Pigeon English

by Stephen Kelman

  Me: ‘Too right!’

  We borrowed Lydia’s phone. I only didn’t tell her because it’s classified police business. I was in charge of filming. I pointed the camera at Dean. I got ready to snap if the dead boy’s spirit came back. We were checking the basketball court because the dead boy used to hang out there. It was my idea to try and catch his spirit on camera. A piece of the dead person’s spirit always stays in the places he knew, even if his soul has already gone to Heaven. It might only be a tiny piece but sometimes if you look hard enough you can feel it.

  Me: ‘It’s like when you go in a puddle and then when you come out you make a footprint on dry land. For as long as it takes for the footprint to dry up and disappear, that’s how long your spirit stays on the ground. It’s the same when you die, except it lasts a lot longer because your whole body and all your feelings and thoughts were there, and they weigh a lot more than just a footprint.’

  Dean: ‘I get it, I get it. Just hurry up.’

  I held the dead boy’s picture for extra energy. I said a prayer inside my head for him to find us. If we could bring him back just long enough for him to tell us what happened, if he could give us the name of who chooked him, then we’d have all the proof we needed and he could rest in peace for ever after.

  Me: ‘Are you feeling anything yet?’

  Dean: ‘Yeah, f—ing stupid. It’s not working, man. Come on, let’s go.’

  Me: ‘Keep trying. Pretend like you’re the dead boy. Pretend like you can feel what he felt and see what he saw. It works better if you concentrate.’

  The dead boy was brilliant at basketball. One time he scored a basket from one end of the court to the other. Asweh, it was a one in a million shot. You’ll never see one like that again. Everybody said it was a fluke but he just smiled like he planned it all along. He didn’t even bluff about it, he just carried on playing. X-Fire kept calling him a poser but he didn’t even listen to him. When X-Fire and Killa started pushing him he just pushed them back. He wasn’t scared of anything.

  X-Fire: ‘F—ing poser. Anyone could’ve made that shot.’

  Dead boy: ‘Go on then, let’s see you make it.’

  X-Fire: ‘F— off, man, don’t be fronting me.’

  Killa: ‘We’ll f—ing batter you.’

  Dead boy: ‘Easy now, children. Play nice, yeah?’

  I was watching from outside. I could see it all happening through the fence. First X-Fire pushed the dead boy, then Killa pushed him. Then the dead boy pushed Killa, then X-Fire pushed the dead boy again. They were all red-eyes by now. The pushing just got faster. It felt quite crazy. The dead boy pushed Killa so hard he fell back and his T-shirt got twisted and you could see the handle of the screwdriver sticking out from the back of his pant. You could even hear the slaps. Nobody was going to stop, it was like somebody pressed the wrong button and now they had to keep pushing until they ran out of batteries. All the other players just stood and watched. Most of them were smaller kids like me. They only stopped when one of them tried to steal the dead boy’s bike. He had to chase after him to get his bike back.

  Killa: ‘That’s what I thought, pussy boy!’

  X-Fire: ‘Run away!’

  I thought it was all over but then the dead boy came back on his bike. He got a big drink from his water bottle and spat it all on Killa’s back. It went all on his T-shirt and everywhere.

  Dead boy: ‘You’re the f—ing pussy, pussy boy!’

  Then he rode away. Killa was proper red-eyes. The water was dripping off him. One of the smaller kids threw the basketball at him.

  Smaller kid: ‘Pussy boy!’

  That’s when I knew somebody was going to get killed. I just ran away sharp-sharp before it was me. It was ages ago, when I first came here. Now the basketball court is nearly always empty. Somebody tore all the nets up and tried to set the posts on fire. A basket without a net just doesn’t feel the same.

  Dean was lying on the ground under the basket. His eyes were closed and his arms were spread out from his sides like an angel.

  Dean: ‘I’m telling you, I’m not getting anything!’

  Me: ‘It’s because he didn’t know you, his spirit doesn’t trust if you’re friendly or not. It’s OK, spirit, he’s with me. We only want to help.’

  X-Fire: ‘What you two batty boys doing? You been eating retard sandwiches again?’

  X-Fire and Dizzy blocked the gate. Killa was behind the fence, Miquita was hanging onto him like a tree. I dropped Lydia’s phone through the fence quick quick so the grass would hide it.

  Dizzy: ‘Don’t you know you’re trespassing? You’ll have to pay the tax now, innit. How much you got?’

  Dean: ‘Nothing.’

  Dizzy: ‘Don’t make me hurt you.’

  Dizzy made Dean empty his pockets. All he had was 63p and two Black Jacks. Dizzy took it all. I couldn’t stop it, there was nowhere to go.

  Dizzy: ‘What about your trainers?’

  Dean: ‘What about them?’

  Dizzy: ‘Just take them off before I batter you. I ain’t messing around, man.’

  Dean took his trainers off. His socks had a tennis man on them. It was too late to ask if they were his favourite. He emptied his trainers out but he wasn’t hiding anything.

  X-Fire: ‘What about you, Ghana? What you hiding?’

  Me: ‘Nothing.’

  My belly went all cold. I held onto the dead boy’s wallet in my pocket. I couldn’t get the picture back in in time.

  Dizzy: ‘What you got there?’

  Dizzy got my arm and pulled it. I tried to dig it further down. I pressed proper hard and pushed all my fingers together to make them like glue. I could see the dead boy’s face, he was smiling and alive. Nobody was going to ruin it. I only had to let go when Dizzy stamped on my foot. He got his hand in my pocket before I could stop him and got the wallet out. The picture fell on the floor.

  Dizzy: ‘What’s this? There better be some cash in here.’

  Dizzy went through the wallet but it was empty. He just threw it away like it was only rubbish, like it never belonged to anybody. Killa saw the dead boy’s picture on the floor. He came and picked it up. Everything went quiet. Killa’s face went all stiff. He just stared at the picture like he was trying to make it disappear.

  Killa: ‘Where’d you get this?’

  Dean: ‘We found it.’

  Miquita: ‘It’s alright. It’s only a picture, it don’t mean nothing.’

  Killa: ‘What the f— do you know? You don’t know shit.’

  Miquita: ‘I’m just saying, babes.’

  Killa: ‘Get off me.’

  Killa pushed Miquita away. She bounced off the fence. It was her own fault for loving him too much. Dean put his trainers back on. The air was thick and full of killing thoughts. I was sinking in a black sea, that’s what it felt like. Killa just kept staring at the dead boy’s picture. I thought it was going to catch fire in his hands.

  X-Fire: ‘F—ing sort it out, man. Just get rid of it, yeah? Just f—ing go.’

  Killa: ‘What if I don’t want to? This shit’s gone too far, man. It’s over.’

  X-Fire: ‘I say when it’s over. Don’t pussy out on us now, you got us in this shit. Just give me the f—ing thing and go!’

  X-Fire took the picture from Killa and kicked his behind to make him split. Miquita followed after him but he pushed her away. He was nearly crying. When he got to the road he started running, his elbows were sticking out like a girl. I even felt sorry for him, he was sharper than I remembered. Everybody’s sharper when they’re running away.

  X-Fire burned the dead boy’s picture with his lighter. His spirit made the quickest sparks, you could never catch them. The smoke just got lost in the air. There was nowhere to go.

  X-Fire: ‘Dizzy, cover the gate, man. They ain’t going nowhere.’

  Dizzy blocked us. I looked for a big enough hole to escape through but everything was too close. Me and Dean stayed together. X-Fire came for us, he wasn’t eve
n red-eyes anymore. He’d made up his mind. He reached in the back of his pant. I knew it would be a war knife. All the windows of all the houses were empty, nobody was going to save us. X-Fire put his hood up.

  I saw you coming out of the sun. Please pigeon, help us!

  Lydia: ‘Get away from him! I called the police!’

  Asweh, my heart nearly jumped out of my skin! I turned around: Lydia was outside the fence. She was filming the whole thing on her phone, she must have found where I dropped it. She must have known I needed her.

  X-Fire: ‘Get her!’

  Me: ‘Run!’

  Dizzy went after my sister. All I could do was pray. I saw you do the shit, saw it drop right past X-Fire’s face. He had to jump out of the way of it and that’s when me and Dean dodged him and made it through the hole Dizzy left.

  X-Fire: ‘I’m gonna f—ing kill you!’

  We didn’t have time to believe him, we just ran. I could see Lydia ahead of me, I just followed her. I couldn’t let her get lost. My mouth tasted like rain. Just keep going, don’t stop. If you stop moving everything will fall down. I made one look behind me sharp-sharp. X-Fire was gone and so was Dizzy. I kept on running to make it stick. We only slowed down when we reached the shops.

  Lydia: ‘The library! Quick!’

  We ran into the big library, we had to be safe there. We got up the stairs to the computers. Lydia showed us the film. She got everything: Killa looking sorry and X-Fire burning the dead boy’s picture. She got us away just in time.

  Dean: ‘Don’t delete it, will you.’

  Lydia: ‘I won’t. What have you been messing in?’

  Me: ‘We were only doing our duty.’

  Lydia: ‘Mamma go sound you.’

  Lydia emailed the video to Abena for extra security. It took donkey hours to send. We waited for long enough to be safe. When we got home I locked all the locks and drank a whole glass of water with my eyes open. It didn’t even feel like I was easing myself on a cloud anymore. I knew it was just the bubbles from the bleach.

  I could have done more but I’m still stiff from that run-in with the magpies. I could have saved you but it’s not my place. It’s like the Boss always says: they’re just meat loosely wrapped around a blazing star. We don’t mourn the wrapping once it’s discarded, we celebrate the freeing of the star. We tow it to its rightful place with the ropes he spun, set it to shine upon the peeling paint of a past life, to light a bereaved mother’s journey back to her god.

  The rain keeps falling, the sea keeps rising, you keep going. You keep going out of spite or with magnificent defiance, you keep going through steely instinct or by cotton-wool consensus, you keep going because you’re made that way. You keep going, and we love you for it.

  We miss you when you’re gone.

  Connor Green stood on a crack. He did it on purpose, he just jumped right on it. Now the spell’s broken and the summer holidays will be ruined and it’s Connor Green’s fault. We all gave him one dirty blow on the arm. He even let us do it. He said he didn’t care.

  Kyle Barnes: ‘You dick! What’d you do that for?’

  Connor Green: ‘’Cause I felt like it. So what? There’s not really a spell, it’s just bullshit.’

  Kyle Barnes: ‘You’re bullshit.’

  Connor Green: ‘Yeah, well, I know something you don’t. I know who killed that kid.’

  Nathan Boyd: ‘What kid?’

  Connor Green: ‘The one who got stabbed outside Chicken Joe’s, who d’you think? I seen it happen.’

  My belly went proper cold. Everything stopped moving, even my blood.

  Connor Green: ‘For real. I was driving past. I seen the kid get stabbed and I seen Jermaine Bent running away. I seen the knife and everything.’

  Kyle Barnes: ‘Why didn’t you tell the cops then?’

  Connor Green: ‘F— off, I ain’t getting stabbed. They can do their own dirty work.’

  Nathan Boyd: ‘I don’t believe you. Whose car were you in?’

  Connor Green: ‘My brother’s.’

  Kyle Barnes: ‘What car’s he got?’

  Connor Green: ‘A Beemer. Five series.’

  That’s when we knew he must be lying. Connor’s brother can’t have a BMW, he isn’t even rich enough. Connor only wears Reebok Trail Burst. Nathan Boyd started sniffing the air. Everybody got ready to laugh.

  Nathan Boyd: ‘I can smell something. Can you smell something? What is it, dogshit? No, it’s not dogshit. Cowshit? No, hang on. It could be horseshit.’

  Connor Green: ‘Just f— off, man.’

  Nathan Boyd: ‘I know what it is, it’s bullshit!’

  I couldn’t believe it, it was too hard. I kept hoping there was another Jermaine Bent who wasn’t Killa, then it wouldn’t have to be real and I could go back to normal. I wanted to fix it so bad I couldn’t even pick it up for if it broke all over again. Maybe I don’t have what it takes to be a detective after all. Maybe it’s just too risky.

  Have you ever played rounders? Asweh, it sucks. I hate it so much. It’s too hard to hit the ball. The bat’s too small and it’s the wrong shape. I can never hit it. I wish I had the Persuader, at least it’s big enough. You want to be the batter because it’s the best bit, you wait donkey hours for your turn and then you can’t even hit the ball. It’s proper vexing. Everybody was supporting me.

  Everybody: ‘Come on Harri, you can do it!’

  I just wanted to hit the ball far like Brett Shawcross. He makes it look easy. I couldn’t even hit it one time. Asweh, it gave me red-eyes like crazy. In the end I just fielded. All you do is wait for the ball to come near you. If it comes near you, you try and catch it. It’s boring. The ball never came near me the whole time. I just stopped trying. I sat down until Mr Kenny made me run around the field.

  Mr Kenny: ‘Opoku, get up! One lap!’

  Nobody knew about my plan. It had to be a secret or it wouldn’t work. I waited until I was too far away for them to see me then I squeezed through the hole in the fence. If I eat the crab apples I’ll get all the superpowers I need. Then I’ll be protected. It was Altaf who gave me the idea. I got tired of waiting for a radioactive spider to come bite me so I’m going to use the magic poison fruits instead. Then the bad guys can’t defeat me and I’ll be safe the whole summer.

  First I checked the trees for asasabonsam. I looked for their legs hanging down from the branches. The coast was clear. The trees weren’t even big enough to hold them, the branches were too skinny. The forest felt proper slow. I was all on my own. The air smelled like rain. I couldn’t see the birds, only hear them chatting high up above my head.

  Me: ‘Hello, pigeon, is that you? Keep a lookout for me, OK?’

  Pigeon: ‘Will do!’

  The forest is a lot smaller than I thought. I could see all the way through to the other side, the road and houses behind. I wanted to be the first person to come here but somebody was there before me: there were broken bottles on the ground and a hell of sweet wrappers all muddy and stiff. It was very vexing. I wanted to be the first. I went in deeper. I picked the two best-looking apples from the best tree. They were only small. It’s only poison for the others, for me it’s a meteor. It’s the only way to get my powers.

  I sat on a broken tree trunk. It was lovely and quiet. I thought of all the important things I had to do and all the power I’d need, I did one big breath then I bit the first apple.

  I swear by God, it was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever tasted! I wanted to spit but I had to swallow it for the spell to work. I put my hand over my mouth so I couldn’t spit it out. I closed my eyes and chewed. My belly felt crazy. I needed all my blood just to get it down. I swallowed the whole thing, all except the seeds. I opened my eyes. Everything was grey and I felt like puking. I did another big breath and bit the second apple. I had to try very hard. I had to concentrate and forget about the sickness and the taste. It took donkey hours but I just kept chewing and swallowing, chewing and swallowing. I only did a spit at the very end to t
ake the taste away.

  My belly felt proper bad after. I couldn’t stand up yet. I wanted to shit but I held it in for if I shit all the powers back out again. I waited. I kept going cold then hot again. It must be the powers going into my blood. I needed it to work. I needed the protection and to make them pay for what they did. I did a big woodpecker fart. It was wet at the end but it didn’t escape. I wasn’t ShitHisPantsMan, I was UnstoppableMan. When I came out of the forest I was still wobbly. Mr Kenny was waiting for me.

  Mr Kenny: ‘Where’ve you been?’

  Me: ‘I felt sick, sir.’

  Nathan Boyd: ‘He was smoking a fag in the woods.’

  Connor Green: ‘He was having a wank.’

  Me: ‘No I wasn’t.’

  Mr Kenny: ‘That’s enough.’

  Mr Kenny let me sit out the rest of the game. Rounders is boring anyway. I never hit the ball because the bat’s the wrong shape. They should make it more flat. I don’t know why nobody thought of it yet.

  The war was here. It was real, you just knew it. There was smoke everywhere, it was thick black and it filled up the whole sky. You could feel the fire from miles away. Everybody went to watch the playground die.

  Dean: ‘I thought it was a plane crash at first. I wish it was, that’d be wicked.’

  Somebody set the swings on fire. That’s where most of the smoke was coming from. The rubber smell from the seats got in my nose, I couldn’t smell anything else. You know when a smell is so big it even makes you laugh? Well that’s what it felt like. You only couldn’t laugh because all the grown-ups were watching. The fire was a disaster and you had to be serious.

  Dean’s mamma: ‘It’s them bloody kids that done it. I saw ’em in there when I come back from the chemist’s. They were trying to light it then.’

  Lady with big arms: ‘When was that?’

  Dean’s mamma: ‘Just now. I was coming back from the chemist’s. I knew they were up to something.’

  Manik’s papa: ‘Little bastards.’

  The climbing frame was on fire as well. All the metal was gone black and the rope from the net was burned off and dying. The fire was very hot. When I got close it made me go proper itchy. It felt lovely and sleepy. It was the biggest fire I’ve ever seen.