Pigeon English

by Stephen Kelman

  Some smaller kids were playing a game to see who could get the closest. They all ran to the fire and the one who got closest before they ran away again was the winner. It looked brutal. I wanted to play but I had to show respect. When you’re Year 7 you have to set an example. Everybody just watched the fire. They didn’t even want to talk anymore, they just wanted to watch. They couldn’t help it. They were stuck there. The playground was dying but nobody was trying to save it. They knew they couldn’t do anything, it was too hot and beautiful. They knew the fire would always win. It was brilliant and sad and hutious all at the same time.

  Whenever a new person came along somebody had to tell them the story so far, about the kids who started the fire. Then the new person would say something like:

  New person: ‘Little f—ers’

  and they they’d just watch like everybody else. It was like having a secret except you were allowed to tell everybody. It was like having a secret between all of us. It made you feel like you were together, like you knew everybody, even if you’ve never talked to them before and you don’t know their name. They were all on your side. It’s the best thing about a war.

  Lydia snapped the fire. All I could see in the picture was black smoke.

  Me: ‘Ho, you can’t even see the fire! Try again!’

  Lydia: ‘Don’t disturb! It’ll melt my phone!’

  Me: ‘No it won’t. Snap the pirate ship before it sinks!’

  Lydia: ‘No, I’m going, the smoke’s killing my eyes. Are you coming?’

  Me: ‘No, I’m staying. I’ll walk home with Dean.’

  Lydia: ‘Be careful then. Don’t let them follow you.’

  Me: ‘I won’t!’

  I only wanted to snap the pirate ship before it sank forever. I just wanted to be there for when the playground died, so it knew I was there and that I loved it until the end.

  Terry Takeaway: ‘Alright little man. What happened here?’

  Me: ‘Just a fire. Asbo! Hello, boy! Good boy! Good boy, Asbo!’

  Asbo jumped up and licked my face. It was proper funny, even when his tongue went in my mouth. In the big holiday I’m going to teach him to hunt for spirits.

  Terry Takeaway: ‘Wanna buy some DVDs? I’ve got some good ones, there’s one with zombies somewhere.’

  Me: ‘No thanks. If you buy a pirate DVD the money goes to Osama Bin Laden. We learned it at school.’

  Terry Takeaway: ‘Suit yourself.’

  Then the fire engine came. I heard the siren from miles away. It drove right across the green. Everybody was proper vexed when they turned the siren off because they wanted to hear it in close-up.

  Fireman: ‘Everyone stay back.’

  But everybody kept going closer again. They couldn’t help it. The smaller kids were the bravest. They never listened to the firemen, they just kept going nearer. They just loved being with the firemen, you could tell. They wanted to help. They wanted to be them.

  One of the smaller kids tried to lift up the hose but he couldn’t even move it because it was way too heavy. He started crying. That was the funniest bit.

  Fireman: ‘Alright matey, I’ve got it. You can help next time, yeah?’

  The water came out superquick like a bullet. The firemen were very skilful, they put the whole fire out in one minute. When the fire was gone the playground just looked nasty. It was all black where the burning was. It just looked dirty and dead. It made you feel dead as well. It even made you wish the fire was back so it would hide all the dirt again.

  Everybody cheered the fire engine away. I was sad to see them go. We didn’t know when we’d get to see them in action again.

  Dean: ‘If I knew they’d be so quick I’d’ve made some more fires for them to put out.’

  Dean’s mamma: ‘Yeah, and you’d get my foot up your arse for your trouble.’

  Dean: ‘I was only joking!’

  Now the fire was gone I could see things I couldn’t see before, sad and crazy things that felt like they shouldn’t even be there. I saw a piece of dead rope from the cargo net. It was all black and shiny from the fire. It looked just like a snake. I kept suspecting it to move and slide away under the wood chippings. I saw a dead penny buried in the ground by the ladybird. I pretended like it was a shit the ladybird made. The ladybird was so scared by the fire that he shit himself. It made me feel sorry for him even if I knew he was just plastic. His head was all bent and melted from the heat.

  The smaller kids started playing a new game where they dared each other to pick up the burnt woodchips. They were still proper hot. Nobody could hold them for longer than two seconds. I saw Killa through the smoke. He was on his own. He’d just been watching the fire like everybody else. He picked up a woodchip, wrapped his hand around it and just stood there holding it, waiting for it to burn his fingers. He was even loving it, he didn’t care. He kept holding the woodchip for donkey hours, I didn’t start counting from the beginning but I got to 28 before he dropped it again. The secret is to make your fist as tight as it will go. Then he just put his hands in his pockets and walked away not looking at anybody. It was like he was as sad as me, even if he only used the climbing frame for hooting.

  Then the light came back on. The smoke started blowing away and I remembered it was daytime. I didn’t feel sleepy anymore. People started going home. Me and Dean wanted to stay, even if it meant the playground was dead. It was too late to change anything, it just felt too important to leave yet. We had to see what came up from under the ashes, any powers or important news or any dead things that used to be hidden.

  A smaller kid was still crying.

  Smaller kid: ‘Now I can’t go on the slide anymore.’

  Smaller kid’s mamma: ‘Don’t worry, they’ll build another one. It’ll be even better than the old one, you’ll see.’

  I hoped the new slide would be the longest in the world. I hoped it took forever to get to the bottom. When it only lasts one second it’s just too vexing, I remember from before I was too big for slides. I only wanted to be small again enough for one more go.

  I took a walk around the ruins of the playground, let the soot stain my orange feet black. I was hoping the flames might bring a concession, a last-minute change of plan. I was hoping to singe my wings in the embers but it didn’t work, I’m still here and whole. Still got a job to do. No rest for the wicked, and all that.

  We prefer it when you walk around instead of through us. We like to be left in peace while we’re eating and performing our courtship rituals. We ask only for the same rights as you: we just want to live our lives, make a place for ourselves, room to shit and room to sleep, room to raise our children. Don’t poison us just because we make a mess. You make a mess, too. There’s enough of everything to go round if we all stick to our fair share.

  Leave us be and there’ll be no trouble. Be kind to us and we’ll return the favour when the time for favours comes. Until then, peace be with you.

  Me and Dean and Lydia all walked to school together for extra security. It didn’t even feel like the war would come today, it was the last day before summer and it made an unbreakable spell. It was lovely and hot. Everybody was smiling from ear to ear. We had to shout along with them. We couldn’t hold it in.

  Me and Dean: ‘It’s the last day! We’re nearly free!’

  Lydia: ‘Ow! Don’t shout right in my ear!’

  Me: ‘Aaarrghhhhhh!’ (That was me doing a big shout in Lydia’s ear.)

  In Geography Mr Carroll put the fan on. It was already blowing when we came in. It was a dope-fine surprise. Everybody went crazy when they saw it. We all took turns to air ourselves, the cold wind felt lovely.

  Some of us made a dare to air our private parts. None of us really did it, we just lifted our shirts and aired our bellies instead. The cold wind on our bellies was the sweetest feeling of all.

  Kyle Barnes: ‘Look, Daniel’s nipples are going hard! Pervert.’

  Daniel Bevan: ‘Shut up, no they’re not.’

  Brayden Ca
mpbell: ‘He’s got wood. Look, Charmaine. Touch Daniel’s wood.’

  Charmaine de Freitas: ‘Piss off!’

  Everybody was wearing their ties around their heads. They all pretended they were ninjas. The Year 11s wrote all on their shirts. Their friends wrote their names and messages for good luck. It was the last time they’d ever wear that shirt. They were never going to school again, it was finished forever. You have to cover the shirt with good luck to take on your journey to the world. It’s a tradition. It felt lovely. I can’t wait until I do it.

  GOOD LUCK KEEP IT REAL spud

  NORTHWELL MANOR TILL I DIE TYRONE

  TAKE IT EASY GET RICH OR DIE TRYIN Naomi

  DFC FUCK SCHOOL LEWSEY HILL R. PUSSIES

  FUCK DA POLICE LEON IN DROG WE TRUST

  Damon MR PERRY SUCKS DOGS COCKS

  just enough education to perform Cherise

  CHEESE TITS RUFUS RUFUS

  repeat after me: DO YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?

  ONE LOVE

  DON’T PAY TAX, SELL DRUGS INSTEAD

  see you at the job centre FASAR TWAT Donovan

  hair by Toni & Guy, personality by Ronald McDonald

  MALACHI

  FREAK KNOBJUNKIE GINGER Zaida

  ME LUV YOU LONG TIME TOMORROW IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE – AND IT’S GONNA SUCK ARSE

  Don’t worry, be happy! MUUMBE

  NOTHING SPECIAL E.M.+S.T. 4 EVA Kieron

  I’m the only gay in the village VIRGIN

  Get high naturally: climb a tree Everyone’s a cunt except me

  LIVE YOUR DREAM

  MARVIN P. IS PENG-A-LENG!

  PRACTISE RANDOM KINDNESS

  NOT A UNIFORM

  Be warned: the future doesn’t need you! MOTAHIR

  crack whore in training NATASHA VICKY C. INDIA

  SMOKIN HOT

  God used to be my co-pilot but we crashed in the

  mountains and I had to eat him

  NOBODY CARES Jack GOONER

  I told you you’d go blind I STINK OF JIZZ

  MUNTER BUY MORE CRAP Lester

  HEAVEN IS A HALFPIPE HUSTLER MATT

  we are all made of stars simone Corinne

  SPOON Where’s the bitches?

  JASON B. FUCKED MY MUM

  NINJAS AGAINST EMO

  bite my shiny metal ass! Michael D. BIG WORDS

  Too cool for school!

  WILL FELCH FOR BACARDI BREEZERS

  everything will be OK!

  Every time I didn’t say I love you I was lying Nahid

  I LOVE POKI BUM WANKS SLUT

  Everybody was watching from the window. The Year 11s got let out before us. Some of them threw their jumpers up in the trees. Some of them brought supersoakers and water bombs and there was a big water fight. They were soaking each other. It looked brutal. Sometimes it turned into a ruckus, then it was even funnier. We couldn’t wait to be let out. We were all going to run around like a dog. We started singing at five minutes left.

  Everybody: ‘We want freedom! We want freedom!’

  It was Kyle Barnes’s idea. Everybody joined in, even the scared ones. Asweh, it was brutal. We were all banging on our desks like in a crazy movie.

  Everybody: ‘Out! Out! Out! Out!’

  In the end Mr Carroll gave up. He had to let us out or there’d be a riot.

  Mr Carroll: ‘Go on then. Everyone have a great holiday. Stay out of trouble!’

  Everybody: ‘We will!’

  You forgot all about no running on the stairs. Your legs just wanted to get out, you just had to follow them. It was like a race for the future. First one outside would own the summer.

  Everybody put their ties around their heads and drank the rain. Me and Poppy walked to the gate together. We were holding hands the proper way, it was very sexy. My heart was going proper fast. Poppy was more beautiful than before. It was even scary. It sounds crazy but it’s true, it was like I remembered how beautiful she was and it made me scared. My belly turned over like an aeroplane.

  Me: ‘Have a nice holiday.’

  Poppy: ‘And you. Are you going back to Ghana?’

  Me: ‘No. I’m going to the zoo though. Do you want to come?’

  Poppy: ‘I can’t, I’m going to Spain.’

  Me: ‘Forever?’

  Poppy: ‘No, only two weeks.’

  Me: ‘Are you coming back to this school?’

  Poppy: ‘Of course I am. Are you?’

  Me: ‘I think so.’

  Poppy: ‘That’s good.’

  I wanted to tell her I loved her but it wouldn’t come out. It felt too big. Even the word. It felt too big and stupid to say it now. I had to keep it in my belly for later. I had to swallow it back down.

  Poppy: ‘Will you text me?’

  Me: ‘OK.’

  Poppy wrote her number on my hand. Her pen was purple and tickly. It felt lovely like the best good luck message. I didn’t tell her I haven’t got a phone. I’ll just borrow Lydia’s phone, she’ll have to let me. I might ask for a phone for my birthday instead of a Playstation. It’s only one month away. I don’t care if it has a camera as long as I can talk to Poppy with it. I never want her to cut me, it

  That’s when Poppy kissed me. I didn’t have time to get ready. She just kissed me there and then, right on the lips. It felt lovely. I wasn’t even scared this time. It was warm and not too wet. I didn’t get any tongue. Her breath smelled like Orange Tic Tacs. I forgot all about Miquita, it didn’t even mean anything.

  I just closed my eyes and followed Poppy. Her lips were very soft. It was very relaxing. It made me want to go to sleep forever. I squeezed my legs a bit to stop my bulla tickling.

  Connor Green: ‘Hey, look, now Harri’s got wood! What’s going on, is it I’ve Got Wood Day or something? Have a word with yourself!’

  Connor Green was throwing spitwads at us. We had to stop. It was like waking up after a lovely dream when you didn’t even want to wake up.

  Poppy: ‘Piss off, Connor.’

  We were at the gate. Poppy’s mamma was waiting for her. I wished her car would blow up so I could walk Poppy home.

  Poppy: ‘Bye then.’

  Me: ‘Bye.’

  Poppy waved to me through the window. I waved to her. It didn’t even feel gay, it felt like the best thing to do. That’s why people wave to each other, because it makes them belong. It tells the whole world. I licked my lips. I could still taste Poppy’s breath on them. It was the only superpower I needed.

  Dean says to wait until Monday before we tell the police. We need to get all our evidence together and work out what to say. Dean has to decide what games to get with his Playstation and we have to tell our mammas. They’ll have to come to the police station with us for if the cops don’t believe our story. Dean says we might get a tour, I hope they show us the torture room. They’ll just hold Killa’s head in a bucket of water until he admits it. In England you get TV in jail and the pool balls even roll straight. It’s better than being dead. We just have to stay alive until Monday, then everything will be alright.

  It was raining faster now. I did a big breath and got ready to run. I was going to count how long it takes to get home.

  If I get home before seven minutes it means Poppy won’t forget me AND we solved the case.

  I started just moving my arms to warm them up. I made them go faster and faster. I could feel my blood getting stronger. When I was ready I started running.

  I ran fast. I ran down the hill and through the tunnel. I shouted:

  Me: ‘Poppy I love you!’

  It made a mighty echo. Nobody else heard it.

  I ran past the real church. I ran past the cross.

  I ran past the Jubilee.

  I ran past the CCTV camera. I let it snap me for luck.

  I ran past the other pigeons. I pretended they called hello to me.

  Me: ‘Pigeons I love you!’

  It didn’t even feel stupid, it felt brilliant. I ran past the playground and the dead clim
bing frame. I was running superfast. I was going faster than I’ve ever gone, my feet were just a blur. Nobody could ever catch me, I was going to break the world record.

  I ran past the lady in the chair car. She didn’t even see me coming! I ran past the houses and the little kids’ school. My legs were getting tired but I didn’t slow down. I even went faster. My lips still tickled from where Poppy’s kiss had been. My powers were growing inside me. I ran past a tree in a cage.

  Me: ‘Tree I love you!’

  I kicked a Coke can out of the way. I nearly fell but I didn’t fall. I could see the flats. I was nearly home. The stairs would be safe. When I got to the stairs the spell would come true.

  I ran through the tunnel. My breath was nearly gone, I couldn’t get the words out anymore. I just made a noise instead:

  Me: ‘Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!’

  Asweh, it made the best echo ever. There was nobody else to ruin it.

  I ran past the flats and around the corner to the stairs. I had no breath left. I stopped. The sweat was itching on my face. It felt like less than seven minutes, it felt like only five. I did it! The stairs were lovely and cool. I only had to go up the stairs and I’d be home and dry. I was going to drink a lovely big glass of water all in one go. The tap in the kitchen is safe.

  I didn’t see him. He came out of nowhere. He was waiting for me. I should have seen him but I wasn’t paying attention. You need eyes in the back of your head.

  He didn’t say anything. His eyes gave it all away: he just wanted to destroy me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I couldn’t get out of the way, he was too fast. He just bumped me and ran away. I didn’t even see it go in. I thought it was a trick until I fell over. I’ve never been chooked before. It just felt too crazy.

  I could smell the piss. I had to lie down. All I could think was how I didn’t want to die. All I could say was:

  Me: ‘Mamma.’

  It only came out like a whisper. It wasn’t even loud enough. Mamma was at work. Papa was too far away, he’d never hear it.