Lost Paradise

by Tara Fox Hall

  Lash grunted. “Non-were women want nothing to do with me, now that I can’t hide my snake nature,” he said a little too casually. “Any female were that isn’t snake is the same. Serena said up front when Devlin asked her to come and see to everyone’s needs here that she wasn’t going to let me touch her. If he hadn’t agreed to that, she wouldn’t have come to Hayden, no matter what he paid her.”

  I knew he didn’t want my pity, so I didn’t reply. But it was evident now why Serena feared him and why Devlin had gone to lengths to match Lash up with another lover after Cin left. “She doesn’t know what she’s passing on, barring you from her bed.”

  “Most women don’t like snakes,” Lash said bitterly. “They don’t want a man who’s part snake next to their naked skin, much less inside them.”

  There was no answer that wouldn’t hurt. “That’s probably true—”

  “You are the first non-were I’ve been with like this in decades, Sar,” Lash hissed, running his hand from between my breasts up to clasp my neck, and then my face. “Even then, they didn’t want me like you do in the throes of your lust. Hell, no one has ever made me feel as wanted as you have, the times we have been together. If Dev didn’t love you, if you weren’t pregnant with his child, I would change you, here and now. It would feel so good, to coil together with you in snake form, to feel your scales sliding under mine—”

  I didn’t want to be werecougar; I sure as shit didn’t want to be weresnake. I recoiled, moving towards the table edge.

  Lash grabbed hold of me, bringing me back into his arms. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m no good at this after-part. I’ll stop talking.”

  I reached up, and ran my hand over his scar on his cheek. Lash froze.

  “How did this happen to you? I thought you were born a were. Were you turned when you were very young—?”

  Lash took my hand, and gently removed it from his face. “I was born were. This happened in Rio, months ago.” He paused, as if gathering himself. “The scar’s healing, but very slowly. The wound was deep. My regenerative powers have ebbed almost to that of a human. It’s the potion I take that regenerates me, Sar. My body can’t do it anymore. And the potion is taking longer to work these days.”

  “Does Devlin know?” I asked.

  “No. I told him the blade was laced with poison; that is why it’s taking so long to heal. He wouldn’t let me risk myself if he thought I couldn’t regenerate. I have to be extra careful not to get injured when I fight now. But I’m not going to spend the rest of my life sitting on the sidelines, thinking about the good old days.” There was determination in his tone, and more than a trace of sorrow.

  “Can’t Titus heal you? Or give you something else to try?”

  “He’s done all he can,” Lash said quietly. “I’m grateful that he has helped me to live this long.”

  Something in his tone told me that this was deeper than just a wound that was taking a long time to heal. As I turned toward him I understood all at once that he was telling me that he was going to die soon. I didn’t love him, but I liked him and didn’t want him to die. He was my lover, even if I hadn’t wanted him to be. Besides, Dev would be devastated.

  I hugged him tightly. “I’m sorry.”

  “It won’t be for a while yet,” Lash hissed uncomfortably. “Titus has told me the time is coming; that he can’t hold it off any longer. Another ten years or so, at most.”

  That seemed so short. No wonder Lash had been so angry I was going to live forever and not age. “Can’t we ask someone else to give a second opinion?”

  “Don’t you dare say anything to Dev,” Lash hissed hotly. “I don’t want him to know. I don’t want anyone to know. I—”

  “I won’t say anything, not to anyone,” I assured him. “I give you my word. It’s not anyone’s business but yours.” I reached down and squeezed his hand in mine.

  After a moment, he squeezed back. “I give you mine, too,” Lash hissed. “I won’t tell anyone this happened tonight unless you want me to, though I’d like very much to brag about bedding you again.”

  “Thank you,” I whispered. “No, don’t tell anyone.”

  Lash turned me toward him, then kissed me softly, moving his hips against me lightly, his rigid throbbing length pressing insistently against my side. “Once more for the road?” he offered, sliding his hand down to caress my hip.

  My Lust roared back. I brought his lips down on mine as my answer.

  * * * *

  We finally got back to Hayden about six a.m. Once more had turned into twice, then thrice, The Lust rising every time I touched him to teleport us home. At first, Lash had enjoyed being in demand, but the later it got, the more we both worried someone was going to come in and find us. Finally, after a quick brainstorm session, Lash rolled off the side of the table, slipped on his jeans, and walked into the darkness. He was back shortly with a greasy apron that he’d draped over him, hiding his head, chest and arms from my sight.

  “It’s worked so far,” I said, pulling the remains of my nightgown around me. “Don’t say anything.” I walked closer, then grabbed his hand, teleporting us to Hayden.

  We arrived in Devlin’s bedroom. Devlin was sitting on the bed, fully dressed, reading a file which he immediately closed. “You know better than to leave Hayden with her without telling me, Lash.” He paused, taking in the state of our undress. “Again?”

  Lash tore the apron off his head and threw it aside. “You know about The Lust and you know we didn’t have much of a choice, so stop bitching.”

  Devlin looked over at me. “Go ahead and use the shower, Sar.”

  I cast a quick glance at Lash, then went into the bathroom. When I emerged later, Lash was gone and Devlin was in bed sleeping. As I got into bed beside him, he opened his eyes, then turned toward me.

  “I burned your torn nightgown,” Dev whispered. “Lash told me you wished that no one know.” He paused. “Even me.”

  “I thought I was done with this and I’m not,” I replied irritably. “I don’t know why it’s lasting so long this time.”

  “It’ll pass,” Devlin consoled, resting his hand on my belly. “And it’s worth it, Sar.”

  Because it’s not happening to you. “So you’re okay with what happened?”

  Devlin nodded. “Of course. Lash told me what happened, how you brought him to Davy’s and had your pool table adventure.” He chuckled. “He said he was surprised you got so violent so quickly.” He shook his head. “He should have expected that, refusing you like he did.”

  Lash had left out a hell of a lot when he’d related the night’s events. He’d kept his promise; as much as he could, anyway.

  “I think he wanted you to chase him around again,” Devlin purred. “Tell me, is there any damage to the bar I have to pay for, other than a new apron and locks for the front door?”

  I shook my head. “He contained it.”

  “You sound almost fond of him,” Devlin purred, a new dangerous note suddenly apparent.

  “I’m grateful to him,” I corrected. “Please, let’s get some sleep. We’re both tired.”

  I expected a barb from Devlin about Lash tiring me, but oddly enough he just hugged me and said nothing.

  Chapter Nine

  Things went wrong from the first on Saturday morning.

  Someone pounded on the door, waking me with a start. Devlin also woke, his bad mood from last night still evident. “What the hell is it?” he yelled.

  “Phone call from Danial,” one of the bears growled back. “He demands to talk to her.”

  “Figures,” Devlin said bitterly. “It’s always something.”

  I stretched, feeling the soreness of my body, scenes from last night coming back to me. God, Lash had been amazing…

  “—or someone,” Dev finished, giving me a look that said he knew what I’d been thinking of . “Pick it up, Sar.”

  I grabbed the phone. “I’m here,” I said quickly. “What is it?”

 
“Be here by noon if you can,” Danial said with a sigh. “We have another seventy emails, Sar. At least half look legitimate—”

  I flopped down on my back in bed, dismayed at the thought of the hours in front of the computer that amount of emails would translate into. “Danial, what are we going to do?” I said stridently. “You can’t take all these cases. You’re only one man, and Terian is still gone—”

  “He’ll be home by Wednesday. Besides, Theo is going to step up. I’m going to start sending him on some cases with Terian without me. He can work days, and I can’t.”

  I was shocked. Danial had never mentioned this to me before, nor had Theo. “But he can’t do the programming you can. He’s not computer savvy to the extent you are. Neither is Terian—”

  “No, but they can do the other cases, especially the ones that only entail watching, or catching someone in the act, or figuring out what happened to some missing files—”

  That was certainly true, but it didn’t answer the big question. “Danial, you’ve always been ambitious about your business. But you’ve never wanted to expand it like this. You don’t need the money, so why are you doing this?”

  “I want Theoron to join me as my partner when he’s an adult,” Danial answered with pride. “I have hopes that he’ll want to run the business with me, Theo and Terian. There needs to be enough work to keep us all occupied. At the rate he’s learning and growing—”

  This was crazy. “Danial, he’s a child. He may not want to do what you do—”

  “Sar, he has to make a living,” Danial said defensively. “Something may happen to me one day; I’m not invulnerable! I want him to have respect, and enough power to not be interfered with, as I do. He can make good money doing this, far more than he could make as a simple bodyguard.”

  I closed my eyes, and counted to ten.

  “I didn’t mean it how it sounded,” Danial added quickly.

  Yes, you did. “I’ll see you this afternoon,” I said and hung up on him.

  Devlin took the phone from me. “I knew this would happen,” he said, setting it back in its cradle. “Danial wanted his mortal son to follow in his footsteps also. Nothing has changed.”

  “I guess I always knew Danial was hoping to have a father and son business,” I said, rubbing at my eyes. “It’s just way too much, too soon.”

  “Sar, Theoron has eternity,” Devlin said soothingly. “He can get degrees, be whatever he wants. There is time for him to decide, and for him to be what Danial wants him to be, at least for a little while, before he decides how he wants to live his life. He can change his mind and be something else when he tires of whatever he has chosen.”

  “Can he?” I said brokenly. “I think Danial has his future mapped out for him.”

  “That’s a father’s way,” Devlin said, touching my belly possessively. “I’m looking forward to showing my son many things, Sar. He can do what he wants for a living, but he’s going to learn to sing and get an education, particularly in history and art. Perhaps piano as well, or some other instrument, if he shows promise in one—”

  “It may be a girl,” I said, relaxing. “But she can do that, too.”

  “I want a son, Sar,” Devlin said, taking my hand. “I want you to try with me to have one, if our first child is a girl.”

  I blinked, then turned my head very slowly to face him. Devlin looked at me calmly, regarding me with his golden eyes.

  “Our…first child?” I said finally.

  “If it’s a boy, we can just have the one,” Devlin said, kissing my neck. “But I want a boy, Sar. Sooner or later, if we try long enough, we’ll get a boy. Even if it takes years, and we fill Hayden with girl children—”

  I pushed him away with a sob, and bolted out of bed. “You said one was enough!” I screamed, tears running freely from my eyes. “You said you’d help me get fixed!”

  Devlin didn’t look ashamed, or drop his eyes. “That was before. Harriet is pregnant again. Samuel is the father. He’s keeping her in bed, carefully protecting her. She’s either going to deliver the child, or die this time.”

  “What does that have to do with anything?”

  “He’s already suspicious!” Devlin shouted. “If she dies, he’ll figure out what I did. If Camlyn gives you the operation, he’ll find that out, too!”

  “Stephen would never betray me.”

  “Perseus, Zane, and Samuel will question him thoroughly, regardless of what happens with Harriet, when they learn about your inability to have any more children!” Devlin yelled, eyes flashing. “They’ll torture him to make sure he’s telling the truth, because they want so badly for it to be a lie. Camlyn will cave under the pain. Your deception—our deception—will be exposed.”

  “You never planned to help me,” I whispered, closing my eyes tight. “It was all just bullshit.”

  Devlin embraced me. “Sterilizing you won’t keep you out of their clutches. Having other children together will. Samuel will understand my desire for a son. Or even for a daughter, if a son is born to us first. They would not attempt to take you from me if you’re pregnant and Oathed, Sar. So that is how you must be until we can find another solution—”

  I felt sick, lightheaded, as if I was going to faint. This couldn’t be happening.

  “Part of me wants a girl as well, one that looks just like you, Sar,” Dev murmured in my ear. “With my fair coloring we have a good chance of that, though she may get my eyes instead of yours.”

  His eager words unhinged me, and I broke away from him in horror at his betrayal. “No!” I screamed. “I agreed to try once! I’m not only risking my life, Dev, but I’m losing my mind! One will have to be enough for you! I’m not going through this again, not ever, not for anything!”

  “I’m telling you now that it’s not enough!” Devlin hissed coldly, his eyes red. “And you will try with me, as many times as I ask you to. You are mine, Sar. You promised yourself to me.”

  I ran for the door. Devlin grabbed me, then brought me back to the bed, holding me down as I struggled and screamed.

  “Hold still!”

  “Let me go! Let me go!”

  Dev swore angrily, then climbed atop me, holding me down with his weight as he tried to grab something beside the bed. “Hold still! You’re mine, Sar!”

  My mind raced frantically. Dev couldn’t be with me the normal way, but he could do something else to me, something I didn’t want him to do. He was reaching for lubricant.

  I shrieked in terror. “Don’t do it! Stop! Stop it!”

  With a loud crash, Lash kicked the door in. He looked down at us from the doorway, irritated. “I heard screaming,” he hissed. “But you’re not in danger, I see. Keep it down. I’m trying to sleep.”

  “Go back to bed,” Devlin snarled, turning from him. “We’re fine.”

  “Let me go!” I screamed. “Get off me, Dev! I won’t do it, not ever!”

  “What is the matter with her?” Lash hissed, coming closer.

  “Just hold her,” Devlin said, furious. He let me go and kneeled beside the bed, rummaging under it. “I need to put her collar back on.”

  I ran for the door. Lash grabbed hold of me and I began screaming again, yanking at his hands.

  Lash shook me hard. “Stop it,” he hissed. “No one is going to hurt you.”

  I yanked again weakly, then collapsed to the floor, crying hard. Devlin knelt beside me, fastening his choker above Danial’s with a soft clinking sound.

  “Get hold of yourself,” he said sternly. “You’re acting like a child. Get up and get dressed.”

  Lash turned to Devlin, his flat eyes cold and hard. “What did you do, worse than you have already?” he hissed, folding his arms across his chest. “Sar was not like this all week; she was happy. She’s terrified of you now.”

  Devlin ignored him. “Sar, get dressed. Lash will take you to Danial. But you will understand something right now.” He helped me stand. “You will be coming back to me on Monday. Bring your pets if
you like, and anything you want from your house. You can help Danial with his business from here, I’ll have something set up. You can see Danial on Saturdays and Theo on Sundays—”

  “No,” I gasped out. “I won’t do it—”

  “You will, and you’ll do it gladly!” Devlin snarled. “Or I’ll rescind my order to Samuel, and tell him it’s okay if he kills Theo. He still wants to kill Theo, Sar. Badly. All I need to do is let him know I don’t care if he does it, and it’s done.”

  “No, I don’t want to—”

  “I don’t care if you want to be with me!” Devlin yelled. “I want to be with you, and I’m not going to wait anymore for you to come around. The games are over, Sar. You are coming here to live where I know you’re safe. We will be happy together. You’ll adjust in time.”

  This was a nightmare. It had to be a nightmare. Everything had been going so well.

  “And Sar,” Devlin continued in an icy tone, “If you enlist Theo to try a daring rescue, Lash will kill him. And if he doesn’t, I will.”

  Warm hands grasped my arms, then propelled me forward. Lash opened the bathroom door, then shoved me in. “Stay here. I’ll bring you some clothes.” He closed the door behind him as I huddled there on the bathroom floor, trying not to cry.

  “Stop coddling her, Lash,” Devlin spat. “She’s a big girl—”

  “Stop being stupid,” Lash hissed. There was the sound of clothing rustling. “All you are going to do is make her hate you more than she does already.”

  “She loves me,” Devlin said angrily.

  “Does she?” Lash hissed sarcastically. “She loves Theo and Danial. But does she really love you, Dev?”

  “She doesn’t love you,” Devlin replied cruelly.

  Lash laughed back at him. “I never asked her to,” he said easily. “I’m not the one desperate for her love, Friend.” There were more sounds of clothes rustling, hangers being removed, and drawers opening and closing.

  “Then why do you still smell of her, Friend?” Devlin purred. “You wear her scent like a badge of merit—”

  Lash let out a sharp angry hiss, yet his next words were casual and calm. “I want to relish her scent on me, so I can always remember how good she felt under me, how she cried out so softly—”