The Accidental Archmage

by Edmund A. M. Batara

  Seppo – Australian slang for Americans. A word with negative connotations when preceded by a cuss word. There is still controversy whether it’s a term of endearment when used as a single word. Additional comment contributed by reader Dave – Usually negative if placed after or before cuss words. Otherwise, it’s just another adjective, but a lot of the meaning can be picked up by the tone of voice.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Liam

  Tyler stopped in mid-rant. It was like having a pail of ice-cold water suddenly being poured on his head. He slowly turned and saw a bald young man kitted out in a hauberk moving towards the crest. He was not wearing the characteristic tall conical helms of his warriors. The lances and bows have been put away. Only a dozen warriors and four cloaked mages remained nearby. The rest of the warriors and mages were already moving in patrol formation across the landscape, though a group of around sixty had reformed as a single column on the other side of the low ridge. It appeared that the leader of the army, another visitor by all counts, was quicker on the uptake than he was. The mage belatedly signaled the companions to put their weapons away.

  The man moved towards Tyler, a huge grin on his face.

  “Hi, Liam. William Martin. An Aussie born and bred. I guess you’re a Yank. No one could cuss like that other than an American. Though strewth! I am sure glad to see you, mate. Thought I was all alone in this world. But you were mad as a cut snake. I can’t say I blame you. This is a shart of a land. Makes one go troppo if a bloke isn’t careful.”

  Tyler took the extended hand and shook it. He was still in a daze, and the man’s English didn’t make sense.

  “Havard. I mean Tyler. Tyler West. New Jersey.”

  Liam noticed Tyler’s lost expression.

  “Oh, sorry about that, mate. Will try to use proper Australian English. Though it could be a bit confusing. A mix of American and British terms. No official standard. The hell with it. Let’s try it without the slang. What I was saying was you were quite furious and shocked even your friends. And that be careful, mate, this world could drive one crazy.”

  “Sorry, man. I was just pissed off that much. Long story,” said Tyler.

  “LOL. That I could guess. Let’s sit here for a while. We can talk while my army does its business,” replied Liam.

  The two made their way to a large flat rock on the edge of the rise. Tyler could see Asem was full of questions. Wait your turn, girl, he thought. I have plenty of my own.

  “What’s this about your “army?” asked Tyler as they made themselves comfortable.

  “Dropped in about five months ago. Pissed as hell. I mean, drunk as hell. In the middle of a battle, no less. Found myself in a land called the Dual Monarchy of Sumer and Akkad. Priests wanted to make me a temple decoration of some kind. Yep, like I would allow them. Finally, some powerful guy intervened, called himself the god Enki, and told them to go screw themselves in no uncertain terms and instead make me the commander of the Fortress of Amelatu. That’s the big castle guarding the Pass of Lost Souls which leads from this region right to the Monarchy. The bastion also has a magical artifact preventing the energies of the Void Lands from passing through to human lands. So here I am, fighting bunyips, their brothers, cousins, and all their relatives.”

  “Bunyips?”

  “Oh, a mythical Aussie monster. I called all these creatures ‘bunyips.’ As if I know what they’re really called. Though all things considered, I could probably find a real bunyip here. Not that I would do such a stupid thing. I have enough on my hands. I’m snowed under already,” replied Liam.

  “Why you as commander?” asked Tyler.

  “That’s a funny one. There I was, in a stone room deep in the main temple and a figure appeared. He looked human enough and after the usual crap, asked me what I am good at. I was a professional gamer though we just lost an important Asia-Pacific qualifying game due to a botch. I said I played at war. Then he said I would do, that’s all. I guess that was Enki. Then I found out I was to be the commander of hundreds of thousands of soldiers. My first reaction was “sweet as!” and that’s “terrific!” for you Americans. Until I saw the enemy and the blood flowing,” Liam answered.

  “And what did you do?”

  “Made the best of a bad situation. At least that first battle was just a minor incursion, though thousands were involved. Retrained the men, came up with new weapons, defenses, and strategies. All those historical strategy games came in handy.”

  “Like what?” inquired the curious Tyler.

  “Barbed wire, razor wire, better and portable artillery weapons, heavy cavalry tactics, a lot of changes. Even those flames you probably saw in the distance. Those were not really magical spells – fire pots with naphtha made from coal tar and peat, or other such flammable substances. They have coal on this world, so I guess crude oil too. Put the mix in a pot, a flame rune on it as a detonator and catalyst, and boom! – a crude napalm bomb. Quite effective, especially when used in larger versions. But on this trip, we made do with portable ballistae. Faster rate of fire, but lower destructive yield. But it could easily overwhelm a magical shield when used in enough numbers,” explained Liam.

  “I guess the heavy cavalry was your idea?”

  “Most of it. They already got the concept from other civilizations, but the idea was badly executed. Add to that poor tactical use. What they had were mobile armored target models. Changed the armor configuration, lightened it, and uniformly applied the concept among selected cavalry units, increased the length and thickness of the lances, a brace on the saddle, plus the feudal tactics of knights coupled with magical protection, and we now have an armored battering ram. Smashes through most enemy formations in a conventional battle though the fight we wage is mostly defensive. But on the defense, barbed wire worked wonders, and I got them to adopt the rapid firing crossbows of the Zhong Empire. God! You should see the weird assortment of ballistae I developed. All designed to make short work of the beasties crawling or flying out of this land.”

  “How come you’re out here?”

  “That’s the weird part. Several days ago, a message came from the main temple instructing me to conduct what we call on Earth a reconnaissance in force to investigate weird goings-on near the fortress. If you can call reconnaissance a deep incursion action into this shart of a land. There’s no such thing as a deep recon into the Void Lands. The area of scrutiny being fifty or more kilometers from the fortress. Or its equivalent in miles under the imperial system which you Yanks use,” said Liam.

  “This is a reconnaissance in force? Looks like an army to me,” exclaimed Tyler.

  “Well, mate. Been here long enough to learn not to venture into this land without an army. They expect me to go in with a few companies and survive? They can have their frigging ‘reconnaissance in force.’ Though to be honest, they didn’t mention how many men I could bring with me,” laughed the young man. “We did observe your group entering the land and straight into those mobilizing bunyips. We were positioning ourselves for a spoiling attack as the only target here for such a force is the fortress. When fireworks erupted, your group did prove to be a nice and perfect diversion for our strike. Their attention was on you. Probably thought you were a scouting force. The losses they incurred only strengthened that belief. Would you believe they have already shifted the facing of their main host? That was perfect. Thanks, mate.”

  “Well, at least you didn’t cut us down,” said Tyler.

  “We couldn’t do that at the beginning. That would only warn those reptile things. And we didn’t know if you were friendly or not. Only your fighting convinced us. And I was curious why such a group was in the Void Lands. From what I know, such an intrusion was unheard of. And it’s not as if you brought along an army or three,” explained Liam.

  “I intended to check out a strong energy source in that direction,” said Tyler, pointing out the location in the far distance.

  “Same site as my instructions mentioned. Mind if an army tag alon
g?”

  Tyler paused. He had a feeling Liam didn’t know what was possibly waiting for them. But the mage considered himself a fair player and the guy just saved their lives. The mage knew he could say yes and let Liam and his army take point and absorb the brunt of any attack. He knew if any attack does come, it was bound to be powerful beyond belief and Liam, with his army and all of his mages, won’t stand a chance. But it will offer the party an opportunity to slip by undetected. Or he could come clean and be honest about it. And Tyler didn’t like lying. Even white lies didn’t feel comfortable. It grated on him. More so when a lot of lives would be involved. An entire army’s worth.

  “Time to be honest. Good thing we’re talking in English,” said Tyler.

  “Huh? Something I don’t know about?” asked Liam.

  “You know about the Aztecah war?”

  “I heard about it. The Monarchy is actually preparing for an Aztecah conflict. Possibly intervention. I do know talks about it with the Zhong Empire are going on in addition to renewed concern about Void Land incursions. Both kingdoms have noticed the increase in frequency and strength. I wouldn’t be surprised if the big guns get involved.”

  “I have been there. Right in the middle of it. The southeastern lands and their deities have been resisting the Aztecah.”

  “Wait. Deities? As in pantheons?”

  “Unfortunately, yes,” replied Tyler.

  “I’ll be buggered,” blurted Liam, though not in a loud voice. “I didn’t think things were that bad. That’s the problem with being concerned with a localized, though crucial, issue. So, what’s the status now?”

  “The Aztecah deities are on the defensive. They lost a lot of their power when the center of their temple complex was destroyed. But the empire itself is on the warpath, taking advantage of the “no deity” rule in a purely mortal conflict. The problem is that the power of the Aztecah pantheon had been greatly enhanced before by patrons of theirs, called by deities as Elder beings, the Followers of Zin. That’s why we’re here,” explained the mage.

  “Followers of Zin? Isn’t that a Lovecraft thing? Dark Elder gods and such?” asked the puzzled visitor.

  “Yep. I won’t mention any names. You know the rules here. But apparently, they’re real, and possibly existed back on Earth during its pre-Adar days,” said Tyler.

  “Fair suck of the sav! That horror story writer knew something? If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’ve got a few kangaroos loose in your top paddock!”

  “Slang, Liam. You lost me there,” Tyler cautioned with a smile.

  “Oh, the first was expressing shock and the kangaroo reference had something to do with being crazy. But really? That means all those tentacled, slimy, ugly as sin, nightmarish bunyips are real?”

  “From what I learned, they’re on another dimension, but interested in becoming tourists. Possibly apply for a green card to live on this world,” wryly answered Tyler.

  “They come over, then we’re screwed, mate,” came the terse reply.

  “Going back to the matter of that location, it could be possible that the Followers of Zin have their base there. And your army won’t stand a chance. Unless you’ve got deity-level firepower with you,” commented the mage.

  “Nah. My mages are powerful but not at that level. As for the deities, those of the Monarchy won’t come within a mile of the border. Scared stiff. I would be if I were them. Heard stories. Dimensional portals all over the place. But you might have something there. Lots of explosions and colored lights in that area in the past few days. But it’s quiet now. Wait, let me check first with my lieutenants as to the progress of the battle. Hang on a tick.”

  Liam stood up and went back to his men. Tyler stayed where he was, looking at the battlefield. The human armored cavalry had carved up the rear of the enemy, sending reptilian reserves streaming from the field, closely pursued by Sumerian and Akkadian light cavalry. Masses of spearmen pressed from the front, catching the reptilian force in a disadvantageous position, its left flank exposed to the fast-moving phalanx and legion formations of their human enemies. The result was the bloody rout he was watching.

  Adaptations by Liam, thought Tyler. The phalanx arrangement looked to be patterned after the looser Macedonian model, and the humans used it to rip open any resistance their enemies offered. After the line had been broken, the massed spears turned to the sides, guarding the flanks while the legions swiftly moved in for the kill. Mages, javelin throwers, archers, and ballistae provided much-needed fire and shield support. The mage noticed that Liam arrayed the phalanx-legion combination not as a single army but as autonomous groups, each capable of creating havoc on their own and yet close enough to each other to lend assistance if needed. As a result, numerous openings were forced open in the reptilian ranks. Concerning the giant serpents, somehow the ballistae and the mages found a way to stampede them well before the armored masses struck the defense lines, creating deadly havoc within the man-snakes’ ranks.

  The gamer played it well, thought Tyler. Must have been a history buff too. He treated the serpents the way Alexander the Great handled war elephants. Stampeded them back to their lines. Even the way his army struck the enemy was in the form of a modified double envelopment. I guess he didn’t have enough infantry troops to reach that far back into the rear. But his heavy cavalry handled that well. Excellent tactics.

  From his position, Tyler could see the way individual soldiers of the Monarchy fought the strange beings.

  From another dimension no doubt. I haven’t heard of a non-human civilization in this world yet, determined the mage. The more he watched, the further he saw the competent and professional way the soldiers went about killing their enemies. No panic or fright was evident. If a warrior went down, orderlies guarded by less armored fighters pulled him or her out and attended to the injuries. In the meantime, a replacement stepped in from the secondary ranks and continued fighting.

  It looked like a mechanical process, a business-like approach to war, Tyler thought. Shields were raised as one, the stab of the spears was coordinated, and axe or sword equipped infantry knew when to move in.

  It could be Liam’s training, he suspected. War by the numbers. Though he also observed that nothing seemed to faze the Monarchy’s soldiers. Tyler was not naïve to expect that all the soldiers he saw were veterans. For some, this would be their first battle. But the show of some degree of fear surprisingly didn’t appear. The mage believed high morale could have helped but suspected something deeper in the psyche of the ordinary soldier – frighten a people enough and the nightmarish becomes commonplace. New creatures become novelties. And the people of the Monarchy had grown up through the millennia with the threat of the Void Lands at the crux of their lives.

  Tyler could see the battle was over, with only mopping up left to do. He saw large groups holding out in different areas of the battlefield, but the portable nature of the ballistae which were being brought to bear made the end of any resistance a foregone conclusion. Disturbingly, the mage noticed that the humans were not taking any prisoners. Lines of light infantry were walking among the fallen, retrieving their wounded and finishing off any man-snake they found. Some infantrymen didn’t even bother checking. They just stabbed with their spears any reptilian body they could see.

  War here against those attacking from the Void Lands must really be a brutal one, thought Tyler. If I am not mistaken, this defensive conflict had been going on for a millennium or so.

  “A brutal war,” said Tyler as Liam returned and sat down beside him.

  “You won’t find any objections to that from me, mate. But look at it this way. These are people who have been fighting for a very long time defending that small opening in the mountains. And throughout that time, they have seen creatures and beings we of Earth can only dream of in our nightmares. Probably in graphic comics too, I’ll grant that. I heard the Monarchy lost the fortress twice but took it back at a terrible cost. I can’t say I blame them in their attitude towards th
eir enemies. There is also an opening leading to the Barren Lands. It’s up north and guarded by a series of castles, but the war there is nothing compared to the one we have here.”

  “Let’s admit we don’t know shit about this world,” said Tyler.

  Liam laughed. “Fair dinkum, mate.”

  “Now, here’s my suggestion,” said Tyler. “The site is not that far from here. Bring your army but place them in a defensive position before we reach the site. Then we proceed to the location. You could bring some of your guards, but I prefer not to let them see what’s in there. If the site is defended, then we assess if we could handle it or not. If it’s too big for us to handle, then we retreat. That way, we get to see what’s waiting for us and you don’t get to risk your men.”

  Liam turned and examined Tyler’s companions. Then he looked at the mage.

  “I believe your friends could handle themselves. These trinkets on my armor allow me to see how powerful they are. But you are powerful too. And a mage at that. I do know our kind cannot wield magic on this world. How come you could do it? With a High Mage’s aura into the bargain, as my mages tell me.”

  “Give me a moment to come up with a short version,” Tyler asked.

  I should have expected that question. Though I have to admit I am skating on thin ice now. Acknowledging being an Elder and the potential for Liam to become one could open up a can of worms. He’s already burdened with a war master role by the Sumerian pantheon. No telling what they would do to him if the truth comes out. I’m just lucky it was Eira in my case. Deities would have laid a geas on me and used me as a battering ram against their enemies. Dark entities would have dissected me. A freaking situation which would have resulted in a planet-wide pantheon war, as Odin warned. Not to mention that as of now, fear of that tornado of destruction could be the only thing preventing deities and other powerful beings from doing it to me already. And I dread the implications for other visitors or even Earth if the truth was known. A rush to grab visitors and Elder shrines? Schemes to open Earth portals surreptitiously to abduct new victims? Terrifying possibilities. Now the big issue. Should I come clean or fabricate another damned lie?