we need to think about. Everything will settle down. This is difficult, but it will pass, and whatever happens with Janet, Jess knows she’s loved and that she has you and the rest of your family. We can’t let this spoil Christmas. If we do, then Janet wins.”

  “I’ll take Jess to meet her on neutral ground.”

  “There’s no need for that.”

  “Yes, there is. I can’t stop her seeing Jess, but I don’t want her anywhere near you.”

  “I can handle her.”

  “You didn’t last time. You hate confrontation.”

  “I chose the path of least resistance. That was my choice. And if I could put the clock back, I’m not sure I’d do anything differently. And neither would you. You wouldn’t change what happened because that would mean not having Jess.”

  “It’s a mess.”

  “It’s life. Life is messy. The bad comes along with the good, and you can’t always separate them. Let’s talk about something else. Have you bought Christmas presents for Jess yet?”

  “Yes. I think she’s going to be happy.” He slid his fingers under her chin, lifted her face to his and kissed her. “I still have a few gifts to buy. I don’t suppose you fancy writing a letter to Santa, do you?”

  Despite the turmoil inside her, he made her smile. “I haven’t done that since I was six years old.”

  “He’d appreciate some clues on what you want.”

  “I have everything I want.”

  It wasn’t true, of course, but the only thing she really wanted, she couldn’t have.

  She wanted to tell him she loved him, but she was afraid of his reaction so she bit back the words and held them locked away deep inside, just as she had the truth about Janet.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  BRENNA WAS IN THE kitchen making coffee the following morning when she heard a car pull up outside Lake House.

  Tyler had left an hour earlier to take a group of guests to ski powder, and it was too soon for him to be back.

  “Brenna!” Jess’s voice came from upstairs, shrill with panic. “It’s my mom! She’s here! At the house!”

  Her hand shaking, Brenna put the coffee mug down, walked to the hall and glanced out the window in time to see Janet stepping out of the car.

  “What is she doing here?” Jess hovered on the stairs, panic all over her face. “I don’t want to see her! I want her to go away. And you can’t see her, either. Don’t answer the door. We’ll pretend we’re not in. Can we do that? She hasn’t seen us. We could hide under the bed or something. I tried phoning my dad but he isn’t answering.”

  “He took that group into the glades as a favor to Jackson. There’s no signal.”

  Which meant she was the only one standing between Jess and a difficult encounter with her mother.

  You hate confrontation.

  It couldn’t be a coincidence that Janet was here. She’d picked a time when she knew Tyler would be out, presumably because she thought Brenna wouldn’t put up a fight.

  “Go back upstairs, Jess. I’ll talk to her and arrange a time for her to come back when your dad is here.”

  This was one confrontation she was not going to avoid.

  Jess looked appalled. “You can’t do that. She made you so unhappy. You shouldn’t have to speak to her.”

  “It was a long time ago, Jess. It’s in the past.”

  “No, it isn’t. She’s here because she wants to upset you. She wants to ruin things between you and Dad, I’m sure of it.”

  Brenna was sure of it, too, and part of her wanted to do as Jess suggested and stay hidden away until she heard Janet’s car drive away.

  Her stomach roiled at the thought of coming face-to-face with Janet after so many years.

  “Brenna?” Jess’s voice was shaky. “Can we hide?”

  Brenna turned her head and looked at Jess, saw misery and confusion and remembered the tears and her reddened eyes.

  “No. We are not going to hide.” Decision made, she pulled on a sweater. This time she didn’t need a dress, makeup or her mother to help her stand up and do what was right. “If you don’t want to come down, that’s fine, sweetheart. I’ll talk to her. You go back upstairs and stay with Luna.”

  “You can’t see her by yourself! She was so mean to you.”

  “She won’t be mean to me this time.” Brenna walked toward the door, anger licking through her veins.

  She stood for a moment, bracing herself to open it, and then she felt something nudge her leg and saw Ash looking up at her, his tail wagging.

  “Hey—” She lowered her hand to the dog’s soft fur and then opened the door.

  For the first time in over a decade, she faced her tormentor. Her first shock was how normal the other woman looked. Not a terrifying monster, but another human being. She was older and a little heavier, but apart from that, she didn’t seem to have changed much outwardly.

  “Hello, Janet.”

  Janet looked her over. “I came to see my daughter.”

  “It’s not convenient.” Brenna was studiously polite. “If you call Tyler, he’ll arrange a time that suits both of you.”

  Janet didn’t budge. “You haven’t changed at all.”

  Brenna thought of how she’d been back then and how she was now. Maybe not on the outside, but on the inside she knew she was different. “I’ll tell him you called. He’ll be sorry he missed you.”

  “So finally you’re living under the same roof as him. It’s what you always wanted.”

  “Drive carefully. The roads are icy.” She started to close the door, but Janet stopped her.

  “He is never going to marry you, you know that, don’t you? He’s never going to say ‘I love you.’”

  Ash pressed closer and Brenna put her hand on his head. “Goodbye, Janet.”

  Keeping an eye on the dog, Janet took her hand off the door. “You’ve been around all of his life, and I’m willing to bet that not once in all those years has he ever said
those words. He isn’t capable of it. You are wasting your time.”

  Even now, after so many years, Janet knew exactly which words would hurt the most, and it was like a physical blow. Reeling from it, Brenna almost closed the door but then remembered this wasn’t about her, it was about Jess.

  Standing a little taller, she met Janet’s gaze full on. “What Tyler says to me is none of your business, and who he has a relationship with is none of your business, either. And my time is mine to waste in any way I see fit.”

  “So he hasn’t said it.” But instead of looking smug, Janet’s eyes looked haunted. “Be careful he doesn’t get you pregnant. Don’t make the same mistake I did.”

  “Jess is a person, not a mistake. And you should be ashamed of yourself for saying those words to a child.”

  “It’s the truth. Having her ruined my life.”

  “It didn’t need to. There was help to be had if you’d asked for it.”

  Janet’s bag slipped from her shoulder. “My parents wanted nothing to do with me.”

  “But the O’Neils were there. They would have helped. They wanted to, but you pushed them away, and you did it to hurt them because you knew how much they all wanted Jess.”

  “They wanted Jess, not me, and I couldn’t stand to be tied to a man who didn’t want me. You thought I had no feelings for him, but I loved him, too.” Janet hauled the strap of her bag back onto her shoulder. “You were the one he spent all his time with. Every day after school you’d meet him and go off together. I saw you on weekends up on the mountain. Always together.”

  “You were jealous.” Brenna’s mouth was dry. It gave her no pleasure to have her suspicions confirmed. “That was why you hated me.”

  Janet’s cheeks were streaked with color. “I gave him the one thing I knew you wouldn’t, but afterward he got dressed in a hurry because he’d arranged to meet you. Do you know how that made me feel?”

  Why hadn’t it occurred to her sooner that the poisonous behavior might have had its roots in Janet’s feelings for Tyler?

  She’d been devastated, focused on her own survival.