Rose, I said through my teeth, very slowly and precisely. Take Renesmee.
Rosalie held her hands out, and Jacob handed my daughter to her at once. Both of them backed away from me.
Edward, I dont want to hurt you, so please let go of me.
He hesitated.
Go stand in front of Renesmee, I suggested.
He deliberated, and then let me go.
I leaned into my hunting crouch and took two slow steps forward toward Jacob.
You didnt, I snarled at him.
He backed away, palms up, trying to reason with me. You know its not something I can control.
You stupid mutt! How could you? My baby!
He backed out the front door now as I stalked him, half-running backward down the stairs. It wasnt my idea, Bella!
Ive held her all of one time, and already you think you have some moronic wolfy claim to her? Shes mine.
I can share, he said pleadingly as he retreated across the lawn.
Pay up, I heard Emmett say behind me. A small part of my brain wondered who had bet against this outcome. I didnt waste much attention on it. I was too furious.
How dare you imprint on my baby? Have you lost your mind?
It was involuntary! he insisted, backing into the trees.
Then he wasnt alone. The two huge wolves reappeared, flanking him on either side. Leah snapped at me.
A fearsome snarl ripped through my teeth back at her. The sound disturbed me, but not enough to stop my advance.
Bella, would you try to listen for just a second? Please? Jacob begged. Leah, back off, he added.
Leah curled her lip at me and didnt move.
Why should I listen? I hissed. Fury reigned in my head. It clouded everything else out.
Because youre the one who told me this. Do you remember? You said we belonged in each others lives, right? That we were family. You said that was how you and I were supposed to be. So now we are. Its what you wanted.
I glared ferociously. I did dimly remember those words. But my new quick brain was two steps ahead of his nonsense.
You think youll be part of my family as my son-in-law! I screeched. My bell voice ripped through two octaves and still came out sounding like music.
Emmett laughed.
Stop her, Edward, Esme murmured. Shell be unhappy if she hurts him.
But I felt no pursuit behind me.
No! Jacob was insisting at the same time. How can you even look at it that way? Shes just a baby, for crying out loud!
Thats my point! I yelled.
You know I dont think of her that way! Do you think Edward would have let me live this long if I did? All I want is for her to be safe and happyis that so bad? So different from what you want? He was shouting right back at me.
Beyond words, I shrieked a growl at him.
Amazing, isnt she? I heard Edward murmur.
She hasnt gone for his throat even once, Carlisle agreed, sounding stunned.
Fine, you win this one, Emmett said grudgingly.
Youre going to stay away from her, I hissed up at Jacob.
I cant do that!
Through my teeth: Try. Starting now.
Its not possible. Do you remember how much you wanted me around three days ago? How hard it was to be apart from each other? Thats gone for you now, isnt it?
I glared, not sure what he was implying.
That was her, he told me. From the very beginning. We had to be together, even then.
I remembered, and then I understood; a tiny part of me was relieved to have the madness explained. But that relief somehow only made me angrier. Was he expecting that to be enough for me? That one little clarification would make me okay with this?
Run away while you still can, I threatened.
Cmon, Bells! Nessie likes me, too, he insisted.
I froze. My breathing stopped. Behind me, I heard the lack of sound that was their anxious reaction.
What did you call her?
Jacob took a step farther back, managing to look sheepish. Well, he mumbled, that name you came up with is kind of a mouthful and
You nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster? I screeched.
And then I lunged for his throat.
23. MEMORIES
Im so sorry, Seth. I should have been closer.
Edward was still apologizing, and I didnt think that was either fair or appropriate. After all, Edward hadnt completely and inexcusably lost control of his temper. Edward hadnt tried to rip Jacobs head offJacob, who wouldnt even phase to protect himselfand then accidentally broken Seths shoulder and collarbone when he jumped in between. Edward hadnt almost killed his best friend.
Not that the best friend didnt have a few things to answer for, but, obviously, nothing Jacob had done could have mitigated my behavior.
So shouldnt I have been the one apologizing? I tried again.
Seth, I
Dont worry about it, Bella, Im totally fine, Seth said at the same time that Edward said, Bella, love, no one is judging you. Youre doing so well.
They hadnt let me finish a sentence yet.
It only made it worse that Edward was having a difficult time keeping the smile off his face. I knew that Jacob didnt deserve my overreaction, but Edward seemed to find something satisfying in it. Maybe he was just wishing that he had the excuse of being a newborn so that he could do something physical about his irritation with Jacob, too.
I tried to erase the anger from my system entirely, but it was hard, knowing that Jacob was outside with Renesmee right now. Keeping her safe from me, the crazed newborn.
Carlisle secured another piece of the brace to Seths arm, and Seth winced.
Sorry, sorry! I mumbled, knowing Id never get a fully articulated apology out.
Dont freak, Bella, Seth said, patting my knee with his good hand while Edward rubbed my arm from the other side.
Seth seemed to feel no aversion to having me sit beside him on the sofa as Carlisle treated him. Ill be back to normal in half an hour, he continued, still patting my knee as if oblivious to the cold, hard texture of it. Anyone would have done the same, what with Jake and Ness He broke off mid-word and changed the subject quickly. I mean, at least you didnt bite me or anything. That wouldve sucked.
I buried my face in my hands and shuddered at the thought, at the very real possibility. It could have happened so easily. And werewolves didnt react to vampire venom the same way humans did, theyd told me only now. It was poison to them.
Im a bad person.
Of course you arent. I should have, Edward started.
Stop that, I sighed. I didnt want him taking the blame for this the way he always took everything on himself.
Lucky thing NessRenesmees not venomous, Seth said after a second of awkward silence. Cause she bites Jake all the time.
My hands dropped. She does?
Sure. Whenever he and Rose dont get dinner in her mouth fast enough. Rose thinks its pretty hilarious.
I stared at him, shocked, and also feeling guilty, because I had to admit that this pleased me a teensy bit in a petulant way.
Of course, I already knew that Renesmee wasnt venomous. I was the first person shed bitten. I didnt make this observation aloud, as I was feigning memory loss on those recent events.
Well, Seth, Carlisle said, straightening up and stepping away from us. I think thats as much as I can do. Try to not move for, oh, a few hours, I guess. Carlisle chuckled. I wish treating humans were this instantaneously gratifying. He rested his hand for a moment on Seths black hair. Stay still, he ordered, and then he disappeared upstairs. I heard his office door close, and I wondered if theyd already removed the evidence of my time there.
I can probably manage sitting still for a while, Seth agreed after Carlisle was already gone, and then he yawned hugely. Carefully, making sure not to tweak his shoulder, Seth leaned his head against the sofas back and closed his eyes. Seconds later, his mouth fell slack.
I frowned at his peaceful face fo
r another minute. Like Jacob, Seth seemed to have the gift of falling asleep at will. Knowing I wouldnt be able to apologize again for a while, I got up; the motion didnt jostle the couch in the slightest. Everything physical was so easy. But the rest
Edward followed me to the back windows and took my hand.
Leah was pacing along the river, stopping every now and then to look at the house. It was easy to tell when she was looking for her brother and when she was looking for me. She alternated between anxious glances and murderous glares.
I could hear Jacob and Rosalie outside on the front steps bickering quietly over whose turn it was to feed Renesmee. Their relationship was as antagonistic as ever; the only thing they agreed on now was that I should be kept away from my baby until I was one hundred percent recovered from my temper tantrum. Edward had disputed their verdict, but Id let it go. I wanted to be sure, too. I was worried, though, that my one hundred percent sure and their one hundred percent sure might be very different things.
Other than their squabbling, Seths slow breathing, and Leahs annoyed panting, it was very quiet. Emmett, Alice, and Esme were hunting. Jasper had stayed behind to watch me. He stood unobtrusively behind the newel post now, trying not to be obnoxious about it.
I took advantage of the calm to think of all the things Edward and Seth had told me while Carlisle splinted Seths arm. Id missed a whole lot while I was burning, and this was the first real chance to catch up.
The main thing was the end of the feud with Sams packwhich was why the others felt safe to come and go as they pleased again. The truce was stronger than ever. Or more binding, depending on your viewpoint, I imagined.
Binding, because the most absolute of all the packs laws was that no wolf ever kill the object of another wolfs imprinting. The pain of such a thing would be intolerable for the whole pack. The fault, whether intended or accidental, could not be forgiven; the wolves involved would fight to the deaththere was no other option. It had happened long ago, Seth told me, but only accidentally. No wolf would ever intentionally destroy a brother that way.
So Renesmee was untouchable because of the way Jacob now felt about her. I tried to concentrate on the relief of this fact rather than the chagrin, but it wasnt easy. My mind had enough room to feel both emotions intensely at the same time.
And Sam couldnt get mad about my transformation, either, because Jacobspeaking as the rightful Alphahad allowed it. It rankled to realize over and over again how much I owed Jacob when I just wanted to be mad at him.
I deliberately redirected my thoughts in order to control my emotions. I considered another interesting phenomenon; though the silence between the separate packs continued, Jacob and Sam had discovered that Alphas could speak to each other while in their wolf form. It wasnt the same as before; they couldnt hear every thought the way they had prior to the split. It was more like speaking aloud, Seth had said. Sam could only hear the thoughts Jacob wanted to share, and vice versa. They found they could communicate over distance, too, now that they were talking to each other again.
They hadnt found all this out until Jacob had gone aloneover Seths and Leahs objectionsto explain to Sam about Renesmee; it was the only time hed left Renesmee since first laying eyes on her.
Once Sam had understood how absolutely everything had changed, hed come back with Jacob to talk to Carlisle. Theyd spoken in human form (Edward had refused to leave my side to translate), and the treaty had been renewed. The friendly feeling of the relationship, however, might never be the same.
One big worry down.
But there was another that, though not as physically dangerous as an angry wolf pack, still seemed more urgent to me.
Charlie.
Hed spoken to Esme earlier this morning, but that hadnt kept him from calling again, twice, just a few minutes ago while Carlisle treated Seth. Carlisle and Edward had let the phone ring.
What would be the right thing to tell him? Were the Cullens right? Was telling him that Id died the best, the kindest way? Would I be able to lie still in a coffin while he and my mother cried over me?
It didnt seem right to me. But putting Charlie or Rene in danger of the Volturis obsession with secrecy was clearly out of the question.
There was still my idealet Charlie see me, when I was ready for that, and let him make his own wrong assumptions. Technically, the vampire rules would remain unbroken. Wouldnt it be better for Charlie if he knew that I was alivesort ofand happy? Even if I was strange and different and probably frightening to him?
My eyes, in particular, were much too frightening right now. How long before my self-control and my eye color were ready for Charlie?
Whats the matter, Bella? Jasper asked quietly, reading my growing tension. No one is angry with youa low snarl from the riverside contradicted him, but he ignored itor even surprised, really. Well, I suppose we are surprised. Surprised that you were able to snap out of it so quickly. You did well. Better than anyone expects of you.
While he was speaking, the room became very calm. Seths breathing slipped into a low snore. I felt more peaceful, but I didnt forget my anxieties.
I was thinking about Charlie, actually.
Out front, the bickering cut off.
Ah, Jasper murmured.
We really have to leave, dont we? I asked. For a while, at the very least. Pretend were in Atlanta or something.
I could feel Edwards gaze locked on my face, but I looked at Jasper. He was the one who answered me in a grave tone.
Yes. Its the only way to protect your father.
I brooded for a moment. Im going to miss him so much. Ill miss everyone here.
Jacob, I thought, despite myself. Though that yearning was both vanished and definedand I was vastly relieved that it washe was still my friend. Someone who knew the real me and accepted her. Even as a monster.
I thought about what Jacob had said, pleading with me before Id attacked him. You said we belonged in each others lives, right? That we were family. You said that was how you and I were supposed to be. So now we are. Its what you wanted.
But it didnt feel like how Id wanted it. Not exactly. I remembered further back, to the fuzzy, weak memories of my human life. Back to the very hardest part to rememberthe time without Edward, a time so dark Id tried to bury it in my head. I couldnt get the words exactly right; I only remembered wishing that Jacob were my brother so that we could love each other without any confusion or pain. Family. But Id never factored a daughter into the equation.
I remembered a little laterone of the many times that Id told Jacob goodbyewondering aloud who he would end up with, who would make his life right after what Id done to it. I had said something about how whoever she was, she wouldnt be good enough for him.
I snorted, and Edward raised one eyebrow questioningly. I just shook my head at him.
But as much as I might miss my friend, I knew there was a bigger problem. Had Sam or Jared or Quil ever gone a whole day without seeing the objects of their fixations, Emily, Kim, and Claire? Could they? What would the separation from Renesmee do to Jacob? Would it cause him pain?
There was still enough petty ire in my system to make me glad, not for his pain, but for the idea of having Renesmee away from him. How was I supposed to deal with having her belong to Jacob when she only barely seemed to belong to me?
The sound of movement on the front porch interrupted my thoughts. I heard them get up, and then they were through the door. At exactly the same time, Carlisle came down the stairs with his hands full of odd thingsa measuring tape, a scale. Jasper darted to my side. As if there was some signal Id missed, even Leah sat down outside and stared through the window with an expression like she was expecting something that was both familiar and also totally uninteresting.
Must be six, Edward said.
So? I asked, my eyes locked on Rosalie, Jacob, and Renesmee. They stood in the doorway, Renesmee in Rosalies arms. Rose looked wary. Jacob looked troubled. Renesmee looked beautiful and impatient.
Time
to measure Nesser, Renesmee, Carlisle explained.
Oh. You do this every day?
Four times a day, Carlisle corrected absently as he motioned the others toward the couch. I thought I saw Renesmee sigh.
Four times? Every day? Why?
Shes still growing quickly, Edward murmured to me, his voice quiet and strained. He squeezed my hand, and his other arm wrapped securely around my waist, almost as if he needed the support.
I couldnt take my eyes off Renesmee to check his expression.
She looked perfect, absolutely healthy. Her skin glowed like backlit alabaster; the color in her cheeks was rose petals against it. There couldnt be anything wrong with such radiant beauty. Surely there could be nothing more dangerous in her life than her mother. Could there?
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