Misty's Mayhem

by Robyn Peterman

  “I’m sorry. What the fuck?” I asked, sure I’d misunderstood.

  “Damn it,” the Pirate grumbled. “That was supposed to be a surprise for Tallulah. Now I’ve ruined everything.”

  “No worries, my love,” Tallulah said with a laugh and a shake of her head. “I’ll pretend I didn’t hear.”

  “Excellent,” Pirate Doug shouted. “Carry on.”

  It took me a second before I could find my voice after that one, but my Mermaid certainly had hers and she wasn’t playing around.

  “Demons are coming to the Mystical Isle?” Misty asked, getting right to the point while giving me the side eye.

  “What?” Poseidon bellowed. “Hades is sending demons here when my idiot son is partaking in the human wedding with his purple hooker?”

  “Was I just insulted?” Pirate Doug inquired, looking confused.

  “We both were, sweetie,” Tallulah said, lifting her middle finger to the God of the Sea while Wally slapped him upside the head.

  “Okaaaaaaay,” Poseidon said, ducking an expert right hook from Wally. “I might have phrased that a bit indelicately, but it’s a very fine question. And for the love of everything waterlogged. My pecker is in a cast. I think I deserve a little leeway here.”

  “Aye,” Thornycraft said, stepping between Wally and the Sea God before it degenerated into the need for a full body cast for Poseidon. “Hades isn’t sending demons. There’s a rip in the abyss. Them thar scurvy tar stains are slippin’ through.”

  “And how did that happen?” Misty asked.

  All eyes turned to me and waited. Shit. It was time for full disclosure.

  “It’s my fault,” I admitted. “The demons got through because there’s not enough love in the world.”

  “So I was right to fire you,” Poseidon announced jubilantly. “I mean, I didn’t know that at the time, but being right is great. You people feel me?”

  “I feel you, Pappy,” Pirate Doug chimed in. “Congratulations.”

  “Thank you, boy. So what are we going to do about this?” Poseidon demanded.

  “They’re coming for Cupid,” I started only to be cut off by a furious Tallulah.

  “Unacceptable,” she hissed, staring daggers at me.

  “Agreed,” I said quickly. “That’s why Misty will trade back my job to me. They will come after me and not her.”

  “No,” Misty said, standing up. “You could die.”

  “And so could you,” I ground out. “Not happening. You can have the job back after we defeat them. You’re better at it than I am anyway.”

  “But if you die, I’ll die,” she whispered in a choked voice

  All of a sudden I could only see Misty—the most beautiful person I’d ever seen. It was as if we were the only two people in the room—in the world. Everyone else ceased to exist in my mind—only Misty. She was the Mermaid I’d loved for half a century, but only realized it when it might be too late.

  “If you die, I can’t go on,” I told her as I crossed the room and took her hand in mine. “You are my raison d’être. Nothing will ever happen to you if I’m here to stop it. Period.”

  “This sucks,” Misty said. “I just found you.”

  “I’m yours. Nothing can change that now.”

  “Unless you die,” she pointed out.

  “Well, yes there is that,” I agreed with a laugh. “But as bad at being Cupid as I’ve become, I’m a fucking kick ass warrior.”

  “I can vouch for that,” Pirate Doug said as he tripped over his lacy shirt—or dress, interrupting the bubble Misty and I were in. “I’ve seen the bastard fight. It makes me look like a weenie and I’m a gods-damned nightmare come to life in battle.”

  Poseidon limped over since his cast was slapping his thighs every time he took a step. It made movement difficult and appallingly humorous. As the mostly naked imbecile circled us, his smile grew wider and wider.

  “You love her?” Poseidon inquired looking like a child at Christmas.

  “I do,” I answered him while keeping my eyes pinned to Misty.

  “And you love him?” Poseidon literally squealed to my Mermaid.

  “Umm… yes,” she muttered.

  “What?” I asked with a grin so big it hurt my cheeks. “I didn’t hear that.”

  “Fine,” she snapped and flipped me off. “I love you.”

  “My work here is done!” Poseidon bellowed and tried to do a jig, but his casted wanker hindered his dance. He hit the floor and landed face down. Every single male in the room cried out in phantom pain.

  But wait a fucking minute…

  “What do you mean your work here is done?” I ground out, yanking the Sea God up from the floor as my skin began to glow a menacing silver. “Did you set this up? You framed Misty? And me?”

  “Hold your seahorses, boy,” Poseidon grumbled, beginning to glow a shade of green that challenged my silver. “I’m in charge of DIC and you will show me respect.”

  “Sweet seahorse in a thong,” Pirate Doug screamed. “I’m passing on the fucking job if I have to be in charge of all the salamis in the Universe. I did not know that part of the God of the Sea job description. My arse is out.”

  “Divine Immortal Circuit,” Poseidon told his son with an eye roll.

  “I enjoy the circus, but dicks are out,” Pirate Doug replied.

  Everyone was silent for a moment as we digested that Pirate Doug would eventually be a God.

  “Answer the question, Poseidon. Were we set up?” I growled.

  “Yesssss, I set it up. Misty wore your magic. No one can wear the magic of a God unless they’re destined to be their mate, you nard. And both of you were too hard headed to admit the truth, so I just helped it along a little bit. You should be thanking me instead of showing disrespect,” he bellowed.

  That gave me pause. I didn’t like being played and I certainly didn’t like the thought of owing anything to a God whose Johnson was encased in plaster, but…

  “Thank you,” Misty said to Poseidon as she stepped forward and took my hand in hers. “You were right this time but if you ever pull anything like this again, I will have Wally do more than break your tallywhacker.”

  “And I will,” Wally announced with glee. “However, Poseidon’s good deed will be rewarded.”

  “With a blow job?” he asked Wally hopefully.

  And that’s when Wally knocked the God of the Sea out. It was incredible and a fine reminder to never get on Wally’s bad side. Ever.

  “So what the plan?” Tallulah asked as she stepped up next to her brain cell deprived Pirate.

  “Misty agrees to trade the job and we wait,” I said.

  “Misty?” Tallulah said and then waited.

  “I don’t want to do this, but I will. However, I’m telling you right now I will fight right alongside you and I won’t take no for an answer.”

  “I will fight with both of you,” Wally said. “Poseidon is down for the count due to his unfortunate accident, but his magic will come in handy.”

  Wally grinning naughtily and I was reminded yet again to stay on her good side. Always.

  “Aye, I will fight as well,” Thornycraft volunteered.

  “Aye, and me,” Bonar added.

  “Aye and me,” Upton said.

  “Keith and I will fight,” Ariel said, holding hands with her Selkie.

  “You bet your hairy asscrack,” Keith said, nodding his agreement.

  Closing my eyes for a brief moment, I decided to overlook the insult and pretend it was an endearment. My asscrack wasn’t hairy, but that was entirely TMI for this crowd. The simple fact that the passed out God of the Sea was wearing nothing more than a plaster cast on his Johnson was enough for today.

  “I’m in,” Madison said. “I’m always up for a good smackdown. I say bring it.”

  “I have an idea,” Misty said as her emerald eyes sparkled with excitement. “Since it’s love that’s missing, I say we make a few more matches and start filling the world with more love
.”

  “Yar a smart little swimmin’ hooker. More love in the air will weaken the evil worm riddled tar stains from hell,” Thornycraft told my Mermaid. “Yer mum and pappy would be real proud.”

  Misty launched herself at the Pirate and hugged him tight. Amazingly I wasn’t jealous in the least. It was clear that she loved him in a brotherly way and he loved her just as much. I had to admit, I liked the Pirate… or rather Sphinx as well. And as long as he cared for my Mermaid, I would care for him.

  “We all good?” I asked.

  “Hell to the yesssssss,” Madison said as she waved her hands in the air and armed herself from head to toe. “What about the humans?”

  Madison was a frightening sight and would scare the living hell out of her mate someday. I just hoped I lived to see it. And she’d made a fine point.

  “Either move them off the island or we put them in a Cone of Protection and tell them we’re filming a movie,” I said.

  “Perfect,” Madison said as she sprinted for the door. “This is gonna be great.”

  Gods, I certainly hoped so.

  14

  Misty

  “Isn’t this kind of weird?” I asked as I squatted next to Archer in the bushes.

  My skin tingled at our proximity and my body was hyper aware of the man next to me. I felt giddy with my newfound feelings and didn’t quite know what to do with them. It was slowly hitting me that he loved me… and that I loved him back. I’d always desired him, but now I wondered how it would feel to boink someone you loved.

  “Isn’t what weird?” Archer asked with a grin as we both scanned the humans at the breakfast buffet.

  “This,” I said with a giggle. “Us. Doing this together.”

  “I’d much rather be doing something else together, but this is better than nothing,” he replied as he handed me an arrow. “Have you hit a moving target yet?”

  “Nope.” I needed to stick to one-word answers. His silky voice made me lightheaded. I was at a serious risk of jumping him.

  “It’s a bit tricky. The arrows like to go straight, so you’ll need to judge the speed and direction of your victim and shoot slightly in front of them,” he explained.

  “Well, poop. What if I miss?” I asked, not liking this new wrinkle. I had great aim, but I wasn’t perfect by a long shot… pun unfortunately intended.

  “Then someone will fall in love with the sand or possibly a tiki torch, or Gods forbid, a plate of food,” he said with a laugh.

  “That is not funny,” I said, biting back another giggle. “Now I feel frozen.”

  Archer looked at me for a long moment and then held out his hand. “I never miss. I just pick shitty targets. How about you pick and I’ll shoot?”

  My stomach fluttered and a feeling of pure happiness washed over me. This was right—all of it. Him and me hiding in the bushes. Us falling for each other. The two of us working together to bring more love to the world. We were two pieces of a puzzle that finally fit together after many, many failed tries.

  “Deal,” I said, handing him the crossbow and planting a quick kiss on his lips.

  “I’ll give you the rest of eternity to stop that,” he said as his mouth curled into a smile that left me breathless. “However, if you really want to shoot a bunch of bizarre humans you need to keep those lips to yourself. We got screwed out of our boink session and my Johnson-man-tool is very unhappy right now.”

  “Hmm…” I said, glancing down at the front of his jeans and grinning. The bulge was impressive and my body reacted with a zing of lust. “He looks pretty happy to me. I mean, he’s standing up and trying to wave at me.”

  Archer’s head fell back on his shoulders and he groaned. “Are you trying to kill me, Mermaid?”

  “Nope, demigod,” I said as my lady bits began to dance a tango and my need for the man next to me increased more than I’d thought possible. “I can’t boink a dead demigod so hold those thoughts and let’s shoot some humans.”

  “Or you could jump me in the bushes and take full advantage of me,” he suggested with a lopsided smile that made my heart rate speed up considerably. “I’d be really, really, really okay with that.”

  “I’m sure you would,” I muttered and turned away from him so I wouldn’t take him up on his delightfully lewd offer. I would be really, really, really okay with it too, but we had a job to do. The boink-o-rama would have to wait.

  “Let’s match four couples and then we boink,” I bargained.

  “Two,” he shot back.

  “Three and you have a deal,” I told him with an eye roll and a sigh of happiness. He was all kinds of crazy and all kinds of mine.

  “Deal. Pick your first two victims,” Archer said, placing the arrow in the bow. “Let’s get the party started.”

  “Did you just quote Pink?”

  “Possibly,” he said. “Do you like Pink?”

  “Love her. And as a matter of fact, I think you’re fucking perfect,” I told him with a smirk.

  “Nice. You going to blow me one last kiss?” Archer inquired, enjoying the game.

  “Nope, I’m going to blow you kisses for the rest of eternity. That’s why when the demons come you’re not allowed to die.” I went from silly to serious on a dime. I meant every word I’d just said.

  “I have no intention of dying. I have too much to live for now,” he replied. “Now pick your victims, woman.”

  “Will do,” I said with a salute.

  His sexy half smirk jumbled my brain, but I took a deep breath and focused. This was important. Love was not a game. It was a gift and I was going to match the right humans.

  The resort guests milled and ate, but I found my first couple with ease. Not to mention, I’d chatted with them on several occasions during their stay. They’d seemed to have lost that loving feeling, but had clearly still stayed together.

  “Those two,” I whispered, pointing at Jim and Randy.

  “The men?” Archer asked, making sure I hadn’t screwed up.

  “Yep, they’re already together, but they need a little something to put the spice back into the relationship.”

  “Your wish is my command,” he said as he aimed and shot them both with one single arrow.

  “How did you do that?” I asked, shocked and wildly impressed. “That was unreal.”

  “I’m good,” he replied cockily. “I’m really, really good. You should try me sometime. I do believe you’ll enjoy it.”

  “You’re kind of an oversexed dork.” I bit down on my bottom lip to hide my delight. It was getting almost impossible to keep my hands to myself.

  “Yes, well… you do that to me.”

  “You’re welcome,” I said, brushing his arm with my breasts.

  His pained groan was music to my ears. I was so close to jumping his fine ass. Two more couples—just two. I could do that.

  “Hit the gal in pink and the guy with the blue baseball cap. They’ve been flirting the entire trip,” I instructed.

  Archer didn’t waste a second. “Done. Next?”

  My demigod was clearly as anxious as I was.

  “The pretty older woman in the yellow sundress. She’s a widow and she came with a bunch of other people from her bridge club. The distinguished gentleman in the red cardigan has it bad for her. Shoot ‘em and let’s get the hell out of here.”

  “Done. Wrap your arms around me. We’re taking a shortcut,” Archer insisted with wild, lust-filled eyes.

  “A shortcut?” I asked, doing as he asked. His body felt like magic beneath my fingertips and I couldn’t wait to peel away the layers.

  “Yep. Hang on.”

  “Holy chicken of the sea in a tsunami,” I gasped out on a squeal as I landed with a big bounce on my bed in a shower of red and silver sparkles. “You’re crazy.”

  “And horny,” Archer added as he removed his clothes with warp speed.

  “We could have walked. My suite wasn’t that far,” I pointed out, ripping my bikini top and sarong off with equal speed.r />
  “Why walk when you can transport? It’s faster.”

  “This is true,” I agreed as I stood up on the bed, took three good jumps and then launched myself at the gorgeous naked man who loved me.

  “That was fucking hot,” he murmured against my neck as he caught me and held me close.

  “Glad you caught me,” I said. “That could have been a game ender if you hadn’t. Not to mention seriously embarrassing.”

  “I will always catch you, Misty. Always. Close your eyes.”

  “Why?”

  “Just close them Mermaid. I have a surprise for you.”

  I did as asked. I felt the enchantment as it lazily floated through the room. It was warm and sultry on my bare skin. Every inch of my body tingled in anticipation, but I kept my eyes closed tight.

  “Open,” Archer whispered.

  Slowly I obeyed and gasped when I saw what he’d done. My bedroom was an exquisite, magical rose garden. A delicious smelling silver mist floated on the air and every inch of the room was covered in rose bushes and climbing branches of the beautiful flower. In shades of red, pink, and peach, the blooms swayed in the enchanted breeze.

  “Magic,” I whispered like a child, in awe of the sheer beauty.

  A carpet of petals was beneath my feet and the sunlight from the open window caught the glitter in the mist and made the scene surreal. Sliding out of Archer’s arms, I ran around my room and laughed with pure joy. Archer watched me with a smile on his face that would be burned into my memory forever.

  The sparkling sunlight danced on his naked body. Archer looked like a god come to life. Wait… he was a god.

  Was it possible to love someone so much? Could this feeling last? The most perfect demigod in existence watched me with eyes full of adoration and lust. I’d never felt so beautiful, so wanted—so powerful.

  “Will it always be like this?” I asked. “We could live for forever. Will this last?”

  Archer took my hand, laid me on the bed and settled himself next to me. We were nose to nose and I’d never felt so safe and happy.

  “Will we always be in the honeymoon phase? I honestly don’t know. However, from everything I’ve learned over the thousands of years I’ve been around, for the ones who get it right, love continues to grow into something words can’t explain.”