The Lady is a Thief

by Aimee Nicole Walker

  Once I got to Curl Up and Dye, all my tension faded away because I knew I was going to get a scalp massage that rivaled sex, a beautiful hair style that always made me feel like a million dollars, catch up on the latest town gossip, and I’d walk out of there with freshly painted nails that would make me happy every time I looked down at them.

  I wasn’t wrong either. Josh worked his magic with two different shades of blonde and a contrasting shade of brown that made the blonde look more vibrant. As for the gossip, I learned that Mr. Jacobi was trying to pass a kidney stone, Mrs. Danvers was testing the latest beauty cream from an infomercial she saw during late night reruns of I Love Lucy, and Nadine Beaumont finally left that worthless, piece of shit husband of hers. Rocky Beaumont, former town mayor and current town slut, was finally getting his just desserts.

  My mood had completely turned around by the time I left the salon. I might’ve sacrificed four hours of my day off, but it was worth every second. I was convinced my luck had also turned around because Becker, a local realtor, called on my way home to tell me I had first crack at the Renzo estate. The older couple had recently passed away within months of each other and their son, Thom, was looking to sell the property since he had moved away after graduation and had no desire to return to Blissville. It was the best opportunity presented to me in a long time, and I couldn’t wait to see what treasures were in store for me in that old house.

  I know it sounds like I have questionable character, but I’m a good person. I swear! I don’t wish death on people, and I certainly don’t try to take advantage of the grieving families I work with, in fact, the opposite is true. The reason I’m successful at procuring first crack at the items is because I’ve earned the reputation as someone who is respectful to the families and honest in my dealings. I’m very proud of that too.

  It was already dark by the time I left the salon, and I was ready to make myself a cup of hot cocoa and settle in my recliner with my book and Lulu curled up on my lap. Well, best laid plans and yada yada yada because Lulu had an upset stomach and wanted to eat grass. I decided to let my girl do her thing while I went upstairs and put on my pjs. Here’s a quirk about me. I own more pajamas than I do anything else and in every style you can imagine. I have everything from the sexy frilly shit that never gets to see play time, because neither do I, to the floor-length nightgowns like my ninety-year-old nana wears, and everything in between.

  That night, I grabbed my favorite pair of Betty Boop pjs. The top was a baseball T-shirt with a white torso and a sassy, sexy Betty in the center, and long, red sleeves. It was a little thin for winter, but so soft against my skin and it wasn’t like I was going to be camping outside. I wasn’t expecting company either so I decided braless was perfectly acceptable. The pj bottoms were made from the softest red and black flannel that hugged my lower half in a warm embrace. It was the perfect outfit for lazing about for the rest of the evening.

  Once I got back downstairs, I looked out the window of my kitchen door to check on Lulu’s progress. My heart raced in my chest when I didn’t see her. I whipped the door open and used that whisper-yell technique to call her name.

  “Lulu! Stop fooling around and get in here.”

  I stepped onto the back porch in my bare feet when I didn’t see or hear her. I turned my head to the right and saw that the gate was hanging wide open.

  “Oh my God!” My baby!

  I darted back inside the house and pulled the emergency flashlight from the junk drawer next to the refrigerator. I ran back outside and was grateful that the batteries still worked because I didn’t think to check them. There were only two things in the house that I could be sure always had batteries—my remote control for the television and my vibrator. Hey! A girl must have her priorities straight in life. I ran through the open gate and swept the weak beam of light from left to right as I looked for my precious dog. Too bad there wasn’t snow on the ground or I could’ve followed her footprints.

  “Lulu!” I didn’t bother trying to be quiet. I heard the fear in my voice grow each time I called her name. “Come on, baby girl. Where are you?”

  As soon as I crossed into my new neighbor’s back yard, a bright spotlight came on, blinding me instantly.

  “Fuck!” I yelled as I tried covering my eyes with my free hand.

  I heard the back door fly open hard enough to smash into the side of the house. “Who’s there?”

  Oh, fuck! That hot, gravelly, just-woke-up voice sent shivers down my spine and made my lady bits clench in straight-up need. Damn, that voice would whisper the dirtiest shit in your ears while he pounded you from behind. I bet he would yank my hair and bite my neck. Whoa! What’s happening here? My reactions to his angry voice shocked me enough that I dropped my flashlight.

  I shaded my eyes and looked in the direction of the back porch, but due to the bright lights behind him, all I could see was a dark silhouette. And what an amazing silhouette it was too. If he wasn’t naked then he was pretty damn close because I couldn’t see any hint of clothing hugging his thickly muscled thighs, broad shoulders, or bulging biceps that tapered into massively strong-looking forearms that…

  “Is that a fucking gun?”

  ALL I WANTED WAS SOME fucking sleep after spending the entire night writing up my last fucking report for my last motherfucking assignment. I’d spent the last four years working undercover operations for the Columbus Police Department and finally got a chance at a promotion. Unfortunately for me, the new job was in Blissville, Ohio, which was more than an hour south, and my old police captain wasn’t inclined to turn me loose until my investigation was completed. I couldn’t really blame him because switching out undercover cops in an eighteen-month investigation was asking to blow shit wide open or get someone killed. I used it as motivation to wrap things up all nice and tight, so I could get on with my life.

  In my eagerness to begin my fresh start, I might’ve pushed myself beyond human limitations after accepting the position on the BPD, but taking down Axel Washington and his damn drug and gun-running motorcycle gang was so fucking worth it. Across the country, more and more gangs were popping up following the popularity of a certain cable television show. I confess to watching a few episodes myself to get an idea of what to expect before I went undercover, but I can honestly say that Axel Washington was no bad boy wannabe; he was the real-fucking-deal.

  Needless to say, I was exhausted by the time I pulled into the driveway of my rented house. I was grateful that I didn’t have to report to my new captain until the following Monday, so I could attempt to get settled and catch up on all the sleep I’d missed before I would start my new job. I could already tell that I was going to like working for Captain Roman-Wyatt. My new partner, Adrian Goode, seemed like he was going to be a riot to work with. I just wanted to be at my best on day one and that was going to take some serious decompressing after the hellhole I’d just climbed out of the previous night.

  I crashed hard the minute I got home and didn’t wake up until about seven in the evening when I heard the familiar sounds of my neighbor letting her dog out. It was hard to tell the woman’s age because she always did that whisper-yell thing, but I liked to pretend that she was a hot blonde with a rocking body—nicely curved hips, narrow waist, and large, luscious tits. It never failed to make my piss hard-on even harder, which took even longer for me to pee. I was tempted to peek out my bedroom window that overlooked her back yard on more than one occasion, but I didn’t want to ruin my spank bank fantasy material.

  Once I relieved my bladder, my stomach started making its unhappiness known. I’d survived on fast food for so long that I couldn’t remember the last time I had a decent meal. I knew I should take a shower, get dressed, and go to the diner in town, but that required more energy than I possessed. I decided my stomach could wait and returned to bed, knowing that the neighbor lady’s dog wouldn’t be outside too long in the cold. I was certain that Lulu was some tiny lap dog and not a big, hairy Saint Bernard that would want to
frolic around in the cold temps. There was something different about her voice, but I was too tired to give it much thought beyond it sounded louder and less whispery than usual.

  I’d just lain back down and shut my eyes when my motion-sensor lights on the back of the house turned on and bright, white light flooded my back yard and one of my bedroom windows along the back wall. Those LED lights didn’t fuck around and neither did I.

  Instinctively, I grabbed my gun and ran down the steps and out the back door not caring that I was wearing nothing but a pair of boxer briefs. I half expected to see one of the motorcycle gang’s family members standing in my back yard, but instead it was a vision greater than any I could conjure up and beat off to. The only thing dangerous-looking on my visitor was her pointy nipples poking through her cotton. They looked hard enough to cut glass, but I was willing to risk my safety if she wanted to get up close and personal with my mouth. That was a welcoming committee I could fucking get used to in a heartbeat.

  “Is that a fucking gun?” she asked angrily through lips so plush and sensual that I easily imagined them wrapped around my cock.

  “Uh…” My ability to communicate had drained south along with my blood to my dick, which I could feel thickening behind my underwear. My brain wasn’t capable of saying much, but my dick was very expressive about what it wanted.

  “Why in fuck’s sake are you holding a gun in your hand?” She placed both hands on her hips, which only pushed her glorious tits out even more. Fuck! It had been so long since I’d had my hands on a set like hers that I worried I’d come in my underwear. In my experience, most people—especially women—shy away from a person holding a gun. Not this chick; she marched forward in angry strides that made her boobs bounce and sway hypnotically. My mouth went dry, which was terrible if I wanted to wrap my lips around those nipples and tease them with my tongue, which I desperately did. It was the neighborly thing to do when they were shouting, “Welcome to the neighborhood,” like that.

  I heard a crunch seconds before she let out a jagged gasp and stopped in her tracks. “Mother fuck!” Oh, beautiful and cursed like a sailor. My heart pounded a little harder in my chest. My raging hard-on was all but forgotten when she lifted her leg, and I saw blood in the arch of her dainty, bare foot.

  I charged forward because that’s what white knights do, right? Of course, she hadn’t forgotten about the gun and quickly dropped her foot to take a step back away from danger. When she did, her foot landed on the flashlight she had dropped. The cylindrical object rolled, knocking her off balance and sent her tumbling backward. She cracked her head on the frozen ground and went immediately still.

  “Fuck!” I tucked my gun into the waistband of my boxer briefs since I didn’t exactly have anywhere else to put it. “Miss, are you okay?” I asked, dropping down to my knees beside her. I quickly assessed that she was breathing fine and had just knocked herself out. I heard a soft jingle of metal clicking together a moment before a gray-and-white dog ran over to the prone woman and began licking her face. I would’ve known it was Lulu by the sparkling collar alone, but she had a pink bone-shaped name tag that spelled her name in crystals—or diamonds for all I knew.

  I slipped my arms beneath the blonde bombshell and easily lifted her off the ground. “Come on, Lulu. Let’s check out your human to make sure she’s okay.”

  As if she understood, Lulu raced me up the steps and waited at the back door for me. I carefully shifted the bundle of pure sex in my arms, and opened it so we could go inside where it was warm. I hadn’t realized how cold I was until I lifted her freezing body into my arms. It was a miracle that I could get an erection in icy temperatures, but then I looked at the angelic face and hot body of the intruder as I laid her gently on the sofa. I covered her with the flannel blanket I kept thrown over the back because the furnace in the house was temperamental at times and it came in handy. I missed seeing her lush form, but only a creepy asshole would lust after her body while she was unconscious. I would wait and openly lust over her once she came around.

  I ran upstairs to get some first aid supplies and a pair of my socks. What the hell had she been doing in bare feet? Oh man, I started to worry that she was a nutter, a real bunny burner like in Fatal Attraction. A sexy woman who would lure me into her tight, hot pussy then turn my entire world upside down. I didn’t have a wife to threaten or a bunny to boil, but I was really attached to my cock and balls—figuratively and literally.

  I sat at the end of the couch, peeled back the blanket from her legs, and lifted Sleeping Beauty’s injured foot onto my lap. I tried to be gentle when I pressed the antiseptic wipe to her foot, but it must’ve stung like a mofo because she jackknifed into a sitting position and jerked her foot suddenly, tagging me hard in the balls.

  “Dammit!” I roared as my boys wept from the abuse. I cupped my nads and willed myself not to puke all over the floor. At least I didn’t have to worry about embarrassing myself with an erection. “Fuck!”

  “Oh, I’m so sorry.” Her dog barked beside the couch and the little vixen forgot all about me. “My baby!” She leaned over and scooped Lulu up, placing kisses all over her face and cooing to her. I got my first good look at the dog and thought she was pretty damn cute for an ankle biter, especially the way it looked like she was wearing a Batman mask. My guest must’ve suddenly realized she was in an unfamiliar house because she set the dog on her lap and looked around the room before she turned her large, luminous, and very green eyes on me. She blinked several times like maybe she was imagining things.

  “Hi.” No one would ever accuse me of being smooth.

  “Hi.” Her voice was a little broken and breathy like I would expect it to be when—if—I slid my dick inside her. She blinked a few more times and the long, dark eyelashes framing her eyes were quite captivating. She glanced down to where I was still cupping my boys to prevent a further beatdown, but they recovered fast and so did the sleeping giant. “Um, you must be my new neighbor. The one with a gun.” She looked around for it.

  “It’s tucked in my underwear,” I lamely said in a gritty voice reminiscent of Clint Eastwood’s old western movies. I wanted to tell her to go ahead and make my day, but I didn’t think she would be open to my suggestion right then. Worse, she might think I was a pain slut and drive her heel into my crotch again. If I didn’t know that my cock was leaking from excitement over her sexiness, I would’ve said it was crying at the thought of getting maimed again.

  “Where you keep all your big guns,” she teased. Then her face turned an adorable shade of pink that made the freckles on her nose stand out. “Forgive my boldness; I take some getting used to—or so I’m told.” I couldn’t disagree more. I liked the way her eyes raked over my body appreciatively and boldly lingered on my crotch as if she was trying to see what was behind door number one. “I’m Maegan Miracle. I live next door to you.”

  She extended her hand and I tried to look down at it, but my eyes locked on her bountiful breasts again when the blanket fell to her lap. Fuck me! That shirt was paper thin and I could see the dusky rose color of her nipples straining against the fabric. I was a sex-starved man on the verge of humiliating myself in front of her.

  I cleared my throat and removed one hand off my crotch so I could shake her hand. Her lips quirked up into a sly grin when she saw me shift my other hand to cover as much cock as I could. God, my dick was raging hard and I had never been so happy as I was right then that I had huge hands. Let her think I was modest because it was better than her knowing the pervert I really was.

  “I’m Elijah Markham,” I replied, still sounding like a Hollywood gunslinger. Was that a faint tremble I felt in her hand, and did I see a slight shiver work through her body?

  Maegan released my hand and scooped her dog back up. She looked down at her precious dog and saw the way her nips poked through the fabric. I was surprised it wasn’t painful. I wanted to reach across the distance between us and cup the lush flesh in my hands and massage them warm to ease any d
iscomfort she had, but I wisely stayed where I sat and just stared. Like that was any better.

  “Oh my God!” She yanked the blanket up to cover her chest and looked at me like I was a complete monster. Hey! She was just trying to get a glimpse of my goods too. Who the hell did she think she was to look all pissed off? I didn’t ask her and her pointy nips to come over here and tease me to an erection. I was so glad I didn’t say that out loud when I realized how creepy it sounded. “I gotta go.” She swung her legs around and moved to stand, but fell back onto the couch the minute she put pressure on her injured foot.

  “Let me look at that for you, Maegan. I promise to be a good boy.”

  She snorted but twisted back around so that her foot was once again resting on my thigh. “I think there’s something in my foot.”

  I cupped her heel in the palm of one hand and gingerly ran my thumb over her arch. “I was just trying to clean it so I could see the damage before you woke up.” She gasped but it wasn’t a sound of pain. I looked away from her foot and saw that her eyes were locked on my crotch.

  I could’ve been a nice guy and not commented, but that wasn’t my style. Maybe I was that man once upon a time before life dealt me one low blow after the other, but not anymore. I was brash, rough, and sometimes crude, but people knew where they stood with me. “He likes you too.”

  Maegan’s eyes darted up to mine. “Holy fuck!” she said before she covered her face with both hands. “I’m going to die from mortification.”