Behind the Lens

by Heather Dahlgren

  “Thank you. Is your brother married?” Before he can say anything, I smell something and jump up. “Fuck! Dinner is burning.” I run out of the studio, racing to the kitchen. I open the oven and pull out the eggplant. “Shit, shit, shit.” I throw the oven mitt and lay my head on my arms on the counter. I fucking burned dinner. How fucking embarrassing, and not to mention, we have nothing to eat now. I feel Jax behind me, and suddenly, he is rubbing my shoulders.

  “Kallie, it’s my fault. I sat down in the studio to talk instead of out here. Don’t worry about it. I’ll go pick us up something and bring it back.” I don’t even bother lifting my head. I just talk to him with my voice muffled in my arms.

  “You don’t need to do that. It’s my fault for not setting the timer. I can order something and have it delivered.” I allow him to rub my shoulders for a minute longer before I stand up. “I’m sorry. I can’t believe I fucking burned it.” He starts to laugh, and at first, I want to punch him in the face, but after a few minutes, I start laughing with him. The more I thought about it, the harder I laughed. I burnt fucking dinner.

  “See, no harm done. I’ll go pick up Chinese. Are you good with that?” I nod my head and go to my bedroom to get some cash to give him. When I come back, he is standing at the door waiting. I go to hand him the money, and he grabs my hand. “Not a shot in hell. What do you like?”

  “Please, Jax, I owed you dinner, and I burned it. Let me pay for the Chinese.” He opens the door and walks into the hallway.

  “I already said no. Now tell me what you like.” I lean against the doorway and hold out the money again.

  “I like chicken and broccoli, now take the money.” He smiles and walks down the hallway, pushing through the stairwell, just like he did the first time he was here. I close the door and pour myself another glass of wine. Taking a sip, I think this dinner may be a burnt mess, but I’m having a great time getting to know him.

  ON MY WAY BACK FROM picking up the Chinese food, I can’t stop thinking about what a great time I’m having. I don’t usually open up to women about my past, or honestly, how I feel about things in general. I feel comfortable with Kallie. She gives off this amazing aura, making me feel like I can trust her. That is something I am not used to with women. It may be that she is in this industry and gets it, or it may be just the person she is, I honestly don’t know.

  When I first got there tonight, I had all intentions of making a move on her, but after she told me how she has worked so hard to get where she is and that it is her life, I couldn’t do it. I don’t want to be the reason she lost her dream. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t make me any less attracted to her, it probably makes her more attractive to me, but I won’t do it. I’ll do exactly like she wants and be friends because I do feel a connection to her.

  I pull into a parking spot and grab the Chinese food off the passenger seat. I make my way into her building and take the stairs. I rarely take the elevator, it seems lazy to me. This building she is in is beautiful. Her apartment is amazing, especially that studio. I didn’t expect to see such a kick-ass place inside her apartment. She definitely worked hard to get it the way it is, which again proves to me just how important this is to her. I knock on the door and walk in. She is standing in the kitchen and smiles that genuine smile of hers. “Where do you want me to put it?” She grabs her wine glass and another beer for me and brushes past me.

  “I had the dining room set up for dinner, so we can eat in there. Thank you so much, Jax, I still feel awful about this. I wish you’d let me pay.” She is ridiculous. I know this isn’t a date, but honestly, I like that I bought dinner for her. She shouldn’t feel bad about it. I put the bag on the table and take out the containers.

  “Stop already. I wanted to do it, so let it go.” She lightly laughs and shakes her head. She takes the bag from me and places it on the floor before sitting down. I sit down opposite her where the other plate is set. “I got chicken and broccoli, but there is a lot of other things, so just take what you want.” We both make our plates and start to eat.

  “Oh my God, this is delicious. Where did you get it?” I finish what is in my mouth and smile at her.

  “I found this new place, China Kingdom. It’s only about ten minutes from here. They make some great food. Blake and I have eaten there a few times since they opened.” She moans when she takes another bite, and I need to concentrate on my plate because that sound is getting the attention of my cock, and that is not where this is supposed to be going.

  “They will end up knowing me by name. This is really good.” She laughs as she takes a sip of her wine. “You never did tell me, because of the burning food and all, if your brother is married?” I give her a tight smile and chug back half of my beer.

  “He was engaged, but he walked in on her and his best friend one day, so needless to say, he ended that. It’s been hard for him.” She puts her fork down, reaches over, and takes a hold of my hand. Fuck, it’s just like the first time I shook her hand. I feel like it belongs.

  “I’m so sorry. That must have been horrible for him and you. I know you told me how close you are.” She really does get me. I squeeze her hand.

  “He was better than me, because I would have beaten the shit out of his friend. He let him walk out of the house. I don’t like seeing anyone I love hurting, so yea, it was hard for me too.” She pulls her hand away and gets back to eating.

  “You haven’t mentioned your parents. Do you have a relationship with them?” I fucking hate talking about my parents. They never did anything for me or Brody. They were always too busy and not busy in the way of trying to support us. They wanted to be rich, and they did everything and anything to make that happen. My mom tried modeling, and my dad tried acting. They tried selling real estate, flipping houses, and even selling drugs. They never gave a shit about us; we did nothing but take their money. I haven’t spoken to them since I graduated high school. Brody talks to them occasionally, and I don’t have the heart to tell him it’s because they are looking for money. They both tried to contact me after I started modeling, so I changed my number.

  “No, I don’t have a relationship with them. They are selfish assholes who didn’t have time for their own kids. It’s better this way. They are toxic.” She looks at me and shakes her head.

  “Damn, Jax, I’m so sorry. You’ve suffered so much, I honestly don’t know what to say.” I fill my plate with more food and shrug my shoulders.

  “It is just shit I had to deal with. If anything, I’d say having to deal with it all helped make me who I am.” Once again, I tell her something I never share. The only people who know about my parents are Brody and Blake. “What about you? Are you close to your parents?”

  “I never met my dad, but yes, I’m close with my mom. She inspires me with all she gave up to raise Braden and me. Shit, sorry.” She looks at me with pain clear in her eyes.

  “Kallie, don’t feel bad that you had a great mom. I’d never want anyone to suffer the way we did. Please, tell me about her.” She pushes her plate away and finishes off her wine.

  “She’s just a great woman. She always put us first, worked her ass off to provide for us, and supported me just as much as Braden did with my dreams. I don’t know if I’d have made it this far without the love and support of my family.” That’s exactly what she deserves, nothing less.

  “Having the support of your family is amazing. I’m lucky I have that with Brody, and even though Blake is a pain in the ass, he’s just as much my brother as Brody is. I’m grateful to have them support me.” She pulls her legs up on the seat and wraps her arms around them.

  “Blake is a piece of work, but he seems like a great guy. Speaking of, did you know he and Brinley are out to dinner tonight?” I laugh as I finish my dinner.

  “Yes, I did know that. Are you finished?” I don’t know exactly what kind of person Brinley is, but Blake is one hell of a player, so I hope this doesn’t fuck up this friendship we are trying to build here. I’ll beat the shi
t out of him.

  “Yes, I’ll clean up. Don’t even think about it. You’ve done enough for the dinner that was supposed to be for you.” She gets up and takes our plates to the kitchen, and I close the containers of food. When she gets back, she puts them all in the bag they came in and carries that to the kitchen as well. I follow her with my empty beer and her wine glass. “You take this food home with you because it will go to waste here. It’s only me.” I can’t imagine living by myself, it seems like it would be lonely.

  “Why do you live alone? You didn’t want to live with Brinley?” She laughs and hops up on the counter.

  “Honestly, it doesn’t bother me. Yes, it definitely gets lonely sometimes, but I manage. Brinley and I would kill each other if we lived together. She’s my best friend, but we are total opposites. I have my beliefs and she has hers. We argued about just that earlier.” I lean on the counter next to her and cross my arms looking over at her.

  “What beliefs are those?” She tucks her hair behind her ear and smiles.

  “I told you I don’t date or sleep with models, never have, never will. She is the opposite, and it pisses me off because I know all too well how that can fuck up your career. I worry about her.” I wink at her and smirk.

  “I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t done the same thing. Like you are saying though, I’ve seen what it can do to a career, so I’m careful now.” She gives me a tight smile, and I want to fucking crawl in a hole. Why the fuck would I tell her that? She probably thinks I’m some male model slut now. That is definitely not the impression I want her to have of me.

  “I know it happens. I see it all the time, that’s not what I’m saying.” She turns her head and looks directly in my eyes now. “You know that saying, you don’t shit where you eat, well, that’s how I feel about it. I’ll never understand it, but like I said, that is my belief.” I laugh at her analogy. Yep, she thinks I’m a male slut, and honestly, how can I argue it. I’ve slept with a lot of women, models or not.

  “Listen, I’m not saying I’m proud of what I’ve done, but it has happened. I don’t want you to think less of me for it.” She looks at the floor and tucks her hair behind both ears.

  “I don’t think less of you, and honestly, what would it matter if I did?” I slap my hand on my chest getting her attention. When she looks over at me, I dramatically clench my chest.

  “I, Jax Burke, solemnly swear to never sleep with another model again from here on out.” She laughs, which is exactly what I was going for. Even though she thinks I’m bullshitting her, I am going to put a stop to it. She made a valid point; not to mention, I want her total respect. “And for what it is worth, it would matter.” It’s like I can’t stop myself from speaking the truth when it comes to her, but it does matter. I can’t explain it, I just met her for Christ’s sake, but it matters.

  “You sure you sleep around with models, because you’re kinda corny?” We both burst out laughing, and she starts to yawn.

  “Yes, I’m corny, but the women love it.” I wink at her once again as I push off the counter and rest my hand on her knee. “It’s late, and I need to be up early tomorrow, so I’m going to head out.” She jumps down from the counter and grabs the Chinese food bag.

  “Don’t forget this.” I take it from her, and we both stand awkwardly, wondering what to do next.

  “Fuck it.” I put the food on the floor and wrap my arms around her. She does the same, and we hold on to each other. Holy shit, I don’t want to let go. She feels so fucking amazing in my arms. Her scent is intoxicating, and her tiny body feels like it was made for me. What the fuck is going on here? Before I can question it, she pulls away all too quickly and smiles at me.

  “I really had a great time tonight, Jax. It was wonderful getting to know you.” Fuck, she has no idea what she is doing to me.

  “I had an amazing time too. Thank you for the invite, and how about next time you let me make you dinner at my place.” She raises her eyebrows, and I laugh holding my hand up.

  “As friends, Kallie, just as friends.” She smiles and nods her head.

  “I’d really like that.” I pick up the food bag and head to the door, knowing I need to get out of here before I tell her I’d like to get to know her body tonight. “Thank you for dinner.” I open the door and turn to face her while I stand in the hallway.

  “Kallie, it was my pleasure.” She smiles and we say good night. As I’m walking down the hallway, I mutter to myself, “Damn, was it my pleasure.”

  It’s been two weeks since my dinner with Kallie, and we’ve talked or texted every day since. She’s quickly becoming one of my favorite people to talk to. Like right now, I’m on my lunch break at the pizza place, and instead of bullshitting with the guys,I’m sitting at the end of the table with a goofy smile on my face texting Kallie, like a damn teenager. She’s getting ready to do a shoot, telling me her ideas. She really is one amazingly talented photographer. She sent some of the pictures from the beach shoot, and holy fuck, they are breathtaking. “Hey, douche bag, you want to join us, or are you too busy flirting up the wrong tree?” I don’t even look at Blake, just flip him off, as I finish sending my text. He doesn’t need to know we were saying good-bye. Once it’s sent, I look at him.

  “What did I miss?” He throws a fry at me, and I laugh.

  “I know you really like her, Jax, but you told me yourself nothing can happen, so what’s the point?” I give him a nasty look.

  “What’s the point? We are friends, asshole, just friends.” He rolls his eyes, and some of the guys we work with continue to look back and forth between us.

  “You keep saying that.” He’s right, I do, and I think mainly it is to remind myself.

  We finish lunch and head back to the job. I won’t be sorry when this one is finished. The homeowners are a bunch of pains in the asses, always changing one thing or another. I’ve moved a wall three times already because it was in the wrong spot. We get right back to work, and thankfully, we make it through the day without another visit. I’m cleaning up my tools when Brody walks over. “Jax, you want to go grab dinner tonight?” I throw my hammer into my toolbox and close it.

  “Yea, sounds good. Where do you want to go?” I pick up my toolbox, and he follows me out of the house and locks the door behind us.

  “How about the diner?” I should have known. He won’t admit it, but I think he has the hots for one of the waitresses there. We’ve eaten there no less than ten times this month.

  “That’s fine. I need to hit the gym and shower before we go though. You want to go with me?” For a minute, I think he may actually come until he laughs.

  “Nah. You call me when you are ready. Obviously, bring Blake. We don’t need him crying about not being invited.”

  “Fuck you, Brody. Maybe I don’t want to come tonight, maybe I have plans, maybe I’ve got a date.” I look at him with a smirk.

  “Do you have plans tonight, Blake?” He sighs and leans against my car.

  “No. I’ll see you there.” I try to hold back my laugh as I put my toolbox in the trunk.

  “Let’s get the hell out of here and start our weekend. Brody, I’ll call you when we are ready and meet you over there.” He agrees and heads off toward his truck. Blake and I climb into my car and head home to change for the gym.

  “How many more reps are you going to do, Jax? Damn.” Blake stands over me while I lift the barbell over my head for the twentieth time. I don’t normally do so many reps with two hundred and fifty pounds, but I have all this pent-up sexual tension in me that I am trying to work out. I just watched all these sexy women working out, with their tight pants and sport bras on, and it got me horny as shit. I know logically I shouldn’t feel guilty, Kallie and I are nothing more than friends, but I do, and it’s pissing me off. I want Kallie so fucking bad, but I’m not sure that is something I will ever have. I want this so badly I can taste it, but I can’t fucking have it. That’s where I’m at.

  I finally put the barbell down after t
hirty reps, sit up, and wipe the sweat off my face with my shirt. Blake walks away, shaking his head, and I blow out a breath. Even my best friend thinks I look like a pussy. I go over to the treadmill, figuring I might as well run while Blake is lifting dumbbells. I hop on, set my speed, and begin my run. I never slow once. I keep up pace the entire time hoping I can cause my body to ache, pulling my attention to that. Blake comes over, stands next to me, and laughs. I flip him off and slow my run down to a slow walk before climbing off. “You ready to get out of here? Brody is probably climbing out of his skin.”

  “I’m ready, brother. You sure you are? You pushed yourself really fucking hard tonight. Something you want to talk about?” I wipe my sweaty face again and grin at him.

  “Nope. I’m good. Let’s go.”

  Blake and I meet Brody at the diner after we went home and showered. I feel bad for him because the waitress he was looking for had the night off. We both sit there like a bunch of sorry asses, and Blake makes sure to call us out on it. We end up calling it an early night, and I’ve been lying in bed restless for the last few hours. I try sleeping, but the gym had the opposite effect on me that I wanted. I kick the blanket off and head to the kitchen. I grab my cigarettes and go outside. I light one and lean back in my seat. Just as I’m about to put it out, my cell phone rings and I grab it off my lap. I look and see it’s Kallie. My heart pounds in my chest with excitement and worry. “Hello?” I hear her giggling and grin at the sound of it.

  “Jax! I can’t believe you answered. Why are you awake?” I can tell she is drunk; she is loud and has a slight slur to her words.

  “I couldn’t sleep. What’s up? Are you alright?” She giggles again, and I can’t help that my cock hardens at the sound.

  “I just got home from Ecstasy, and I was thinking about you, but not in the way I should be. You know what I mean? I know we haven’t known each other long, but I can’t help that I am attracted to you. Sometimes when we hang up, I need to masturbate.” I sit up straight with my eyes wide open. Holy fuck, she does want me. The thought of her masturbating only makes my cock painfully hard.