Pigeon English

by Stephen Kelman

  Me: ‘You shouldn’t let them burn you.’

  Miquita: ‘What?’

  Lydia felt the iron burn on her face where it was nearly faded away. She got my message and the blood I sent her. She woke up.

  Lydia: ‘You should just tell him to stop. Look at your hands, how could you let someone do that to you? That’s just weak.’

  Miquita buttoned up her jeans. You couldn’t see her hands, they were moving too much. You couldn’t hate her fat burny hands anymore, it didn’t feel fair.

  Miquita: ‘Who you calling weak? You saw what I did to Chanelle.’

  Me: ‘She’s not Chanelle, she’s Lydia. And if you touch her again I’ll chook you with the toothy knife. I’ll get Julius to bash you, he’s a real gangster.’

  Lydia: ‘No you won’t. Just go home, Miquita. We don’t want you here anymore.’

  Miquita: ‘Am I s’posed to care? You’re just a stupid little bitch.’

  I kept waiting for an earthquake but it never came. Miquita didn’t know what to do, she just split proper quiet. I locked the locks behind her and got the Oreos from Mamma’s secret drawer. It was a new packet. I let Lydia open them. The first one is always the tastiest.

  I was just minding my own business, snacking on some sesame seeds the lady who drives the chair car put out. She likes to watch us eat from her kitchen window, she dreams of skinny-dipping in warm waters, dreams seahorses nibbling softly at her tender toes, winding their tiny prehensile tails around the soft perches of her nipples. Each to their own, I say, life’s too short to think of your dreams as anything but blameless and bona fide.

  They came from nowhere, I didn’t have a chance to get ready. Four of them. First I feel a whuuump at my back, of breaking air and collapsing space. Before I can turn around he’s on top of me, the big male, he leans over my shoulder and sticks his black beak in my face, I see his beady eyes shining with dull intent, him and his cronies mean to make me pay for some perceived slight or another, maybe they don’t like the way I walk but I’m pinned to the ground now, and his three accomplices form a triangle around me to bar my escape. I kick and bite and heave myself upward but two points of the triangle close in and there are three knives in my ribs now, three sets of claws digging at me like loose topsoil, I can feel myself being pulled apart, my pigeon skin slipping from its moorings. I make myself a nail bomb but the walls of the world are clamping shut and maybe I’m mortal after all. If I’m not here who looks after the boy?

  Me: ‘Aaarrghhhhhhhh! Fuck off, magpies!’

  I ran and jumped through them and made them all fly away. My pigeon was just sitting on the grass, he looked proper scared and sorry for himself. I wanted to cry but I couldn’t see any blood or broken bits.

  Me: ‘Are you alright?’

  Pigeon: ‘ ’

  I went to pick him up but he split before I could catch him, he just flew up to the roof of the never-normal flats, he was still working and everything was alright. Asweh, it was a mighty relief!

  Me: ‘Be careful, pigeon, they might still come after you. Keep your eyes peeled. I’ll come and see you when I get home from school, OK?’

  Pigeon: ‘OK. You’re a good boy, Harri. Thank you for saving me.’ (He only said it inside my head.)

  Girls love it when you give them presents. It means you’re serious about them. Girls always want you to be serious about them, otherwise they worry too much and it’s not fun anymore. I gave Poppy a Jelly Ring. It was my secret sorry for kissing Miquita. She put it on her finger. I never asked her to, she just did it anyway.

  Poppy: ‘Thank you!’

  Me: ‘Don’t mention it!’

  Then she ate it.

  I don’t even want to kiss Poppy. I don’t want to kiss anybody anymore, not after Miquita nearly broke my bulla. I’ll only kiss Poppy if she asks me for it. If I win Sports Day she’ll probably want to kiss me then. I’ll just do it if I have to but not on the lips.

  Clipz: ‘Oi, batty boy! You shagged her yet? Want me to show you how?’

  We just walked past. I didn’t even look at him. I don’t even want to sit on the top steps, there’s nothing special about them. I prefer the Science block steps, you can see just as much and Poppy’s there to share it with. The top steps aren’t even worth it.

  Four hundred metres is one whole lap around the running track. It looks quite far. I touched my lane for good luck. I saw Brett Shawcross do it. Me and Brett Shawcross were the favourites. Nobody knew who’d win from us, they couldn’t decide. They wanted both the two of us to win but it’s impossible. Only one can be the winner.

  Brett Shawcross: ‘You can have silver. I’m gonna get gold.’

  Me: ‘Good luck.’

  Brett Shawcross: ‘I don’t need luck, I’m gonna cane you.’

  There’s no medals, you just get a certificate. I only have to win to prove I’m the best runner and because I told Papa I would.

  Lincoln Garwood was in lane one. He was going to cheat, he told us. He knows he’ll never win because the hat he has to wear to keep his dreadlocks in is too heavy. It will only slow him down and make him look gay. He even said it himself.

  Lincoln Garwood: ‘I’m just too slow, man. I don’t wanna look gay.’

  He didn’t want to come last so he made a plan: he was going to fall on purpose and make it look like he twisted his ankle. We all promised not to tell.

  We waited for the whistle. It was very nervous. I could feel my heart beating like crazy. There were lots of people watching. Not just my friends but some of the mammas and papas.

  Only not Mamma. She was at work again. She said she’d pray for me to win but I don’t know if she’ll remember.

  I didn’t want to let them down. I wanted to make it the best race ever.

  All the runners were just standing around. Some of them were scared. Kyle Barnes was chewing chewing gum. Saleem Khan was picking his nose. Brett Shawcross thought he was a real runner, he was shaking his legs like the real runners do it before the race. He looked proper serious like he had to win. Asweh, it was very funny.

  Mr Kenny: ‘Ready!’

  You had to get in the ready shape. It’s down on one knee with your arms straight in front. It made it feel more important. You didn’t want to mess up. Everybody went proper quiet.

  Mr Kenny: ‘Set!’

  That’s the same as ready except you know it’s going to start very soon. You have to hold it proper still. Somebody farted. Everybody laughed.

  Mr Kenny: ‘Go!’

  Mr Kenny blew the whistle and we all started running. Lincoln Garwood fell straight away. I saw him trip himself up. It even looked real. He rolled over holding his foot. I heard the scream behind me. I kept on running.

  Me and Brett Shawcross were in front. Everybody else was behind us. I was in lane 4 and Brett Shawcross was in lane 6. I didn’t know which one was the luckiest. It was very close. We were both trying our hardest, you could tell. It felt brutal. Brett Shawcross has Nikes. I only have Diadoras but I was still in front. I just looked straight ahead. I wanted to win more than anything.

  Kyle Barnes gave up. He ran out of wind and fell over. Everybody else was miles behind.

  Everything went proper quiet. It felt like I was in slow motion even if I knew I was going fast. My legs were burning, it didn’t feel like a race anymore, I was running for my life. If they caught me they’d tear me into little pieces. I just had to get away. I just had to win or it was all over.

  When I went round the last bend I thought I was going to fall off, I had to slow down to stay in my lane. When I got onto the last straight I could go fast again but my breath was running out. I started going dizzy. I remembered the spirit in my trainers. I said a quick prayer inside my head:

  Me: ‘Spirit, give me your blood! Give me your quickness! Don’t let me die!’

  I could see the finish line. I was nearly there. Poppy was waiting for me, she was clapping me home. It was like the biggest energy. I felt the spirit come into my lungs. I made my legs go
higher, my arms swish faster. I was Usain Bolt, I was Superman. I was still alive and they could never catch me. I blew my last breath out and stretched for the line. Brett Shawcross crashed into me and we both fell over. I closed my eyes and waited for the whistle.

  Mr Kenny: ‘First place, Opoku! Shawcross second!’

  I won! Asweh, I couldn’t believe it! I wanted to shout ‘Yes!’ but I had no breath left. I just lay on my back. The sky was so dizzy and the clouds were all racing around. My head was all itchy. I just wanted to watch the sky and sleep. I just wanted to go around again.

  Brett Shawcross: ‘Well done. Good race.’

  I could feel the biggest smile grow over my face like God just painted it there with a tickly brush. It was the dope-finest kind of sick I ever felt. I’m the fastest in Year 7. It’s even official. I can’t wait to tell Papa. When I stood up again everybody wanted to shake my hand, even Brett Shawcross and Mr Kenny. Poppy squeezed me for the longest time. Asweh, it felt like I was the king. Everybody admired me and nobody was waiting for me at the gate, they know they can’t touch me until the spell wears off. Asweh, I wish every day was just like this!

  Auntie Sonia will have to hide in the boat. If they find her they’ll throw her over the side to the sharks. That’s what happens: first they cut you so the sharks can smell your blood, then they throw you in the sea to get eaten. A feeding frenzy is when all the sharks come together and fight over you. When they’re finished all that’s left is your bones and a blood slick.

  Mamma: ‘You don’t have to go anywhere. You can stay here until you find somewhere else.’

  Auntie Sonia: ‘And have Julius coming around here making trouble for everybody? I don’t want to get you any more involved than you are already.’

  Mamma: ‘It’s too late for that. It has been ever since I took his money.’

  Auntie Sonia: ‘I should never have told you about him.’

  Mamma: ‘How else would I have made it here? Should I have planted a plane ticket tree? I’d still be at home putting my coins in a Milo tin, ten pesewa here, fifty there. I made the choice, nobody forced me. I did it for me, for these children. As long as I pay my debt they’re safe and sound. They grow up to reach further than I could ever carry them. I’m here now, let me help you. Just tell me what you need.’

  Auntie Sonia: ‘Your stove. I can feel the old me growing back.’

  Mamma: ‘It’s about time. I missed her.’

  Auntie Sonia rubbed her fingers all sad and slow. I waited for the black and shiny to fall away like dead paint and the new old patterns to come back. If a skink gets his tail bitten off he just grows a new one, I read it in my reptiles book. A skink is well lucky.

  Mamma: ‘You can’t keep running forever.’

  Auntie Sonia: ‘No, but I could hop back to where I started and try again; this time I’ll pay the extra fifty dollars to get a boat with a driver knows the difference between fishermen and the coastguard. I tell you, you don’t want to know what a Libyan jail smells like, I still dream about that smell. Adjei, my leg’s itching like crazy! Pass me that pen.’

  Auntie Sonia’s foot is in plaster up to the knee. I think it was the Persuader but Lydia thinks Julius ran over it in his car. Whoever’s right gets a hundred points. Auntie Sonia isn’t telling. She just says it was her fault for not getting out of the way. She let me draw a picture on the plaster, I tried to draw my pigeon for good luck but it came out more like a duck.

  Auntie Sonia: ‘Anyway he’d never let me leave, I know too much. I should count my blessings, at least I can get decent painkillers, I’ve been eating Percocets like they were M&Ms, feels like I’m in the States again, it’s great. Can I have those back please, Doctor? Thank you!’

  I had to give the crutches back. They were making me dizzy anyway. I opened the door for Auntie Sonia and checked the corridor for enemies. The coast was clear.

  Auntie Sonia: ‘Have you seen what they did to your door?’

  We all looked where Auntie Sonia was looking. It was there in big letters scratched into the wood:

  DEAD

  The letters were all sharp and skinny where they were written by a knife instead of a pen. My belly went cold before I could stop it.

  Auntie Sonia: ‘Who did that?’

  Me: ‘Probably a junkie. There’s millions of them around here.’

  I followed the word with my fingers to feel for a clue. It was only for pretend: I knew already who did it and who it was meant for. Jordan’s always writing warnings with his war knife, it shows the enemy he means business and freaks them out. At least I’m not scared of the stringy bits on the banana. I always eat them. Jordan always pulls them off. It’s only banana string, it can’t even hurt you. Jordan’s not even that tough. I got a splinter from the A but it didn’t hurt.

  Lydia: ‘You should see what they wrote on the stairs. I F—ed God Up The Arse.’ (She only whispered it for if Mamma sounded us.)

  Auntie Sonia: ‘Lydia!’

  Lydia: ‘I’m just telling it.’

  Me: ‘Who’ll feed your tree if you go away?’

  Auntie Sonia: ‘I can take it with me, it’s only plastic.’

  Asweh, it even made me feel sick. I never knew the tree was plastic. I thought it was a real tree. It was a mean trick.

  Me: ‘Why do they make trees from plastic? It’s just crazy.’

  Auntie Sonia: ‘They’re easier to look after. Real trees need food and the right kind of weather. You can take a plastic tree anywhere and it doesn’t die if you forget to feed it. They’re for people who can’t be trusted with a living tree.’

  Mamma: ‘Don’t say that.’

  Auntie Sonia: ‘You know it’s true.’

  It’s actually a good idea when you think about it. It’s safer than a real tree. A plastic tree is only a lie if it pretends to be a real tree, if you know it’s plastic then it can’t be a lie.

  Some superheroes were born that way. Superman came from a planet where everybody had powers. Storm and Cyclops and Iceman had the X-gene all along.

  Altaf: ‘It’s just in their blood from when they’re born. They started showing their powers when they were still babies.’

  Me: ‘Wicked!’

  Altaf: ‘I like it better when they were born normal. Like Spiderman, he was just normal until the spider bit him. He didn’t even want to be special. He just wanted to get on with his life. But then when he got his powers he realised he needed them all along.’

  Me: ‘How?’

  Altaf: ‘He needed to be strong for when the bad crimes started happening. He didn’t even know they were coming but God knew all along. God sent the spider to make him ready. I wish it would happen all the time like that. I could have saved my papa then.’

  Me: ‘Why, what happened to him?’

  Altaf: ‘He died in the war.’

  Me: ‘Did you see it? Did the helicopters have guns on them?’

  Altaf: ‘I don’t know, I didn’t see them, we ran away before the Ethiopians came. I heard the tanks though. They were well loud, it was like an earthquake. My papa was going to follow us when the fighting finished but he got hit with a rocket. They weren’t trying to get him, he just got in the way. He just went into smoke. If I had my powers I could catch the rocket but it wasn’t my turn yet. I didn’t even know about superheroes then, nobody told me until I came here.’

  Altaf went back to his drawing. It looked like half a man and half a lion. I bet he calls it Lion Man. Altaf is the best drawrer by far.

  Me: ‘You should give him night eyes. Lions can see in the dark.’

  Altaf: ‘I’m going to.’

  Me: ‘Guess what: Snake Man is real, I saw him.’

  Altaf: ‘Where?’

  Me: ‘It was on YouTube. I actually saw him being born. Just type in snake eats boy and you’ll see it. Don’t worry, he spits him back out again. It’s the greatest thing you’ve ever seen. I knew it was real.’

  Altaf: ‘Wicked!’

  I like it better when they�
�re born normal. Then it could happen to anybody. It could even happen to me, I just need to meet a radioactive spider or eat the right poison. I’d ask for invisible, flying, mind-reading and superstrength. They’re the best powers for winning wars and catching the killer. I won’t have a costume though, it would just bring attention on myself. The costumes just look gay.

  I hope we don’t get homework in the big holiday. That would suck. Everybody agreed.

  Connor Green: ‘That would suck arse.’

  Kyle Barnes: ‘Definitely.’

  Me: ‘Too right. It would suck bigtime.’

  When something sucks it means it’s the worst. It comes from America. We made a spell. It was me and Dean and Connor Green and Kyle Barnes.

  Dean: ‘If we don’t step on any cracks for the rest of term, then the holidays will be sunny every day and we won’t get any homework. Agreed?’

  All of us: ‘Agreed!’

  The first one to step on a crack gets their head flushed down the toilet. If you only do tiny penguin steps you can stop yourself before you get to the crack. It’s safer like that. The big holiday will be brilliant. We’re going to the zoo first. Papa and Agnes and Grandma Ama will be here by then. Sometimes you even get to feed the penguins. Agnes is going to laugh her head off, she’s never seen one before. Agnes gives the best cuddles even when she puts her finger in your nose.

  Then I’m going on a mighty long bike ride. It will just be me and Dean. We’ll ride our new bikes that we bought with the reward. We’ll leave early in the morning and we won’t come back until it’s proper dark. We’re going to ride all around London, to the Eye and the palace and the dinosaur museum.

  Dean: ‘We can hide in the T-Rex ribs, then we can jump out when they close up for the night and we’ll have the place all to ourselves. That’d be wicked.’

  Me: ‘Yeah, that would be well good, especially if everything comes alive.’

  Dean: ‘We don’t want the T-Rex to come to life though, he’d eat the shit out of us.’